Gentlemen: Can you explain the appeal of cuckolding?

[scott6251]

In modern times we have come to understand that the husband may be quite accepting and aroused by the prospect. But we are talking about an evolving fetish/alternative lifestyle now which is not clearly defined. Whether the cuckold is aroused by his wife's activity and if so whether that is due to his own sense of inadequacy or an appreciation of her sexual liberty or any number of other possibilities is unique to each couple.

Yes - that's it

 

[cosmic_peach]

We've indulged in a variety of erotic encounters...

Fantastic and super hot, thanks!

 

[littlecordelera]

The definition of cuckold is a guy whose wife is fucking other men. In the dictionary definition he is assumed to be humiliated or unaware..... not aroused. And it doesn't speak to her motivation. As has been stated here before it came into use during a time when monogamy was the norm and the possibility of an accepting husband was not even considered.

In modern times we have come to understand that the husband may be quite accepting and aroused by the prospect. But we are talking about an evolving fetish/alternative lifestyle now which is not clearly defined. Whether the cuckold is aroused by his wife's activity and if so whether that is due to his own sense of inadequacy or an appreciation of her sexual liberty or any number of other possibilities is unique to each couple.

Meanwhile swinger is a more established term that generally refers to a couple that both seek other partners.

I respect all points of view. Certainly many people who are into cuckolding regard the husband's lesser sexual status as a key aspect of the lifestyle. But the modern usage of the term has clearly evolved beyond the historical dictionary definition and in my view is still evolving. A plurality of porn sites isn't really the benchmark.

The notion has some parallels to BDSM. People experienced in this area do not accept universal definitions of what it is to be a true Dom or a true Sub - and rightly so. My cuckold status is not dependent upon how others regard my sentiments or my wife's motivations.

The dictionary definition of cuckold? Seriously? That hasn't been used since the late 1800's. Tell me this: what are the dictionary definitions for "brain" or "skeet"?

The plurality of swing clubs - the true measure of what is actually taking place out there in the world of sex - defines cuckold as I described it.

By the way, how long have you been involved in the cuckold lifestyle?

 

[SlutAddicted]

The dictionary definition of cuckold? Seriously? That hasn't been used since the late 1800's. Tell me this: what are the dictionary definitions for "brain" or "skeet"?

The plurality of swing clubs - the true measure of what is actually taking place out there in the world of sex - defines cuckold as I described it.

By the way, how long have you been involved in the cuckold lifestyle?

Exactly my point. We aren't dealing with an established definition. You are talking about your anecdotal assessment of swing clubs in your corner of the world. That isn't the standard for any definition.

I am fully aware that all I am doing is expressing a personal view. Why is it so important to you to tell other people what they are or are not? In what context do you imagine that it is up to me to prove my cuckold bona fides to you?

 

[littlecordelera]

Exactly my point. We aren't dealing with an established definition. You are talking about your anecdotal assessment of swing clubs in your corner of the world. That isn't the standard for any definition.

I am fully aware that all I am doing is expressing a personal view. Why is it so important to you to tell other people what they are or are not? In what context do you imagine that it is up to me to prove my cuckold bona fides to you?

For most people, the value of someone's opinion is weighted based on their experience. So I think my inquiry into your level of experience is a fair question. But you answered the question quite adequately, anyway.

As for my little corner of the world, swing clubs/groups are online. I interact with them all over the USA. Consequently my corner is a fairly large corner. As for personal attendance, I've been to clubs in almost every state in the southeast, Richmond, VA. NY, NY. Las Vegas, and Portland, OR. And then there are all the swingers we know who have relocated from other places.

I don't offer opinions about incest, gay male, reluctance, and a host of other sex topics because I don't have any experience with those subjects. I provided an opinion about cuckolding because I know what I'm talking about. That's just the truth.

Oh, and I almost forgot one - Phoenix, AZ.

 

[SlutAddicted]

For most people, the value of someone's opinion is weighted based on their experience. So I think my inquiry into your level of experience is a fair question. But you answered the question quite adequately, anyway.

As for my little corner of the world, swing clubs/groups are online. I interact with them all over the USA. Consequently my corner is a fairly large corner. As for personal attendance, I've been to clubs in almost every state in the southeast, Richmond, VA. NY, NY. Las Vegas, and Portland, OR. And then there are all the swingers we know who have relocated from other places.

I don't offer opinions about incest, gay male, reluctance, and a host of other sex topics because I don't have any experience with those subjects. I provided an opinion about cuckolding because I know what I'm talking about. That's just the truth.

Oh, and I almost forgot one - Phoenix, AZ.

And yet that is still just one person's view based on anecdotal observations from a small sample of one corner of the world.....a large corner but a corner nonetheless. There is a great wide world outside that sample and indeed outside the United States with a wide range of variation in sexual experiences and attitudes.

I respect your opinion but it doesn't represent a rigorous and definitive concensus. And while your experience gives you an informed opinion it is just that - a personal opinion. I doesn't make you the ultimate authority.

 

[policywank]

This debate reminds me of high school. Remember all the cadres of "non-conformists" whose members all conformed to one version of what it means to be non-conformist.

In my observation we think of non-monogamous alternative lifestyles in a few key descriptions each of which is loaded with a pile of assumptions. In reality many fall in between those definitions. In certain cultures people simply cannot conceive of a man playing the role of cuckold if he isn't sexually inferior - they don't allow for the possibility but it exists. My own view is that a man who plays the role of cuckold in every way but happens to be a good lover is closer to cuckold than swinger.

Maybe he is a wittol. But to my mind the difference between cuckold and wittol is the degree to which a man is accepting of the role. Not whether or not he is a good lover. Perhaps my husband and LCs are wittols.

In any event nothing is achieved by forcing our views on one another. Notwithstanding assertions to the contrary I do not believe a modern consensus exists for the use of the word.

 

[scott6251]

My own view is that a man who plays the role of cuckold in every way but happens to be a good lover is closer to cuckold than swinger.

Maybe he is a wittol. But to my mind the difference between cuckold and wittol is the degree to which a man is accepting of the role. Not whether or not he is a good lover. Perhaps my husband and LCs are wittols.

Perhaps I am also. My wife does not complain about my performance - indeed, she loves how I get her off orally. I am happy to be in the role of satisfying her that way, and others, and letting her enjoy intercourse with someone bigger who lasts longer.

 

[littlecordelera]

And yet that is still just one person's view based on anecdotal observations from a small sample of one corner of the world.....a large corner but a corner nonetheless. There is a great wide world outside that sample and indeed outside the United States with a wide range of variation in sexual experiences and attitudes.

I respect your opinion but it doesn't represent a rigorous and definitive concensus. And while your experience gives you an informed opinion it is just that - a personal opinion. I doesn't make you the ultimate authority.

In my last post I got tired of writing, so I didn't mention that I ran a cuckold blog for years. In so doing, I corresponded with hundreds of people all over the world, all over Europe, the USA, Australia, Canada, Israel, India, Romania, the list goes on, who live or wish to live the cuckold lifestyle. I am an authority on the subject, and for some strange reason that bothers you. I'm sorry about that, SA.

But I am done arguing with a guy who actually looked up "cuckold" in the dictionary.

 

[scott6251]

In my last post I got tired of writing, so I didn't mention that I ran a cuckold blog for years. In so doing, I corresponded with hundreds of people all over the world, all over Europe, the USA, Australia, Canada, Israel, India, Romania, the list goes on, who live or wish to live the cuckold lifestyle. I am an authority on the subject, and for some strange reason that bothers you. I'm sorry about that, SA.

But I am done arguing with a guy who actually looked up "cuckold" in the dictionary.

I wish you still had that blog - I'd love to learn more from others with more experience.

 

[Exescort]

I can't see the attraction from any side. Why not just go swinging and get the whole shabam in one go?
That's what I'd do, see it, live it, feel it, it's the only way!

 

[SlutAddicted]

In my last post I got tired of writing, so I didn't mention that I ran a cuckold blog for years. In so doing, I corresponded with hundreds of people all over the world, all over Europe, the USA, Australia, Canada, Israel, India, Romania, the list goes on, who live or wish to live the cuckold lifestyle. I am an authority on the subject, and for some strange reason that bothers you. I'm sorry about that, SA.

But I am done arguing with a guy who actually looked up "cuckold" in the dictionary.

Doesn't bother me in the least. But it does seem to bother you that I don't accept your authority. I've seen that blog by the way - the private and public versions. Preaching to the choir is what that is called.

 

[jimmyturtleman]

And yet that is still just one person's view based on anecdotal observations from a small sample of one corner of the world.....a large corner but a corner nonetheless. There is a great wide world outside that sample and indeed outside the United States with a wide range of variation in sexual experiences and attitudes.

I respect your opinion but it doesn't represent a rigorous and definitive concensus. And while your experience gives you an informed opinion it is just that - a personal opinion. I doesn't make you the ultimate authority.

If it means anything to you SA, I happen to agree with your views as to what it takes to be a cuckold. You need to be married to a woman who has sex with other men. Plain and simple. There seems to be a segment of the population who misunderstand this very concept and wish to change the meaning to suit their own self serving needs.

By the way, 'How dare you' contradict a self appointed expert by quoting a dictionary. Perhaps we should take our books of learning and high tail it out of here before someone decides that they do not like 2+2 = 4. Then we shall have to be retrained in all of our basic skills of reading, writing and arithmetic.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

the word is wittol, not cuckold.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

the word is wittol, not cuckold.

This. ^^

Thank you, GA.

 

[SlutAddicted]

the word is wittol, not cuckold.

Wittol is a hyponym - a specific type of cuckold who is ok with his wife's extramarital sexual activity. So a wittol is, by definition, also a cuckold.

Saying a man is a wittol and not a cuckold is grammatically incorrect.....its like saying that animal at the zoo is a panther not a feline. A panther is a type of feline.

In any event the distinction between the two terms lies in the man's degree of acceptance of his wife's infidelity. It has nothing to do with her motivation, the reason for his acceptance or his sexual adequacy.

 

[Clem99]

Not sure why I love the thought of my wife fucking someone else. I have no interest in humiliation but, watching her fuck sounds spectacular. I have seen her suck a cock and it made me very hard. Sharing that kind of experience with her is such risque, taboo fun - it really gets the blood pumping.

Sexy fun as a couple; looking forward to our next encounter.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Wittol is a hyponym - a specific type of cuckold who is ok with his wife's extramarital sexual activity. So a wittol is, by definition, also a cuckold.

Saying a man is a wittol and not a cuckold is grammatically incorrect.....its like saying that animal at the zoo is a panther not a feline. A panther is a type of feline.

In any event the distinction between the two terms lies in the man's degree of acceptance of his wife's infidelity. It has nothing to do with her motivation, the reason for his acceptance or his sexual adequacy.

the word, in this context, is still wittol. also, you're incorrect. how can a wittol be a cuck when a cuck, by definition, is unaware? if one is unaware, one can't derive pleasure from the wife running around.

 

[KimGordon67]

Personally, I think 'cuckold' does necessarily imply a degree of (perceived maybe) inferiority. Otherwise there's numerous other terms that would happily cover the situation - open marriage, partner of a non-monogamous person (which is basically 'monogamous' if you're monogamous), poly, etc etc. Without the element of inferiority, was sets 'cuckold' apart from any other term that implies acceptance of a non-monogamous partner?
(Note - my husband is monogamous and I'm not and he knows that. I think if you called him a cuckold, he'd be fairly pissed. Because, fairly importantly, no one involved in the situations sees him as the 'inferior' person.)

 

[KimGordon67]

Exactly my point. We aren't dealing with an established definition. You are talking about your anecdotal assessment of swing clubs in your corner of the world. That isn't the standard for any definition.

I am fully aware that all I am doing is expressing a personal view. Why is it so important to you to tell other people what they are or are not? In what context do you imagine that it is up to me to prove my cuckold bona fides to you?

SA - just out of interest's sake, why are you so keen on adopting the identity if the element of inferiority isn't there for you? I mean, it would be easy for me to identify as 'a submissive', but I don't, because there are elements of generally accepted definition of the term that aren't applicable to me. I can't actually change the accepted definition ... because, you know, it's accepted. So I just don't identify with the term. It's a lot easier for me to be flexible than expect the English language to change to accommodate me.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

maybe a form of self-flagellation. the wife comes home after a 'date'. the husband works hard at sex in an effort to 'win' her back by being a better lover than the date. a russian roulette kind of deal.

at least that's the premise in a [non-Lit] book series i'm writing.

 

[screwher]

Personally, I think 'cuckold' does necessarily imply a degree of (perceived maybe) inferiority. Otherwise there's numerous other terms that would happily cover the situation - open marriage, partner of a non-monogamous person (which is basically 'monogamous' if you're monogamous), poly, etc etc. Without the element of inferiority, was sets 'cuckold' apart from any other term that implies acceptance of a non-monogamous partner?
(Note - my husband is monogamous and I'm not and he knows that. I think if you called him a cuckold, he'd be fairly pissed. Because, fairly importantly, no one involved in the situations sees him as the 'inferior' person.)

Yes. I have to agree with this. With my full knowledge and approval my wife has sex with other men. But I remain faithful. But honestly I'm not a cuckold in the way that I get off on anything like humiliation or inferiority. Quite the opposite. I actually have some interests and hobbies that put me squarely I'm alpha male territory. I just like other men screwing my wife.

But to spare arguing about it if anyone calls me a cuckold, without being deragatory, I can accept that.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Yes. I have to agree with this. With my full knowledge and approval my wife has sex with other men. But I remain faithful. But honestly I'm not a cuckold in the way that I get off on anything like humiliation or inferiority. Quite the opposite. I actually have some interests and hobbies that put me squarely I'm alpha male territory. I just like other men screwing my wife.

But to spare arguing about it if anyone calls me a cuckold, without being deragatory, I can accept that.

so 'wittol' fits?

 

[KimGordon67]

Yes. I have to agree with this. With my full knowledge and approval my wife has sex with other men. But I remain faithful. But honestly I'm not a cuckold in the way that I get off on anything like humiliation or inferiority. Quite the opposite. I actually have some interests and hobbies that put me squarely I'm alpha male territory. I just like other men screwing my wife.

But to spare arguing about it if anyone calls me a cuckold, without being deragatory, I can accept that.

I actually wonder if the term 'cuckold' is really just as derogatory in terms of the woman involved. It does tend to imply that, unless it's a fully consensual situation, she's deliberately belittling him.
It all seems about as useful as trying to reclaim the term 'slut'. As far as I'm concerned, a slut is just 'a woman'. Similarly, a guy whose wife has sex with other guys is just 'a guy' ... unless there's some inferiority etc element to it.

 

[policywank]

the word, in this context, is still wittol. also, you're incorrect. how can a wittol be a cuck when a cuck, by definition, is unaware? if one is unaware, one can't derive pleasure from the wife running around.

That just isn't accurate. A cuckold isn't unaware by definition. I don't have any strong feelings about which term anybody uses. But this particular debate seems to be characterized by people overlaying their own assumptions.

At its root the word cuckold means a man whose wife is fucking other men. And wittol is a cuckold who is accepting of his wife's sexuality. All the rest is opinion and preference.

Many words are effectively defined or redefined by their popular usage quite apart from original definitions. IMO as stated above this word is really just coming back into usage either as a fetish or pejorative. This debate itself demonstrates that no concensus has formed.....unless a plurality of porn websites represents consensus. If we are going to reach for a broadly accepted current definition Google probably comes closer than Lit to that standard - Google the two words and you will find what I have said above.