The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[fed0ra]

and out comes Capucine.

I put in Sophia Loren...

She belts out 'Guarda la Luna' in a sexy gown.

I put in a St Pete

 

[Tio_Narratore]

She belts out 'Guarda la Luna' in a sexy gown.

I put in a St Pete

and your Beach Blanket Bingo really is.

I put in fond memories of Annette...

 

[fed0ra]

and your Beach Blanket Bingo really is.

I put in fond memories of Annette...

And there you receive a hologram message from Annette dressed as Princess Leis, sitting on St Pete's lap, sharing oysters.

I put in a finca in spain

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And there you receive a hologram message from Annette dressed as Princess Leis, sitting on St Pete's lap, sharing oysters.

I put in a finca in spain

and you're suddenly el hombre de la Mancha.

I put in a Barca win on a Messi hat trick...

 

[fed0ra]

and you're suddenly el hombre de la Mancha.

I put in a Barca win on a Messi hat trick...

Who trips over a 'Real' windmill.

I put tapas bars on the agenda

 

[stickygirl]

Who trips over a 'Real' windmill.

I put tapas bars on the agenda

but there is no gender bar

I put a Pizzicato Polka

 

[fed0ra]

but there is no gender bar

I put a Pizzicato Polka

You inherit a violin with no strings attached.

I put an Audi on the autobahn

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You inherit a violin with no strings attached.

I put an Audi on the autobahn

and you run out of gas just at your own ausfahrt.

I put in a Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow convertible on the moyenne corniche...

 

[fed0ra]

and you run out of gas just at your own ausfahrt.

I put in a Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow convertible on the moyenne corniche...

The French mistake you for a citoyen and take your SS away as payment for back taxes.


I put in a visit to the Dead Sea

 

[Tio_Narratore]

The French mistake you for a citoyen and take your SS away as payment for back taxes.


I put in a visit to the Dead Sea

and you meet the Unsinkable Molly Brown.

I put in undrinkable water...

 

[fed0ra]

and you meet the Unsinkable Molly Brown.

I put in undrinkable water...

You find yourself in a desert safari.

I belt out "I ain't down yet" as I float on the Nile

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You find yourself in a desert safari.

I belt out "I ain't down yet" as I float on the Nile

and a couple of crocodiles have a different idea.

I put in a shoreline walk with the Bangles...

 

[fed0ra]

and a couple of crocodiles have a different idea.

I put in a shoreline walk with the Bangles...

And you transform into a zombie Egyptian having breakfast with Morsi.

I put an SOS to Dundee.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you transform into a zombie Egyptian having breakfast with Morsi.

I put an SOS to Dundee.

and you get an emergency shipment of jam, jute, and journalism sent on RRS Discovery.

I put in a Celtic Fringe...

 

[Handley_Page]

And you transform into a zombie Egyptian having breakfast with Morsi.

I put an SOS to Dundee.

but the cake has been eaten already.



I put in a Cherry Genoa

 

[fed0ra]

but the cake has been eaten already.



I put in a Cherry Genoa

Genoa submerges. The cherry pops.

I put in a trip to Mardi Gras in Brazil.

 

[Handley_Page]

Genoa submerges. The cherry pops.

I put in a trip to Mardi Gras in Brazil.

and come home in an ambulance.



I put in a new Sound Card.

 

[fed0ra]

and come home in an ambulance.



I put in a new Sound Card.

Damn it! I could have had a good time in Brazil

Charlie Rose says hello from inside the sound system.

I put in hours volunteering at the local library

 

[Handley_Page]

Damn it! I could have had a good time in Brazil

Charlie Rose says hello from inside the sound system.

I put in hours volunteering at the local library

Thus saving the Local Authority loads of money which they now spend on having a conference in Italy.



I put in an over-due library book

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Thus saving the Local Authority loads of money which they now spend on having a conference in Italy.



I put in an over-due library book

and you're sentenced to shelf read the entire reference section of the British Library.

I put in the Dewey 800s...

 

[PinkPeep]

Machine is down and out of order due to PinkPeep, being stuck deep in the pink.

*shivers*

 

[NekoParks]

and you're sentenced to shelf read the entire reference section of the British Library.

I put in the Dewey 800s...

and you get a cornucopia of classical literature...

I put in a kinetoscope. . . .

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get a cornucopia of classical literature...

I put in a kinetoscope. . . .

But due to a misunderstanding you are now scheduled for a colonoscopy.



I put in a doctor with big hands.

 

[steve44uk]

But due to a misunderstanding you are now scheduled for a colonoscopy.



I put in a doctor with big hands.

... who can't operate on erectile dysfunction cases because she doesn't want to make your dick look small.

I put in a Lego Star Wars Imperial Star Cruiser...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

... who can't operate on erectile dysfunction cases because she doesn't want to make your dick look small.

I put in a Lego Star Wars Imperial Star Cruiser...

But a mad mother throws it into the back yard after stepping on it in the middle of the night.



I put in slippers.