Distance Domination-Support Thread

[Sprinkles22]

It's kind of fun in my mind to imagine the story he would come up with and how he would introduce me. If say he introduced me as the american chick he's been chatting with, then a question bound to come up is how we met in the first place, and some how I don't see him telling them that he met me on an erotica chat forum while he was glancing at the amiture pic section. But maybe I'm just a tad twisted that way.

None the less, I just can't wait to spend some time with him. Who he does or doesn't introduce me to is not a priority. Not the first trip anyway.

On the first trip ... what's the point in leaving the bedroom, right?

 

[the captians wench]

On the first trip ... what's the point in leaving the bedroom, right?

*giggles*

Cause it's my first trip to a different country!

I've already told him I would be very disapointed if I flew over there and didn't get at least a few hours out of the hotel to see the sights. He's agreed to give me a day to act like a tourist, and I think he has some things in mind to show me around the city.

*giggles* But 95% of the time, the sight of him grabbing a flogger is all I'll need.

 

[ChromeCollar]

*giggles*

Cause it's my first trip to a different country!

I've already told him I would be very disapointed if I flew over there and didn't get at least a few hours out of the hotel to see the sights. He's agreed to give me a day to act like a tourist, and I think he has some things in mind to show me around the city.

*giggles* But 95% of the time, the sight of him grabbing a flogger is all I'll need.

And we hope to hear all about it on your return. Oh, the sightseeing too. *smirk*

 

[shy slave]

It's kind of fun in my mind to imagine the story he would come up with and how he would introduce me. If say he introduced me as the american chick he's been chatting with, then a question bound to come up is how we met in the first place, and some how I don't see him telling them that he met me on an erotica chat forum while he was glancing at the amiture pic section. But maybe I'm just a tad twisted that way.

None the less, I just can't wait to spend some time with him. Who he does or doesn't introduce me to is not a priority. Not the first trip anyway.

I have been reading your thoughts on who you will meet and when with interest.

When I went to Denmark the first time I had no idea who I would or would not meet. As far as I remember it was a subject I avoided. Not out of fear of being chained in a basement somewhere, but out of concern that I didn't want to hear the reality if he never planned for me to meet people he knew. Denial at its best

I was curious as to what Andante would be like in familiar surroundings with people he knew. I had met him in London before I went to Denmark. During that time I saw him with shop assistants, with people in cafes etc and found he was polite and respectful to everyone we came across.
I did not introduce him to any of my family during his three days in London. I was being selfish. I wasn't ready to share him, nor did I want my family's view of him before I had a clear opinion of him in my own mind.

My first visit to him I met some of his friends. They were all wonderful. They spoke of him so warmly and seemed happy he had met someone. I felt welcomed and without pressure to be anything other than his new girl friend.

Of course I was asked how we met. I left it at 'on the net.'

I didn't meet his family until later visits. We have continued to stick to the story of meeting on the net, without giving any additional details.

I think it was JM who expressed how online does not allow you to see how the person you have feelings for relates to other people. I agree with this and I also think it is really important to see them relate to people in everyday life. It gives you a clearer picture of who you are involved with.
In online if someone writes something that really makes you cross, you can walk away before responding, you can choose not to respond, you can edit your post; ultimately you can delete your post. In real life if a waiter annoys you, your first reaction is often the real you. It is not something you can edit or delete. You may be able to rationalise it later but no more than that.

Meeting family is difficult. Before you even meet them you perceive they will judge you and work out what kind of person you are. I really did not enjoy the anticipation of that. The reality was much easier to handle. But meeting them does give you a signal that that person is serious about you. Just as Sprinkles met Ravens wife and friends, it showed her that she was not a secret and he was proud to know her. Of course the details of the relationship are private but that is the same in any relationship.

Captains wench I know there is a bigger distance to travel between you and Jounar than there is between Andante and I. That makes regular visits difficult and expensive, but don't get anxious if he chooses not to share you with his family or friends immediately. He may just want to discover 'you' before he shares you with other people around him. You will still get a sense of the person he is in real life during your stay.

Whenever you manage to get there, I really hope you have a wonderful time

 

[lil_slave_rose]

It really made my heart jump when he told me she loved the pillows I sent. *giggles* And to be honest, I really took a leap when I did it. I'm really not sure how much his family knows about me. Well other than I'm some silly american chick that sends him stuff and rings him every saturday. That's probably the hardest part, well one of the, about this kind of relationship. When I do make it over there, I have no clue as to who he will, or if he will, introduce me to, and how much they will know about me. To be honest, I have had my little bouts of parinoia and fear that perhaps things aren't what they seem, but faith isn't much good if it's a sure thing.

while Master was here i was terrified for Him to meet my family. you really just have to know my family to understand why. we are quite dysfunctional and i never really realized that until i got older. i always thought we were quite normal but we are far from it. don't get me wrong we are VERY Close with the exception of one sister, i can't stand her, she is vindictive, mean and downright negative and i don't need that in my life so i was scared of Him meeting her. my dad i was not scared for Him to meet and He did meet my dad and dad liked Him a lot. my brother met Him as well, and He too liked Him *smiles* He did meet my 'mean' sister for a brief minute when we were leaving my dad's house and luckily she didn't have anything mean spirited to say, which is out of the 'norm' for her. my other sister works a lot so He didn't get to meet her. He did meet my children and they loved Him and keep asking when He's coming back. my family are insanely over protective of each other and it drives me nuts sometimes, because i am 29 years old yet still have to worry about what my family is going to say about something i do. i'm not sure what this ramble really has to do with anything, but i just thought i'd share my experience of introducing Master to my family...

 

[ChromeCollar]

So, I got my Master his present tonight. I do hope he likes it. I bought a set of sterling silver dog tags on a nice chain, and had them engraved.

The top says Master, and the back says With Love, Daddy's Little Girl. I wanted to get a nice solid ID bracelet, but I thought he might be able to get away with the tags tucked under his shirt better at school and such. The chain is long enough that they wont be easily seen.

What are you getting for your Master, or your submissive? Couples that frequent the thread, understandably wont want to answer I guess.

 

[Sprinkles22]

So, I got my Master his present tonight. I do hope he likes it. I bought a set of sterling silver dog tags on a nice chain, and had them engraved.

The top says Master, and the back says With Love, Daddy's Little Girl. I wanted to get a nice solid ID bracelet, but I thought he might be able to get away with the tags tucked under his shirt better at school and such. The chain is long enough that they wont be easily seen.

What are you getting for your Master, or your submissive? Couples that frequent the thread, understandably wont want to answer I guess.

I've hinted that diamonds are always nice

Oh wait ... you wanted to know what I'm getting Him . Well, I can't say right now, but get back to me on Dec. 26th

 

[lil_slave_rose]

So, I got my Master his present tonight. I do hope he likes it. I bought a set of sterling silver dog tags on a nice chain, and had them engraved.

The top says Master, and the back says With Love, Daddy's Little Girl. I wanted to get a nice solid ID bracelet, but I thought he might be able to get away with the tags tucked under his shirt better at school and such. The chain is long enough that they wont be easily seen.

What are you getting for your Master, or your submissive? Couples that frequent the thread, understandably wont want to answer I guess.

sounds nice! i, of course cannot tell you what i got Master (though i'm sure He's hoping that i would forget He's reading and spill the beans *grins*) but i think He'll really like it..i could PM it i guess if you really really wanna know *smiles* He upgraded my cell phone for me for Christmas (we share a cell phone bill, well i guess technically it's His, i've only helped pay it twice). He was gonna make it a surprise BUT, my old cell phone got stolen at work (i work at a ministry of all the places to steal a cell phone from) so He had to order it and get it to me sooner than expected. but Daddy also got His princess something and i've no clue what that is *giggles* He won't tell me *pouts*

 

[FurryFury]

I have been reading this post with interest, I would just like to say Fury I understand entirely what you are saying, I to am in the same situation as you, I have a Wonderful understanding Husband and a Wonderful Understanding Master. I think i have the best of both worlds, and I'm a very Lucky woman. I thank them both everyday.
I also know this situation would not work for everybody, But i have been honest from the start, and will not hide anything from either of them. And I too Love them both very much.

Thanks Subfem!

I'm happy for you that you have this too! I believe this is a pretty rare and wonderful thing. I'm surprised to see a few others here that do have similar situations.

Yes, Wench. Someone in a relationship similar to yours.

Your trust is much greater than the trust of a woman who does not care if her online partner lies or tells the truth.

Your sacrifice is much greater than the sacrifice of a woman who has a loving husband to turn to if her online partner signs off permanently.

No relationship is risk-free, and absolutely nothing is perfect. But I gotta tell you something, Wench. I really did grin when you spoke about sending packages and letters to his Mom. That really made me smile.

Gee now don't I feel dug at?

Oh well.

*shrugs*

It's kind of fun in my mind to imagine the story he would come up with and how he would introduce me. If say he introduced me as the american chick he's been chatting with, then a question bound to come up is how we met in the first place, and some how I don't see him telling them that he met me on an erotica chat forum while he was glancing at the amiture pic section. But maybe I'm just a tad twisted that way.

None the less, I just can't wait to spend some time with him. Who he does or doesn't introduce me to is not a priority. Not the first trip anyway.

*smiles*

I'd love the fear and excitement of a first meeting. It would be awfully stressful in both good and bad ways, I'd imagine. I hope you get your first meeting soon. From what I can tell your Master is a lucky one indeed to have you.

*hugs*

Fury

 

[JMohegan]

Gee now don't I feel dug at?

Oh well.

*shrugs*

Christ almighty.

I don't come here to post digs at people. I come here to help others.

Do you really not perceive that Wench has more at stake than you do in your respective virtual relationships?

Do you really fail to see the difference in trust levels between someone who is indifferent as to whether or not a partner is lying, and someone who cares very, very much whether what the person on the other side of the screen says is true?

Do you really fail to understand the difference between the sacrifice of a woman who is putting her young adult life on hold for years for the sake of a lone guy on the other side of the planet, and the sacrifice of a woman who comes to the Internet to receive some fulfillment that she does not get from her loving husband and kids?

And finally, Fury, is it really impossible for you to understand why I might be raising these questions and making these observations here on this thread at this particular point in time, for reasons that have absolutely *nothing* to do with you?

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Christ almighty.

I don't come here to post digs at people. I come here to help others.

Do you really not perceive that Wench has more at stake than you do in your respective virtual relationships?

Do you really fail to see the difference in trust levels between someone who is indifferent as to whether or not a partner is lying, and someone who cares very, very much whether what the person on the other side of the screen says is true?

Do you really fail to understand the difference between the sacrifice of a woman who is putting her young adult life on hold for years for the sake of a lone guy on the other side of the planet, and the sacrifice of a woman who comes to the Internet to receive some fulfillment that she does not get from her loving husband and kids?

And finally, Fury, is it really impossible for you to understand why I might be raising these questions and making these observations here on this thread at this particular point in time, for reasons that have absolutely *nothing* to do with you?

for what it's worth i do see the point you are making about the trust thing. it takes alot more trust for someone who is in an actual online relationship and does not have that hubby at home to fulfill the things that online Dom cannot, and you do put your life on hold for that person, for the chance that one day, you will meet Him and be able to serve Him in the 'physical' world. it's good that some don't care if the other is telling the truth, if it's agreed it's just a play thing and nothing serious. but if you're in a true, committed relationship that happens to be LDR/online then you need to trust a lot deeper and your life gets put on hold a lot more than if you are in it just for the thrill. i really hope i'm making sense. to me, even if i was just 'playing' at it, i'd want to know the person i'm playing with, is being honest. if i can't trust Him to be honest with me about who/what He is , how can i trust that He'll have my best interest in His mind when it comes time to play? unfortunately not everyone is honest and there in lies the problem. i guess you never really know if you're being lied to until you've been around His/her family, friends, etc...it takes a DEEP level a trust to have this type of relationship, and alot of communication. Master and i had alot of things in our favor, like Unlimited long distance on our phone lines, and now our cell phones, alot do not have that so it's got to be harder to 'trust' anyway, i'll get off my rambling post and go finish my email. i do hope i made sense, and i do understand what you're saying J and i'm sure i'm not the only one.

 

[ChromeCollar]

I've seen JM raise good solid questions as food for thought without directing them towards a single person in the thread. I've also seen people take what he has to say, and apply it to themselves in good and bad ways. Good ways as in digesting and processing what he is saying, and bad as in seeing it as some sort of insult or criticism.

I think you should be able to look at what he is saying without jumping to the immediate conclusion that he is speaking about your personal life or situation. He asks simple hypothetical questions. That is my take, anyhow.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I've seen JM raise good solid questions as food for thought without directing them towards a single person in the thread. I've also seen people take what he has to say, and apply it to themselves in good and bad ways. Good ways as in digesting and processing what he is saying, and bad as in seeing it as some sort of insult or criticism.

I think you should be able to look at what he is saying without jumping to the immediate conclusion that he is speaking about your personal life or situation. He asks simple hypothetical questions. That is my take, anyhow.

i can see where she thought he was 'digging' at her as he did quote something she said, but i didn't take it as he was using it as a dig, just making a point. *shrugs*

 

[myinnerslut]

.........

 

[JMohegan]

I've seen JM raise good solid questions as food for thought without directing them towards a single person in the thread.

i can see where she thought he was 'digging' at her as he did quote something she said, but i didn't take it as he was using it as a dig, just making a point. *shrugs*

Actually, you are both correct.

The questions I have been posing about online deception (e.g., what clues might indicate that a partner is lying about his marital status, job, etc.) are posed to everyone reading or contributing to this thread. ChromeCollar nailed it when she said I pose these questions as "food for thought".

Several people have stepped forward and described their own situations in response to my questions. At that point, the conversation shifted from general to specific as I responded to what they had to say.

In this post addressed to Wench, I was referring to comments made by Fury in this one, but Rose is correct that the point of my post had absolutely nothing to do with any attempt to insult anybody else. Rose did a nice job elaborating on that point in post 436 above, so I will not repeat it here.

As a final note and just as a general FYI, I *always* welcome the opportunity to clarify the point or intent of my posts on this board, as long as the request for clarification is respectfully addressed. There is a spectrum, with "Would you please explain x, y, z?" on one end and "Fuck you, asshole!" on the other. The tone and content of my response (if any) will depend on my perception of where a person's remarks fall on that line.

 

[the captians wench]

I have been reading your thoughts on who you will meet and when with interest.

When I went to Denmark the first time I had no idea who I would or would not meet. As far as I remember it was a subject I avoided. Not out of fear of being chained in a basement somewhere, but out of concern that I didn't want to hear the reality if he never planned for me to meet people he knew. Denial at its best

I was curious as to what Andante would be like in familiar surroundings with people he knew. I had met him in London before I went to Denmark. During that time I saw him with shop assistants, with people in cafes etc and found he was polite and respectful to everyone we came across.
I did not introduce him to any of my family during his three days in London. I was being selfish. I wasn't ready to share him, nor did I want my family's view of him before I had a clear opinion of him in my own mind.

My first visit to him I met some of his friends. They were all wonderful. They spoke of him so warmly and seemed happy he had met someone. I felt welcomed and without pressure to be anything other than his new girl friend.

Of course I was asked how we met. I left it at 'on the net.'

I didn't meet his family until later visits. We have continued to stick to the story of meeting on the net, without giving any additional details.

I think it was JM who expressed how online does not allow you to see how the person you have feelings for relates to other people. I agree with this and I also think it is really important to see them relate to people in everyday life. It gives you a clearer picture of who you are involved with.
In online if someone writes something that really makes you cross, you can walk away before responding, you can choose not to respond, you can edit your post; ultimately you can delete your post. In real life if a waiter annoys you, your first reaction is often the real you. It is not something you can edit or delete. You may be able to rationalise it later but no more than that.

Meeting family is difficult. Before you even meet them you perceive they will judge you and work out what kind of person you are. I really did not enjoy the anticipation of that. The reality was much easier to handle. But meeting them does give you a signal that that person is serious about you. Just as Sprinkles met Ravens wife and friends, it showed her that she was not a secret and he was proud to know her. Of course the details of the relationship are private but that is the same in any relationship.

Captains wench I know there is a bigger distance to travel between you and Jounar than there is between Andante and I. That makes regular visits difficult and expensive, but don't get anxious if he chooses not to share you with his family or friends immediately. He may just want to discover 'you' before he shares you with other people around him. You will still get a sense of the person he is in real life during your stay.

Whenever you manage to get there, I really hope you have a wonderful time

Shy you always touch my heart.

I'm really not so much worried as I am currious. Surprizingly enough, I'm a bit of a control freak (I know a submissive control freak what an oximoron, but for a lot of things I really am), so when it comes to activites that we're going to do, sights to see, people to meet, I sort of want to have an idea so I know what to pack. It's silly I know, especially since I have no idea when I'm taking the trip, but I make a list of what I would wear when, and where, even down to jewelry verses collar and such. I guess it's my way of coping with the fact that I'm not able to solidify a date for my trip.

 

[the captians wench]

*smiles*

I'd love the fear and excitement of a first meeting. It would be awfully stressful in both good and bad ways, I'd imagine. I hope you get your first meeting soon. From what I can tell your Master is a lucky one indeed to have you.

*hugs*

Fury

 

[Montana_Roze]

Actually, you are both correct.

The questions I have been posing about online deception (e.g., what clues might indicate that a partner is lying about his marital status, job, etc.) are posed to everyone reading or contributing to this thread. ChromeCollar nailed it when she said I pose these questions as "food for thought".

Just a comment. The clues that might indicate a partner is lying are good for other threads as well as this one I think. Everyone should pay attention to the people they are talking to whether or not they are in D/s threads or 'nilla ones.

Just my sleepy thought on the whole thing.

 

[FurryFury]

Christ almighty.

I don't come here to post digs at people. I come here to help others.

Do you really not perceive that Wench has more at stake than you do in your respective virtual relationships?

Do you really fail to see the difference in trust levels between someone who is indifferent as to whether or not a partner is lying, and someone who cares very, very much whether what the person on the other side of the screen says is true?

Do you really fail to understand the difference between the sacrifice of a woman who is putting her young adult life on hold for years for the sake of a lone guy on the other side of the planet, and the sacrifice of a woman who comes to the Internet to receive some fulfillment that she does not get from her loving husband and kids?

And finally, Fury, is it really impossible for you to understand why I might be raising these questions and making these observations here on this thread at this particular point in time, for reasons that have absolutely *nothing* to do with you?

JM,

When you reference me and/or my posts as an example of something "lesser" than yes, I might feel a dig. I don't think that should be a surprise. I don't think saying I felt it should be a shock either.

I would never attempt to quantify someone else's submission as greater or lesser. I absolutely logically I understand that difference between my sacrifice and CW's as you outlined it. I admire you Captain's Wench. I think you know that. I don't think you and I are in a competition or at odds at all. I think you'd agree.

That being said, I must also say that even with my proclaimed "limited" ability to sacrifice and feel, my loss was nearly overwhelming to me at the time my first Master walked away from me. Grieving is in my experience mostly at thing done alone no matter who surrounds you or inhabits your life. Losing an online Master with no warning or further word was harder than I can put words to. That was my hope for something that I'd just about given up on that also went with him. Measuring losses to see whose is or would be greater if the worst happened is also a difficult thing IMO.

You should not mistake the fact that I don't worry overmuch about the lies mentioned on this board as indifference or a lack of trust. My current online Master person has brought hope back into my life. That wouldn't have happened if he hadn't won my trust.

My point in this discussion at the time of that post was that not everyone wants or needs to check up on or limit a potential online master in areas such as his/her being married or dating others.

I've seen many people post also with anger that someone was a male or female when they thought otherwise. If that person is giving and getting what you both are after, I don't think that should be such a huge deal. I think it's knee jerk prejudice that makes it a big deal. I detest prejudice in most forms. So I mentioned that as well.

To me one of the points of a discussion to see more things from than one side. Such discussions do not mean everyone has to agree or that showing another side invalidates a previous side or that one isn't listening to another. It doesn't have to raise someone up and push another down. Nothing in my discussions should indicate that I am not devoted to my Master or see him at trustworthy.

My first PM responding to him, which he re-sent me the other night, showed how cautious I was about talking with anyone at that time. So I am not saying to those starting an online relationship not to be cautious. I know I certainly am now. Of course that first starry eyed time in which I asked too little and was foolishly trusting. That relationship was incredible to me, far more than I had imagined it could be, it was magic in my life. It reawakened and allowed me to be what I am deep down. It helped me learn and become more. Losing it was such a darkness.

Anyway, I am simply saying you need to decide what is important to you and what you are looking for. You need to perhaps not be distracted by what others might think is important simply because it's the thing you see stated again and again by many as important. This again goes back to the other person being married and so on. If that is important to you then check it out but if not that's okay too.

Finally JM, of course I can see that you might make comments and points that have absolutely nothing to do with me. If that is the case you might want to leave references to me and my quotes out of such posts.

Fury

 

[JMohegan]

Post 354:

I personally don't care if mine is otherwise attached, why should I, after all I am. As long as he gets what he wants and I get what I want, I don't care if he has am online harem, is a woman or whatever. This is a limited needs based relationship and we both understand that. Finding someone who does "get" that is rare, and I must say, rather wonderful.

Now others might hope to take this into RL someday. That might be a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

In post 390, I wrote:

I asked because, since coming to Lit, I have read many posts that may be paraphrased as: "I loved my Master so much, and I tried so hard to please him for such a long time, and then one day he just stopped talking to me and it broke my heart and I just want to know what I did wrong."

Now, there may be people like Furry Fury who don't care if the one they play with online is lying about their marital status or gender or anything else. My response to that is to say: No problem. Have fun.

But.

It is clear to me that there are many women who are earnestly trying to develop a primary relationship with the guy they met as an online Dom. And yes, I think the opportunities for deception are far, far greater in the online world than the physical one.

In 392, you quoted my words and responded:

Oh that happened to me as well and it did hurt as a lot of people probably remember. That's why now I ask people what they are planning on getting out of the relationship and try even more to establish clear communication and boundaries.

Thankfully against what seemed like overwhelming odds I have found someone who is mature enough to handle the limits, who gets what he wants out of this and who is wonderful. Yes, I love him.

These posts explain my prior remarks to you on this thread.

My interpretation of the comments I have quoted may be paraphrased as: I was burned by making myself vulnerable in the past, and have taken steps to limit my vulnerability and exposure to online Doms in the future.

Fury, I do not understand why you found anything I have written here to be insulting.

By your own words, you proactively limited your involvement in online D/s and outright stated that Wench's situation is a "whole 'nother kettle of fish."

I am not going to debate the validity of any comments you made in the post above this one, except to say that IMO you seem to be actively looking for insult in a place where none was intended at all.

 

[the captians wench]

Fury, no we are most certianly not in compitition.

The realization that the other person you are talking to has been lieing to you is not an easy one for anyone. I remember the first IM friends my ex and I ever had. It was a young couple from texas, they had 2 kids and were just about our age. But something just didn't add up with them. She kept changing the ages of her kids, and then the city she lived in. Then one day her and her guy got married and the very next he ran off with another woman. It just kept getting weirder and weirder, but I was at a very vulerable place in my life and I believed everything she said. Eventually she killed off all of the other characters she'd ever mentioned then after a pretend suiside attempt she finally came clean. She was just a 14 year old girl. At that point I was pissed, and really hurt that anyone would play such games. I didn't have anything at stake with her, we never planed to meet, we weren't intimate, this just was and always intended to be some one that I chatted with online. Did that make it hurt anyless? no. Did it make it harder for me to trust other people I chatted with? Absolutely.

Any pain is pain. The validity or magnitude of that pain to others is irrelevent. Sure this is a different situation I'm in now, but knowing what kind of pain I could end up in, doesn't make that prievious incident hurt any less. And I think the same would go for any one else. Sure every one can see the difference between some one who has gone a year involved with some one and has not met them face to face and some one who has, or doesn't desire to. But knowing that there could be something worse, doesn't usually make them feel that their validity is any smaller.

 

[Tefferri]

Looking

I read that this is the place to come and look for long distance Sub/dom play? I am a 20 year old male, looking for sub, long distance play only at this time. Also, I need ideas for how to make sure a slave is punished if you cannot see them regularly.

 

[ChromeCollar]

I read that this is the place to come and look for long distance Sub/dom play? I am a 20 year old male, looking for sub, long distance play only at this time. Also, I need ideas for how to make sure a slave is punished if you cannot see them regularly.

If you care to read through all the posts, you will see a variety of methods people are using, have been using. Some cool and interesting ideas. As for you looking for a sub, you might want to direct that at the BDSM personals section. Welcome to the thread!

 

[FurryFury]

<snip>

My interpretation of the comments I have quoted may be paraphrased as: I was burned by making myself vulnerable in the past, and have taken steps to limit my vulnerability and exposure to online Doms in the future.

Fury, I do not understand why you found anything I have written here to be insulting.

By your own words, you proactively limited your involvement in online D/s and outright stated that Wench's situation is a "whole 'nother kettle of fish."

I am not going to debate the validity of any comments you made in the post above this one, except to say that IMO you seem to be actively looking for insult in a place where none was intended at all.

You write as if limiting things is a bad thing. Yet most people and submissives' have limits. That is usually considered a healthy thing. That doesn't mean I have a weak or ineffectual connection with my online Dom.

If you can't understand how downgrading one person and elevating another isn't a potential dig, I certainly can't explain it to you. IMO I am not actively looking for an insult in a place where none was intended at all, but I can agree to disagree on that point.

I'm not much for debate. I didn't ask for one. Discussion on the other hand is often an enjoyable pastime.

I'm sorry we've been butting heads lately. As you know I respect you a great deal. I won't hide my feelings when they are hurt though.

Fury, no we are most certianly not in compitition.

<snip>

Any pain is pain. The validity or magnitude of that pain to others is irrelevent. Sure this is a different situation I'm in now, but knowing what kind of pain I could end up in, doesn't make that prievious incident hurt any less. And I think the same would go for any one else. Sure every one can see the difference between some one who has gone a year involved with some one and has not met them face to face and some one who has, or doesn't desire to. But knowing that there could be something worse, doesn't usually make them feel that their validity is any smaller.

Thank you Captain's Wench!

*smiles*

In this we have like minds. That's one thing I was trying to express but I think you did it better than I.

I have been reading your thoughts on who you will meet and when with interest.

When I went to Denmark the first time I had no idea who I would or would not meet. As far as I remember it was a subject I avoided. Not out of fear of being chained in a basement somewhere, but out of concern that I didn't want to hear the reality if he never planned for me to meet people he knew. Denial at its best

I was curious as to what Andante would be like in familiar surroundings with people he knew. I had met him in London before I went to Denmark. During that time I saw him with shop assistants, with people in cafes etc and found he was polite and respectful to everyone we came across.

<snip>

Whenever you manage to get there, I really hope you have a wonderful time

I found this post to be very interesting Shy. I only edited it for space. I thought the whole post was great. I'm so glad you wrote it and shared this with us.

I read that this is the place to come and look for long distance Sub/dom play? I am a 20 year old male, looking for sub, long distance play only at this time. Also, I need ideas for how to make sure a slave is punished if you cannot see them regularly.

Welcome, Tefferri!

Actually the place at Lit to look for a hook up of any kind, is in the Personals Section. There is even a BDSM personals.

Otherwise reading what people say here and in BDSM Talk and the BDSM cafe then sharing your thoughts can also help. It can help others learn what your idea of BDSM is. It can help you find out what other's ideas are. It can help generate interest in some cases because you share interests and are both looking.

A slave is sometimes looked at as different from a submissive. Punishment is sometimes looked at as a game because you like to punish and he/she likes to be punished. I'd rather the I am because we both get off on it philosophy but that's just me.

To me punishment isn't a game. It's unpleasant and only done when someone willfully does break rules and so on. You might want to read some of the threads and some of the things in the library at the top too for more information on BDSM and punishment. You might try also looking under discipline. I know there was a thread not long ago on it but I can't find it atm. Also you could try google. It can bring up some interesting and informative links. I would just say consider the source and your gut reaction when researching.

Good luck to you.

Fury

 

[shy slave]

Shy you always touch my heart.

I'm really not so much worried as I am currious. Surprizingly enough, I'm a bit of a control freak (I know a submissive control freak what an oximoron, but for a lot of things I really am), so when it comes to activites that we're going to do, sights to see, people to meet, I sort of want to have an idea so I know what to pack. It's silly I know, especially since I have no idea when I'm taking the trip, but I make a list of what I would wear when, and where, even down to jewelry verses collar and such. I guess it's my way of coping with the fact that I'm not able to solidify a date for my trip.

CW I understand a control freak submissive only too well. I am of a similar ilk.
I think I may have driven him crazy at times by asking 'what time are we...' or 'when will we...' I like to know what is planned. It can be hard work to not just get on and plan it without consulting him. So far (I think) I have not done that, but sometimes I end up with teeth marks in my lip from trying to not to organise things or nag him about what he wants to do.

I also understand the wish to know about activities for planning your packing. When you have limited space it is impossible to decide what to take for changes in weather and situations. Plus it nice to find out about places before you go there so you don't seem completely clueless when visiting. Another organisational trait

I guess we are both lucky with regard to the countries we head to in terms of what type of clothing to pack: Denmark is ALWAYS fucking cold. In Ireland it is always raining, just finished raining or just about to rain.

Maybe all you will need is some nipple clamps and an umbrella