Unsent Messages to Him/Her

[ethereal~minx]

HOOBASTANK

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you


it hurts growing up. Im seeing that only now
this little girl is becoming the woman she thought she
was. I've been soo hurtful to the men in my life. this
awareness hurts sooo bad. they're so
beautiful and it was never my intent to hurt them.
I pray they know in their heart my heart.

 

[ethereal~minx]

hidden deep inside yourself
my quest is to find
the very depth of your heart
and to make it mine
i know these words scare you
make you turn around and run
think twice my darling masculine
this love thy will be done
*smiling* you know my tease
You! know my heart
i won't do anything you don't want
i'll always live my part
i love you soo deeply Xxxxx
my heart is in your hands
just as I have yours
it's safe in feminine lands
*laughing at my rhyme
and laughing at my spelling
I don't know if it's right
but i don't care i'm being silly
i cherish my time with you
you've been away for a while
and know you're here always
you presence makes me smile

i think about you often
i think about my strength
i think about Mother's Day
and those feminine gifts
You make me so happy
the way you make me feel
no expectations get in the way
but with you i am healed
do you realize what you do
when you do nothing at all
you are just yourself
at your feet i could fall
i do in my mind
i kiss your feet i beg
for a touch of your hand
your tenderness i crave
you teach me every day
i learn so much from you
even when your gone
i know just what to do
...
i don't always do it
my mind plays tricks on me
but im always thinking of this
and the intervention that is made

it's all divine
i think i can't believe it's true
you are part of me
and i am part of you

I love You
you make me smile
from my heart to my lips

 

[shy slave]

Master

Do you know how it feels when you touch me
How I crave to feel the slap, the pain then the gentleness of your hand
Do you understand how your words caress me
They run rivelets down my skin
They play in my mind, they leave me unable to move, yet re-charged and re-energised.

When you leave I feel lost
I hear your voice in my mind and I feel safe, secure
When you hold me, tie me, bind me, these actions can only replicate that my mind is always bound to you.

Do you realise that physical hurt can never be as strong as emotional pain.
I submit to you and in doing so I ask you to submit to me.
Submit your emotional mind and body to my care, I will treasure it, love it & honour it.
In every touch, look, pain & pleasure you make me feel safe
You have my body & my mind, it is yours.

Do as you will with me, but when you are finished with me & no longer want or need me in your life

Leave my emotions intact ~ please.

 

[ethereal~minx]

Brother. leave my emotions intact
don't play father with me
don't take advantage
of the vulnerability you see

 

[ethereal~minx]

I am sister to you
you are brother to me
I may be older than you
but not lesser you see
don't underestimate
feminine power
you may be masculine
but I am the flower
You see, it is You
that makes this life
brother to sister
husband to wife
let go
believe
in the feelings you feel
let sister show you
her secrets reveal
your true power
your masculine self
as you reveal
her miraculous self
it's not all about you
your masculine strength
she won't push
she'll stay quiet and pray
...tbc

 

[ethereal~minx]

"..he is an evil man."

mental rape.

Biderman's Chart.

Angels & Demons



light vs. dark

it's always darkest before the dawn...
Your time is drawing near,
how deep will you go
to conceal the truth of your soul

 

[ethereal~minx]

maturity is gained from experience
*rolling eyes*
how else do we learn?
notice I didn't say wisdom
by suffering it is earned


He is cut out of my life
no, it's not been long but it's true
never before had I been cognizant
of the evil in the blue
He responded to me _______
without speaking a word
without seeing his eyes
but with a gutteral growl
fear struck my heart
& I focused my thoughts again
Yes, it is true he said
from somewhere deep within
it was primal the way we spoke
even beyond that
soul to soul
He was like a vampire
and fighting to let go
I felt like ...
I won't
I'm sick to feel like this
I don't want to believe it's true
you have helped me see though
my way out of the blue
it was your heart that made mine smile
it is your warmth that gave me strength
...tears... I wish I wish
longing ache loneliness
I am lifted up by you
You'll stay foremost in my mind
in everything I do
You are my friend
and I sooo love you

 

[ethereal~minx]

yike

 

[ethereal~minx]

when are you coming back?
you said 'XXXXX's a dick" isn't he?
I said, yesss!
can you speak to me the same way?
have you & I didn't recognize?
if it is true, and you are inside
you know my intent, my heart
you know me

I want to believe in you
I don't understand how I fit, and why exactly I have to know other than it's a fantasy of mine from long ago. I'm still not involved but soooo remotely and it really makes me sick. I think of that and I desire, but at the same time I'm more resistant. no, I want it I make it happen, not the other way around. He matters little. and my direction would be for my pleasure not his!


whatever will be will be~~~
if you do speak to my soul, respond to me
let me know it's true

 

[ethereal~minx]

?

 

[ethereal~minx]

baby, I know the truth
you won't ever admit
that this is the ultimate truth
your heart is as true
as mine I surely can tell
so fuck off little mind
I'll unintentionally make your life hell
maybe that's what you want
I won't sort it out in my mind
just know that I love you
and I'll love you for all time
I won't trail around you
I won't try to make you see
I'lll always be here for you though
through time you will come to see

I've never been here before

I believe in the love I felt
the heart speaking to heart

I believe you had to love me
to talk the way we did
truth is all it could be
I love you always
You will ALWAYS be my friend
I will love you forever
forever til the end

 

[tythisredheadup]

an unsent letter that stays in my pocket...

Dearest Sir,

Thank you for the phone call yesterday. It was exactly what I needed after so many days. Just to hear your voice makes me tingle. I wish for more times like that.

My stomach is in knots thinking of you... I can hardly concentrate on work today. All of these aches and feeling pinned inside need to come out...

I am ready to submit to you, Sir. I am willing to beg whatever it takes for you to just take me and do with me what you will...I wish to be your submissive, what ever you desire...I want you to break me, Sir. Make me succumb to your every need...Bring me to my knees, make me service you. Grab me by the hair of my head and fill my mouth with you...Allow me to pleasure you, Sir. Make the words come from my mouth...

Punish me when I don't do as I am told...Force your hands upon my flesh...Drive me to the brink, Sir. Make me beg...Your desire is my desire...

May I be your sweet, submissive toy, Sir? Will you have me? Will you teach me all the things I don't know, but desperately want to learn? Please, let me prove myself to you...

J

 

[ethereal~minx]

Remember



nothing ever leaves unless something better is coming nothing ever leaves unless something better is coming nothing ever leaves unless something better is coming

 

[James in Tx]

Nice thread

Nice thread. I think we all have had thoughts we wish we would have said, letters we wish we had sent. On second thought I'm glad I didn't a few times.

 

[ethereal~minx]

you may have regrets but I don't.
it's who I am and it's how I learn. assumptions may be made from the entries here
but one of the golden rules is
don't assume
*shrugging shoulders*
another
always do the best you can
be impeccable with your word
and...
don't take things personal


don't assume... hmmm. assumptions validate your perception .. only to you. if you don't know something, assume what makes you feel good~~ you don't know the answer. you don't know what is true or not... would you like someone to make assumptions about you in the same situation? are you reeeally that way? if so, perhaps you're correct to assume this about the other person but if not.. let up.
you'll feel better and live longer *smiling*

it's all about learning, living, loving
that's what this life is all about.
You do not control the world and your perception is not the only perception. think outside the box.
think.
it'll do you good.

 

[ethereal~minx]

life experience has taught me
to have conviction for what I believe
knowing all is not known

a life's chapter has taught me to
acknowledge the inconceivable~~ if someone
says it, it could be true. I've learned not to
second guess the words because I believe
that person MUST mean something other
than what is being said~~~ I've learned that
by allowing these things to be said, it's as if
I'm giving permission or my blessing
...I turned it into something that I could conceive
because what was being said was beyond my
understanding ...I could not entertain the
inconceivable.

I've seen all I do not want
to help define what I do~
It was very intentional,
for this very awakening

I appreciate these gifts

 

[ethereal~minx]

don't blindly believe in the Original Sin.

I think that's the best place to start.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I've learned alot with you, so much that at times I feel ashamed I've been challenging. I go back and forth with feelings of respect and disgust..distrust. ethics and responsibility. I cry. I'm okay, I'm strong. I'm weak, I'm alone, I'm angry. you speak to me in riddles, I don't know what is wrong, I don't know what is right. You do this intentionally. you've done it from the very beginning. I've hated it since then. I don't know what to think at times~ I just know I'm angry at you. Angry at you for your selfishness. on one hand, I'd like to think there is more. it's another lesson that I'm beginning to understand I'm putting myself into. or is it really just your selfishness. because you do not care. I KNOWYOUCARE and I just KNOW you don't too...I wonder who you are, do you know me? I think of these things you say, 'I hate that shit' ~referring to d/s.... 'she's more what I like, submissive', you are a contradiction. and... do you test moral limits just to upset me? this has been one huge huge lesson and you've been the teacher, whether intentional or not.
so... yes. on one hand I want to tell you I see or understand and want to learn from you. that I will trust my own self and be still when I feel challenged. I will continue to grow and better myself and that I have your support. I know you care. ohhhh that's nice. on the other hand, I don't want to say this if it's not true. I don't want to give you that much of myself. anything. you've never been clear with me, you've been intentionally manipulative, you've interfered when there was new potential, you have thought only of yourself..even as I say these words I cannot believe they are true and how messed up is that. I, deep down, I don't believe you're superficial, shallow that you'd ---but then again, you are a ... you're not like that are you? I've had guy friends say 'of course he's using you' 'don't think he's not' and omg, in my heart I just won't believe it~~~
maybe I'm in denial. and maybe I'm just waking up. ohhhh I do not like this torment. ...at one time, oh about every five mins, I think you are trying to make me into a domme~ to get me to play out your fetish/fantasies with you.... that's why you're being such an ass & making me feel all this anger toward you..so I use it to use you the way you want to be treated, I think about that at times & yesterday I was pretty calm & could see myself using those feelings to my advantage in a situation with you..but then I was thinking about what was ultimately fueling it, anger. I'm not like that, I'm not about making anyone do anything out of anger. that could get really bad. I understand you like takin it to the edge but the edge of what? not my edge. I don't want to hurt you or anyone. anger is a strong emotion and when put to proper use, is very powerful... omg, so anyway. on one hand, I am on my knees at your feet, tears of joy and sorrow for all that you have taught and all that will be, begging for mercy, for you to accept me as your student ...no interference from me in your relationships and no interference from you in mine... and on the other, you're a sick bastard and you need mental help.

 

[ethereal~minx]

It doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I've left behind me
is a cold room
I've crossed the last line
from where I can't return
where every step I took in faith
betrayed me
and led me from my home

And sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give

You take me in
no questions asked
you strip away the ugliness
that surrounds me
are you an angel
am I already that gone
I only hope
that I won't disappoint you
when I'm here
on my knees
And sweet
sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give

Sweet
sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give

And I don't understand
by the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall

I miss the little things
I miss everything (about you)

It doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I left behind me
is a cold room

And sweet
sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give

 

[fyrehardt]

Sir--

W/we are both very new to this, and i am proud to be Your pet. Thank You for being here for me thru the years, and for learning about me and knowing me so well that You discovered a side of me that i had hidden for years. i wish i was there with You always, instead of just when we are able. i miss You when we are apart.

love always,

Your loving pet

 

[ethereal~minx]

I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere in the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do... Yeah
I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something to do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?
If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?
I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might?
Kryptonite

 

[ethereal~minx]

and about this psychic communication and reading between the lines~~~ you're so good at that though what you actually say is questioned.

what was that quote, "three can keep a secret only if two of them are dead" laughing. ...do you know how it feels to have your mind raped? you spoke to me about responsibility & mental rape. you twisted my thoughts and made me tell you what you wanted me to say. and I cannot say I do not agree. but it allowed you to do what you've done. I didn't know what in the flip you meant. you know you scared me. you know you continue to scare me every flipping day. and now to look around and see the exploitation, to realize the enormity of it is so painful. I feel betrayed. and I feel like you are a coward. do you really have any business playing God? your mind is not God, just because you think I need to suffer to learn does not mean you should put me in positions so that suffering can happen essssspecially without my flipping consent and knowing.

while all of this is true, and though I feel betrayed and angry~~ I am 100% responsible for every experience I live. pain inflicted by another w/o conscious consent is cruel but fruitful nonetheless. I've learned. and I've learned well.

I feel weak because of this, but I know I am stronger.

I appreciate the experience. my heart will catch up.

 

[ethereal~minx]

pain~ pain is realizing you've tried to control that which will not be controlled. pain is realizing you're guilty of trying to use your own own ego power to control a situation for your "good" for what you think you need. pain is realizing you don't know how to release your need to control. pain is good for self-reflection. suffering is optional. and not recommended.
let it be. but how. isn't it nice to have trusted close friends for this type of situation? *...sssubmissive...smile* (I know I know) I will grow from this I will grow from this I AM growing from this!

I surrender. would you please send me best wishes? I'm afraid (while I know fear is false expectations appearing real it doesn't mean I don't actually fear) this may not be easy for me.


"...cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away..."

 

[ethereal~minx]

For love is victorious in attack,
And invulnerable in defense.
Heaven arms with love
Those it would not see
destroyed.
Tao-te-ching

 

[Red Menace]

Thought better of it.... but damn, it felt good to write it.

Thank you, etherial~minx.