What I learned from publishing a Loving Wives story

[SimonDoom]

It’s pretty simple. Even blonde American girls can pick up the basics. It’s mostly about sitting around and drinking alcohol with fruit and vegetables in it.

Em

I'm in.

 

[MajorRewrite]

It’s like baseball but with English empire people in it.

Cricket exists to make baseball seem exciting and fast paced.

 

[LIDiver]

Cricket exists to make baseball seem exciting and fast paced.

It’s not working.

 

[Imperfect_Guy]

So, in essence, it's just like the rest of the world these days, where an aggressive and vociferous small minority dominate the conversation and perceptions.

It's always been that way, but the internet has become an amplifier of that effect, giving the crazies equal standing and exposure to the more informed and reasoned majority.

Sad but oh so true!

 

[AmberSolis]

Sad but oh so true!

It does highlight something that has always been known: if you want to accomplish anything in life, there will be no shortage of assholes who aren't going to like it, and they'll shout at you and berate and belittle you and every attempt you make, trying to shame you into stopping and receding back into the facelessness with them. There is only one answer, and it is not an easy one to live with:

You, at some point, must enter a state of mind where you stop listening to them. Their words of derision are their only weapon, and that weapon becomes useless the instant you no longer care what anyone else has to say against you.

This goes for everything in life. From relationships, to pro-level athletes trying to set world records, to what you do for a living, somebody is going to take offense because they are just assholes. They never shut up. They never get tired of running others down.

Ignore them and let them say whatever they are going to say, and you win. Even if you spend your whole life trying to accomplish something, and you never actually manage to accomplish it, you win because you never gave up. Otherwise, they defeat you with nothing but words and hot air.

After 50, you're going to ask yourself, "Why did I ever listen to those fuckheads?" (Yes, 50 is in the rear-view mirror for me, and that's all I'm going to admit to!)

 

[lovecraft68]

It does highlight something that has always been known: if you want to accomplish anything in life, there will be no shortage of assholes who aren't going to like it, and they'll shout at you and berate and belittle you and every attempt you make, trying to shame you into stopping and receding back into the facelessness with them. There is only one answer, and it is not an easy one to live with:

You, at some point, must enter a state of mind where you stop listening to them. Their words of derision are their only weapon, and that weapon becomes useless the instant you no longer care what anyone else has to say against you.

This goes for everything in life. From relationships, to pro-level athletes trying to set world records, to what you do for a living, somebody is going to take offense because they are just assholes. They never shut up. They never get tired of running others down.

Ignore them and let them say whatever they are going to say, and you win. Even if you spend your whole life trying to accomplish something, and you never actually manage to accomplish it, you win because you never gave up. Otherwise, they defeat you with nothing but words and hot air.

After 50, you're going to ask yourself, "Why did I ever listen to those fuckheads?" (Yes, 50 is in the rear-view mirror for me, and that's all I'm going to admit to!)

This is why the first thing they tell recovering addicts is to stay the hell away from the old crowd because they don't want you clean and sober, they want to bring you back down to their level.

As far as people belittling you, its base human nature for the average lemming. I remember telling someone I was working on a horror novel, and the response was "Who the hell are you to write a book?"
It comes down to when someone wants to chase a dream, or better themselves in anyway, the average response is for others to discourage you because it makes them feel bad they're not doing anything, so their answer is to keep down where they keep themselves.

 

[Imperfect_Guy]

Most of the assholes that never shut up and never get tired of running others down don't have much else to do. They sit in their room at their parents house while "looking for a job". If they had productive lives they wouldn't have time for all of the other bullshit.

And yes 50 in in the rear-view mirror for me as well, right behind the 60 sign. Honestly though I'd rather be 60 than 30 these days although I'm sure our parents felt the same way!

 

[NoTalentHack]

This is why the first thing they tell recovering addicts is to stay the hell away from the old crowd because they don't want you clean and sober, they want to bring you back down to their level.

As far as people belittling you, its base human nature for the average lemming. I remember telling someone I was working on a horror novel, and the response was "Who the hell are you to write a book?"
It comes down to when someone wants to chase a dream, or better themselves in anyway, the average response is for others to discourage you because it makes them feel bad they're not doing anything, so their answer is to keep down where they keep themselves.

Back in my gym rat days, we called this “crabs in a bucket.” If you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket, even if most of them can easily escape, they’ll pull each other back into the bucket as they try. You’ll see them stacked almost to the top, and none of them manage to get over the lip.

Humans are so much worse; the crabs do it because they’re trying to escape and fighting each other. It’s instinctual. But humans? They’ll happily drag each other back into the bucket so that they don’t feel threatened by someone else’s happiness or success. Takes a lot less effort to pull someone back into the bucket than try to escape.

 

[lovecraft68]

Back in my gym rat days, we called this “crabs in a bucket.” If you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket, even if most of them can easily escape, they’ll pull each other back into the bucket as they try. You’ll see them stacked almost to the top, and none of them manage to get over the lip.

Humans are so much worse; the crabs do it because they’re trying to escape and fighting each other. It’s instinctual. But humans? They’ll happily drag each other back into the bucket so that they don’t feel threatened by someone else’s happiness or success. Takes a lot less effort to pull someone back into the bucket than try to escape.

Good analogy....but now I'm thinking....sex stories, crabs, STD....

 

[LIDiver]

It does highlight something that has always been known: if you want to accomplish anything in life, there will be no shortage of assholes who aren't going to like it, and they'll shout at you and berate and belittle you and every attempt you make, trying to shame you into stopping and receding back into the facelessness with them. There is only one answer, and it is not an easy one to live with:

You, at some point, must enter a state of mind where you stop listening to them. Their words of derision are their only weapon, and that weapon becomes useless the instant you no longer care what anyone else has to say against you.

This goes for everything in life. From relationships, to pro-level athletes trying to set world records, to what you do for a living, somebody is going to take offense because they are just assholes. They never shut up. They never get tired of running others down.

Ignore them and let them say whatever they are going to say, and you win. Even if you spend your whole life trying to accomplish something, and you never actually manage to accomplish it, you win because you never gave up. Otherwise, they defeat you with nothing but words and hot air.

After 50, you're going to ask yourself, "Why did I ever listen to those fuckheads?" (Yes, 50 is in the rear-view mirror for me, and that's all I'm going to admit to!)

Love you, Amber.

 

[PhiloDaddy]

Is this satire?

 

[lovecraft68]

Is this satire?

He's got some points there and I agree in principle with his general thoughts, but nothing is straightforward so there's a gray area there too.
Not everyone who complains of something does it as a projection or insecurity, sometimes its simply shaking your head and saying, what a pile of crap. This is where Tilan always goes from good point to ruining it by having to throw in some insults to all of us inferior types.

But many do fall under the "If I can find someone who did worse...." I mean, that's our entire political model in the US. Doesn't matter scumbag A did something awful, whataboutism dictates that since scumbag B did it too, its all good and I can call out that one, but not the other because...
Most people have to pick a side and can't stay neutral and realize both people suck. But if people could do that, we wouldn't have division so...yeah, as a whole humanity(oxy moron) needs to feel they're on a side and its right.

Part of my attitude towards LW is just by being here a long time I've seen it devolve more and more. Its like watching a nice neighborhood go to hell. What happens then? Good people leave and the bad have more sway. Many authors and readers have gone to fetish or left completely to not have to deal with the morons there. The site is very much complicit in this, they think its hilarious. They screen comments, but let pure hatespeech through on a daily basis.

So eventually, in another couple of years at this pace of devolving which is part good bailing and part bad rising, the entire site is going to feel the affect because the turds are spreading further from the catbox.

Recent discussions, recent stories being pointed out in the vein of "how is this crap here" and other factors will have this site being seen as asstr 2.0 much quicker than anyone thinks.

 

[LIDiver]

You wrote a decent story a year ago, which was reasonably well-received in LW. Yet, one might think you're post-traumatic or something.

Is it really a crowd of demons dragging us down in an attempt to mock us, or is it our own demons, the subconscious trickery that wishes to be mocked?

The obsession that many people have with LW's crowd, in particular, and bad crowds in general, says more about them than it does about the crowd. Their low self-esteem leads them to seek an external enemy so they can feel morally superior. They think, "I can't be that bad as long as there are much worse, can I?" It is the lack of self-acceptance that leads us to expect rejection. It is self-pity that leads us to relish the insult.

There is a misconception that miscommunication is the main reason for the disintegration of relationships. In reality, it is mainly the lack of communication with ourselves that fails us.

More often than not, the offended enjoys being insulted; they anticipate it, almost crave it, far more than the offender enjoys insulting.

The person who threw a peanut at you showed no interest, didn't remember you, and swiftly moved on to another target. From their perspective, anyone on stage holds no special significance. But us? We carefully collect that seemingly insignificant peanut, placing it in a jar and proudly positioning it on the shelf, almost worshiping it. "If they threw a peanut at me, it must mean I have some influence over them, that I have some significance."

If we receive 50 comments and only 5 of them are negative, we will mainly remember those 5, just as we tend to recall negative experiences more than positive ones.

It's a universal truth that's hard to digest: As nice as it is to receive praise and positive feedback, some only feel alive when they feel pain.

Yes, it was a naive shock at first but I’ve long ago made peace with the LW one-star creepers. (Not that I was ever at war with them, they certainly aren’t worthy of any of our attentions.)

The ratings numbers are not important to me (though, it is flattering that the score rose from the first weeks 1.8 to currently 3.7s).
Comments (even the intelligent critical ones) both posted and PMed are the more accurate barometer as to if we have written a well accepted story.
(An aside- One who did offer wonderful critical advice can be found posted above. I will not tell you who they are but I do hint that their name rhymes with Malin but begins with a T.)

You pose, that I may have been traumatized into not submitting another story. In reality the reason is nothing profound. Life is simply a bit stressful as of late and many things have been back-burnered, including the writing of the three or so experiences I wish to relate on Lit.

But actually things are starting to lighten up and I do plan on writing soon.
So in the mean time please…. read Tory’s Emergence!!!

https://literotica.com/s/torys-emergence

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[PhiloDaddy]

I think I'm lost here. What exactly is loving wives supposed to be? What was it once?

 

[lovecraft68]

I think I'm lost here. What exactly is loving wives supposed to be? What was it once?

It was originally intended to represent the kink of 'adventurous wives' which was the original tag line for the category, and their husbands. Back then the cheating was seen for what it was, a fetish, and often times the husband into it to some level. There were also stories of affairs that caused a rift, but the couple reconciled.

As time has gone on, its devolved into the worst type of cuck stories which portray the woman as a bitch, the cuck as a limp wristed sorry excuse for a man who exists to be humiliated and degraded and the racist as fuck depiction of the black bull and other tropes. There's a chicken and egg type of cycle of what came first, the stories that piss off the trolls, or the trolls inspiring authors to piss them off.

Then came the burn the bitch revenge stories aimed at fueling the incels where the wives are raped tortured, killed sold into sex slavery and assorted other nastiness, and some just as bad things done to her lover. This faction of author is as bad as the people they want 'love' from and is the biggest reason the category is now littered with humanities dregs. Lit has rules that should have many of these stories banned, but they seem to like the crowd and leave it be.

Just think bad neighborhood and as it spirals down, the good people bail leaving just the slop, and that's what's been happening. Lot of authors/readers going to fetish category with their work or just leaving, or not posting that topic here anymore.

 

[SimonDoom]

Without going over it again (it's been done to death), let me just say this: when I first came to this forum, I totally couldn't stand the LW crowd. But now, I see them as Care Bears compared to some of the residents here.

You're not getting all soft on us, are you?

 

[lovecraft68]

Without going over it again (it's been done to death), let me just say this: when I first came to this forum, I totally couldn't stand the LW crowd. But now, I see them as Care Bears compared to some of the residents here.

Trust me on this: there's an almost perfect correlation between how messed up and crappy someone is and how much they go on and on against that category.

Well, we can't all be meek mice who keep their head down while others call out the trash for being trash.
I will give you a point for knowing there is worse here but you're way off on who they are. When these things post under a name they're the sneaky behind the scenes type...and only good against women.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I think I'm lost here. What exactly is loving wives supposed to be? What was it once?

Loving Wives is described as "Married extra-marital FUN, swinging, sharing, and more..."

So, LW is supposed to be that, and probably not cheating, hateful revenge, humiliation, or divorce. But without those extras, there are many of those LW readers who will rate the story a '1'.

 

[Andrew1968]

I like erotic stories which feature consenting adults. I like to apply that preference, to the stories I like, which appear in Loving Wives.

For instance, a story which features cheating i.e. adultery, where one partner is in the dark and unaware of their partners cheating actions is probably not a story featuring consenting adults. A story where a bitch or a bastard is burnt is not a story featuring consenting adults. Revenge does not have consenting adults. Stories which touch on misogyny or misandry do not include consenting adults.

Stories which feature sharing, swinging, hot-wife and willing cuckolds do feature consenting adults.

The whole premise of the Loving Wives category, as per the Literotica definition, entails stories featuring consenting adults. That’s the way I read the definition. I don't know cheating and BTB stuff fits there...

 

[NoTalentHack]

I like erotic stories which feature consenting adults. I like to apply that preference, to the stories I like, which appear in Loving Wives.

For instance, a story which features cheating i.e. adultery, where one partner is in the dark and unaware of their partners cheating actions is probably not a story featuring consenting adults. A story where a bitch or a bastard is burnt is not a story featuring consenting adults. Revenge does not have consenting adults. Stories which touch on misogyny or misandry do not include consenting adults.

Stories which feature sharing, swinging, hot-wife and willing cuckolds do feature consenting adults.

The whole premise of the Loving Wives category, as per the Literotica definition, entails stories featuring consenting adults. That’s the way I read the definition. I don't know cheating and BTB stuff fits there...

Laurel keeps putting them there, so...

 

[lovecraft68]

Laurel keeps putting them there, so...

People keep selecting that category and the screening process is barely a skim so I can see why they end up there.
Its why when the worst of them are reported and nothing is done that shows the true problem.

 

[NoTalentHack]

People keep selecting that category and the screening process is barely a skim so I can see why they end up there.
Its why when the worst of them are reported and nothing is done that shows the true problem.

They end up there because they're where they belong. Regardless of your opinion, it's not a purely erotic category, just like SF/F, Romance, Novels, etc. The users, ultimately, decide what content belongs in each section, short of massive overrides by the admins. And these types of stories have been here since almost the beginning.

 

[lovecraft68]

They end up there because they're where they belong. Regardless of your opinion, it's not a purely erotic category, just like SF/F, Romance, Novels, etc. The users, ultimately, decide what content belongs in each section, short of massive overrides by the admins. And these types of stories have been here since almost the beginning.

But when the site touts it has rules against torture for titillation, and true non con then what's the excuse for them being there? They shouldn't be in any categy that's under erotic. That's the point.

But it is what it is. We'll see what the site's rep and readership is in a couple more years as they invite in the worst the net has to offer while people who've had enough wander off.

 

[Gamblnluck]

Now I know that people say anonymous comments are made by readers too. But I put way less weight on them. The unpleasant comments are normally from cowards hiding behind anonymity to piss on people with no danger of splashback. I’m not saying that anonymous feedback is worthless, I just pay more attention to those who are brave enough to stand behind their words.

I also give a lot more weight to those who submit stories. Especially those who I think write well told stories.