Anyone out there let their wife screw around?

[isshogai7]

excuse me,if i express my thoughts,but i've always tought that threads here are like conversations,if you don't like the subject,you can just choose to not be part of it.Like when you watch tv,you don't like the movie,switch channel and that's it.
It's unnecessay to condemn something you don't like.And christian faith is based on forgiveness,not judgin other's peopleand their actions.
I just can't understand why you have to condemn people whose behaviour you don't like: that apply to everybody,including myself here ,that i'm writing this against narrow minded people.Live and let live.It seems strange to me to come back more than once to express strong contempt to other people's choices.I can choose to behave differently,without needing to attack someone else.
Just my humble opinion,and sorry for having bored you with that.

 

[SexyChele]

It is interesting that I see quite a few people here stating that Apathy is wrong for posting his/her views here, while at the same time stating that views on this subject should be accepted.

Granted, perhaps Apathy's choice of wording might have been better. He/she said the same thing. However, it appears to me that most here are condeming him/her for the very thing they are doing themselves. Think about it.

If I see a topic that interests me, I can post to it. Not all topics I post to are such that I agree and say "Yeah - go for it!" Many times, I disagree with a statement made or the topic in general. It is just as much my right to state my opinion to disagree as it is for some to state that they agree.

And, no, this is not like a television movie. A movie on TV is not interactive - I cannot talk to my TV and tell it that I don't like what it is showing me. (Well, I suppose there are folks out there that do that, but I am not one of those) This is an interactive environment that encourages folks of all opinions to speak out openly. Some people can phrase their disagreements in ways that others do not find offensive, others do not. But, there is no less right to do so.

If you don't like what Apathy said, fine. Read it and ignore it and move on. Intimating that he/she must be a Christian or making other assumptions about his/her character does nothing but simply put people in same boat as those they are saying are so terribly narrow-minded.

Fact is, there are people - and many of them - that do not regard spouse swapping as something that is healthy to a relationship. It is an opinion, and one I share, strongly. If others engage in it, so be it. But do not call me narrow-minded or make other assumptions regarding my character because I happen to disagree with something you might be engaging in.

All of these vehement disagreeing and defesiveness remarks only leads me to one saying, "Thou doth protest too much." If you enjoy what you are doing, then do it. Why worry so much about what one person says?

 

[peachykeen]

I don't get that anyone's saying that (ahem) 'Apathy' shouldn't post his/her views about the topic - only that he/she shouldn't be such a complete dickhead in doing it.

 

[isshogai7]

i was simply sayng that every wiew on the subject must be respected,without using moral comments,by either part.If you read carefully,i was blaming myself too..To me it was strange to reiterate what was already been said,and the christian subject was put on by someone else; different strokes for different people.The only thing i didn't like was ,on either part,such a strong condemnation of the other part's behaviour,and the need to be offensive.
About the tv mention,i was just sayng that ,like you said,you can answer or just ignore.
Chele,you've made a great exemple of expressing your wiew without being offensive,and i was hoping that everybody do the same.You can express your feelings and toughts without attacking someone else.
maybe i would not do that with my spouse,but i guess you had to be put in the situation first, and then decide.And everybody can do what they want for me.One man's meat can be other man's poison.
Besides, I 'm respecting the fact that some people has experienced that, before making a comment.

 

[astech8]

And the topic has become Apathy

One thing Apathy did accomplish was to get this thread completely off point. While the discussion is using the point it has become more of a tennis match on Apathy's post.

To get back to the main thrust of the thread.

When my wife and I decided to try swinging and also an open marriage one of the things we agreed on was that, other than with another couple, we would not have sex more than a few times with a new lover. Being in a group scene with another couple has it's on synergies. A long lasting relationship can lead to contempt. Dating and marriage,as we all know, is two entirely different worlds. While dating you try to be on your best behavior and that would not put that relationship on the same level as the spousal relationship. It is a dream world if you think that all husbands will act like they are on a date for 20 years likewise with a wife.

This arrangement worked quite well. I like many husbands was more interested in the voyeuristic side of this arrangement. Although I didn't get to witness my wife fuck very many men I have had the enjoyment of her telling me about her exploits. As we have gotten older the life style has pretty much ended. But I still get the benefit of hearing about all those wicked and evil nights she spent getting screwed. She kept to the agreed upon arraignment of sleeping with others only a few times. With the exception of a Don Juan I worked with in the offshore oil industries. The great thing about that relationship was that he was into numbers so and would find new skirts to chase after a very short time.

So regardless of how you feel about this lifestyle many have tried it. And from the, what is it 150,000 members here, there are a bunch who have tried this lifestyle and a whole lot more who would like to. The stories attest to that.

 

[cuervorose]

Sorry, a note about Apathy, again.

Chele, I believe that everyone has the right to state their opinion in every thread, whether they agree or disagree. What Apathy did was not attack the behavior, he attacked the people. I also do not base my response only on what he said in this thread, but in the fact that comments he has made in other threads are also purely inflammatory. To swingers and non swingers alike, whatever you choose to do, be happy in doing so!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I'm still waiting to find some guy willing to let his wife screw around with me...and a wife crazy enough to do it!

 

[curvacious]

my SO and I are looking into swinging. He finds the idea of watching another person getting me off to be extremely erotic (and well, so do I). I want him to enjoy these moments also and I would like to see him get off with another person as well.

 

[Allanon_the_Druid]

Thanks for bringing us back on topic...

my SO and I are looking into swinging. He finds the idea of watching another person getting me off to be extremely erotic (and well, so do I). I want him to enjoy these moments also and I would like to see him get off with another person as well.

It is very erotic. At least we think so. Talk about it alot, take the time to pick a couple that you really feel comfortable with and have fun...then come back here and tell us all about it.

 

[curvacious]

here i am----letting you know how it went.

Found a couple and we went out once to meet. Then went to their house another time----made out a bit and had fun. Then last weekend we had them to our apartment. It was fun. Since we had met before we were fairly comfy with them. I liked hearing my bf and the girl together. I already told her that I would like to go down on her sometime----want to see if I can get another woman off.
I think the biggest success so far is finding a couple that we were compatible with out of the bedroom. We wanted people that we had more in common with than just fun sex and so far that's happened.
I'll tell ya more later if ya want.

 

[Mstrskey]

I don't particularly care for the screwing around label...

but my husband and I have what many would term an open marriage and have for many years now.

I will attempt to explain the situation.
The person with whom we are regularly intimate has been a mutual friend since childhood. The three of us grew up together, went to school together, suffered through heartbreak, triumph and tradgedy, together. I helped debunk the myths about women for them and they in turn helped explain men to me. We came of age together so to speak.
My husband and I became engaged shortly after my senior year of high school, but being the young man that he was it didn't take him long to stray once we were apart. He confessed this to me of his own accord and broken hearted I broke off our engagement. Needless to say I ran to my best friend for consolation, and my husband to his for advice. Awkwardly for all of us they were the same person. Addittionally awkward was the fact that my friend upon hearing the news of my broken engagement also confessed that he had feelings for me.
He and I entered into a brief relationship, which was wonderful, but in the end we agreed that we could not bear to risk our friendship if the relationship were to end badly. We ended the relationship and to his credit my friend set to repairing the damage my husbands "affair" had done to ours.
Time passed, my husband and I did reconcile and marry and eventually we all three went our speperate ways. Our friend became almost reclusive, hardly writing, calling, or visiting. His own marriage ended after only a few months and he came home to deal with his divorce papers and talk to an old friend about his troubles. As he sat there unburdening his heart he seemd uneasy and distant and when we finally confronted him about it, he explained to me that he was leary of getting to close to me again because the feelings were still there and although he loved me deeply he loved my husband as well and would never have caused him pain for the world. We began to talk, the three of us and soon the arrangement we have now was born.
My husband is a voyuer, watching me has always turned him on.
We had both discussed bringing a third into our bed, but agreed it would have to be a person we could trust, and neither one of us was thinking of a casual sex encounter.
None of us wanted to loose our friend as part of our lives, or for him to be uncomfortable around us and so....
VIOLA!! He became the one we opened our marriage to. It's an unusual arrangement to be certain, but it has worked for us for over 5 years now.
So does my husband " let" me screw around persay, No. But do I have sex with another man outside my marriage that he is aware of, yes.

 

[Allanon_the_Druid]

Sounds like it was fun!

here i am----letting you know how it went.

Found a couple and we went out once to meet. Then went to their house another time----made out a bit and had fun. Then last weekend we had them to our apartment. It was fun. Since we had met before we were fairly comfy with them. I liked hearing my bf and the girl together. I already told her that I would like to go down on her sometime----want to see if I can get another woman off.
I think the biggest success so far is finding a couple that we were compatible with out of the bedroom. We wanted people that we had more in common with than just fun sex and so far that's happened.
I'll tell ya more later if ya want.

That's great curvs! I am glad to hear you had fun, and you are right about the biggest success. Have fun...and of course we want to hear more

 

[zenobia]

sirhugs - stfu and die plz

personally, i think anyone who would say "shut the fuck up and die please" should be ignored, if not booted.

should anyone be interested in polyamory (also called responsible non-monogamy) i'll be happy to discuss it.

also i've heard several people describe candaulism, which is a fetish in which men get off watching their wives/partners with another man.

 

[NovaGuy]

We would have to run out of all our own fantasies that we could fulfill for only eachother first. Then both be in total agreement to try it out (test run). However I do think that you could mess things up that way. It would be much easier with someone you didn't love.

 

[James MacGregor]

*Following the thread with interest when suddenly, distracted and definately drawn to Cuervorose's AV...stumbling like a zombie and doing the "Homer Simpson Drool" *...Guuuhhhhh...

 

[threeormoresome]

Swinging and polyamory

I find it really interesting that the conversation seems to have moved from swinging to polyamory. One being more casual sex and that other being more emotionally involved.

We support both, but also deeply respect people who know that they do not want it for themselves.

We've been married 10 years and have had an open marriage for the last five. Most of our encounters have been as a group, although we are also secure enough in our relationship that the occassionaly private encounter is fine, too. The nice thing about swinging is that there are no emotional strings. The nice thing about polyamory is that when there are emotions involved, sex seems so much more fulfilling.

We'd be polyamorous if possible (committed to another woman or couple) but until we find that, we are happy with ocassionally having fun with others.

The best part of all in this lifestyle - for us - isn't the sex, but the closeness we now share with each other. We've learned to honestly look at what we each want (and what we want together) and talk about it. That wasn't so easy for us before we opened up. And we hadn't even realized it. We thought we were as close as could be, but we came to realize that neither of us was very comfortable with sharing fantasies (among other things).

Those that aren't interested in opening their relationship do well to decide so as Chele has done - with much consideration of the pros and cons. There are emotional and physical risks and for some people this would not be a healthy lifestyle choice. For otherse, like myself and my husband, it is immensely healthy and rewarding.

Just my two cents.

 

[Zilla]

I don't know if it's quite the same as "swinging", but I have a long-standing fantasy of bringing another guy into the bedroom, and my boyfriend is even up for it. I am just afraid of it opening a can of worms and emotions turning sour. What I have with him is so amazing I don't want to risk screwing it up, even if he IS willing to do it. Neither of us have ever done it before, so who knows how either of us will feel when it's over.

At the same time, I know I am DEFINITELY not cool with him bringing another woman into the bedroom. And if I have my fantasy and don't let him have his, it's not only unfair but could lead to him resenting me and other nasty things like that.

I would love to be with two guys at once but I am pretty sure as long as I am in a relationship with one of them it will never happen.

 

[Lady Tango]

I don't know if it's quite the same as "swinging", but I have a long-standing fantasy of bringing another guy into the bedroom, and my boyfriend is even up for it. I am just afraid of it opening a can of worms and emotions turning sour. What I have with him is so amazing I don't want to risk screwing it up, even if he IS willing to do it. Neither of us have ever done it before, so who knows how either of us will feel when it's over.

At the same time, I know I am DEFINITELY not cool with him bringing another woman into the bedroom. And if I have my fantasy and don't let him have his, it's not only unfair but could lead to him resenting me and other nasty things like that.

I would love to be with two guys at once but I am pretty sure as long as I am in a relationship with one of them it will never happen.

I tend to agree. Having a fantasy is one thing but to carry it out is something quite different. I am sure our relationship would survive if we were to sleep with someone else. But whilst there is the slightest doubt then I'm afraid swinging/threesomes will remain an unfulfilled fantasy.

 

[wonderful]

Lady Tango, you're on the money. To force anything, or to risk anything isn't worth it.

However, if it happens naturally ... and we are living proof it can ... you will discover something from another dimension in your relationship.

 

[HotPepper]

Re: I don't particularly care for the screwing around label...

but my husband and I have what many would term an open marriage and have for many years now.

I will attempt to explain the situation.
The person with whom we are regularly intimate has been a mutual friend since childhood. The three of us grew up together, went to school together, suffered through heartbreak, triumph and tradgedy, together. I helped debunk the myths about women for them and they in turn helped explain men to me. We came of age together so to speak.
My husband and I became engaged shortly after my senior year of high school, but being the young man that he was it didn't take him long to stray once we were apart. He confessed this to me of his own accord and broken hearted I broke off our engagement. Needless to say I ran to my best friend for consolation, and my husband to his for advice. Awkwardly for all of us they were the same person. Addittionally awkward was the fact that my friend upon hearing the news of my broken engagement also confessed that he had feelings for me.
He and I entered into a brief relationship, which was wonderful, but in the end we agreed that we could not bear to risk our friendship if the relationship were to end badly. We ended the relationship and to his credit my friend set to repairing the damage my husbands "affair" had done to ours.
Time passed, my husband and I did reconcile and marry and eventually we all three went our speperate ways. Our friend became almost reclusive, hardly writing, calling, or visiting. His own marriage ended after only a few months and he came home to deal with his divorce papers and talk to an old friend about his troubles. As he sat there unburdening his heart he seemd uneasy and distant and when we finally confronted him about it, he explained to me that he was leary of getting to close to me again because the feelings were still there and although he loved me deeply he loved my husband as well and would never have caused him pain for the world. We began to talk, the three of us and soon the arrangement we have now was born.
My husband is a voyuer, watching me has always turned him on.
We had both discussed bringing a third into our bed, but agreed it would have to be a person we could trust, and neither one of us was thinking of a casual sex encounter.
None of us wanted to loose our friend as part of our lives, or for him to be uncomfortable around us and so....
VIOLA!! He became the one we opened our marriage to. It's an unusual arrangement to be certain, but it has worked for us for over 5 years now.
So does my husband " let" me screw around persay, No. But do I have sex with another man outside my marriage that he is aware of, yes.

Excellent rendition of your experience. While I do not wish for the pain you mentioned, I do wish for the pleasure for me and my wife. Thanks for sharing your romantic story.

 

[curvacious]

Got together again with our friends. Had an awesome time. Met up at a bar and watching her flirt with my SO was getting me sooo worked up so I had to ask him if they could come to our place and he was like "it's up to you". Argh----I hate that answer. I think part of it is that he wants me to just tell him what I really want-----I'm bad at getting things I want in a round-about way. So we invited them over. The place is a mess----had Adam and Eve catalogs on the floor----the new one had come that day so of course I had to look it over to see if the free stuff was going to worth placing an order. They looked over the catalogs and than started making out. Few minutes later we were switching partners and clothes were coming off (yea!). she and my SO went to the bedroom----while i went down on him and then was played with---all the while listening to him and her (soooo hot). Went to the bedroom and quietly asked him if he would mind if i went down on his wife (i had asked her in previous conversations if it would be ok) and he said it was cool. Then I had to tell my SO that it was my turn (his hand was in the way). So I started kissing her breast (my SO was kissing other one) and when I pulled away she grabbed the back of my head and kissed me (oh my god! I was loving that but wishing I didn't have a cold since I was not up to par on my kissing abilities----maybe I'll have the chance to try again). Anyways----I made my way down and being a girl had to orient myself a little-----hey, it's my first time going down on a girl-----the pussies i've seen have been on video, on the computer, or the mirror and in fairly good light too(two licks and I knew where things were ). So while the guys were kissing, licking, and touching her all over I was using my tongue on her clit. I had fun----I can be such a tease though (licking along the sides). Hope I get to do it again----she was fun to go down on and tasted pretty good too. hmmm---there's always next time.

 

[Lady Tango]

Lady Tango, you're on the money. To force anything, or to risk anything isn't worth it.

However, if it happens naturally ... and we are living proof it can ... you will discover something from another dimension in your relationship.

You are so right, it has to happen naturally - but for us it hasn't happened yet. But who knows the future has in store.

 

[77Cobra]

Sharing the wife

The wife and I got into the threesomes a few years back,MMF.It was a mutual friend of ours and we both had a blast, got together a couple nights a week for a whole summer.It really improved our sex life even when it was just the wife and I.She was open to try more new and exciting things.We were even going to add a third guy also but it never worked out.Then suddenly the wife decided that to her that was cheating on me to have threesomes.So we no longer do that anymore.But she still fantasizes about it and from time to time while I am making love to her she will up and say shit like God I wish I had a big cock to suck on while you fuck me.But that is as far as it goes.At first she said that since I let her have two cocks that it would only be fair to let me have two women.But I passed because she is the jealous type.But now as it has ended up the way it has, I wish I would have said hell yes let's go for it.I would love to do the threesome thing again but she say's she no longer wants that in reality.She wants it to remain a fantasy.To me there is nothing as exciting as seeing her get so worked up with two men that she is willing to do anything we ask practically.I never saw her as horny as when there were two cocks for her to suck and fuck.Maybe some day she may change her mind.But as I told her I want it to be her idea or because she wants to ,not because I want to.

 

[Myopic One]

I did, and have a different take than all those who say it's great.

My ex and I were married five years when I reluctantly agreed. She was a virgin when we met (so she said) and said she just wanted to try it once, to see what it was like. I had my doubts, but eventually gave in, though I made it clear that it was to be just once, to satisfy her curiosity.

Afterward, she said it wasn't anything special, and that it was better with me. A few months later, everyone but me knew she was cheating around. My ex-friends never breathed a word to me; it took someone who was a casual acquaintence who felt sorry for me because I was a "good guy" to open my eyes.

Suddenly, the signs that were there all along fell into place. I had been unable to put the pieces together in that way because I trusted her totally and believed the explanations and apologies she made.

Would she have done it if I hadn't gone along with that first time? For the longest time, I told myself that things would have been different, but now I admit I have no idea. In fact, I now doubt everything she'd ever told me. But would I ever agree to this with my current SO? Guess.

And yeah, I'm tempted to say "shut the fuck up and die" to those who espouse it. Bitter? Who, me?

 

[Bobmi357]

To those in stable open relationships this is probably something you can do and enjoy. More power to you.

Personally its not my cup of tea, and ordinarily I wouldn't post to a thread I had little interest in. But Apathy's comments caught my eye. While his wording was unnecessarily harsh and judgementive, so were the replies to him, calling him closed minded as well being on the wrong site.

He expressed an opinion, badly in my humble opinion, but an opinion nonetheless. And thats all it was.

I don't think I could sit idlely by and watch the woman I love making love to another man. Nor, thank god, has she ever expressed any desire to do so. If that makes me closed minded so be it. The world is filled with different types of people, some can swing, some can't. I will not condemn someone for doing what I cannot.

I will however offer one alternative to those couples that find they want to take their marriage vows seriously and still wouldn't mind dipping into this realm if only on at a superficial level. A couple men have posted that they enjoyed watching their woman orgasm and I couldn't agree more with them. Watching my woman orgasm is supremely hot. So if you want to watch her come, why not try video taping yourselves sometime? It would provide you with an instantly available source of her coming. It would give you a little taste of what life on the other side of the fence may be like, and still allow you to remain true to yourselves and your marriage vows.