the idea of a mood and/or the attempt to capture me

[pantyboidoe]

my favorite self portraits don't always state something explicitly. they're the expression of a moment or feeling or experience. they're like my writing but maybe more staged since it's so hard to capture something visually that i can just write onto a page in a couple of moments but i like to think that they speak beyond the photo or, well, maybe they speak to you. or maybe they don't and this is all masturbatory and vain but maybe this is all just one long stream of conscious run of bullshit that doesn't mean anything really

i will certainly try to share my favorite self portraits and will try to keep them tasteful and some may be explicit i guess it just depends on the mood that i find myself in and i hope that's okay; if not then it is what it is

but there has always been something that i enjoy about setting up a camera, standing in front of it and sharing with others

whether dressed or undressed and whether appreciated or not this has always been something for me

 

[talikat]

my favorite self portraits don't always state something explicitly. they're the expression of a moment or feeling or experience. they're like my writing but maybe more staged since it's so hard to capture something visually that i can just write onto a page in a couple of moments but i like to think that they speak beyond the photo or, well, maybe they speak to you. or maybe they don't and this is all masturbatory and vain but maybe this is all just one long stream of conscious run of bullshit that doesn't mean anything really

i will certainly try to share my favorite self portraits and will try to keep them tasteful and some may be explicit i guess it just depends on the mood that i find myself in and i hope that's okay; if not then it is what it is

but there has always been something that i enjoy about setting up a camera, standing in front of it and sharing with others

whether dressed or undressed and whether appreciated or not this has always been something for me

You take great pictures, PB and if you have fun doing it, then that's what matters in my opinion.
'
We certainly enjoy looking at you!!

 

[pantyboidoe]

You take great pictures, PB and if you have fun doing it, then that's what matters in my opinion.
'
We certainly enjoy looking at you!!

Ooh, Tali! i am always so happy when You comment! Thank You! And i am so thrilled to read that.

 

[pantyboidoe]

how do you experience sadness?

i don't like sharing sadness with others, i prefer to let it wash over me, to feel it deeply, to let it exist and consume, and to walk and be outside with it, and to write and think and move in it; then i like to sleep and wake up and let it go because it is what it is and i cannot change anything and i won't ever really remember anything about it, or at least the root cause

the sun peaked out for the first time and it's 2:00pm CST, and today i'm sad but living in it and growing and not letting it consume me any day but for today

 

[talikat]

how do you experience sadness?

i don't like sharing sadness with others, i prefer to let it wash over me, to feel it deeply, to let it exist and consume, and to walk and be outside with it, and to write and think and move in it; then i like to sleep and wake up and let it go because it is what it is and i cannot change anything and i won't ever really remember anything about it, or at least the root cause

the sun peaked out for the first time and it's 2:00pm CST, and today i'm sad but living in it and growing and not letting it consume me any day but for today

Great back lit picture! I'm the same way in that I prefer to be by myself when I'm sad and just figure it out on my own.

Or I just watch some Looney Tunes and laugh it off! Most of the time it's my own head that messes me up, not anything seriously wrong, so I just move on.

 

[pantyboidoe]

Great back lit picture! I'm the same way in that I prefer to be by myself when I'm sad and just figure it out on my own.

Or I just watch some Looney Tunes and laugh it off! Most of the time it's my own head that messes me up, not anything seriously wrong, so I just move on.

Thank you, Tali! Looney Tunes is a wonderful idea!

I don't often get sad but there are associated reasons for the sadness today and lots of different triggers that happen throughout the year. It's been a good 14 years at this point so it's definitely been a process! But most stress i personally experience is self-induced that i can breathe my way through when i need to find a way to turn it off.

 

[pantyboidoe]

i used to imagine what it would be like to die in a car crash, you know sudden impact and instant death everything goes black and there was something peaceful about that, i think, but it wasn't that i particularly like automobiles or that i want to die in an automobile - i actually have a strong dislike for automobiles and ride public transit/walk/bicycle everywhere i need to go for the most part but the idea of how easy a car crash sounds was soothing or just as an option or something i guess, not that i was ever particularly suicidal or anything but then one day i woke up from three weeks in a coma and went through a year + of occupational/physical therapy and have dealt with a tbi for the past fourteen years of my life and i cannot do a lot of things that i used to be able to do but i've found ways to relieve stress that are good for me and good for my mind and fuck i love after a good workout how the sweat glistens and drips from my body and how i can't catch my breath and how it feels like i am losing control all over again and i may never be the person that i was supposed to be fourteen years ago but i am who i am now and that's something so this is just a post to acknowledge that i am grateful to be here and to have this life and fuck whatever i cannot wrap my head around and is out of my control because whatever it is, it is and while i wish i could remember what happened i cannot but that's why there are newspaper articles, and medical reports and police reports

 

[talikat]

i used to imagine what it would be like to die in a car crash, you know sudden impact and instant death everything goes black and there was something peaceful about that, i think, but it wasn't that i particularly like automobiles or that i want to die in an automobile - i actually have a strong dislike for automobiles and ride public transit/walk/bicycle everywhere i need to go for the most part but the idea of how easy a car crash sounds was soothing or just as an option or something i guess, not that i was ever particularly suicidal or anything but then one day i woke up from three weeks in a coma and went through a year + of occupational/physical therapy and have dealt with a tbi for the past fourteen years of my life and i cannot do a lot of things that i used to be able to do but i've found ways to relieve stress that are good for me and good for my mind and fuck i love after a good workout how the sweat glistens and drips from my body and how i can't catch my breath and how it feels like i am losing control all over again and i may never be the person that i was supposed to be fourteen years ago but i am who i am now and that's something so this is just a post to acknowledge that i am grateful to be here and to have this life and fuck whatever i cannot wrap my head around and is out of my control because whatever it is, it is and while i wish i could remember what happened i cannot but that's why there are newspaper articles, and medical reports and police reports

I agree that working out has great therapeutic benefits for the soul. I've used it for that many, many times.
Sorry to hear about your TBI, but so glad you're still here! Stunning picture, PB, love it!!

 

[pantyboidoe]

I agree that working out has great therapeutic benefits for the soul. I've used it for that many, many times.
Sorry to hear about your TBI, but so glad you're still here! Stunning picture, PB, love it!!

Thank you, Tali! I never know what is too much to share? I mean it doesn't impact others but has played such a big part of my life just due to the associated challenges and so i've always battled with whether or not it's something that i should be sharing.

But sweating with you would be a dream! Hope you're having a good Thursday.

 

[pantyboidoe]

it's getting cold here again and i am excited and the cat (i guess, technically she is still a kitten) is zonked out on the pillow next to me and the other cat is in the living room hanging out of his bed and looking super comfy and i wish i could reach those levels of bliss so quickly and it's almost that time of year when people want to know what you want and i don't ever really want anything so that's always kind of weird for me but i do like having my butt pinched so come on over

 

[talikat]

it's getting cold here again and i am excited and the cat (i guess, technically she is still a kitten) is zonked out on the pillow next to me and the other cat is in the living room hanging out of his bed and looking super comfy and i wish i could reach those levels of bliss so quickly and it's almost that time of year when people want to know what you want and i don't ever really want anything so that's always kind of weird for me but i do like having my butt pinched so come on over

*pinch* Same with me, I never really need or want anything, but to have the people I love around me for the holidays. Give me some cookies and hot chocolate, then I'm good!!

A cat man, huh? I love cats and they do make a home!!

 

[pantyboidoe]

*pinch* Same with me, I never really need or want anything, but to have the people I love around me for the holidays. Give me some cookies and hot chocolate, then I'm good!!

A cat man, huh? I love cats and they do make a home!!

oooh, hot chocolate sounds really good right now!

I love cats! Always have preferred dogs but since I've had four of my own over the past 10 years I guess I have become a cat person?

 

[SassySheDevil]

i used to imagine what it would be like to die in a car crash, you know sudden impact and instant death everything goes black and there was something peaceful about that, i think, but it wasn't that i particularly like automobiles or that i want to die in an automobile - i actually have a strong dislike for automobiles and ride public transit/walk/bicycle everywhere i need to go for the most part but the idea of how easy a car crash sounds was soothing or just as an option or something i guess, not that i was ever particularly suicidal or anything but then one day i woke up from three weeks in a coma and went through a year + of occupational/physical therapy and have dealt with a tbi for the past fourteen years of my life and i cannot do a lot of things that i used to be able to do but i've found ways to relieve stress that are good for me and good for my mind and fuck i love after a good workout how the sweat glistens and drips from my body and how i can't catch my breath and how it feels like i am losing control all over again and i may never be the person that i was supposed to be fourteen years ago but i am who i am now and that's something so this is just a post to acknowledge that i am grateful to be here and to have this life and fuck whatever i cannot wrap my head around and is out of my control because whatever it is, it is and while i wish i could remember what happened i cannot but that's why there are newspaper articles, and medical reports and police reports

I'm with Tali. So glad you are here.

Sharing is hard. Sometimes letting people in, is scary. But thank you for sharing this.

 

[pantyboidoe]

I'm with Tali. So glad you are here.

Sharing is hard. Sometimes letting people in, is scary. But thank you for sharing this.

Thank you, Sassy! Sharing is such a weird thing and, as an introvert, I've never been great about it but it's always been something that has really shaped my life so much and it'll be a piece of me forever

 

[SassySheDevil]

Thank you, Sassy! Sharing is such a weird thing and, as an introvert, I've never been great about it but it's always been something that has really shaped my life so much and it'll be a piece of me forever

Well, I promise. It is nice to know more about you.

 

[pantyboidoe]

we've been too busy to grocery shop these past couple of weekends and the weeks have just been too exhausting to even be bothered so we've been going without coffee the past two days and i cannot say that i particularly miss it but i like the routine of putting the kettle on the stove and grinding the beans and smelling the coffee as it brews and i like to collect the mugs of places that i've been and picking out a mug based on my mood each morning because the mugs take me back to memories with others that sometimes make the day a better thing. i've also chosen to go dry this month, or at least i'm two weeks into being dry and it's nice to have that control over my desires even though i never consume in abundance. sooo here's an capture of how i like to start my mornings and as i sip my tea this morning with the cat on my lap she swats at the tea bag string and looks around curiously and this is a good way to start a saturday

 

[talikat]

we've been too busy to grocery shop these past couple of weekends and the weeks have just been too exhausting to even be bothered so we've been going without coffee the past two days and i cannot say that i particularly miss it but i like the routine of putting the kettle on the stove and grinding the beans and smelling the coffee as it brews and i like to collect the mugs of places that i've been and picking out a mug based on my mood each morning because the mugs take me back to memories with others that sometimes make the day a better thing. i've also chosen to go dry this month, or at least i'm two weeks into being dry and it's nice to have that control over my desires even though i never consume in abundance. sooo here's an capture of how i like to start my mornings and as i sip my tea this morning with the cat on my lap she swats at the tea bag string and looks around curiously and this is a good way to start a saturday

I love that mug and those legs as you know, PB! Enjoy your day and your kitties!!

 

[pantyboidoe]

I love that mug and those legs as you know, PB! Enjoy your day and your kitties!!

Oh, Tali!

 

[pantyboidoe]

i enjoy my job but there's something to be said for feeling like i can take a day off and not having to check my email or respond to clients that would be really nice. unfortunately, i don't feel like i can afford to do that when i am having to manage and meet clients expectations on their build schedules and it sort of really sucks and i think i might job hunting again and that kinda sucks in itself. but i did get to sweat a lot today and then i took a bath and i took some photos that, well, are quite explicit and i don't know whether to share them or not but it was nice to play for the camera again and now i am turning off my work email and going to take some time for myself, hehe.

i've always been one to sweat a lot and so here's more proof of that.

 

[talikat]

i enjoy my job but there's something to be said for feeling like i can take a day off and not having to check my email or respond to clients that would be really nice. unfortunately, i don't feel like i can afford to do that when i am having to manage and meet clients expectations on their build schedules and it sort of really sucks and i think i might job hunting again and that kinda sucks in itself. but i did get to sweat a lot today and then i took a bath and i took some photos that, well, are quite explicit and i don't know whether to share them or not but it was nice to play for the camera again and now i am turning off my work email and going to take some time for myself, hehe.

i've always been one to sweat a lot and so here's more proof of that.

Working up a sweat is cleansing for me and looks fabulous on YOU!!

 

[pantyboidoe]

Working up a sweat is cleansing for me and looks fabulous on YOU!!

mm, i bet it looks great on You too!!

 

[pantyboidoe]

the work hasn't been slowing down over the past year and i'm used to getting out for multiple walks a day just to clear my head and escape the computer but i haven't felt like i've had the time to do this partially because i've been sleeping in (6:30am is late!) and partially because i've been pretty conscious of doing everything that i can to stay healthy (not having a cold) is this crazy world. the weather hasn't exactly cooperated and well time changes are a joke but it is what it is but i got an hour of sweat in tonight and i may not be at the peak of my fitness but it still feels really good to be gasping for oxygen and a sticky, sweaty, mess

 

[talikat]

the work hasn't been slowing down over the past year and i'm used to getting out for multiple walks a day just to clear my head and escape the computer but i haven't felt like i've had the time to do this partially because i've been sleeping in (6:30am is late!) and partially because i've been pretty conscious of doing everything that i can to stay healthy (not having a cold) is this crazy world. the weather hasn't exactly cooperated and well time changes are a joke but it is what it is but i got an hour of sweat in tonight and i may not be at the peak of my fitness but it still feels really good to be gasping for oxygen and a sticky, sweaty, mess

You look pretty fit to me, PB!!

 

[pantyboidoe]

You look pretty fit to me, PB!!

Thanks Tali!! i try my best! But i know that i've been in better shape but that's probably just because i was younger!

 

[Moochienanu]

my favorite self portraits don't always state something explicitly. they're the expression of a moment or feeling or experience. they're like my writing but maybe more staged since it's so hard to capture something visually that i can just write onto a page in a couple of moments but i like to think that they speak beyond the photo or, well, maybe they speak to you. or maybe they don't and this is all masturbatory and vain but maybe this is all just one long stream of conscious run of bullshit that doesn't mean anything really

i will certainly try to share my favorite self portraits and will try to keep them tasteful and some may be explicit i guess it just depends on the mood that i find myself in and i hope that's okay; if not then it is what it is

but there has always been something that i enjoy about setting up a camera, standing in front of it and sharing with others

whether dressed or undressed and whether appreciated or not this has always been something for me

There is something about this first picture I really enjoy. And the concept for this thread is one that resonates.

Thank you for sharing.