HELP!! BDSM Etiquette

[Cumslut1980]

Hello, I am completely new to the world of BDSM. However, I do understand that there is a Dom and a sub. And that the Dom controls the sub

I’ve been speaking to a person who is very much into BDSM, and we’ve exchanged some Correspondence. I understand we each have a life, responsibilities and things come up outside of BDSM that would prevent us from communicating.

2 questions:

1. in a BDSM relationship, even if it is only in writing, is the DOM, and their sub always in character, even if they’re not actually having any sexual relations.

2. in the world of BDSM with a Dom and their sub, I know the whole thing is about being controlled, but does part of that control include leaving your sub left wondering when or if the Dom will communicate with you?

I’d appreciate any insight on the overall concept thx u

 

[seela]

Hello, I am completely new to the world of BDSM. However, I do understand that there is a Dom and a sub. And that the Dom controls the sub

I’ve been speaking to a person who is very much into BDSM, and we’ve exchanged some Correspondence. I understand we each have a life, responsibilities and things come up outside of BDSM that would prevent us from communicating.

2 questions:

1. in a BDSM relationship, even if it is only in writing, is the DOM, and their sub always in character, even if they’re not actually having any sexual relations.

There are no hard set rules on what a D/s relationship should look like, other than it has to be consensual.

You can relate to one another in a D/s way outside sex, sure. But you don’t have to if it’s not your thing. Talk about this with your D and see what they think. You can mold the relationship into what suits both of yours needs.

2. in the world of BDSM with a Dom and their sub, I know the whole thing is about being controlled, but does part of that control include leaving your sub left wondering when or if the Dom will communicate with you?

It can include that, but it doesn’t have to include that. If you need more info about when you’ll be able to talk or if you need to talk more often than the D initiates, tell it to the D. Talk about it. Find something that works for you both. Your D can only control you within the parameters you two agree upon.

All in all, D/s is not one size fits all. You can and you should find something that works for you both. You may be the sub in the relationship, but you’re entitled to your needs and limits.

Talk with the D about your needs and limits. Figure out how both of yours needs and limits can be acknowledged within the relationship.

 

[Cumslut1980]

Thank you.

 

[slavemelanie]

To echo what seela so aptly stated...try not to put your D/s relationship into a "box". It will evolve and grow from the parameters set at the start. Communicate..communicate...communicate....i can't suggest that enough. No good dominant would ever be upset with questions or concerns. Both partners in a D/s should be getting with they need from the relationship.

best of luck!

 

[hopeful_wife]

There are no hard set rules on what a D/s relationship should look like, other than it has to be consensual.

You can relate to one another in a D/s way outside sex, sure. But you don’t have to if it’s not your thing. Talk about this with your D and see what they think. You can mold the relationship into what suits both of yours needs.

It can include that, but it doesn’t have to include that. If you need more info about when you’ll be able to talk or if you need to talk more often than the D initiates, tell it to the D. Talk about it. Find something that works for you both. Your D can only control you within the parameters you two agree upon.

All in all, D/s is not one size fits all. You can and you should find something that works for you both. You may be the sub in the relationship, but you’re entitled to your needs and limits.

Talk with the D about your needs and limits. Figure out how both of yours needs and limits can be acknowledged within the relationship.

Thank you for explaining that all so well! I've read a lot about this world and ache to be a part of it, but didn't feel I had the experience/ expertise to help when I saw this question last night. I'm glad to see your response!

 

[Cumslut1980]

Thank you! I just might

 

[Soaul]

Read my Intro to BDSM here... https://literotica.com/s/a-introduction-to-bdsm

 

[Cumslut1980]

Thx you

 

[Tallcajun]

Read my Intro to BDSM here... https://literotica.com/s/a-introduction-to-bdsm

Nice article, without being too wordy.

 

[Cumslut1980]

I did thank you it was very helpful

 

[lisaharlot]

Hello, I am completely new to the world of BDSM. However, I do understand that there is a Dom and a sub. And that the Dom controls the sub

I’ve been speaking to a person who is very much into BDSM, and we’ve exchanged some Correspondence. I understand we each have a life, responsibilities and things come up outside of BDSM that would prevent us from communicating.

2 questions:

1. in a BDSM relationship, even if it is only in writing, is the DOM, and their sub always in character, even if they’re not actually having any sexual relations.

2. in the world of BDSM with a Dom and their sub, I know the whole thing is about being controlled, but does part of that control include leaving your sub left wondering when or if the Dom will communicate with you?

I’d appreciate any insight on the overall concept thx u

Okay, even if you’re the sub in a 24/7 relationship, this is still YOUR relationship. If this is an online thing then there may be legit reasons for the top not being in communication. But this needs to be healthy and ignoring someone outside of a play setting is really not cool.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Read my Intro to BDSM here... https://literotica.com/s/a-introduction-to-bdsm

I did thank you it was very helpful

While there is a lot of useful information, please keep in mind that a lot of this will depend on who you are, what age, where in the world you are and a lot of it is a matter of personal opinion and perspective.
This goes for this link and all the other opinions out there.
Please, read a lot, try to get different perspectives, consider the sources and try to forge your own opinion and experience.

 

[Soaul]

Lots of Books on Amazon on all sorts of BDSM..just search BDSM