How Long Do You Wait Before You Reveal Your True Perverted Self?

[Jordanjack]

I'm in my 40's and I still haven't revealed my true, perverted, self to anyone.

 

[CuttingEdge]

I think the answer is, after a little time has gone by to build some trust.

As an example, I like a woman barefoot, but so many guys online just send PM's that say, "show me your bare feet" and a lady will get kind of nervous about knowing that right out of the gate. I can't blame them in that situation, it is VERY creepy.

But after a few dates, a smirk and a shrug of the shoulders for me to say, "to turn me on? I don't know, just go barefoot maybe". It is a much more understandable situation. It is non-threatening and not that scary. I have said many other things and I have proven myself to be an honest and trustworthy guy, at that point going barefoot is pretty easy to do for them, and if they like me, they will want to find ways to turn me on.

I think that is the way a lot of kinks are, with more time needed the more kinkier they are.

Telling them on the first date that you want to tie them up and get into whips and chains will probably mean there will not be a second date, even if she is a closet-femdom mistress. But that is the beauty of intimacy no matter the kink, it is a slow reveal, not an instantaneous one, and why one-night-stands were never my thing. I want to get to know her.

 

[Escierto]

I'd watch that

So would I!

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

Immediately tell all!! It’s the only way to freedom!! Cheers

 

[curioustxn]

The OP wrote: "Hi all! I'm just curious how long you have to know/date someone, in real life, before you're comfortable sharing your deepest, darkest memories, fetishes, and fantasies."

Revealing a secret, or a kinky fantasy, to someone you don't know well can be difficult, even traumatic, but there is away.

One of the problems is that often, the other person may also have kinky desires or experiences, but like yourself, reluctant to reveal themselves.

So how do you get inside their head without turning them off?

The first thing you do is gain their thrust, and it can take multiple conversations. You pick your time and circumstance, and start a hypothetical conversation.

For example: Take this hypothetical situation……
Imagine you are sitting in bed nude with your lover, perhaps petting and kissing a little, and you ask a benign question:

“Do you ever watch porn?”

And if he hasn’t been living under a rock for his entire life, he will say yes. Even if he doesn’t watch porn, it’s not going to turn him off. Then you tell him about a simple, perhaps slightly kinky sex act you saw in a porn video, and ask him what he thinks. Don’t tell him about your desires at this point, rather get inside his head, gain his trust, and let him tell you about his sexual desires/fantasies and experiences if he has any. Encourage him to talk about his sexual feelings/thoughts.

When you gain a man’s trust, he will tell you everything about himself. Keep in mind however, (depending on the guy), he may tell you some things you don’t want to hear, so keep an open mind.

When he reveals a secret, then you reveal a secret, but no more kinky than he has revealed. Find out what is in his mind before you reveal what is in your mind.

And if you find out that he is no where near ready for the kind of kink that you want, groom him, (oops, sorry, shouldn’t use that term), encourage him to see things your way.

For example: Hypothetically……….
If you have a guy who has never had a blowjob, get him horny and put on a video of a woman giving a guy a blowjob, then act shy and tell him that you want to do that. Then give him a blowjob that is beyond his imagination. And if you’re good, he will want more.

Sex is addictive, and if you take your time, keeping his trust, you can move him forward until he is more than willing to accept the kink that you want.

And if it turns out that he can’t accept any kind of kink, the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere anyway, and you are better off moving on.

And guys, the reverse also works. You can, using this technique, let’s say, encourage a woman to see things your way.

Sex is addictive, and once hooked, they will go where ever you want if you take your time. And if you think this is sick, people are going to have sex anyway, and likely get addicted to sex in one form or another, so you might as well create the world that works for you.

 

[Viconiax]

I haven’t told anyone about my exhibitionist tendencies until my friend caught me naked on the street at night.

 

[Capecodguy2023]

It depends on the relationship, if i Think the woman I am with is into the same things

 

[htobeme5]

I told my ex husband I liked pee and his reaction was basically "EW!" so never told him any more.

Love her on top, slowly peeing down on my cock and balls. I somettimes masturbate with it all over my dick,mixing the sperm and peee together on my breast before i put a bra on for work.Love her taste and smell.

 

[mode042]

Why wait? Just let it be known......

 

[swflabimale]

I told my wife just about everything shortly after we met. I didn't want to surprise her with any of my past or my interests. She pleasantly surprised me when she told me she spent a lot of time at a private club and her guy friends let her in all the time even though she wasn't drinking age by any stretch. She said she spent a lot of time there wearing a tank top and nothing else.... she said easy access was a priority and was amazed she never got pregnant. She was every bit as perverted as me.. and it showed when she asked me to take her to an adult video store and she picked out an all guy video for us to watch together and then shortly afterwards bought some toys for us to share........

 

[Liquor_Starfish]

I haven’t told anyone about my exhibitionist tendencies until my friend caught me naked on the street at night.

I have done that, but now my neighbors have security cameras that see everything. I wish you lived on my street, I would keep an eye out for you.

 

[Stromer]

I pretty much laid it all out there on our second date. It was a double dinner date at her house with her best friend and her lover (not her husband). When I got to her house, her friend was in a sheer blouse with no bra. Irene started teasing my wife about wearing something conservative when the wife said she didn't know how I would feel if somebody else saw her tits. I let her know she could go naked, and I wouldn't get pissed. A few minutes later, she was braless in a sheer button-down blouse.

After dinner we were all watching a movie with my wife stretched out on the couch with her head laying in my lap. I decided to start playing with her tits and it didn't take long before her shirt was unbuttoned, her panties on the floor, skirt hiked up and having an orgasm as I played with her clit. We went upstairs, telling our stunned audience to lock up when they left.

Upstairs she told me that she had always wanted to be watched like that and loved every second of our show. I realized then she was pretty open sexually and decided to find out just how open she was.
The following morning, we were getting dressed to head out for the day when she said she hated wearing bras. I let her know I loved braless women, so she put on a tight spaghetti strap top and off we went. On the way home, with her driving, I reached over and pulled her shirt down so both tits were exposed. She didn't object and didn't cover up until we close to home. When we got home, she told me again that she had always wanted to do that, but never had the guts to do it alone. It was something her ex-husband would have blown a gasket over. That's when I told her I loved exhibitionist women and we both enjoyed pushing boundaries and showing her off for over twenty years.
Sadly, she has stopped playing due to her age and some health issues, but I have plenty of pictures to remember the fun times and she doesn't mind me sharing them here.

 

[SmokingFap]

I pretty much laid it all out there on our second date. It was a double dinner date at her house with her best friend and her lover (not her husband). When I got to her house, her friend was in a sheer blouse with no bra. Irene started teasing my wife about wearing something conservative when the wife said she didn't know how I would feel if somebody else saw her tits. I let her know she could go naked, and I wouldn't get pissed. A few minutes later, she was braless in a sheer button-down blouse.

After dinner we were all watching a movie with my wife stretched out on the couch with her head laying in my lap. I decided to start playing with her tits and it didn't take long before her shirt was unbuttoned, her panties on the floor, skirt hiked up and having an orgasm as I played with her clit. We went upstairs, telling our stunned audience to lock up when they left.

Upstairs she told me that she had always wanted to be watched like that and loved every second of our show. I realized then she was pretty open sexually and decided to find out just how open she was.
The following morning, we were getting dressed to head out for the day when she said she hated wearing bras. I let her know I loved braless women, so she put on a tight spaghetti strap top and off we went. On the way home, with her driving, I reached over and pulled her shirt down so both tits were exposed. She didn't object and didn't cover up until we close to home. When we got home, she told me again that she had always wanted to do that, but never had the guts to do it alone. It was something her ex-husband would have blown a gasket over. That's when I told her I loved exhibitionist women and we both enjoyed pushing boundaries and showing her off for over twenty years.
Sadly, she has stopped playing due to her age and some health issues, but I have plenty of pictures to remember the fun times and she doesn't mind me sharing them here.

I don't mean to be presumptuous, but I believe I can speak confidently on behalf of the entire Lit community.

Oh, fuck, please share those pictures!

 

[Stromer]

I

I don't mean to be presumptuous, but I believe I can speak confidently on behalf of the entire Lit community.

Oh, fuck, please share those pictures!

Just do a search, they are all over the place here. I've shared a few just today. There is a least one that I posted on your smoking thread about a year ago.

 

[Stromer]

Sorry misspoke. The smoking pics were posted in Bad Boy Bills smoking thread.

 

[dave's thing]

I told my ex husband I liked pee and his reaction was basically "EW!" so never told him any more.

Hate it when that happens

 

[swflabimale]

Upthread I explained when I shared my perversions with my wife. I also told one of her girlfriends some of the things I am obsessed with. She has seen me naked, and we have had some limited talks about my past and my perverse obsessions. She is very non-judgemental, a good listener and I don't have to worry about her saying anything to anybody.... at least not yet. I am pretty sure, due to some new circumstances, that I will be helping her move back to the area and while I am there I will be able to open up to her completely and openly to get her reactions. I want to explain some of the things I want to experience, and hopefully with her help and guidance open up even more. I just wish we would have known her years back.

 

[Tessinwales]

These days when many first dates are with people you have met online, I would say that you both know more than pre-internet dating. I certainly exchange lots of messages, emails etc before the meet up stage. Mostly by then they would know at least a little bit of my kinky nature.

 

[mpeters]

My wife of 18 years only knows of my stockings fetish.

 

[GirlFur]

I don't hold back. If I haven't revealed before we get into bed, you'll find out pretty quick

 

[Elle4u2use]

I need to know when /if to tell him about Lit

 

[magicalmoments]

Very interesting.
I only ever dated in the traditional sense, through one period of my life, that was in the years before I met my first wife, all very typical teenage stuff. I tried to appear cool, or what i regarded the girls I was attempting to date might think was cool and never revealed anything about my secret life. It took me about 7 years before I opened up to my first wife with my true fantasies and desires. That ultimately ended in us living an open marriage for some 18 years before we split.
Back on the dating market I decided that I would be honest from the outset. Every woman I met was met through personal adverts in an adult contact magazine, (pre internet days). Either me answering their adverts or they answering mine. These adverts were explicit about what was anticipated, each from the other, if we eventually met. I met my current wife this way, we knew all there was to know about our backgrounds before we ever met in person. We started off on a sex chat telephone relationship that blossomed. Now 25 years later and both going strong.

 

[dreamysub]

I think it depends on the person. Once you feel they being true to you it's easy to open up to someone, at least for me. But it's really hard to find such a person. My Master thinks I am very open and I am, because with him it's so easy to just be "me" and I know it's enough, but I don't feel like that around other people. Just around HIM. It's hard to explain. I know he understands me, listen to me and accepts me the way I am, so yes I can share myself with HIM in a way you could hardly understand and it's adventure for both of us. Can't get enough of it!

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

Hi all! I'm just curious how long you have to know/date someone, in real life, before you're comfortable sharing your deepest, darkest memories, fetishes, and fantasies. ALL of them. Are you always brazen and straightforward, putting all your perverted cards on the table to start with? Or does it take you weeks, months, or even years to fully bare your twisted soul? I know many, if not most of you out there, are married or are in long-term commitments, so how long did it take before you revealed your final form? Or have you never come completely clean with your spouse/partner, and that's why you love Lit?

Looking forward to all answers. As always, have a horny day!

When I started seeing my current girlfriend, I was very upfront about my hypersexual personality. I told her about my bisexuality and crossdressing. The porn and the toys. And how much I really wanted someone to share everything with.

She was onboard. And I've been free to express myself from the get go. Last night, after having been living together since June, I dressed fully for the first time. Wig and all. I even shaved, body and facial hair.

It's an ongoing process for both of us. My suggestion is to trickle it to your partner slowly, if you think a huge info dump won't go well, and teasing their own kinks out of them at the same time.

 

[jaF0]

I have never revealed myself, and yes I have depression and self worth issues but I plan to live with it.

You've been 'revealing your self' all over the site in violation of site rules, including your avatar.