Pmann’s Wuhan Flu/CV Survival Tips

[Lord Pmann]

Now, there’s a lot of misinformation out there about this thing. I’m not a medical professional, but that won’t stop me from giving medical advice. So here are some pmann approved facts. You’re free to post your truth here.

1. Politicizing this and turning it into a political shot show will definitely decrease your chances of getting it. The good news is, your opponents will likely contract it.

2. Wash your hands. It’s a crazy idea. But you should do it. Even after you use the restroom. #MindBlown

3. Don’t fuck any wild animals.

4. Don’t fuck any tame animals. Or any animals at all.

5. Instead of shaking hands, give a good tit or dick grab over the clothes.

6. I’m not saying this for me, but the potheads will be by any minute to tell us how weed or CBD oil helps cure CV.

7. Natural remedies surely work. Chew on some ginger root and honey and you’ll be as good as new. If it’s homeopathic, well... it’s really going to work.

8. Throw toilet paper at anyone you think may have the virus. It seems to be a common belief the virus is terrified of toilet paper.

9. If you’re out of toilet paper, follow your dog’s wisdom.

10. Feel free to turn it into a gender/political/religious issue because... why not?

Add your tips. I’ll confirm or deny them.

 

[Taegul]

I read that the most effective hand sanitizer requires at least 60% alcohol. I'm thinking I'll be safest if I just stop consuming anything but alcohol and stay totally lit 24/7.

Anyone else wanna test this theory with me?

 

[Lord Pmann]

I read that the most effective hand sanitizer requires at least 60% alcohol. I'm thinking I'll be safest if I just stop consuming anything but alcohol and stay totally lit 24/7.

Anyone else wanna test this theory with me?

Sounds like you need 120 proof minimum. I’m not a drinker, but I’ve been dipping my penis in everyone’s alcoholic beverage, just to make sure he stays safe.

 

[Suz_anne]

I read that the most effective hand sanitizer requires at least 60% alcohol. I'm thinking I'll be safest if I just stop consuming anything but alcohol and stay totally lit 24/7.

Anyone else wanna test this theory with me?

 

[Taegul]

Shaken, not stirred. Especially if Pmann is going to stir it with junior...

Wait a sec, I think I just had an epiphany! Has Pmann been James Bond's influence for shaken vs stirred all these years?!?!

 

[StacyLeigh]

I'm pretty sure hazmat suits are recommended for all sexual activity.

...then again, this is just business as usual for you, Pmann

 

[Taegul]

Are you sure that's not the robot from Lost In Space having sex with Bender? I knew he was named Bender for a reason...

 

[Taegul]

Today is steak and BJ day. How would we manage this with the 3-6 foot rule?

Some of us are long enough.

 

[Taegul]

I’m in. I wrote down data from last night’s drunk fest, but I used it to wipe my ass.

Pro Tip - If the store is out of TP, packages of socks work wonders in a pinch.

 

[Lord Pmann]

 

[Taegul]

^ Don't kink shame me, bro ^

 

[done_got_old]

This is the funniest thing I've read in days.You guys (and gals) are great)

 

[catherinewheel77]

 

[hotwords229_A]

It’s time like these that I’m glad to be an introverted chronic masturbator.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Pro Tip - If the store is out of TP, packages of socks work wonders in a pinch.

Dude, they're permeable.

Rubber gloves or in a pinch, Saran wrap.

If you're really brave, tin foil

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I'm pretty sure hazmat suits are recommended for all sexual activity.

...then again, this is just business as usual for you, Pmann

What's the status of glory holes?

 

[Taegul]

Dude, they're permeable.

Rubber gloves or in a pinch, Saran wrap.

If you're really brave, tin foil

I thought we were talking about wiping! Saran wrap or tin foil? You going to put it in your fridge and save it for later?!?!

No, no, no. You use a tube sock, then leave it on your hand and *BAM* - instant Chewbacca hand puppet worth hours of entertainment!

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I thought we were talking about wiping! Saran wrap or tin foil? You going to put it in your fridge and save it for later?!?!

No, no, no. You use a tube sock, then leave it on your hand and *BAM* - instant Chewbacca hand puppet worth hours of entertainment!

Nah, you throw it out but you don't have poop fingers

 

[Taegul]

Nah, you throw it out but you don't have poop fingers

If I'm gonna be quarantined, I'm gonna finger paint dammit. Don't stifle my inner artist!

Now, who wants their portrait drawn? Can't be any worse than a Jim Carrey painting...

 

[Taegul]

I had a patient who did that. Big bocce balls of feces right out of his butt and into the wall, his face, the bed... after we washed him, of course. Always after.

Ugh. My influence for poop socks was actually a public restroom I visited recently. On the stall door was a small and faded sign you could only read part of but you could definitely make out the general message - Check for toilet paper before you sit down so you don't have to waste your socks.

I've been washing my hands like a doctor preparing for surgery ever since. People are gross.

 

[Fermina_Daza]

I heard Alex Jones had the cure but the government made him stop selling it. The government is always trying to keep the man down.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I had a patient who did that. Big bocce balls of feces right out of his butt and into the wall, his face, the bed... after we washed him, of course. Always after.

My 2 year old is doing this, too

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I heard Alex Jones had the cure but the government made him stop selling it. The government is always trying to keep the man down.

#conspiracy with Alex Jones...
Say it ain't so...

 

[catherinewheel77]

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

Eat lots & lots of beans....the virus needs fresh air to survive.