D/s dynamic…getting too close

[HumpDayHoratio]

I was reading BiBunnys Service/Love Worship thread and didn’t want to hijack it but it left me with some questions that fit hand in glove with that thread…

I’ve never had the experiences most of you’ve had in the D/s dynamic. Even though it was an early “kink” it was more a visual thing than one from any experience. Lack of partners interested is long including the spouse of 30+yrs.

I‘ve recently started a virtual D/s relationship with a friend. This started out more as a friendly business like transaction, a helping hand if you will on my part.

Over the months though a funny thing has happened…I’ve found that feelings are developing between us both. Much like what I’ve read through the Service/Love/Worship thread. I’ve become quite possessive, unusual for me. I’m seeing and feeling things that I’ve not experienced and quite like it.

My question to the experts in the room…is this normal? Should this stay more in the realm of some detachment? I’m not so naive to think that when two people interact in an intimate way there will be no feelings, but should I allow myself or both of us to get closer?

I don’t want to ruin what we have, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t enjoy our developing bond. I do feel just because you can, should you?

Would love to hear what other think…

 

[cascadiabound]

I honestly think it is very difficult/impossible to NOT develop genuine feelings for someone you choose to interact with, even at a distance, if you share your genuine selves.
I consider it a plus, but it does have pitfalls, especially when there are other people involved - your spouse.

The human heart has the capacity to love more than one person at a time, but our time is finite. Consider what your ultimate goals are for this relationship, and talk about them with your friend. Make sure you understand each other and hopefully you have similar ideas about what a possible future could hold. Don't assume you know what she wants. And sometimes these conversations can be very clarifying for both of you.

Also... because time is finite, think clearly about whether your relationship with your friend is robbing your spouse of time/attention that she wants/deserves.

There is no right answer, only the one that is right for you.

cb

 

[IrisAlthea]

Relationships with humans are messy and ever evolvng.
It’s very easy to develop feelings but it is also easy to make false comparisons when comparing the love interest with someone who shares all parts of your life including taking out the trash and dealing with inlaws.
It’s easy to see all the positive sides of someone in the warm glow of new relationship energy.
That can be a great thing, but it is important to be aware of the fact that people and relationships don’t always want to stay in the neat box you sorted them in.

 

[sweettalk4u]

I was reading BiBunnys Service/Love Worship thread and didn’t want to hijack it but it left me with some questions that fit hand in glove with that thread…

I’ve never had the experiences most of you’ve had in the D/s dynamic. Even though it was an early “kink” it was more a visual thing than one from any experience. Lack of partners interested is long including the spouse of 30+yrs.

I‘ve recently started a virtual D/s relationship with a friend. This started out more as a friendly business like transaction, a helping hand if you will on my part.

Over the months though a funny thing has happened…I’ve found that feelings are developing between us both. Much like what I’ve read through the Service/Love/Worship thread. I’ve become quite possessive, unusual for me. I’m seeing and feeling things that I’ve not experienced and quite like it.

My question to the experts in the room…is this normal? Should this stay more in the realm of some detachment? I’m not so naive to think that when two people interact in an intimate way there will be no feelings, but should I allow myself or both of us to get closer?

I don’t want to ruin what we have, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t enjoy our developing bond. I do feel just because you can, should you?

Would love to hear what other think…

This can be a very intense and
passionate relationship. Discovering new bonds between you will only make it more so.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I've been in a DDlg D/s dynamic for 2 years now. It's my first, so I have no prior experience except this one.
I was in a fun but vanilla marriage for 25 years and he was a bit passive in the bedroom, if you will.
I feel like my bond with "Daddy" is intense on my part. (But I have BPD).
I also feel like Daddy and I are connected in ways I've never experienced before. It's probably inevitable to get feelings when trust is involved.

If it feels right to both of you, have fun exploring each other's kinks and passions

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

I honestly think it is very difficult/impossible to NOT develop genuine feelings for someone you choose to interact with, even at a distance, if you share your genuine selves.
I consider it a plus, but it does have pitfalls, especially when there are other people involved - your spouse.

The human heart has the capacity to love more than one person at a time, but our time is finite. Consider what your ultimate goals are for this relationship, and talk about them with your friend. Make sure you understand each other and hopefully you have similar ideas about what a possible future could hold. Don't assume you know what she wants. And sometimes these conversations can be very clarifying for both of you.

Also... because time is finite, think clearly about whether your relationship with your friend is robbing your spouse of time/attention that she wants/deserves.

There is no right answer, only the one that is right for you.

cb

We were friendly before we started interacting in a D/s manner so I already had developed a sense of ease and nice rapport with her. My spouse had already introduced me to the concept of the hearts ability to love more than one person, so on this point I know exactly of what you speak!

What I’ve not foreseen, or even thought of if I’m honest, is the ultimate goal? Neither one of us has thought to address it, even when we laid down our ground rules. We’ve both crested the 50 mark by a couple to few years so this is definitely something that should be addressed at some point. I guess as this is all virtual, it seemed a non issue maybe?

The robbing of the spouses time isn’t an issue as our (sub and I) timelines line up when my wife is dong other things. We only speak once a day as a rule, maybe twice. It’s not so much she and I robbing time as it’s my other time goofing off on Lit that’s a problem!

Thanks cascadiabound for giving me some things to think about here. Definitely some issues that need to be pondered gong forward.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

Relationships with humans are messy and ever evolvng.
It’s very easy to develop feelings but it is also easy to make false comparisons when comparing the love interest with someone who shares all parts of your life including taking out the trash and dealing with inlaws.
It’s easy to see all the positive sides of someone in the warm glow of new relationship energy.
That can be a great thing, but it is important to be aware of the fact that people and relationships don’t always want to stay in the neat box you sorted them in.

Thanks IrisAlthea, the relationship with the one who shares the in-laws has been a continuing life lesson for sure. We have been a rollercoaster study and I’ve been quite an open book about us on this forum!

Placing the new partner in that box has been fun, but your advice is well heeded. I learned that earlier this year with someone out of the blue who I connected with. They suddenly and without warning escaped from the box and you’re left wondering what exactly went wrong.

For now, I’m basking in the glow. It has been nice to finally get to indulge in my fetish from so long ago, even if it’s a facsimile of the real thing.

Thanks again for your insight!

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

This can be a very intense and
passionate relationship. Discovering new bonds between you will only make it more so.

I didn’t realize just how intense it was going to be going in, but WOW! The bond, the trust, the power exchange. I never really understood. Now I do!

I've been in a DDlg D/s dynamic for 2 years now. It's my first, so I have no prior experience except this one.
I was in a fun but vanilla marriage for 25 years and he was a bit passive in the bedroom, if you will.
I feel like my bond with "Daddy" is intense on my part. (But I have BPD).
I also feel like Daddy and I are connected in ways I've never experienced before. It's probably inevitable to get feelings when trust is involved.

If it feels right to both of you, have fun exploring each other's kinks and passions

Like you, this is my first! What is it about the 25yr mark? That’s when my wife came to me and wanted to open up our marriage and we went on a little sexual renaissance so to speak.
Like you also, the connection here is something else and like nothing i‘ve experienced before either. It has to be the D/s dynamic, right?

Thank you both sweettalk4U and Ssbbw4u1974 for your input and advice!

 

[sweettalk4u]

Anytime!