PSA 2: A Message for New Subs

[InCNCestBangPie]

Hi you beautiful submissives out there (of all genders) .
With so many new subs entering our Lit space each day, I thought this might be some good advice to share. Consider this Part II of my other PSA: Dom ≠ Asshole.

While I consider myself a switch, enjoying both the role of Domme & sub, I'm a sub at heart.
If all this online play has taught me anything, it's that my submission has to be earned. Additionally, while being under someone else's control and receiving degradation from them (a preference of mine, but not all D/s relationships require degradation) is nice & hot, it very much means nothing if there is no trust involved & if I'm not taken into consideration as a general person. Don't get me wrong, I want to be nothing more than a human fleshlight at times, but at the foundation of that, my online partner has to still respect me.

I said all this to say that, no, you don't want any and every thing your Dom/Domme wants without any regard to your wants and needs.
When I see some subs stating that they simply want to take whatever their Dom gives & that they have no real wants, needs, limits, thoughts, & feelings beyond that...well, it reads like the musings of an amateur sub.
You need to establish trust with a Dom/Domme & ensure that they genuinely respect you & your submission before you let them take full control of the reins.
My kinks are certainly darker & more taboo in nature, but even in that, trust & respect have to exist first before we can properly delve into those things; and certainly before you assume you can throw my kinks in my face ad nauseam. "You like being a slut, so I'll treat you like a faceless bitch." Yeah no, fuck that. I get to say when things progress into darker territory once I'm comfortable.
Your comfort, consent, & yes, opinions, are so paramount as a sub.
Now go forth & please your Doms/Dommes that are worthy of your submission. If they treat you any less than what you 100% want out of the dynamic, correct them or move on.

 

[MagicFlute]

As a Dom, I totally agree with you. There are so many different facets to a D/s relationship and not all subs will fit with all Doms/Dommes. Communication when discussing a potential relationship is important to establish whether there is a connection there. I have had subs ask me to be their Master but their needs don't align with mine.

And yes, submission IS A GIFT and any Dom/Domme who doesn't respect that aspect isn't ready for the responsibility of owning a sub.

Oh and subs.... you DO NOT need to take orders from ANYONE who says they are a Dom/Domme, on first contact. If you have not given consent, you are under no obligation to follow anyone's commands. Find that person who has your needs in mind and enjoy them- whether online or in real life. XOXO

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Oh and subs.... you DO NOT need to take orders from ANYONE who says they are a Dom/Domme, on first contact. If you have not given consent, you are under no obligation to follow anyone's commands. Find that person who has your needs in mind and enjoy them- whether online or in real life. XOXO

That part.
Do you know how many guys flood my inbox expecting submission upon first contact??

Not an option. I used to play those games. But no, I matter a lot more than that. I'm all for helping you get off if you're expecting a one & done type thing, but I won't put up with disrespectful expectations. And if you aren't willing to simply communicate your expectations, that's disrespectful to me. I'm no mind-reading servent to an internet stranger whom I just met. Nope.

 

[MagicFlute]

I've seen plenty of this on various sites and it always pisses me off. They also seem to target new or curious subs and I am sure the deluge of (often rough and rude) commands scares them away from the lifestyle that could be making them feel better about themselves

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

So very true. The commands are rough and rude 99% of the time. And while that type of rough confidence can be sexy for some, myself included, there's certainly a time & place for it. In this case, we've gotta build to that. I need to know who you are & vice versa. Because if you're running on the assumption that you having a penis is all you need, buddy, you're falling short of all the other criteria.

But, to your last point, when there's trust, open communication, & mutual agreement, a D/s relationship can actually be quite beautiful.

 

[MagicFlute]

two people who find their true natural selves with that accepting loving partner in a unique dynamic, is the ultimate relationship

 

[Goldenfinger]

two people who find their true natural selves with that accepting loving partner in a unique dynamic, is the ultimate relationship

Unfortunately most will never know.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Unfortunately most will never know.

Well, hey, we're trying to change that.
Even if just 1 person has an epiphany to either be a better Dom/Domme or expect to be treated beyond decently as a sub, then I'll take that as a win .

 

[Goldenfinger]

Well, hey, we're trying to change that.
Even if just 1 person has an epiphany to either be a better Dom/Domme or expect to be treated beyond decently as a sub, then I'll take that as a win .

I really hope you get more than one. A win for you is a win for someone else.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

I really hope you get more than one. A win for you is a win for someone else.

Absolutely! Thank you.

 

[MagicFlute]

Unfortunately most will never know.

I think there needs to be more education and PSA like your post to help people find their true calling. Too many fake Doms and subs are getting their information from sources like Pornhub which teach nothing!

 

[Goldenfinger]

I think there needs to be more education and PSA like your post to help people find their true calling. Too many fake Doms and subs are getting their information from sources like Pornhub which teach nothing!

I think you have me mixed up with Pie.

 

[MagicFlute]

I think you have me mixed up with Pie.

Oops my bad!!!

 

[6SweetKitty9]

So very true. The commands are rough and rude 99% of the time. And while that type of rough confidence can be sexy for some, myself included, there's certainly a time & place for it. In this case, we've gotta build to that. I need to know who you are & vice versa. Because if you're running on the assumption that you having a penis is all you need, buddy, you're falling short of all the other criteria.

But, to your last point, when there's trust, open communication, & mutual agreement, a D/s relationship can actually be quite beautiful.

Completely agree with you. I went from a16 year vanilla relationship to a dominate one. He made me feel so safe sexy truly cared for and the most I've ever been turned on. It's also the most open and best communication I've ever had in a relationship.

Also agree a lot the commands are rude, disrespectful and degrading at first contact. Just because I'm a sub doesn't mean you can treat me like a piece of meat during our first chat. I need the mental along with physical attraction.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Completely agree with you. I went from a16 year vanilla relationship to a dominate one. He made me feel so safe sexy truly cared for and the most I've ever been turned on. It's also the most open and best communication I've ever had in a relationship.

Also agree a lot the commands are rude, disrespectful and degrading at first contact. Just because I'm a sub doesn't mean you can treat me like a piece of meat during our first chat. I need the mental along with physical attraction.

Fucking Yes! Please! Stimulate my mind as well. Put in some goddamn effort like perhaps my comfort as well my arousal matters. Jeez.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Fucking Yes! Please! Stimulate my mind as well. Put in some goddamn effort like perhaps my comfort as well my arousal matters. Jeez.

The irony of a woman's comfort & safety being so key to arousal yet thought of the very least by most online Doms.

 

[6SweetKitty9]

The irony of a woman's comfort & safety being so key to arousal yet thought of the very least by most online Doms

Fucking Yes! Please! Stimulate my mind as well. Put in some goddamn effort like perhaps my comfort as well my arousal matters. Jeez.

If you want me to submit my body to you. Listen and obey you put a little work into it right! For me the more mental stimulation I have the more I will give you.

 

[6SweetKitty9]

The irony of a woman's comfort & safety being so key to arousal yet thought of the very least by most online Doms.

 

[6SweetKitty9]

Yes it is. I havent been into this for long at all but my first dom him. He took the time and we are still friends now. The next guy once he heard sub he thought he could treat me like trash. Me being treated like trash isn't gonna happen. Well maybe a little if you put the work into it

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Me being treated like trash isn't gonna happen. Well maybe a little if you put the work into it

There's an art to it. You need care, respect, finesse, & balance; even in degradation.

 

[6SweetKitty9]

There's an art to it. You need care, respect, finesse, & balance; even in degradation.

If you don't have the first 4 then it's just degradation. Just degradation isn't a turn on.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Thank you for posting this thread. I needed to read this today. I'm a new sub and I've talked to a few Dom's but I've always been terrified at first because I never expressed that side of myself yet. A lot of them were very pushy too. I hope the anxiety and nervousness go away, but I think I just need to find the right Dom who truly understands me. Reading this has made me feel relieved.

This makes me so happy to read. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm sorry you've had poor, anxiety-inducing experiences in your past.
I gotta say though, after reading your profile, I'm proud of you . You've very articulately & thoughtfully taken the time to list what does & doesn't work for you. See, you set that standard; you make those rules. Your trust, comfortable, & confidence are so paramount.
And to your credit, yes, you just need to find the right Dom. Do not settle. That ain't in the vocabulary. You're a delicate gem & if that isn't appreciated, then do not engage further.

I so completely hope you find exactly what you're looking for. It also makes me happy to know that some Dom out there is going to find exactly what he's looking for in you.

 

[Lady2020]

I have to say my experience with proclaimed Doms on here hasn't been great, but I did learn a lot. Mostly that I'm not a natural sub, that I can play a sub role if the man knows what he's doing, and that hell will probably freeze over before I do it again.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

I have to say my experience with proclaimed Doms on here hasn't been great, but I did learn a lot. Mostly that I'm not a natural sub, that I can play a sub role if the man knows what he's doing, and that hell will probably freeze over before I do it again.

I
Completely
Understand.
Trust me .

 

[6SweetKitty9]

Thank you for posting this thread. I needed to read this today. I'm a new sub and I've talked to a few Dom's but I've always been terrified at first because I never expressed that side of myself yet. A lot of them were very pushy too. I hope the anxiety and nervousness go away, but I think I just need to find the right Dom who truly understands me. Reading this has made me feel relieved.

I have to say I was lucky my first and only Dom was amazing. He listened and we communicated. The next dom I tried was a POS. He was more of a jackass than Dom. First thing I told him is I don't like to be spit on. The first thing he did was spit on me becuase he was having a sissy boy tantrum because I got caught on a work call. He doesn't pay my bills I do. We didn't meet again.