The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

but it's wet.



I put in a search radar

and it finds absolutely nothing.

I put in a good pair of eyes...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it finds absolutely nothing.

I put in a good pair of eyes...

Kept in the 'fridge.


I put in a spare heart.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Kept in the 'fridge.


I put in a spare heart.

and you get mistaken for the Doctor.

I put in an alarm clock for the 'tardies'...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get mistaken for the Doctor.

I put in an alarm clock for the 'tardies'...

But you are attacked by the cybermen for cruelty

I put in a broken teapot

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But you are attacked by the cybermen for cruelty

I put in a broken teapot

and a dormouse escapes.

I put in a beaver...

(Hello Jane!

 

[Handley_Page]

and a dormouse escapes.

I put in a beaver...

And the damn breaks


I put in a concrete block

 

[Noor]

And the damn breaks


I put in a concrete block

and you get a pair of shoes

I put in a composer

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a pair of shoes

I put in a composer

and you loose your composure.

I put in a compositor...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you loose your composure.

I put in a compositor...

and you get lost in type


I put in some pink ink

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get lost in type


I put in some pink ink

and you get a hand-drawn anatomical illustration of some interesting inner folds.

I put in a pair of active Skene's and Bartholin's glands...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a hand-drawn anatomical illustration of some interesting inner folds.

I put in a pair of active Skene's and Bartholin's glands...

but they dry up, waiting. . .



I put in a new 12v Power Supply.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but they dry up, waiting. . .



I put in a new 12v Power Supply.

and you get 8 AA batteries.

I put in an energized plot bunny...

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

and you get 8 AA batteries.

I put in an energized plot bunny...

You get back a lifetime subscription to Writer's Digest.

I put in a portable GPS

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You get back a lifetime subscription to Writer's Digest.

I put in a portable GPS

and it always says "you are here."

I put in a potable M&C...

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

and it always says "you are here."

I put in a potable M&C...

You get a 12 gauge shotgun shell.

I put in a Pepperoni Pizza. Double cheese.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You get a 12 gauge shotgun shell.

I put in a Pepperoni Pizza. Double cheese.

and you get a full stomach.

I put in a Margharita in a little cafe beneath the tower in Pisa...

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

and you get a full stomach.

I put in a Margharita in a little cafe beneath the tower in Pisa...

And you get a Spaniard talking pigeon English to you.

I put in one Golden Retriever. (She's gassy right now.)

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get a Spaniard talking pigeon English to you.

I put in one Golden Retriever. (She's gassy right now.)

and a typo leads her to bring back a jar of Gulden's.

I put in a keilbassa and sauerkraut...

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

and a typo leads her to bring back a jar of Gulden's.

I put in a keilbassa and sauerkraut...

And you get satisfaction.

I put in a 120v space heater.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get satisfaction.

I put in a 120v space heater.

but entropy still drives the temperature of the interstellar ether down.

I put in a 16,000,000 Scoville unit spice hot sauce...

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

but entropy still drives the temperature of the interstellar ether down.

I put in a 16,000,000 Scoville unit spice hot sauce...

and you get an ulcer.

I put in an unfinished manuscript.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get an ulcer.

I put in an unfinished manuscript.

and a bunch of elves finish it while you sleep, but in an indecipherable elven script.

I put in a Rosetta Stone from Middle Earth...

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

and a bunch of elves finish it while you sleep, but in an indecipherable elven script.

I put in a Rosetta Stone from Middle Earth...

and you get a hobbit singing "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins - by Leonard Nimoy" (Serious. Don't look it up if you like him.

I put in a cabbage patch kid.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a hobbit singing "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins - by Leonard Nimoy" (Serious. Don't look it up if you like him.

I put in a cabbage patch kid.

And you get Leadbelly singing a cannibalistic version of "Boil 'Em Cabbage Down."

I put in a 78rpm vinyl of "Kisses Sweeter than Wine" with Leadbelly on the 12-string...

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

And you get Leadbelly singing a cannibalistic version of "Boil 'Em Cabbage Down."

I put in a 78rpm vinyl of "Kisses Sweeter than Wine" with Leadbelly on the 12-string...

And you get a Ry Cooder CD.

I put in a .76 mm guitar pick.