Unsent Messages to Him/Her

[ethereal~minx]

I am naturally submissive to you, in every way. I will not maintain an ongoing "non-relationship" relationship with you where I naturally give my power to you with you believing I believe in your conscious, capable and benevolent dominance~~ because I do not.. I have not been given that choice, and I demand that. If you want me, if you want me as your submissive~ I want you as my Dom~ I want you to know the responsibility you are taking, and take it in conscious communication with me~ acknowledging my requests and needs as equal and honored as your own

 

[ethereal~minx]

yes, that is me!!! that picture I sent you from here... you said it was you. but then you said it wasn't. I don't know what to believe. it looks like you. I know you come here. I don't know if you've ever posted. I don't know the truth of what you tell me.



I realize since you told me "it's nature to me"
I believed you just knew what you were doing.. you knew all of this D/s stuff,
all of this that I read in books, online etc.. , all of it I believed you already knew
so every single step you took~!
every single move you made I truly believed
was calculated and timed..
I believed in my newly discovered, submissive heart that you KNEW what you were doing
that you knew why you were doing it
that it was without question
FOR MY GOOD
no matter how much pain
I went through
it was for my good
the same with my first Dom
GOD! read all about HIM : )
he was a God too
or should I say,
He was God *laughing*
boy, I put you two on the biggest pedestal ever
and what a tremendous burden--- ohhhh maaan, oohhhh that makes my heart feeeeel sooo much pain
I want to believe so desperately that these thoughts are terribly wrong but they're not~ I cannot go on believing that you two were truly acting for my good
Maybe the first but eh, mister MF~~~ you told me you weren't conscious of the "specifics' or whatever.. the protocol or the lifestyle... and I understand how the lack of communication and my belief, my assumption caused problems...
boy what a realization this is~ to know this after all this time that your knowledge of d/s was not equal to mine... I'm sorry to put that on you and I feel sooo embarrassed. And. Now that I'm here, I wonder if you want to know more or if you just want to continue in this lofty-to-me-sorta 'non-relationship' relationship space where it's okay as long as I keep my mouth shut place....
the more I think about it, the more I realize the vacuum I put myself into with you... the more I realize
I know I do not want to continue with you unless we MAKE IT REAL--- where we are both consciously aware of who and what and why and how & the power we both have... to balance eachother where we want ---


I know what I want. and so do you.

 

[ethereal~minx]

ethics responsibility impregnation
sounds all too familiar to me mf
like the words comin out of your mouth
and with no 'relationship' to be accountable to
but a submissive mind to manipulate
*nodding*
ahhhh the control you could have

did you really think I'd let you have me
as your slave
and my xxxxxxxx too
and *puke*
I mean, I KNOW you are SMARTER THAN THAT
that's why you're going crazy
that's why you're screaming into your phone
that's why you feel like you're losing your mind
because you KNOW what you're doing
YOU are consciously aware of this dynamic
and I am bringing it out into the open
vocalizing it, speaking it to your ears
you have to listen because I'm talking to you
and you don't want to hear it

ohhhh mf~~~ ohhhhh read read read
play your manipulative little mind game if you must
I'll never believe you are that evil being that you
are trying sooo hard to be
that you are trying so desperately to believe you are
you are not, you are lost
and you do need to find your way home
to your heart

 

[ethereal~minx]

I'm glad you're home.
what a terrible welcome though.

mindfuck is just that and I wish I could explain it to you.
he orchestrated the entire scene. from the day before!!!!

I'd like to see you. I need you to know me & not through him as it was on the phone. He leaves such a scum on everything. I hope you can see that too.

I missed you.

 

[ethereal~minx]

Marlin~

you are an entire world to me~~ a world I would have never known had I not looked into your eyes... I know more of me now because of you and I thank God for the journey we shared together.

~Dori

 

[ethereal~minx]

Never had a casual~ only experienced this with the two people that I believe are my most trusted and intimate ---let me re-phrase this.. with the two people that know my heart most intimately (I can't call them friends because friends are generally ...well, friendly & kind & nice & make you smile & not cry & blahblahblahblahblahblahblahlbah*wipinthetears*)

anyway *smiling*
it was good and the reason I say that is because it could have been better. we did not talk about what we were doing beforehand reeally. We knew *nodding* we were going to do it but we didn't really establish who was who... like who was alpha. feelings were hurt. actions were misunderstood because of the lack of communication. it was a painful learning experience that could have been a truly beautiful beginning *tears welling again*

but anyway again...
because of the communication issue, it was just good. I wouldn't do it again w/o everyone talking, as difficult as it is~ because it reeally does take strength to talk about no matter how close you are...

No casual encounters for me!!! and certainly not with ANYONE I can't call a friend no matter how intimately they know my heart!

 

[ethereal~minx]

I don't think you're crazy. I am flattered and smiling and happy. I fell in love with someone in sortof the same way though we did touch physically and the magic enchanted love was there between us, it was never a decision we consciously made together--- I believed we did but he didn't. It's been a long drawn out ending. my heart finally finally sees it's waaaay past time to let go & just let it be... I need no more pain, no more of this growth.. no more of ------I chose, he didn't.
The next time I am in 'relationship' we will chooose to be together, behold one another-- consciously know we are going to chooooose love, transformation, healing ---no more of this one-sided love~~~
I appreciate the journey, I love what it is~ it was truly enchanted at one point but the key is the choice ~ and it never was...

if you're crazy, then I'm crazy. and I know I'm not. What you felt with me~ it was enchanted, I believe it because I felt it-- it scared me ~~I knew I could fall inlove with you in a second and I could NOT do that to you when my head was so mixed up--- I had to clear it up. It's still difficult now & then to not believe but the truth is, he did not choose to love me~ he chose to use me, I just chose not to hear that because I felt with my heart--- I felt what was between us, our hearts magic... (and I've been denying it's absence for quite awhile)

Yes, you are not crazy--- it's enchantment and it's where we are supposed to live every moment of every day. NEVER buy into the lie that life is supposed to be any less. that night at Character's was the beginning of long painful ending and you were a breath of fresh air, you made me smile you were soooo bright~ like an Angel sent just for me to lift my spirits and I still believe that is who you are! I appreciate you. I thank you for coming into my life.

Though you are gone, you are not far away from my heart. You make my lips curve into a smile. Thank you for being such an intimate friend!

 

[ethereal~minx]

...and what I will do is cradle you in my arms, love you with divine nuturing feminine mothering love from above~ adoration & appreciation and approval for all the Man that you are and the Divine Man that comes forth ....

 

[ethereal~minx]

my face is sooo red~ I am *...I like the way you walk~~~I like the way you talk~~~I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk SuzieQ...* Sexual contact is exactly just that! it has nothing to do with the big picture. *stomach turning* Im really not responding to that because it really doesn't have anyyyyything to do with me~~ I just so love the way that woman thinks! but that's not why I came here...


I have much on my mind, obviously~ you and you *funny man* and then you over there---hiding yourself under lock and key! ..and of course my children and my most powerful moment I had yesterday that told me the direction of my life!!!!!! cool huh?
it's all in this song by Martina McBride *smiles*
I know well anyway--- one of you will be confused
one of you may feel betrayed by the other and the other's eyes are I think opening a little but let go and let God--whatever will be will be, it'll all be awesome~ know it's as it's meant
don't let the negative thoughts eat you up, question them and find out more about you and know each one of us is holding the other in our hearts no matter how questionable that may look~~~ it's the truth~~~ I know you and I will
::::::::::::::::;;zip gotta go

 

[ethereal~minx]

!!!for Humanity!!! this is the Answer!!!

In My Daughter's Eyes Lyrics

(James Slater)

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

 

[ethereal~minx]

the way to God/truth/love/acceptance of who you are is through transformation, healing and growth and when you're ready to push away or deny such a gift there should be a question in your mind about what you're doing--- there is a little person inside of you remembering all your pain and the only reeeal reason you're denying that gift is because you aren't ready to 'move through the fire' to the other side where greater self acceptance/transformation/healing is...


until you reveal all of yourself, you'll certainly keep your heart safe & secure in where it is but you won't know the greater love that is available to you, you won't ever have anything greater than you've had before~~~~ heck you may even stop all relationships because they all end the same : (
but in this lifetime here, every roadblock we come to~~~ be it personal relationships/work etc... we'll be faced with them no matter where we go, no matter what path we take until we choose to walk through the fire---

 

[ethereal~minx]

hung on the cross or burned at the stake~~~ it's the burden we all carry BUT it doesn't have to be that way
I've had to learn that we all get hung or burned in many experiences, that's how we grow--- it's how well you walk through the fire that matters
these people know me, hear me, understand what I say but when I push them they push back & then the nobility in the conviction is diminished and the fight is about behavior.. you know? if I could just believe they're doing what they can with the info I put forth, all the while believing (in my own heart) that they believe in what I say, then things miraculously change--- it's just that their way of dealing with the issues that I have trouble with ---I don't even recognize them dealing with them because it's not the way I would.. it doesn't mean they aren't, it just means I have to believe they are...

remember too--- nobody likes to be told they're wrong, (that's where behavior becomes the focus & the truth get's lost... because the other person is forced almost to fight
we're all trying in the way we know how--- not in someone else's way but our own way

I say all this as tears well in my eyes because I have just learned this through a brand new friendship--- it may not ring true to you but ... (what did this original email say... Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. ) because no matter what, until we learn how to get through each and every single problem life brings us, they'll keep coming back--- no matter where we go

 

[ethereal~minx]

you are thought of in nearly every moment *smiling* I'm wearing reminders of you : )
I feel your heart and accept it~ know that if you'd stop pushing, you'd feel mine too. I love who you are, you are my friend. I need you to understand what that means so I can love you more. You are my friend, I cherish you!

 

[ethereal~minx]

I want you to be my friend, I see you, I feel you, I care about you
certain words you chose trigger responses in me~~ I feel there is intent behind your words, motive---
You are my friend and I love that! I have already grown so much and I don't want it to end. I cherish you as I said. I love you and want you to feel that too. -- thank you for your love, without it the miracles wouldn't be happening---or they wouldn't be happening as fast
don't cling to me~~~ I will run away, I feel it when I read those words
I know it's just me getting my own attention, grow grow--- backbone, strength, you have it==use it.. and I'm trying but I'm afraid you'll feel I'm being callous & uncaring if I ask you to respect my boundaries...
a friend, no kissing ---no talking about kissing-- no no no to boyfriend/girlfriend stuff
I can feel expectations on me--- you need to grow too, maybe you're teaching me to know this about myself so that when I need to have this strength, I will... I'll believe it but
I think you're human, maybe you don't even realize your own behavior and I'm willing to show you your mirror~~~ through the same eyes you see me
I love you as a friend ---
it is taking great strength and it is not easy--- the words must be chosen sooo carefully because my intent must be clear. You are helping me and I am here to do the same for you.
don't tie us in a knot, we're not there. and if you try, I will keep this on the surface, for your own good. you'll be punished for asking for more, not by me~ by God----that is where your pain comes from, that heart pain
---- I'm taking every moment as it comes and not trying to make a certain outcome happen, please do the same and if I misunderstood you---- set me straight because I need to know, I need to understand---we need to have mutual understanding and it feels like it's not entirely there~~~
though I soo want to believe we are, You remind me of your humanness just as I do you~~~
You are in my thoughts, every moment you are there with your bright illuminous light, showing me who I am~~~ and I show you too, who youare===you are LOVE
..to be shared with sooo many, don't wrap yourself around me--- you will get lost, but know in all actions, in all my thoughts, your good is my good---I love you, feel it, accept it, know it--- let every moment come as it may & don't anticipate the outcome, it will happen the way it's supposed to, in every moment= life is unfolding before us whether we know it or not, we do not need to try to make anything happen---- our good comes every moment, don't allow duality in your mind--- KNOW now, stop your struggle
you are loved for who you are, you are AWESOME in every way---- feel good, my love will never end==all truth lives on and the truth is alive, in every second--- be the bouncer in your mind, let only LOVE live in your thoughts--- amazing unfolding will delight you---
in all it's beauty

know you are felt- thought of, known...I am your friend, and always will be--- we are together always, you are me and I am you--- be kind to yourself, you deserve it

these are my thoughts, know the truth
have a blessed weekend and we'll talk again when it's time *smiles*

 

[ethereal~minx]

I went through this experience without the benefit of knowing/being told of the other person's personal boundaries--- It was not a compassionate place to be, ever. Had I heard what I've told you, it would have saved me much struggle & heartache-
no less pain mindyou but when actions don't line up with words, there is confusion. I do not want to be misunderstood and I don't want to confuse you. I am your friend and that truth will remain whether you choose to see it as an ending or not.
~ your very presence has many unforseen blessings, not only for others but also for you.
I am your friend. Always.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I am accepting of where you are--- I am accepting of where I am.

When love comes, have backbone=== it's taken strength to submit to this and accept your gifts and it takes strength to maintain my integrity,

--- and anything given without it, is not really given. this is me, and you are you, and I do not take anything lightly--- superficial I may seem to you but that is your illusion.

You are my friend. always

 

[ethereal~minx]

what is keeping me from attaining my goals...?

Ideas, or a lack of them, block progress. Ideas without action are ineffective. Too few ideas or poor communication limits options and awareness. Expect surprises. Guard against scandal. A clever young person may be the problem.

The dark-eyed Princess of Swords lives in the realm of Air. She has emerged from her castle to receive a letter containing surprising news and some innovative ideas. There are no clouds to spoil the perfectly blue sky. Petals drift through the atmosphere and a white lace butterfly hovers like a messenger near the Princess. On her face is a pretty, child-like smile of interest. She is, to be sure, young and a bit naive. Sometimes she may say thoughtless and immature things, with a recklessness born from her infatuation with her own train of thought. But her mind is agile and alert. All cloudy thoughts are cut through with a child's directness, and she is quick to discern the truth. One cannot help but be enchanted with her clever and intelligent manner and her liberal ideas. Sometimes though, in her quickness, she may get ahead of herself in speech and consequently the information she imparts may be misleading. And, because of her youthful heedlessness, she may be a gossip.

Some interesting information will soon surprise you. You will be filled with innovative ideas, and will know how to apply your theories to your world. Your ability to think abstractly will enable you to see weak spots in planning. Your ability to cut through extraneous words in your communications will be of benefit to you. Be aware that the appearance of the Princess of Swords in a reading may mean that a person with her qualities will soon be appearing in your life.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I'm just super conscious of why I say no to things I'd like to do... fear is the only reason why I'm held back, ever
---I don't know so much with you,
I'm not saying I know everything but with you I feel like there is learning
you seem to validate or expand on my thoughts with ease---where others look at me funny or totally shut me out
it's just a little intimidating to realize what you think you know is not all there is... there's a vulnerability in it, and then maintaining my boundaries is another aspect
it's not easy growing up!!!



there's a reason we drew this experience to eachother *smiling*
it's keeping friendships reeal and right side up that's been challenging to me...

I'm realizing intimacy is life
and physical intimacy is a choice

 

[guy_fit_gta]

I've had to leave you again

I've had to leave you again, the time went by so fast, and I'm so angry I have to leave, why can't you come with me, why can't I stay here with you.

I try and choke back the tears so you won't see the pain I am in, I'm trying to be strong for you but I hate it. I want you to see me, upset, crying, tortured that I have to leave you. I want you to know that I'm not superhuman as I try and make you think.

I care so much, and as much as I am afraid to say the words, I love you so much.

I'm sorry I live so far, I'm sorry I'm not there for you everyday. I'm sorry we have to be like this.

I miss you my Queen, my lover, my heart.

I miss you so much.

 

[ethereal~minx]

do you ever wonder why you react the way you do?
could you ever believe you could be reacting differently to the situations that cause you pain?
could you ever let go of your expectations and let it 'be'
the truth once felt will set you free

my oh my the moments we shared
I couldn't believe you were actually there
w/o pretense and without guile
you were with me
all the while
though it was not even 60 mins
it felt like forever
at least two lifetimes
we shared together

this isn't about you
it's about me
letting go because I believe
all of my needs will be felt
will be known
in His arms I am held
every moment is alive
if I remember
I don't need to drive

I wonder if others allow life to be
feeling the gifts --releasing need
until you do you'll be held back
behind the defeating thought of lack

....(thinking much smiling too)

 

[ethereal~minx]

my friend my first my angel you are
you have held me in your arms
I've had a chance to heal the pain
I didn't even know I held to this day...

you are very gentle
and you calm my heart
it's as if you've given me a new start
to see my world through the 14yrold's eyes
and all I see is the beautiful blue skies--


the freedom I dream of
the passion I know
two spirits colliding
when? only God knows : )


every moment is perfect, and all things happen as they are meant---

I just thank you for sharing with me your beauty--- that is exactly what you are!!!!!
*beaming bright smile* you are wonderful and you are my friend!

 

[ethereal~minx]

I have fear of this experience
I have fear of this unknown
and no road that's traveled
must be alone
I'm not asking for you to join me
I just need to stop sometimes
and remember my strength
that I've grown in your eyes
You're one who's known me
in a seeming sea of those who don't
I know they someday will
at times it feels they won't
it's those times I reach for you
to hold me in your sight
giving me the strength to move
beyond this trying time
like 'footprints in the sand'
when Jesus walked with soul
you've carried me at times
it's my hand you usually hold

work here is challenging and it's wonderful at the same time... it's scary when it feels like your truth/knowledge is not heard or listened to or wanted... grace is what you have to have for it to happen and strength is what it takes to believe enough in yourself to put it out there

it's easy to reach for you when I'm dissatisfied with this work
and I'm making it better here, I know it's okay
I just want it to be better, more efficient, faster NOW
---everything it can be! and when I get in that mindset
impatient with it.. I need reminders of my strength, of my perseverence..
to continue on this path

 

[Ms_Lilith]

nevermind.

 

[ethereal~minx]

"it takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship, because it takes the strength to endure a kind of psychic surgery, an emotional and psychological and even spiritual initiation into the higher Self. Only then can we know an enchantment that lasts. "

 

[ethereal~minx]

2:22 pm
a person inflicts non-consensual pain/suffering/wounds only to the extent pain/suffering/wounds is known to him
"deceivious" behavior reveals wounds that need healed
deliberate deception/viciousness reveals the depth of this pain

there is no darkness, only pain

and only LOVE heals--
my love lives in your heart
my truth lives in your mind
I choose ALWAYS to LOVE

and I love you forever
...and ever, AMEN

through my eyes you see your Divine
the ALL that you are
you are not the wounds you inflict
or the wounds that you nurture
You are human, just as I
we are not perfect, we all need healed
that is why we have eachother---



my own Valmont? there is nothing gained hurting another--but really? can you really hurt another without their permission? I don't think so. I mean, it seems ----oh we're all responsible for our experiences--100% so I played my part. what I felt was deception which very well may have been was disgustingly painful but---- I'm stronger, and the only good that can come of such an experience is being able to understand/empathize with the depth of pain a human can live from --- I was taken to the lowest level of his humanity-- and I felt his wounds to the depth I was shown/taken to and it just reveals where the healing would start...
I'm stronger but I could have lost my mind---