Is all femdom humiliation?

[Woolmohair]

The idea of femdom is honestly really hot and even the more extreme parts of it are fine (cbt/pegging) but as a dude who is a switch its really tough to embrace femdom when I am just not a fan of humiliation, I love the aspect of worship and feeling submissive to a woman but everything I've seen that leads towards harder femdom (Gentle femdom I'm excluding for this context) is just humiliation. Am I missing anything or is this what more hardcore femdom is? Thank you.

I think there ate genuinely dominant woman who are into them philosophy of being the dominant partner in a relationship, and some women who are sadistic and not genuinely dominant, just bully-like, and others who like the trappings of domination, but are ultimately vanilla trying to spice things up a little. True dominant women are wonderful. There are also many men who are either milquetoast wimps who think being bullied by a woman is either sexy or all they deserve is too be bullied. Some who are macho and can take the punishment in a show off machismo.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I think it depends on the couple, frankly. Anything like this should come after a good deal of communication.

 

[newhere2learn]

Isn't submission a gentle form of humiliation?

Not at all, I'd disagree.

One can submit, relinquish control and be toyed with and pushed to their limits.

Humiliation, is degrading and as opposed to a sensual experience, a mental experience

 

[newhere2learn]

I think it depends on the couple, frankly. Anything like this should come after a good deal of communication.

Totally agree, I've had sensual female play partners, who wanted to be dominant. But for them, was focussed around the sensual elements, and the psychology of pushing and edging to limits.

At no point with the 2of that spring to mind, was there any humiliation or degrade behaviour. No name calling, or mocking and so on.

 

[MorlockIam]

Femdom is female domination so it doesn't necessarily have to mean humiliation but then to some just submitting to someone else could be considered humiliating in itself.

 

[subdudeme13]

Humiliation is not a requirement, so my answer is no. However, many people, especially men, perceive submission itself as a humiliation, nevermind submission to a woman. To those people, femdom cannot exist without it being humiliating - but that's different from femdom itself being inherently humiliating.

In addition to what @Servileone13 said about humiliation being in the eye of the beholder, I'd also add what might feel humiliating coming from one domme may feel different coming from another depending on the strength of your rapport and the level of trust.

Humiliation can be hot and I get off on it. Then again I am a pain slut too. Humiliation is begging for mercy! LOL

 

[eroticspank]

Femdom is different for everyone. In my mind, it just means the woman or female is dominant in the bedroom. That can include all kinds of things, including BDSM and humiliation, or none of the above, it is up to the people involved.
ES

 

[Dearelliot]

I agree with the prior post, Humiliation is in the eyes of the beholder. I pay ladies to humiliate me by making me drink their pee...when the truth is it's more humiliating to have to pay a lady for that than doing it.

We know we subs are not totally submissive, although there may be a few..."Get two jobs, mail me the money, but otherwise don't bother me." That wouldn't work very well. Most of us pick and choose the way we want to be submissive to a woman, and it usually involves sex play the way we want it to be.

For me that's where the pain and humiliation comes in, I can tell her to stop I've had enough, but I don't want to have the final word...I want her to always push the envelope, to go a step beyond my comfort zone. To remind me she is in charge.

 

[slavemelanie]

If its a one time experience it certainly can have that singular focus. But within a D/s relationship it better be more well rounded than just one singular focus and eventually its best to focus on each others overall needs.

 

[Dearelliot]

I have zero experience in a D/s nonfinancial relationship. I have no idea of how complicated that might be. In my experience I more or less tell her my needs and in turn she tells me how much I have to pay.

I would imagine a married person wanting such a D/s relationship, it would be difficult to find.
I do know a married couple with her as Femdom, who live the relationship sexually, but not in their day to day living. They did start with house parties etc, and she eventually turned professional as she couldn't turn down the offers.

 

[sxPlasticity]

I really had to think about this one.
And then I got my answer, and now I realized I'm too embarrassed to say.

 

[whenagain]

I really had to think about this one.
And then I got my answer, and now I realized I'm too embarrassed to say.

Sounds like you want to say

 

[sxPlasticity]

Sounds like you want to say

Yeah, I think that came out a little awkward...

The idea of humiliation versus embarrassment was s'posed to be sort of a funny and ironic conclusion...

But now it's even worse...

OMG, now I am going to have to nail the closet door shut once and for all...

 

[Showmewhatchugot84]

The idea of femdom is honestly really hot and even the more extreme parts of it are fine (cbt/pegging) but as a dude who is a switch its really tough to embrace femdom when I am just not a fan of humiliation, I love the aspect of worship and feeling submissive to a woman but everything I've seen that leads towards harder femdom (Gentle femdom I'm excluding for this context) is just humiliation. Am I missing anything or is this what more hardcore femdom is? Thank you.

Agree with this. I'm trying to get my wife to embrace a more dominant role in our relationship and start leaning towards a female-led relationship. I want to share stories with her but the all end it cuckold, or feminization, which I have no real interest in this stage of my life. I feel like she's freaked out and adjusting to what I have shared but she's embracing it slowly. I want to share so many more stories and videos to motivate her but 99% of them just go to extreme. So I don't share as much as I would like out of fear of her just being to overwhelmed and going back to our vanilla, inconsistent sex life

 

[Bella857Donna]

No. Not all femdom is humiliation; some submissives like to be "good boys", to be praised. They need to be kept in their place, but don't like to be degraded in any way. You don't need to make a sub feel bad about themselves (if that's not their thing), but you must always make sure they understand that you, and you alone, have the power.

 

[sxPlasticity]

No. Not all femdom is humiliation; some submissives like to be "good boys", to be praised. They need to be kept in their place, but don't like to be degraded in any way. You don't need to make a sub feel bad about themselves (if that's not their thing), but you must always make sure they understand that you, and you alone, have the power.

I tend to think all seriously commit relationships at some point require humility.

But, then, there is humility, and then there is HUMILITY, and then there is also pride, shame and fear, or even shamelessness, arrogant, flat out bad behavior.

Here I don't necessarily mean pride in the sense alternative lifestylers intend, but I mean pride like everyone senses, like when someone gets arrogant, cops an attitude, or just has to be smug or freaking rude and something.

Between two people in love, I tend to think there's a sort of vulnerability that creates intimacy, which can be humble. That's a loving exchange, which seems even void of lust. That's kind of the type of relationship I think you might mean. It's not necessarily lusty or sexy, which would define the sub as a bit more, I dunno, a bit more of a sex slave of some sort. The humble and committed slave you describe seems to me more like a sort of D/s "love slave" relationship.

I dunno if any of this makes much sense, but a discernment seems clear enough.