The Lit experience: men v women

[munch2much]

Men outnumber women on Lit.

And everyone will have a different experience.

But it’s clear that men and women have very different experiences.

When you understand each other’s experience, the world can be a happier place.

So are you male, female or somewhere in between?
Do you feel invisible? Trying different tactics just to get noticed?
Is your inbox full of so many IMs that you couldn’t reply to them all even if you wanted to?
Why was today great? Frustrating?

What would make your Lit experience better?

 

[munch2much]

A real revelation happened to me many years ago now.
I logged into a chat room that let me create a username. Unfortunately it altered the formatting and suddenly everyone thought I was female.

In other chat rooms, I’d been largely ignored. But with my new feminine username I was receiving messages every few seconds. It actually made the chat room unusable.

And if I thought I could just ignore some of the messages …well theses people actually started getting abusive. Honestly, men suck!

But that wasn’t Lit. Is Lit any better?

 

[Cat]

A real revelation happened to me many years ago now.
I logged into a chat room that let me create a username. Unfortunately it altered the formatting and suddenly everyone thought I was female.

In other chat rooms, I’d been largely ignored. But with my new feminine username I was receiving messages every few seconds. It actually made the chat room unusable.

And if I thought I could just ignore some of the messages …well theses people actually started getting abusive. Honestly, men suck!

But that wasn’t Lit. Is Lit any better?

That is a very good question!

I do not have many other sites to compare with, so therefore I do not really know if Lit is any better.

But what I do know is:

Those few other sites, as well as here on Lit, it actually took me some work, before I got recognised as a female.
Apparently the amount of men pretending to be women, it is so high.. that (again, I do not know if this goes for all women) I, as a female, had to prove my sex (voice message or even better, going on Skype)

That was kinda frustrating.. and admittedly, I was not even trying to get to know anyone. (I did not even know what kind of place this were!)
Just the fact that my username was female, that was enough for a bunch of aggressive men - and females! to demand that I proved myself

Other than that:
The incognito function is my friend!

And, time.. Nothing beats time and being honest.

 

[Bbl87]

So are you male, female or somewhere in between?

Male

Do you feel invisible? Trying different tactics just to get noticed?

Nope. Not invisible. I don't feel like I'm well known around Lit by any means, but I don't feel invisible. I'm OK with not getting noticed. It isn't about popularity for me; if I meet a few people I hit it off with who are fun to talk to, which I have, then awesome.

Is your inbox full of so many IMs that you couldn’t reply to them all even if you wanted to?

Nope. I'm pretty selective about who I message, and usually if we hit it off messaging moves to Google Chat or Skype just because it's less clunky than PMs here. I do still get the occasional PM though.

Why was today great? Frustrating?

Had some really good discussions, gotten to know some people even better. Just been great to have good friends on here. And nothing particularly frustrating.

What would make your Lit experience better?

Nothing in particular. I like the people I've met. Maybe if anything not having to hide this part of my life, but that's not on Lit.

 

[munch2much]

That is a very good question!

I do not have many other sites to compare with, so therefore I do not really know if Lit is any better.

But what I do know is:

Those few other sites, as well as here on Lit, it actually took me some work, before I got recognised as a female.
Apparently the amount of men pretending to be women, it is so high.. that (again, I do not know if this goes for all women) I, as a female, had to prove my sex (voice message or even better, going on Skype)

That was kinda frustrating.. and admittedly, I was not even trying to get to know anyone. (I did not even know what kind of place this were!)
Just the fact that my username was female, that was enough for a bunch of aggressive men - and females! to demand that I proved myself

Other than that:
The incognito function is my friend!

And, time.. Nothing beats time and being honest.

Oh you are so right! Men apparently frequently pose as women to get nudes from lesbians and also from unwitting heterosexual men etc.

Part of me feels that this duplicity can be partly because men can very easily get ignored and feel invisible? Not acceptable in my opinion.

I also think (and not just on Lit), if someone feels invisible, they will try various strategies to overcome this? These might seam unusual unless this is seen in context?

I have to say Lit has been very good to me. Though having my own pic thread in the past, definitely got me a lot more noticed than my current user name!

 

[munch2much]

Male


Nope. Not invisible. I don't feel like I'm well known around Lit by any means, but I don't feel invisible. I'm OK with not getting noticed. It isn't about popularity for me; if I meet a few people I hit it off with who are fun to talk to, which I have, then awesome.


Nope. I'm pretty selective about who I message, and usually if we hit it off messaging moves to Google Chat or Skype just because it's less clunky than PMs here. I do still get the occasional PM though.


Had some really good discussions, gotten to know some people even better. Just been great to have good friends on here. And nothing particularly frustrating.


Nothing in particular. I like the people I've met. Maybe if anything not having to hide this part of my life, but that's not on Lit.

Ah yes, that last point is very interesting.

For me, I visit Lit, partly because society doesn’t always let me express a certain part of myself. We are partly “who we are” and partly “who others let us be”.

 

[n8Romantic]

That is a very good question!

I do not have many other sites to compare with, so therefore I do not really know if Lit is any better.

But what I do know is:

Those few other sites, as well as here on Lit, it actually took me some work, before I got recognised as a female.
Apparently the amount of men pretending to be women, it is so high.. that (again, I do not know if this goes for all women) I, as a female, had to prove my sex (voice message or even better, going on Skype)

That was kinda frustrating.. and admittedly, I was not even trying to get to know anyone. (I did not even know what kind of place this were!)
Just the fact that my username was female, that was enough for a bunch of aggressive men - and females! to demand that I proved myself

Other than that:
The incognito function is my friend!

And, time.. Nothing beats time and being honest.

My personal experience is many chat rooms are chat-less. Some are specific kink related and I don not go there if I have no interest.

I've probably had some men pretending to be women. I have some idea why. Most chat rooms are male dominated and hetro rooms it's a sure fire way to get lots of attention.

Look, I'm and old man. Sometimes I feel like an old pathetic man. I can't change the old but I can the pathetic. I've had some sexual experiences on here that quite frankly didn't work out. But what has worked out is being me. I'm a kind and considerate man, I care about people. Maybe I'm the least sexy man on the internet. I don't know, but I'm far happier being me.

As MsNaughtyCat says...time and honesty. I'd add have reasonable expectations and don't be so quick to judge.

 

[Tallulah82]

A real revelation happened to me many years ago now.
I logged into a chat room that let me create a username. Unfortunately it altered the formatting and suddenly everyone thought I was female.

In other chat rooms, I’d been largely ignored. But with my new feminine username I was receiving messages every few seconds. It actually made the chat room unusable.

And if I thought I could just ignore some of the messages …well theses people actually started getting abusive. Honestly, men suck!

But that wasn’t Lit. Is Lit any better?

That is a very good question!

I do not have many other sites to compare with, so therefore I do not really know if Lit is any better.

But what I do know is:

Those few other sites, as well as here on Lit, it actually took me some work, before I got recognised as a female.
Apparently the amount of men pretending to be women, it is so high.. that (again, I do not know if this goes for all women) I, as a female, had to prove my sex (voice message or even better, going on Skype)

That was kinda frustrating.. and admittedly, I was not even trying to get to know anyone. (I did not even know what kind of place this were!)
Just the fact that my username was female, that was enough for a bunch of aggressive men - and females! to demand that I proved myself

Other than that:
The incognito function is my friend!

And, time.. Nothing beats time and being honest.

From my experience, the Lit chatroom is similar. When I visit, I usually get a good handful of fishers, but I've not yet received verbal abuse if I've not been responsive to them. It'll happen one day, I'm sure.

The issue of 'proving' myself to be a woman isn't something I've had to do. I think it's been requested before, but I'd rather lose that potential 'friend' than bare myself because they demand it. Call me cynical but that tactic could be abused if given power. Pics and voice are reserved for those I've built up a rapport with. Anyone else can jog on. (Sometimes I try and talk like a dude just to fuck with people's minds. Cos, you know, fun. )

Incognito has become my friend, also. I don't feel invisible at all, but I don't post for the attention or popularity either. I mostly come here to let off the flirty steam that my RL doesn't have much opportunity for. And there are some people here who have a wonderful sense of humour that I enjoy.

I don't often find Lit frustrating nowadays, but if I do then I know it's time to step away for a few days (or weeks). This said, I often step away from Lit for days/weeks/months because of RL demands. So, it's not an indication of my sulking because I argued with a pervert about what's in my pants.

 

[munch2much]

In the days when I had a pic thread, incognito was def the way to go.
and the reason I cast aside that username was because I felt obliged to reply to every comment and IM. There just wasn’t enough time and I felt guilty.

So new identity and opposite problem. Not quite enough interaction

But it’s tricky. I’m frequently indisposed for a long time. People don’t like it if you can’t reply for a month or two. They disappear. It’s understandable.

But I’m not complaining, because I’ve met some truly amazing people here, and I’m forever grateful for them.

 

[Cat]

Oh you are so right! Men apparently frequently pose as women to get nudes from lesbians and also from unwitting heterosexual men etc.

Part of me feels that this duplicity can be partly because men can very easily get ignored and feel invisible? Not acceptable in my opinion.

I also think (and not just on Lit), if someone feels invisible, they will try various strategies to overcome this? These might seam unusual unless this is seen in context?

I have to say Lit has been very good to me. Though having my own pic thread in the past, definitely got me a lot more noticed than my current user name!

My personal experience is many chat rooms are chat-less. Some are specific kink related and I don not go there if I have no interest.

I've probably had some men pretending to be women. I have some idea why. Most chat rooms are male dominated and hetro rooms it's a sure fire way to get lots of attention.

Look, I'm and old man. Sometimes I feel like an old pathetic man. I can't change the old but I can the pathetic. I've had some sexual experiences on here that quite frankly didn't work out. But what has worked out is being me. I'm a kind and considerate man, I care about people. Maybe I'm the least sexy man on the internet. I don't know, but I'm far happier being me.

As MsNaughtyCat says...time and honesty. I'd add have reasonable expectations and don't be so quick to judge.

From my experience, the Lit chatroom is similar. When I visit, I usually get a good handful of fishers, but I've not yet received verbal abuse if I've not been responsive to them. It'll happen one day, I'm sure.

The issue of 'proving' myself to be a woman isn't something I've had to do. I think it's been requested before, but I'd rather lose that potential 'friend' than bare myself because they demand it. Call me cynical but that tactic could be abused if given power. Pics and voice are reserved for those I've built up a rapport with. Anyone else can jog on. (Sometimes I try and talk like a dude just to fuck with people's minds. Cos, you know, fun. )

Incognito has become my friend, also. I don't feel invisible at all, but I don't post for the attention or popularity either. I mostly come here to let off the flirty steam that my RL doesn't have much opportunity for. And there are some people here who have a wonderful sense of humour that I enjoy.

I don't often find Lit frustrating nowadays, but if I do then I know it's time to step away for a few days (or weeks). This said, I often step away from Lit for days/weeks/months because of RL demands. So, it's not an indication of my sulking because I argued with a pervert about what's in my pants.

Wow, yes!!

So - I have never visited the chat rooms here.. it sounds like a busy place!

But trying to make a summary of my time here on Lit so far.. I would say that it has been good for me, mostly.

Like @Tallulah82 , this is not a high school popularity contest for me
Back in the beginning, when I was still new here, I think, I was not as relaxed as I am now, and have my share of "oh.. this was a mistake/not fun/ crossed my boundaries" experiences, not many, but enough.

Now a days I feel like Red Riding Hood, jumping around with my basket, full of red flags.. throwing them like confitti to all sides.

That being said: Those that I have met here, formed a report with.. some that I even coincided with.
I would not be without those people!!

Like @n8Romantic says: do not be so quick to judge!

Prefer to take the "wait and see" approach.. I am in no hurry, and earlier experiences did teach me to be patient and wait.

But... Not being very "Loud" or that visible.. my time on Lit is actually really enjoyable.

This is my place to talk with like-minded people, an outlet of a sort.

 

[Tallulah82]

Wow, yes!!

So - I have never visited the chat rooms here.. it sounds like a busy place!

But trying to make a summary of my time here on Lit so far.. I would say that it has been good for me, mostly.

Like @Tallulah82 , this is not a high school popularity contest for me
Back in the beginning, when I was still new here, I think was not as relaxed as I am now, and have my share of "oh.. this was a mistake/not fun/ crossed my boundaries" experiences, not many, but enough.

Now a days I feel like Red Riding Hood, jumping around with my basket, full of red flags.. throwing them like confitti to all sides.

That being said: Those that I have met here, formed a report with.. some that I even coincided with.
I would not be without those people!!

Like @n8Romantic says: do not be so quick to judge!

Prefer to take the "wait and see" approach.. I am in no hurry, and earlier experiences did teach me to be patient and wait.

But... Not being very "Loud" or that visible.. my time on Lit is actually really enjoyable.

This is my place to talk with like-minded people, an outlet of a sort.

Confession time: when I first joined (back in 2015) I was soooo naïve, having never been part of a forum before (chatrooms, yes). I stuck to the UK thread and bantered there. Then one day, I got a private message from Curvy Angel who said she loved my humour. And it kind of shocked me that this person whom I'd never seen on the thread had noticed me. Then I kind of realised that everyone could see me. I mean, I knew, but it didn't register that we were being 'watched'? I try to keep that mentality alive - to post for my own fun, and not get too hung up on who is watching because that kind of freaks me out.

 

[munch2much]

My personal experience is many chat rooms are chat-less. Some are specific kink related and I don not go there if I have no interest.

I've probably had some men pretending to be women. I have some idea why. Most chat rooms are male dominated and hetro rooms it's a sure fire way to get lots of attention.

Look, I'm and old man. Sometimes I feel like an old pathetic man. I can't change the old but I can the pathetic. I've had some sexual experiences on here that quite frankly didn't work out. But what has worked out is being me. I'm a kind and considerate man, I care about people. Maybe I'm the least sexy man on the internet. I don't know, but I'm far happier being me.

As MsNaughtyCat says...time and honesty. I'd add have reasonable expectations and don't be so quick to judge.

The point about not being too quick to judge is a very good one.

I’m sure many women have had certain experiences. Maybe feel they spot a familiar and unwelcome pattern (this is some I do myself in my professional life).

So sometimes I feel I’ve been categorised haha haha.
But at the same time, I may deserve that.

And your strategy of just being yourself is wise.

Be yourself. Remembering it’s real humans with real lives that we are dealing with.

 

[Thom_the_gleeman]

I am a guy who has been of and on Lit for years now. Reasons to leave have varied over the years, but have never been that I felt invisible or that the people I met weren't nice.
Now I have talked with many women on here and I have learned that the expirience can be very different for other genders.
It does take a bit of effort, to be part of the conversation on Lit, but that is in my oppinion absolutely normal. Ot should take a bit of effort to get to know new people.
The only complaint I could offer as a guy who posts on the picture feedback forum is that the picture feedback on the male threads is often a bit sparse . But then I just shoukd remind myself I make these pictures primarily for myself.
It does sadden me to learn that many female vusitors have a less happy expirience when their avatar states they are online.

Love to you all!
Thom

 

[Cat]

Confession time: when I first joined (back in 2015) I was soooo naïve, having never been part of a forum before (chatrooms, yes). I stuck to the UK thread and bantered there. Then one day, I got a private message from Curvy Angel who said she loved my humour. And it kind of shocked me that this person whom I'd never seen on the thread had noticed me. Then I kind of realised that everyone could see me. I mean, I knew, but it didn't register that we were being 'watched'? I try to keep that mentality alive - to post for my own fun, and not get too hung up on who is watching because that kind of freaks me out.

Yes yes yes yes!!!!

When I realised, that there were actually people reading my words..
So many mixed emotions!
I just never really understood, that just like I read people's posts.. I may not talk with them directly, but the things they write, their humour, their personality.. I notice it all, and it does affect my opinion of them.

- Then I realised.. that they (you guys) did the same

Yeah.. so many emotions!!

 

[Massive Grooves]

It is interesting the differences in experiences.

I get to experience lit mostly unharrassed.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Female, here!
I don't feel invisible, but I don't really care about it either way. I love to show up to post, flirt, flit around, and leave when I'm done. At the beginning, my inbox would be crazy busy and it interfered with posting - so I closed it to anyone who wasn't already on my buddy list. (The old system) If I felt a need, I could message someone. But, seriously, guys - not everyone who enjoys being barefoot is into your fetishes!

I've never been asked to prove myself, but I also had no trouble leaving posts in the audio thread or the chest thread.

Today is great because I have wonderful friends and a great "manager".

 

[munch2much]

Wow, yes!!

So - I have never visited the chat rooms here.. it sounds like a busy place!

But trying to make a summary of my time here on Lit so far.. I would say that it has been good for me, mostly.

Like @Tallulah82 , this is not a high school popularity contest for me
Back in the beginning, when I was still new here, I think, I was not as relaxed as I am now, and have my share of "oh.. this was a mistake/not fun/ crossed my boundaries" experiences, not many, but enough.

Now a days I feel like Red Riding Hood, jumping around with my basket, full of red flags.. throwing them like confitti to all sides.

That being said: Those that I have met here, formed a report with.. some that I even coincided with.
I would not be without those people!!

Like @n8Romantic says: do not be so quick to judge!

Prefer to take the "wait and see" approach.. I am in no hurry, and earlier experiences did teach me to be patient and wait.

But... Not being very "Loud" or that visible.. my time on Lit is actually really enjoyable.

This is my place to talk with like-minded people, an outlet of a sort.

Well I have to say you are probably one of the nicest people on Lit. Something which pretty much everyone realises.

And you are extremely intelligent on many levels, so I’m not surprised you are popular. Very much deserved.

 

[munch2much]

I’ve never once argued with a pervert about what’s in my pants. Nor been required to. But actually… I’ve never once visited the chat, but also I don’t really PM either so maybe that’s it. I am suddenly realising I am, in private, a social recluse. Ignore everything I have to say here.

Now you mention it, I don’t think I’ve ever been in Lit chat

Pleased you haven’t had the perv proof problem.

And as for reclusivity, I noticed that over lockdown, I’d enjoyed the isolation a bit too much! So I’m getting out and about and really enjoyed it. Mostly

Now. About that proof …joking!!!

 

[Cat]

Well I have to say you are probably one of the nicest people on Lit. Something which pretty much everyone realises.

And you are extremely intelligent on many levels, so I’m not surprised you are popular. Very much deserved.

I think... Most people are really nice!

Just, we give what we can afford to give of ourselves. Giving too much will stress one out, resulting in a crash and burnout situation.
- leaving the person to either disappear from Lit, or develop strategies to make some kind of retreat, protecting oneself.

I get that! And I get, that sometimes that leads to people inventing new persona's.
If that is what makes them healthy and happy, then as long as they do not hurt others.. I do not mind.

In the cases where people are the exactly opposite.. closed as a clam.. well.. The same strategies!

I personally believe in balance, being honest, not hurrying things along.. but just be yourself (this I honestly hear as Genie in Aladdin, telling him.. just beeeee yourself)

Also.. you are really kind, and viewing me through the rose tinted glasses
I am not popular.. I do mostly stick to those I know

 

[munch2much]

It is interesting the differences in experiences.

I get to experience lit mostly unharrassed.

It really is very interesting.
I’ve had many chats on this subject over the years.
And I’ve actually been seriously shocked by things I’ve been told.
I also managed to gain a stalker once. I’m which was erm …interesting!

 

[Bbl87]

The issue of 'proving' myself to be a woman isn't something I've had to do. I think it's been requested before, but I'd rather lose that potential 'friend' than bare myself because they demand it. Call me cynical but that tactic could be abused if given power. Pics and voice are reserved for those I've built up a rapport with. Anyone else can jog on. (Sometimes I try and talk like a dude just to fuck with people's minds. Cos, you know, fun. )

When I first got here, I'd hang out in chat from time to time. First person I really got to know here I met there. Didn't last long, but it was fun.

But I di come to realize a couple things, the first is has been mentioned there are a fair share of dudes that will pretend to be women. The second is, and more importantly, random one time encounters aren't really what I'm looking for.

The second of those kind of takes care of my concern with the first. Getting to know somebody before we really get into fun talk tends to naturally weed out things and naturally make it clear if someone is a dude or not.

 

[munch2much]

I think... Most people are really nice!

Just, we give what we can afford to give of ourselves. Giving too much will stress one out, resulting in a crash and burnout situation.
- leaving the person to either disappear from Lit, or develop strategies to make some kind of retreat, protecting oneself.

I get that! And I get, that sometimes that leads to people inventing new persona's.
If that is what makes them healthy and happy, then as long as they do not hurt others.. I do not mind.

In the cases where people are the exactly opposite.. closed as a clam.. well.. The same strategies!

I personally believe in balance, being honest, not hurrying things along.. but just be yourself (this I honestly hear as Genie in Aladdin, telling him.. just beeeee yourself)

Also.. you are really kind, and viewing me through the rose tinted glasses
I am not popular.. I do mostly stick to those I know

I’m sure there is always someone who will find fault. But I’m not likely that be talking to them for long.

I also notice you get along nicely with some people I’ve not been able to. And yet people who know me in real life consider me so chilled as to be unoffendable. So you are a whole new level of chilled haha.

Long may that positivity continue!!

 

[may_I_please]

I don’t think I’ve had any negative interactions here. People are nice, jokey, even those who don’t quite get my sense of humour are sweet about it.

honestly, and probably naively, didn’t realise that men display as women, without it being a transgender thing, but then I’m probably not their target. I’ve also never been asked to prove womanhood or had anybody send me a dick pic.

I can sometimes feel invisible, I think we all can.

 

[Bbl87]

I hate even thinking of lockdown. I really feel like I am still affected and changed by the lockdowns that happened here where I live. I was so social prior and really struggled with lockdown but now finding it difficult to readjust to the world.

In some ways, I was kind of fortunate when it came to lockdowns. It happened plenty here, but when the pandemic started I was working in corrections. For better or worse, that's an essential field and life basically went on as normal for me, except with masks and extra precautions of course. But my life didn't really change much practically. I was still going shopping (since I was out anyway), I was still going to work, etc..

The rest of my family had a much different experience, it definitely altered their day to day for a good while.

 

[Thom_the_gleeman]

I don’t think I’ve had any negative interactions here. People are nice, jokey, even those who don’t quite get my sense of humour are sweet about it.

honestly, and probably naively, didn’t realise that men display as women, without it being a transgender thing, but then I’m probably not their target. I’ve also never been asked to prove womanhood or had anybody send me a dick pic.

I can sometimes feel invisible, I think we all can.

This site can move at such speed sometimes that when you write a long and wel thought through comment, the discussion may have moved on before you hit send. That is sometimes a way to feel unseen in my expirience.

Love,
Thom