The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

And you get a Ry Cooder CD.

I put in a .76 mm guitar pick.

and you get a '762' bullet


I put in a Browning .5

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

and you get a '762' bullet


I put in a Browning .5

and you get a glock .40

I put in a Ruger M70 .243

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a glock .40

I put in a Ruger M70 .243

and you get an 1858 Remington .44.

I put in an unfriendly bull bison...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get an 1858 Remington .44.

I put in an unfriendly bull bison...

and you get a sort of soft 'pop' from the barrel.



I put in a pair of running shoes.

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

and you get a sort of soft 'pop' from the barrel.

I put in a pair of running shoes.

and you have the desire to eat an ice cream sandwich.

I put in a worn out chainsaw file...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you have the desire to eat an ice cream sandwich.

I put in a worn out chainsaw file...

which completely ruins the disk



I put in a new half-round medium (second cut) hand file.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which completely ruins the disk



I put in a new half-round medium (second cut) hand file.

and you get a half-saved media file.

I put in a steaming streaming video...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a half-saved media file.

I put in a steaming streaming video...

but it's on the subject of transformation mapping coordinates.


I put in a porn advert

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it's on the subject of transformation mapping coordinates.


I put in a porn advert

but the compositor typos it into 'porn alert,' and everyone avoids it.

I put a Trojan Horse in an online condom advert...

 

[Handley_Page]

but the compositor typos it into 'porn alert,' and everyone avoids it.

I put a Trojan Horse in an online condom advert...

it launches a new porn channel; in Swahili



I put in a new clean record.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

it launches a new porn channel; in Swahili



I put in a new clean record.

but the opposition thinks your pardon is part of a wider government cover-up.

I put in a page one scandal with a page three girl...

 

[Handley_Page]

but the opposition thinks your pardon is part of a wider government cover-up.

I put in a page one scandal with a page three girl...

And the broadsheets stay strangely quiet



I put in a Government Review.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And the broadsheets stay strangely quiet



I put in a Government Review.

and the Cabinet opens the show with a Can-Can.

I put in a PM singing "Falling in Love Again" from "The Blue Angel"...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the Cabinet opens the show with a Can-Can.

I put in a PM singing "Falling in Love Again" from "The Blue Angel"...

It sound somewhat different, though : LINK


I put in a old dragon of a Governess.

 

[Noor]

It sound somewhat different, though : LINK


I put in a old dragon of a Governess.

and you get a school girl in a black watch plain kilted skirt.

I put in a computer that goes into energy mode exactly at the wrong time.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a school girl in a black watch plain kilted skirt.

I put in a computer that goes into energy mode exactly at the wrong time.

and you find you're running a pre-Y2K version of Windows.

I put in the latest Microsoft patch...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you find you're running a pre-Y2K version of Windows.

I put in the latest Microsoft patch...

but it fails to cover the gaping hole . . .


I put in a BandAid

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it fails to cover the gaping hole . . .


I put in a BandAid

and you get a Paul McCartney concert.

I put in a first aid manual...

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

and you get a Paul McCartney concert.

I put in a first aid manual...

and you get a paper cut.

I put in a copy or Word 2010 (because I wish I'd never 'upgraded').

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a paper cut.

I put in a copy or Word 2010 (because I wish I'd never 'upgraded').

and what you see is what you get, but not what you wanted.

I put in a manual typewriter...

 

[Handley_Page]

and what you see is what you get, but not what you wanted.

I put in a manual typewriter...

with no ribbon



I put in a glass of something good

 

[Tio_Narratore]

with no ribbon



I put in a glass of something good

and a dozen old friends gather around.

I put in a toast to the host...

 

[mikoli5763]

Host

and head for the coast.

I put in a key to an ocean front condo.

 

[Handley_Page]

and head for the coast.

I put in a key to an ocean front condo.

Oh. Who's inside the door then?


I put in a cottage in the country.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Oh. Who's inside the door then?


I put in a cottage in the country.

and the country is Baluchistan.

I put in a cabin on Lake Mephremagog...