Conversation

[rlaflamme]

I can understand why some people are "turned off" from posting. There is a lady that has posted on this thread who has contacted me about conversations. We have had a decent one going on and off for some time now. Her issue is that all her posts in personals and her profile all state she is looking to find a connection with another woman, but she receives many messages from men telling her what they would do to her, and how they would make her forget about another woman altogether.

So, in essence, she posted, and it was seen by people, of course. But this opened her up to be seen. And although her intentions of what she wants and who she will talk to are clearly stated, she gets a flood of rude and unscrupulous people.

So, perhaps some that do not post yet message you are not posting for the same reason she dreads posting. People can be rude, uncouth and extremely disrespectful and this is what they are trying to avoid.

 

[AlliaPotestas]

Also people that comment on other am pics threads but PM me instead - maybe in their minds, they choose to do so thinking it more intimate but it makes me feel like I am something to be ashamed of... if you don’t post on any am pics threads fine (although I’m still expecting to see your posts elsewhere), but if you are openly complimenting other women’s bits and choosing to only say something nice about mine privately, it takes me to a bad place. I accept that’s my issue not their’s, don’t care... I rarely hit it off with such people...

 

[AlliaPotestas]

I can understand why some people are "turned off" from posting. There is a lady that has posted on this thread who has contacted me about conversations. We have had a decent one going on and off for some time now. Her issue is that all her posts in personals and her profile all state she is looking to find a connection with another woman, but she receives many messages from men telling her what they would do to her, and how they would make her forget about another woman altogether.

So, in essence, she posted, and it was seen by people, of course. But this opened her up to be seen. And although her intentions of what she wants and who she will talk to are clearly stated, she gets a flood of rude and unscrupulous people.

So, perhaps some that do not post yet message you are not posting for the same reason she dreads posting. People can be rude, uncouth and extremely disrespectful and this is what they are trying to avoid.

I doubt that applies to the blokes that PM me tho...

 

[rlaflamme]

I doubt that applies to the blokes that PM me tho...

I have no doubt that women have to deal with such things far more than men. For so many reasons. I rarely get a message such as these that she has told me about.

 

[The_gladiator]

Allia that's horrible that others would publically comment elsewhere and then pm you I can totally see how that would make you feel badly even if they say they don't intend it that way.
I just don't comment on am pic threads, but nor do I message people about their pics either lol.

 

[AlliaPotestas]

Allia that's horrible that others would publically comment elsewhere and then pm you I can totally see how that would make you feel badly even if they say they don't intend it that way.
I just don't comment on am pic threads, but nor do I message people about their pics either lol.

I’m not alone, at least of couple of the other am pics ladies (who are bloomin’ gorgeous) get the same... it bothers me because I don’t see myself in competition with the other girls and so I detest how it makes me feel when certain men prefer to only openly compliment the slinkier, more conventionally sexy ladies (who i know have their own hangups...) and then will send me a private PM...

It’s no great loss, they are rarely men worth having, I am mostly just disappointed with myself for giving a fuck...

 

[rlaflamme]

I wonder if those that send the rude or lude messages get the attention they want. I mean, if it didn't work wouldn't they stop doing it?

 

[RedJack81]

I’m not alone, at least of couple of the other am pics ladies (who are bloomin’ gorgeous) get the same... it bothers me because I don’t see myself in competition with the other girls and so I detest how it makes me feel when certain men prefer to only openly compliment the slinkier, more conventionally sexy ladies (who i know have their own hangups...) and then will send me a private PM...

It’s no great loss, they are rarely men worth having, I am mostly just disappointed with myself for giving a fuck...

I completely get your last sentence, there are things that annoy me and I then get annoyed that they annoy me.....

Guys can so often be pretty odd in their behavior and show a total disregard for the people behind the photos that are posted. Very sad really, but not sure can really be done about it. It takes a thick skin to manage to ignore it completely and not let it get to you.

I always try to respect the content of a profile, which is another reason they are helpful to read. If someone says they're looking for something that clearly isn't me or what I can offer, I won't message. Simply because I don't want to be another one of 'those guys'.

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

I’m not alone, at least of couple of the other am pics ladies (who are bloomin’ gorgeous) get the same... it bothers me because I don’t see myself in competition with the other girls and so I detest how it makes me feel when certain men prefer to only openly compliment the slinkier, more conventionally sexy ladies (who i know have their own hangups...) and then will send me a private PM...

It’s no great loss, they are rarely men worth having, I am mostly just disappointed with myself for giving a fuck...

I didn't think that was that big of a thing in the Pic threads! I've commented on a few, and PM'd a few, but I never thought of it as a bad thing. I PM the ones I am interested in actually talking too, due to something I've seen in their threads or on other pages. I comment on some in public because I either can appreciate for their beauty but not sense the feeling that I will be able to have more than a passing appreciation.

I'm going to have to make sure I always comment in public now, I would hate to think that I've actually caused some of the lovely girls that post to feel badly about what I intended as a nice PM!

I know exactly what you mean by that, I've gotten mad at some of the silliest things ever. Getting turned down for jobs or positions that I didn't ever want and sometimes never applying for but nerveless not getting, then spending a week or so just brooding because of it. Emotions are a fickle mistress.

 

[AlliaPotestas]

I didn't think that was that big of a thing in the Pic threads! I've commented on a few, and PM'd a few, but I never thought of it as a bad thing. I PM the ones I am interested in actually talking too, due to something I've seen in their threads or on other pages. I comment on some in public because I either can appreciate for their beauty but not sense the feeling that I will be able to have more than a passing appreciation.

I'm going to have to make sure I always comment in public now, I would hate to think that I've actually caused some of the lovely girls that post to feel badly about what I intended as a nice PM!

I know exactly what you mean by that, I've gotten mad at some of the silliest things ever. Getting turned down for jobs or positions that I didn't ever want and sometimes never applying for but nerveless not getting, then spending a week or so just brooding because of it. Emotions are a fickle mistress.

Now I feel like a big fat drama queen... I didn’t mean to make anyone feel bad about it, it’s down to my own insecurities - it’s no one else’s problem really... it’s just I do know of at least two other ampic ladies who feel that same sense of ‘is he ashamed to say that aloud?’ which is amplified when he is unashamed to state the same for someone else...

But once more, a problem with my own demons, no one else should pay them any attention, x

 

[rlaflamme]

I like to think that people comment on this thread because of the allure a conversation on this site can bring. And they wish to convey their own thoughts and experiences. I tend to believe that those posting are not intending to make others feel bad or insult others with their opinions, but to help people with an understanding of what they look for in a conversation, or what makes them bow out of one.


I enjoy reading the insights of others on here, and I am super happy with what this thread has become.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I am an infinitely curious person. The next time it happens, can you ask them straight up why they did what they did (message you, comment on others).

I was wracking my brain to see if I have ever done that - and I am pretty sure I have at one time or another. Generally, when I have done it though, it's because of one of several reasons - sometimes the "conversational drift" of the thread is going one way and my curiosity is going another and I don't want to derail the thread, sometimes it was just an attempt to see if the person was interested in PM conversations, and other times it has been because I had some sort of connection to the person that I didn't want to share in the thread.* There are a lot of possible reasons - benevolent and otherwise.

I think that speaks to one of the difficulties on the internet and that is "conversation without context" or conversation with minimal context. Cold starting a conversation like that can be difficult. Just like in real life, it's not easy to walk up to a stranger and start talking.

*One of the things I struggle with, from experience, on internet conversations is I spend a lot of time guessing at lines. What's private? What's public? Finding that baseline to make an actual connection with someone can be challenging in the internet world.

 

[The_gladiator]

Some great stuff here todayy.

I see something being brought up that I'd love to comment on, and that's perception. Often times in conversation it's far more important how a person perceives what you are saying than how you intended it. I feel like I saw an argument about this recently where a man said he never sent inappropriate PMs. To his perception he may not have, but to his audiance he clearly was coming across the wrong way and that above all is the most important thing how we're being perceived by others.

 

[rlaflamme]

But what can be done about rude messages? Does it fall in the same category as the dick pics that are sent? Do people need to snap shot the message and call them out for it to stop?

And with those, how much attention do they gain doing those things? I mean, they must get enough positive attention from them to continue right?

 

[Icy1]

Now I feel like a big fat drama queen... I didn’t mean to make anyone feel bad about it, it’s down to my own insecurities - it’s no one else’s problem really... it’s just I do know of at least two other ampic ladies who feel that same sense of ‘is he ashamed to say that aloud?’ which is amplified when he is unashamed to state the same for someone else...

But once more, a problem with my own demons, no one else should pay them any attention, x

I don’t think you’re a drama queen for feeling that since it’s something I don’t like either. Of course it could be that I’m a drama queen too. Lol
I guess it comes down to our own personal insecurities of not feeling good enough.

 

[The_gladiator]

But what can be done about rude messages? Does it fall in the same category as the dick pics that are sent? Do people need to snap shot the message and call them out for it to stop?

And with those, how much attention do they gain doing those things? I mean, they must get enough positive attention from them to continue right?

I don't support screenshotting them don't give them attention plus rude is subjective to a degree and it doesn't take into account someone's motives, what if people started doing it for someone they just didn't like or something sounds like that could lead to a lot of negativity and I don't like that.

 

[rlaflamme]

I don't support screenshotting them don't give them attention plus rude is subjective to a degree and it doesn't take into account someone's motives, what if people started doing it for someone they just didn't like or something sounds like that could lead to a lot of negativity and I don't like that.

True. Just curious what would work to stop some of the more uncouth messages sent. I mean, some get pretty bad and the sender must know it.

 

[The_gladiator]

True. Just curious what would work to stop some of the more uncouth messages sent. I mean, some get pretty bad and the sender must know it.

Unfortunately rude people exist no matter what walk of life you're in. There are people that think it's ok to spray paint on buildings, or flash people on the train, so I sorta see rude pms as that, people are gonna do what they're gonna do and giving them attention doesn't help it just gives them what they want to get the attention.

 

[Karabare]

There was some humor in there for the record. so first of all smile ok.

second, i am sure you are. everybody is in their own way.

There was also humor in what i said. But its lost in translation

 

[Midwest50Guy]

Now I feel like a big fat drama queen... I didn’t mean to make anyone feel bad about it, it’s down to my own insecurities - it’s no one else’s problem really... it’s just I do know of at least two other ampic ladies who feel that same sense of ‘is he ashamed to say that aloud?’ which is amplified when he is unashamed to state the same for someone else...

But once more, a problem with my own demons, no one else should pay them any attention, x

just remember, you have nobody to please here but yourself.

and from where i sit, you are doing wonderful.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

But what can be done about rude messages? Does it fall in the same category as the dick pics that are sent? Do people need to snap shot the message and call them out for it to stop?

And with those, how much attention do they gain doing those things? I mean, they must get enough positive attention from them to continue right?

why waste your time with them. Close, and move on.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

There was also humor in what i said. But its lost in translation

I know Kara. Smile. We are good.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

i had a root canal last night, which was more painful i guess than most of you had to deal with last night here (if there was worse offline my apologies).

so just remember to keep things here in perspective.

ok. carry on

 

[rlaflamme]

I understand that when some people are perceived as rude or uncouth they are not always intending to be, and that with the inability to hear tones in someone's voice, or to hear them giggle or chuckle, it can make jokes seem harsh. Maybe that is an issue with getting a decent conversation. So we must really think about what we are about to type and send off, which is even more true on the initial contact.

Isn't it amazing how complicated the simplicity of talking can be?

 

[IsItBad]

2 cents

I started perusing lit personals just in hopes of finding someone to talk to. Really have no intention of hooking up or wrecking any lives or providing for any children or things like that. I have talked fairly extensively to a couple of ladies but neither really worked into a long term friendship per se. One was admittedly shopping for a new man to be with in person and the other....well….just totally non-compatible chemistry is a nice way to put it.

It is hard to find someone. I think, for man, there is so much analysis of motives etc that a friendship can never really get going.

I will also add in that I have had some interesting conversation with a few guys....mostly commiserating with each other about the state of the human condition or the mars vs venus conundrum.

Anyway - I guess I just simply say I understand and agree with the point being made. I will also say that I suspect a lot of people who may have been at it a long time have less patience than maybe they started with.....less endurance or perseverance to try to vette out the frogs from the princes or princesses...…

I think we all want a microwave conversation....just be able to say a few words and instantly know its a person we can never live without ever again......but....most of us probably don't have those words readily available.

In the vein of shameless public advertising though.....if anyone would like to talk about anything at all.....PM me, call, write, send a telegram...etc.