What do you miss the most and how do you cope?

[riverrunt]

Mine is different, my wife is losing to cancer, it's been 4 months sense a kiss, chemo makes her mouth blister and sore. I do miss sex, making love. Even if we were not that good at it. I don't want to make this a sad post,,,, guys hug your lovers.

 

[littlemissplaced]

He's not gone often anymore

at most for a month, but when he's gone I miss his smell and his warmth. And I miss opening the door and welcoming him home at the end of horrible days.
I put on one of his shirts and splash his cologne on me and go to bed.
I've felt the anger even though it's not his fault. But I had to get over that because it's just not productive.
*hugs if you're missing someone*

 

[oxphocker]

Three years so far for me...had to take a job across the country and now we only see each other for a few weeks every six months or so.

I think some of the biggest problems are that we were only together for about six months before I had to leave and take this job so we were still learning a lot about each other and the distance has put a real strain on that. She's not very good at communicating online and most of our conversations are very bland which has started to upset me in this past year. Even with video skype, she isn't very inclined to talk much....I have to drag conversations along at times because she never takes the initative. I've even brought this up before but I don't know if she realizes how much it bothers me.

On the sex side of things, she was a virgin before me...and while our sex life is ok when in person, it's completely non-existent online. She was abused when she was younger and so she gets very uncomfortable around the topic of sexuality. I've been trying to help her out but I'm not a therapist and I can't get her to talk about it all that often. It's incredibly stressful to be isolated away from friends, family, and have to deal with an SO with issues. I've honestly thought about saying enough is enough several times now but I just don't know.

I agree that communication is a huge part of an LDR, and if you can't get that part to work there probably isn't much chance for the long run.

 

[southern_gal]

I'm sorry for bumping a thread with so much dust on it but I am feeling almost lost this morning. My husband left earlier to go back to work and will be gone for four weeks. Two working and two training at another well. It is hurting more than I can remember for a long time. I try not to cry when he leaves but these last few days have been the best ones we've shared in over a year or more. He was his old self and made me feel wanted like he used to. I cannot bring myself to ask him to leave the offshore oil field because he loves it so much but I cannot keep hurting like this for who knows how many years. I wish someone had magic words to make the pain go away when you are missing someone so much and hate being alone.

 

[riannauk]

to me its always a hug and the smell, i dont know if thts weird but to me its a comforting thing

 

[dumbeg4]

Southern Gal, sorry to hear of your pain.It must be so hard to bear.
My g/f and I are often apart for weeks,even though we're retired and should be capable of arranging something better.
I survive by enjoying those times I'm alone..eating what and when I like,going to bed when I like,playing the music I like,watching the TV shows I want to watch,watching porn when I want...there are many benefits but there are many times when I reach out for her in bed or on the sofa and sadly realise she's hundreds of miles away. We talk of trivialities on the phone every night.
I HOPE YOUR MAN STAYS HOME FOR EVER VERY SOON.

 

[KrazyWhiteBoy]

No need for the apology! You've got to vent. I'm glad he at least acted his old self during this last home time and hopefully he will continue at future home times. It won't make the separation easier, but I'm sure it will be a little more tolerable. I know that in my situation I can hear the difference in my wife's voice after a good weekend at home compared to a crap one.

I understand your hesitation in asking him to change jobs, but I wouldn't hesitate to tell him you expect more of the same treatment you received this last time. *hugs*

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I don't get the pain part when she fantasizes about black lovers while the cats away.

 

[zipgun]

Mine is different, my wife is losing to cancer, it's been 4 months sense a kiss, chemo makes her mouth blister and sore. I do miss sex, making love. Even if we were not that good at it. I don't want to make this a sad post,,,, guys hug your lovers.

how are you doing?

 

[curiousdreamer51]

It Takes a Real Effort

Being oilfield trash for 45 years and having spent far too many times apart I sympathize. My wife will usually tuck little trinkets and treats into my luggage in spots that are not immediately apparent when I unpack.....brings a smile when I discover the item. I also hide notes in a drawer as surprises for her. Sweet and sometimes racy notes. Text messages of ALL kinds... It helps.

What I really miss most are the quiet times we spend together, No words needed a quiet walk in the woods and long, slow, lingering touches in the dark!

 

[unregistered]

 

[JekyllHydeGrl]

I have not been around for a few weeks and am finally back to normal. This past time that my husband left will be for an extended time and I have done a lot of thinking these past weeks. Have you ever been mad at someone for doing what they must do even tho you knew you had no right to be mad? How about crying because they are not around yet being mad at them at the same time? Or maybe sitting around and feeling so horny you could literally almost climb the walls yet if your partner walked in at that moment you'd be so conflicted with emotions about them being gone that the last thing you'd do is give them sex? See what I have been dealing with? I am being selfish but aren't we allowed that sometimes? I have decided that there are many things I am willing to sacrifice in order for him not to have to do what he does if it means I am not alone all the time anymore. Problem is he loves his job and I hate it now. What the hell am I to do? I am a mess.

I know what you mean. I don't have such a long distance thing, but my hubby is gone pretty much every other day for 24 hours. And when he is home, he is often on call and has to leave on his off time. H know it's his job, but it makes me so mad sometimes. Being a stay at home mom of two small babies gets frustrating and lonely caring for them both all the time. I miss adult conversation and I sort of resent his freedom. Anyway, *hugs*!!!

 

[pete]

I'd like to have had more time with my mom. And for my daughters to have met her.

 

[Noor]

We were apparently quite good at this LDR thing, but we had both had years of experience when we were younger, so I imagine we had made our mistakes on other people.
We are also both introverts, so we had to balance talking with being quiet with each other. We talked and did fun stuff like watching movies and shows together over skype, sent emails, I sent coded messages, he left them for me hidden in posts online. We had our places wired so we could hear each other when we were doing mundane things like working on stuff, cleaning, cooking, eating, showering and sleeping. It was kind of like we were in the same place. We also listened to music together.
We sent photos from wherever we were when we were out. I told him everyday how I felt about him, in lots of different ways, ciphers, puzzles, other languages, spelled in llama, pictures written in snow, pictures of rearranged store displays, heiroglyphs, whatever...
I also gave him Moo, a robotic hamster for a companion and an amulet so he was never alone when I was out of contact.
Oh, also the Life360 app, so he could track me when I was traveling if he wanted to know where I was. He went to medical stuff with me via the phone and Skype.

If he were still alive right now, I would have been putting the mic on mute so as to not wake up, checking online to see if he was awake, taking a picture of the snow falling, sending it from my phone, getting back into bed, unmute the mic and heading back to sleep.

We used Skype, Facebook, emails, PMs, phones, text messages, photos, video, us mail. Early on it was hard when he would disappear to work, and couldn't hear anything through the headphones. After a bit he would send me a picture of his keyboards in his studio so I would know where he was and that he was working.
It isn't as if we really needed to be in each others pockets so much as not worrying. He would have parental emergencies, and I was kind of accident prone and ill this past year.

I miss everything about him even the drama and hissy fits. I miss hearing him say when I wake up "oh, there you are" as if he just found me despite our having been on skype together all night, or several hours into work hearing him say "what doing?" and the noises of him quietly puttering around. His distracting me and making me laugh when I was in pain or prepping for medical tests. The pictures of our groceries and reading the receipts together. Just weird little things.

The lists of things we were going to do, places to go, things we would see, the lists of things to watch. "Put it on the list..." I miss him trying to sell me on Fresno and how we just need to watch, listen and/or try this thing he just found, remembered, needs to hear for the zillionth time...

I miss him quietly talking to me when he thought I was asleep and biting back my laughter. In general, I miss his voice and the laughter. His joy of life and things. His sounds and laughing when he was happy. His voices depending on mood.

Today is our first major snow storm. I will miss driving in blizzards and heavy snow with him on the car bluetooth and the relief in his voice when I reach my destination.

 

[snugglestruggle]

I miss the carefree days when I didn't have as much responsibility as I do now. How Do I cope?

I'll say or do stupid stuff when I need a break the most. That's my cue to take a break. I stop and just try to grab some fun wherever or with whomever I'm with.
Sometimes it's on here other times not. You do what you gotta do, there's no such thing as perfect anything.

 

[Noor]

Coping

I have pretty full life of activities, art, work, friends.
I listen to music he liked but not stuff that was real important to us.
I have Moo, his bear, the amulet and I sleep under his afghan. I have some other things but they are put away.
I don't always feel like being social or dealing with a world that no longer includes him but I interact with his friends, my friends, mutual friends, lit friends, post on facebook and here. My heart isn't always in it but I go through the motions and it becomes real.

I remember us worrying about coping with a possible two week separation, that seems like nothing compared to forever.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Noor]

Noor,

 

[DiskoTroop]

being at sea..... I cope by getting there as frequently as I can but it isn't enough.

 

[southern_gal]

Holidays are so difficult when he's gone. I am lucky tho because my family is here and we are having a family dinner tomorrow. Hubs volunteered to work cause that's the kind of guy he is. One of the reasons I love him. He stays so others can go home. It's nice to get to see lots of family that I don't always get to see. Hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving.

 

[KrazyWhiteBoy]

Hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving.

Thank you! Hope yours is as well. I get home Friday and we'll have dinner Sunday. It's hard to remember the last time we actually had dinner on the actual holiday.

 

[Kitty]

To all the Litizens who have spouses or partners that work away from home, what do you miss the most about them when they are not there with you? Is it their voice? Their smile or laugh? Maybe their way of making things better just by being around? The sex? Mine works in the gulf and is gone for weeks at a time and I have found that it is simply his touch. Ever gone a few weeks without even a hug and you find yourself just wanting some arms around you? I have and still do. We usually even watch tv sitting together on a loveseat so we are never far apart when he is home. How do you deal with the extended time apart and has it made your bond stronger or caused problems? Hoping everyone has their loved one with them for the holidays.

Well I broke up with mine over the summer, and I was depressed and suicidal, but that is neither here nor there.

 

[southern_gal]

Holidays are so difficult when he's gone. I am lucky tho because my family is here and we are having a family dinner tomorrow. Hubs volunteered to work cause that's the kind of guy he is. One of the reasons I love him. He stays so others can go home. It's nice to get to see lots of family that I don't always get to see. Hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving.

 

[southern_gal]

yesterday a friend of mine said at christmas, she most misses.......snow. She lived in ohio for years and misses snow. I've never actually seen a real snow fall in person. We get a few flakes falling every couple of years but not anything that shows up on the ground. Don't think I'd miss the cold weather that comes with the snow however.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

yesterday a friend of mine said at christmas, she most misses.......snow. She lived in ohio for years and misses snow. I've never actually seen a real snow fall in person. We get a few flakes falling every couple of years but not anything that shows up on the ground. Don't think I'd miss the cold weather that comes with the snow however.

How'd them black studs work out for you?