I'm not entirely sure, I'm just not comfortable with the idea. I don't really understand why, either. He's a masseur, so he sees plenty of naked women - old and young, fugly and hot - and that doesn't bother me at all. Maybe I fear that he'd have many more opportunities to act than I would.
Anyone out there let their wife screw around?
- Thread starter Adeon
- Start date
I'm not entirely sure, I'm just not comfortable with the idea. I don't really understand why, either. He's a masseur, so he sees plenty of naked women - old and young, fugly and hot - and that doesn't bother me at all. Maybe I fear that he'd have many more opportunities to act than I would.
TorontoBoyWest
The Wily Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2012
- Posts
- 1,527
bailadora
We create the dreams.
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2007
- Posts
- 3,855
That statement strikes me as odd. I thought it was SOP to only expose the area being worked on during a massage. The most I've ever been exposed during a massage is partial glute, hip and leg while that area was being addressed. Otherwise, everything else (including my ass crack) remained hidden under the sheet/blanket.
Maybe it's splitting hairs, but there's naked and then there's NAKED, if you know what I mean.
Maybe that's why it doesn't phase you?
That statement strikes me as odd. I thought it was SOP to only expose the area being worked on during a massage. The most I've ever been exposed during a massage is partial glute, hip and leg while that area was being addressed. Otherwise, everything else (including my ass crack) remained hidden under the sheet/blanket.
Maybe it's splitting hairs, but there's naked and then there's NAKED, if you know what I mean.
Maybe that's why it doesn't phase you?
Oh, he's told me plenty of stories (no names, of course) about people who don't realize how to....prepare, i guess....for a massage. He tells them to get undressed, lay on the table, and cover with the sheet. He leaves the room, and when he comes back, sometimes they're just laying on the table naked. Maybe they don't care about nudity, maybe they're trying for a reaction, who knows? He also does lots of body wraps and scrubs and spray tans, so he's pretty much seen lots of naked people - mostly women because the men generally prefer to have a woman work on them. I've heard ridiculous stories about women whose breast "accidentally" slips out of the sheet, and a few men who pitch tents on the table. Just craziness...
Hwannabe-
You clarified things a bit, as you noted your original post sounded like you were saying you wanted potentially to go our and explore while he couldn't.......that is what I thought was selfish, but the rest of your posts show a more thoughtful person. My real point is as others have said, that this kind of thing can be a minefield if it is not handled right. I am speaking only as myself and from what I have seen, but there is a lot of emotions around sex that fantasies kind of smooth over and also wanted to give whatever limited benefit my own background with this kind of thing has....
One thing on a little bit of a tangent, if you have found his sex drive to be flagging, has he had his testosterone levels checked? Men after the age of 25 start having their testosterone lower, and by the age of 40 the levels can be significantly down and it does take its toll. You are hitting a known fact, that women and men peak at different times, and it can hard. I kind of ran into this in recent years, my wife, maybe do to a regimen of stuff she is taking, has had her sex drive bloom and I was kind of flagging..I started taking an herbal thing that seems to be working, and it may be worth looking into if in fact that is part of the desire to experiment, etc.
I commend you for thinking about this, and I think communicating about it is important and also that it can be such a touchy subject. I apologize if I sounded like I was judging you, I refuse to do that, believe me been too judged to ever want to do that. Having experienced the kind of curiosity you are talking about myself and almost doing things I shouldn't have, and facing consequences of it, I guess I am a bit more sensitive to it I hope you and your SO find what you are looking for
You clarified things a bit, as you noted your original post sounded like you were saying you wanted potentially to go our and explore while he couldn't.......that is what I thought was selfish, but the rest of your posts show a more thoughtful person. My real point is as others have said, that this kind of thing can be a minefield if it is not handled right. I am speaking only as myself and from what I have seen, but there is a lot of emotions around sex that fantasies kind of smooth over and also wanted to give whatever limited benefit my own background with this kind of thing has...
.One thing on a little bit of a tangent, if you have found his sex drive to be flagging, has he had his testosterone levels checked? Men after the age of 25 start having their testosterone lower, and by the age of 40 the levels can be significantly down and it does take its toll. You are hitting a known fact, that women and men peak at different times, and it can hard. I kind of ran into this in recent years, my wife, maybe do to a regimen of stuff she is taking, has had her sex drive bloom and I was kind of flagging..I started taking an herbal thing that seems to be working, and it may be worth looking into if in fact that is part of the desire to experiment, etc.
I commend you for thinking about this, and I think communicating about it is important and also that it can be such a touchy subject. I apologize if I sounded like I was judging you, I refuse to do that, believe me been too judged to ever want to do that. Having experienced the kind of curiosity you are talking about myself and almost doing things I shouldn't have, and facing consequences of it, I guess I am a bit more sensitive to it
I hope you and your SO find what you are looking forI don't think his sex drive is flagging, per se, more like mine is passing his up. He's still up to the challenge as often as he has ever been in recent years, and he's usually happy to satisfy me in other ways when he's not. We have been getting incredibly creative as far as sex goes, so things don't get boring.
I have to be honest that part of my desire is plain old curiosity. I never experimented before him. At all. I had four boyfriends, and I was afraid to let them do anything to me - just kissing. I was afraid of being labeled a slut, nevermind that they all called me frigid instead. I met my fiance a few months after I turned 18. We dated for almost four months before I even let him touch me under my clothes, and it was another month after that before we had sex. No one can ever accuse me of moving too fast, lol! We dated for three years before moving in together. Now I'm 32, he's 40, and we have a 9 year old daughter.
Well, now that I've shared that whole story...SMH, maybe these desires will pass. Maybe it's all hormonal.
Curiousity is natural, thoughts about what have been, what might have been and so forth happens, humans are not only self aware, they also look and wonder (there is a famous poem by Robert Burns, the great Scots poet called "To a Mouse' I believe, and in one part of it he goes on how a mouse is blessed compared to him, because only the present touches him, it knows neither the past, to look back at with laments, and doesn't know the future at all, whereas we wonder....., so it is natural. Especially when you go into a relationship as firsts or near firsts, as my wife and I did, it can be hard to not be curious about others, and a lot of the stories out there on Lit and elsewhere deal with that curiosity.
I am not coming at this from the moral angle, the 'sex should only be between married partners', etc angle, whatever people decide is their business on that and if they can handle swinging, or sex outside their primary relationship or whatever, that is cool. Maybe because I have been curious (in my case it was sex with men in the female role i.e fully presenting as a woman, etc as a trans girl) and was tempted but almost lost my family over it that I am cautious, because I saw the feelings, and I also know how I would feel if my wife wanted to have sex with others.
On the other hand, if you guys have a secure relationship, if you know your husband well enough, it may be okay to at least talk about it and see what he thinks if it is just fantasies at this point, curiosity. Speaking only as myself, what I would be worried about isn't that my wife was having sex with another person per se, that isn't the hang up, the idea that I have to be the only one, et,c it is that she would find me lacking somehow or worse emotionally would connect with the other person and would end up thinking she spent all these years wasting her time with me (and yes, I am fully aware that most women are not like the women presented in an LW story, that who they love and why is a lot more then sex, and that cheating is often about a lot more then sex when wives stray.........and I also am pretty certain that my wife loves me for a lot more then just sex and whatever,given what we already have survived, but feelings are funny things, they aren't logical, they just are).
I wish you luck
, so it is natural. Especially when you go into a relationship as firsts or near firsts, as my wife and I did, it can be hard to not be curious about others, and a lot of the stories out there on Lit and elsewhere deal with that curiosity.I am not coming at this from the moral angle, the 'sex should only be between married partners', etc angle, whatever people decide is their business on that and if they can handle swinging, or sex outside their primary relationship or whatever, that is cool. Maybe because I have been curious (in my case it was sex with men in the female role i.e fully presenting as a woman, etc as a trans girl) and was tempted but almost lost my family over it that I am cautious, because I saw the feelings, and I also know how I would feel if my wife wanted to have sex with others.
On the other hand, if you guys have a secure relationship, if you know your husband well enough, it may be okay to at least talk about it and see what he thinks if it is just fantasies at this point, curiosity. Speaking only as myself, what I would be worried about isn't that my wife was having sex with another person per se, that isn't the hang up, the idea that I have to be the only one, et,c it is that she would find me lacking somehow or worse emotionally would connect with the other person and would end up thinking she spent all these years wasting her time with me (and yes, I am fully aware that most women are not like the women presented in an LW story, that who they love and why is a lot more then sex, and that cheating is often about a lot more then sex when wives stray.........and I also am pretty certain that my wife loves me for a lot more then just sex and whatever,given what we already have survived, but feelings are funny things, they aren't logical, they just are).
I wish you luck
A few years ago my wife and I tried the hotwife lifestyle. I've experienced both the exhilaration and the insecurities that it can bring. I was also a member of ourhotwives, and received plenty of good suggestions and advice from there.
When it works, It can be fantastic for both parties; but it can be hard work too. Always keeping an open line of communication, watching for and allaying immediately any insecurities at the first sign, and you need to keep hubby involved at every step of the way. That way, it's a joint pastime.
When it works, It can be fantastic for both parties; but it can be hard work too. Always keeping an open line of communication, watching for and allaying immediately any insecurities at the first sign, and you need to keep hubby involved at every step of the way. That way, it's a joint pastime.
nepalistripper
Virgin
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2012
- Posts
- 11
64 guys & girls in the past 17 months!
see my upcoming stories in E/V category about my wife. shes such a naughty little slut we're thinking of getting "PRMSQUS" as her vanity plates!
see my upcoming stories in E/V category about my wife. shes such a naughty little slut we're thinking of getting "PRMSQUS" as her vanity plates!
MaleThonger
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2008
- Posts
- 1,246
My girlfriend and I just celebrated our six year anniversary together. Both of us came from bad marriages, so we wont be walking that path again, but I thought I would chime in with our Swinging relationship. It's something we both enjoy, and while we prefer to play together, because watching her with another man, or me with a woman (or vice-verse since we're both bi) is amazing hot for us, we find that we also get very aroused sharing stories of what happened when one of us wasn't present. We play separately, always with permission, always okaying it before hand.
"I believe that trust is more important than monogamy" as the song lyric goes. And I have never found a truer word spoken in regards to the lifestyle.
"I believe that trust is more important than monogamy" as the song lyric goes. And I have never found a truer word spoken in regards to the lifestyle.
ghostwriter092
Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2012
- Posts
- 36
This may be frowned upon
I have no problem with what other people do in their marriages. But I know me. Im to jelouse. Im too uncomfortable with the idea. Not that I havent thought about it. To me, my "Wife" However im getting a divorce, shouldnt want or need another man in her life to make her happy. But thats just me. IDK, im old school on that I guess. Although I can see the appeal. I dont know, Im very torn about this subject.
I have no problem with what other people do in their marriages. But I know me. Im to jelouse. Im too uncomfortable with the idea. Not that I havent thought about it. To me, my "Wife" However im getting a divorce, shouldnt want or need another man in her life to make her happy. But thats just me. IDK, im old school on that I guess. Although I can see the appeal. I dont know, Im very torn about this subject.
OnceFuturePoly
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2011
- Posts
- 216
Thanks for the lyric, MaleThonger
I'm always looking for new non-monogamous songs, and I did not know about this one until now! If you know of any more, I'd love to hear them!
She Won't Cheat on Us
sirhugs
Riding to the Rescue
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2002
- Posts
- 40,359
and exploring the torn edges is at least half the appeal of the subject, and the stories. That's why the Anons who post the angry comments trashing Loving wives stories can't help coming back to read more.
billrichards41
okay then
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2009
- Posts
- 1,711
Yeah I don't think you are old school, I think swinging has gone on long before, but I am sure many of us aren't into the lifestyle. My ex suggested another woman into it and even that wasn't for me. Most people thought I was nuts for not going for that but to me it was not my thing. I was intimate with her and didn't want to share her or myself with anyone else. The fantasy and sex part was exciting but the reality was not. I think there is a reason for monogamy and for the expression sowing your oats, there is a time and place for everything. I think though, for me, a committed relationship is just that. If I put the effort into a person and a relationship I would rather not wake up to the chance that this person has found someone better and is moving on. they are entitled but I don's have the desire to facilitate it and in a sense be used as a place holder. But that's just me.
BuckyDuckman
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2011
- Posts
- 3,261
I don't understand a smoking fetish, foot fetish or golden showers. Here's something else I don't understand, why someone like Apathy would even bother to click on the title of this thread.
My wife and I have had an open marriage at times. Works for some, not for others. As for advice - a relationship is formed with at least two people with equal votes.
AdjectiveNounVerb
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2012
- Posts
- 221
I don't understand those fetishes either (much as I enjoy a cute foot), just as I don't understand this one, but I'd click on their threads for the same reason as I did this one: curiosity and wanting to try to figure the "why" of the fetish out.
And as for "at least two people with equal votes", true - but that vote can and sometimes should take the form of leaving the relationship. Which I think is an appropriate solution for someone wanting monogamy and someone wanting non-monogamy or for people with desires for incompatible forms of non-monogamy.
BuckyDuckman
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2011
- Posts
- 3,261
Monogamy issues are a single compatibility issue. To me, no greater or lesser than any other. Not better or worse than saying "you got fat." Or, "you don't want sex often enough for me."
The name of the thread implies to me that it was on the 'low down.'. Screwing around to me is a negative connotation of cheating or stepping out on while people who swing or have an open marriage it takes a lot of trust, communication and evolution in their relationship to get to that level of sharing without jealousy so I would use a different term than 'screwing around on' which to mean seems like the language of secrecy, deception and an affair or cheating by not having open communication about the relationship.
Hubby and I have been swinging over a year. Super awesome, all in good fun kind of thing. He's played alone with a single once, and I played alone with a single guy (with his premission) once. We've had lots of threesomes mfm, fmf, tons of foursomes, a six-some, and pure orgies at house parties. It's all amazing and hubby and I have learned to be very open with each other about lots of new things because of it.
luckyseven
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2005
- Posts
- 1,022
My wife and I have recently tried swinging but be absolutely sure you can handle the consequences. When we were swinging I was fine. It was very erotic seeing her having sex but afterwards a wave of jealousy hit me. I thought I had thoroughly thought the consequences through.
I had willingly let another guy put his cock in my wife and fuck her! What did I do!
I encouraged her to do this and she had really enjoyed herself. She allowed him to take her in numerous positions and enjoyed multiple orgasms.
When we got home I shared my anxiety and the insecurity I felt afterwards. My wife confessed she enjoyed being with another guy but I represented a lot more to her life than sex, and she would never leave all of those other things over a good screw.
We continue to swing and to us good swinging is something we both share and other people are additions to our sexual play, not replacements. We take heart in the knowledge that seeing each other enjoy having sex with others will never brake our love bond which growths stronger every year.
I had willingly let another guy put his cock in my wife and fuck her! What did I do!
I encouraged her to do this and she had really enjoyed herself. She allowed him to take her in numerous positions and enjoyed multiple orgasms.
When we got home I shared my anxiety and the insecurity I felt afterwards. My wife confessed she enjoyed being with another guy but I represented a lot more to her life than sex, and she would never leave all of those other things over a good screw.
We continue to swing and to us good swinging is something we both share and other people are additions to our sexual play, not replacements. We take heart in the knowledge that seeing each other enjoy having sex with others will never brake our love bond which growths stronger every year.
kelli_qcd
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 1, 1970
- Posts
- 1,370
I always find it interesting how on sites like these there are always people who post things liek this..... if these things and ideas upset you... why do you visit sites like this?
kind of like... "X" should not be allowed because I find it offensive... and you ahve no right to do or think something that i find offensive even though you do it whre i can't see it
kind of like... "X" should not be allowed because I find it offensive... and you ahve no right to do or think something that i find offensive even though you do it whre i can't see it
AdjectiveNounVerb
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2012
- Posts
- 221
Ah. To me, every compatibility issue is greater or lesser than every other, and that means a different degree of willingness/unwillingness to compromise for every one. "We have incompatible desires and expectations regarding monogamy or the way in which we go about being not monogamous" is on the uncompromising end of the spectrum for me, whereas "you don't want sex often enough for me" is a minor issue I'm willing to compromise on.
Similar threads
