Dom/Sub Contract Processing Cost

[a93dipqx]

I just had a wonderful interaction with a professional Dom that was considering accepting me as a Sub. However, the contract processing cost was $785.00 Does this sound reasonable and appropriate? Obviously, I have no experience in this area which is why I'm asking here.

 

[LustyScribe]

I don't have experience in this, but I would be very, very, VERY wary of this. Without a doubt, get someone with not only BDSM experience but also someone with legal experience to review this contract. Do you only know this person online?

 

[a93dipqx]

Yes, I do. Moreover, the organization the Domme listed, BDSM Network Bureau does not come up as an internet search.

 

[drusus]

I just had a wonderful interaction with a professional Dom that was considering accepting me as a Sub. However, the contract processing cost was $785.00 Does this sound reasonable and appropriate? Obviously, I have no experience in this area which is why I'm asking here.

What does it say on your copy of the contract?

 

[RandallOldman]

I suspect this is a scam.

What payment method is the other party willing to accept? Safest would be a credit card - if it is fraud, you can dispute it, get a new card # etc.

I'd be cautious, though. I have a strong bad feeling about this.

 

[LustyScribe]

Many alarm bells ringing...

 

[a93dipqx]

What does it say on your copy of the contract?

She had not sent me one yet.

 

[drusus]

She had not sent me one yet.

So you're being asked to pay $785 to process a contract you haven't seen from a company that doesn't seem to exist. And then they would have your card details.

It isn't reasonable or appropriate. You're being scammed.

 

[BiBunny]

I know findom is a thing but I don’t think that’s the thing you’re after.

Agreed. Findom, at least in theory, is supposed to be consensual.

 

[Wonderer67]

Something tells me you won’t get your moneys worth ….

Be careful and good luck.

 

[siobhancan99]

I can't imagine that any sort of BDSM contract is enforceable in your state. Also there's no "processing" of a contract. A contract is just an agreement between two people. It doesn't even have to be written. You're getting fucked and not in the way you want.

Don't do this.

 

[lanceGibs]

I just had a wonderful interaction with a professional Dom that was considering accepting me as a Sub. However, the contract processing cost was $785.00 Does this sound reasonable and appropriate? Obviously, I have no experience in this area which is why I'm asking here.

This is extortion
A D/S dynamic is based on trust,intimacy and chemistry.
When one or any of these is missing there is no relationship.
In my view none of these are goods and services that can be acquired by money .
On the lighter side ,Is there a tax component in the fees?

 

[AnnieLit]

Can you at least decide if that's a man or a woman? You first used Dom, then the person became a Domme.

But either way, if that's a professional that you are hiring, it means that yes, there will be fees. That's what professionals do - charge for their services. Will it be worth it? Maybe. Maybe not. Nobody but you can know what your expectations of this online service are and what exactly was promised. Is there a risk that you'll pay and never hear from this person again? Yes. Is it worth $785 to find that out? You are the only one who can answer this question.

How about that: you already had a "wonderful conversation", right? I am assuming it was free. If you were to be asked to pay for it, would you have paid $785 for the time the person spent talking to you? Quality sex work is expensive and intelligent sex work is even more so. You enjoyed that conversation, for the other side it was work. Usually people don't work for free.

 

[AnnieLit]

And that "BDSM Network Bureau" - it doesn't need to exist. You want the Dom(me) to build a fantasy world for you, but you expect that world to magically become real too? Wake up, they don't have those powers! You want to play with words - then play with words, as a company name BDSM Network Bureau is no better or worse that any other. You want a real life experience - hire a local Dom(me) and pay cash on arrival. You don't want to pay for play? Then build a real relationship and stop wasting everybody's time.

Is this harsh? Yes. But this is the reality. I happen to be one of those professionals that guys like you try to exploit for free. No, I am not a pro Domme, but in a way pretty close to that.

 

[AnnieLit]

This is extortion
A D/S dynamic is based on trust,intimacy and chemistry.
When one or any of these is missing there is no relationship.
In my view none of these are goods and services that can be acquired by money .
On the lighter side ,Is there a tax component in the fees?

This would have been an extortion if the OP was led to believe he was building a personal relationship. But he knew that the person he was talking to is a professional Dom(me). Strange as it might sound, professionals provide services for fees, they don't work for free. They named the price, it happened to be too high for the OP's wallet. It happens, not a big deal. But not a reason to bash all the pros either.

 

[AnnieLit]

It’s possible that it’s part of the OP’s kink—blackmail is a kink a number of people have. Fear and desire are often much like one another depending on the person, even the childhood. But I don’t get the sense he’s experienced enough to know any of that.

There’s a big different between “please fleece me” and “oh shit am I being fleeced?!”

Where do you see anything in the post about blackmail?

 

[AnnieLit]

OPs post history suggest he’s been scammed before

Found his "Emma" story. He wasn't scammed - he was bored and took scammers for a ride. Big difference.

 

[a93dipqx]

And that "BDSM Network Bureau" - it doesn't need to exist. You want the Dom(me) to build a fantasy world for you, but you expect that world to magically become real too? Wake up, they don't have those powers! You want to play with words - then play with words, as a company name BDSM Network Bureau is no better or worse that any other. You want a real life experience - hire a local Dom(me) and pay cash on arrival. You don't want to pay for play? Then build a real relationship and stop wasting everybody's time.

Is this harsh? Yes. But this is the reality. I happen to be one of those professionals that guys like you try to exploit for free. No, I am not a pro Domme, but in a way pretty close to that.

Thank for your perspective. Because I am utterly new to this world, hearing from someone with experience in this area is very valuable to me.

Because of my newness, I am still working through the terminology and did not use the right phrase. I should have said Mistress/Domme at the outset to make it clear. I apologize for my ignorance here.

I am also sorry to read that you were jerked around by those who wanted your services without being willing to pay for those. That is unfair. I did not think scammers and low-lifes operated on both sides of this equation, but as you pointed out, they obviously do.

Thank you again!

 

[a93dipqx]

Found his "Emma" story. He wasn't scammed - he was bored and took scammers for a ride. Big difference.

That is accurate. They thought I was a "mark" they could convince to send them money. They were wrong.

 

[AnnieLit]

Thank for your perspective. Because I am utterly new to this world, hearing from someone with experience in this area is very valuable to me.

Because of my newness, I am still working through the terminology and did not use the right phrase. I should have said Mistress/Domme at the outset to make it clear. I apologize for my ignorance here.

I am also sorry to read that you were jerked around by those who wanted your services without being willing to pay for those. That is unfair. I did not think scammers and low-lifes operated on both sides of this equation, but as you pointed out, they obviously do.

Thank you again!

I am photographer, for the most part I work with women but every now and then I am contacted by men too. About nude shoots, or kink, or whatever. I would say 99% of them are NOT looking for a shoot - all they want is to talk about it. What they would want to happen, what is allowed, what is not, can they do this, or that, is it ok to touch himself, what if he can't get hard. If they want to play out submission, will I tie them up? Will I put handcuffs on them? (The answer to the last two is no, but I can hire somebody for the shoot that will do that.)

Took me a bit to figure it out, but now the process with men is FIRST retainer is paid, THEN we can talk details, not the other way around. Is there a chance that after we actually talk we are not going to be a good match? Yes, of course. And I will gladly refund the retainer even though technically it is non-refundable. But feeding somebody's fantasies and planning with them a shoot that will never happen is not my job.

 

[submissa]

So then it's reasonable to charge a consultation fee separately from the fee for an actual shoot. I don't see the parallel with this situation, apart from the fact that one party is being asked to shoulder all the risk.

$785 is a whole lot to "process" a contract, whatever that means. That's more than I would expect to be charged by an attorney for a real, legally-binding contract, nevermind for some stranger online to "process" an unenforceable BDSM agreement.

 

[AnnieLit]

So then it's reasonable to charge a consultation fee separately from the fee for an actual shoot. I don't see the parallel with this situation, apart from the fact that one party is being asked to shoulder all the risk.

$785 is a whole lot to "process" a contract, whatever that means. That's more than I would expect to be charged by an attorney for a real, legally-binding contract, nevermind for some stranger online to "process" an unenforceable BDSM agreement.

Consultation is part of what covered by the retainer. It is contra productive to have a separate (lower) consult fee because I have no interest in doing ONLY it for those that either can't afford or don't want an actual shoot.

As for the $785 being too high of a starter fee... There is no such thing. Either the client wants (and can) pay it, or they don't. For any given amount there will be those that can't afford it, there will be those that can, but don't want to pay that much, and there will be those that will pay. How many of each category this particular business attracts I have no idea, but it could very well be that the price is set high exactly for the purpose of weeding off those that don't value this service.

My session fee that doesn't include any images at all about twice what many others in my city charge for a shoot with the full digital gallery included in price. That's ok, I can live with that

 

[LustyScribe]

Consultation is part of what covered by the retainer. It is contra productive to have a separate (lower) consult fee because I have no interest in doing ONLY it for those that either can't afford or don't want an actual shoot.

As for the $785 being too high of a starter fee... There is no such thing. Either the client wants (and can) pay it, or they don't. For any given amount there will be those that can't afford it, there will be those that can, but don't want to pay that much, and there will be those that will pay. How many of each category this particular business attracts I have no idea, but it could very well be that the price is set high exactly for the purpose of weeding off those that don't value this service.

My session fee that doesn't include any images at all about twice what many others in my city charge for a shoot with the full digital gallery included in price. That's ok, I can live with that

AnnieLit, you've definitely got an interesting perspective, and the OP is fortunate to have a community of voices like yours. I think what I would like to ask is whether your clients - the ones that can, will and do pay it - are they aware of what they're getting up front? I am thinking they probably do, whether by explicit disclosure or through familiarity with you, the market, and the nature & quality of your work. The OP, and I may be reading too much in or I'm just being naive, seems to be unsure of what this "contract" entails & promises. That's what makes my red flags go up. What are your thoughts?

 

[submissa]

@AnnieLit I really do not care what you choose to charge, and it's true that it wouldn't make sense to charge separately for something you don't actually want to be doing. I understand that and I wasn't intending to suggest you change your practices, or even saying I think your specific scenario is unreasonable. Your comments to me came across as implying that your way is the only way things can be done if the domme wants to be compensated for her time and effort. If that's not what you think, I am at a loss to identify what the point is you are actually trying to make. Maybe I'm just thick, but I don't think so.

Stand by my opinion on OP's situation. Still don't see the point in comparing, either, as the risk of hiring a photographer online is (I would hope) less than that of hiring a domme. I say that because the photographers I know of have websites with portfolios of their work. There's reason to believe they are who they say they are. Some dommes have this sort of online presence, but it doesn't sound like OP's domme does - quite the opposite, in fact.

 

[AnnieLit]

@AnnieLit I really do not care what you choose to charge, and it's true that it wouldn't make sense to charge separately for something you don't actually want to be doing. I understand that and I wasn't intending to suggest you change your practices, or even saying I think your specific scenario is unreasonable. Your comments to me came across as implying that your way is the only way things can be done if the domme wants to be compensated for her time and effort. If that's not what you think, I am at a loss to identify what the point is you are actually trying to make. Maybe I'm just thick, but I don't think so.

Stand by my opinion on OP's situation. Still don't see the point in comparing, either, as the risk of hiring a photographer online is (I would hope) less than that of hiring a domme. I say that because the photographers I know of have websites with portfolios of their work. There's reason to believe they are who they say they are. Some dommes have this sort of online presence, but it doesn't sound like OP's domme does - quite the opposite, in fact.

No, I am not saying that my way is the ONLY way. But it is A way.
The price in itself doesn't make this D person a crook.
The need to charge first, play later doesn't make them a crook.
Can anything guarantee that they are not? I have no idea. References would help, but checking out those references can be a quest in itself.

As for the risks of hiring the Domme online... It looks like the OP is looking for an online Domme, so he will have to do it online no matter what. As far as I know, no real life pro Domme will ask anybody so sign anything before meeting in person. The meeting might still have a price attached to it, but that would be the price of a dinner at a good restaurant.