The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

You get invited to spend a weekend with Jo Brand.

I put in a collection of Art Buchwald books.

and you get invited to a dozen DC parties.

I put in a visit from Marg Delahunty, Princess Warrior...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r55aONsoIlw

 

[fed0ra]

and you get invited to a dozen DC parties.

I put in a visit from Marg Delahunty, Princess Warrior...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r55aONsoIlw

You get invited to her next ambush.

I put in an evening with Georgia O'Keeffe

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You get invited to her next ambush.

I put in an evening with Georgia O'Keeffe

and you wonder why you keep staring at those flowers she's painted.

I put in a night with Frida Kahlo...

 

[fed0ra]

and you wonder why you keep staring at those flowers she's painted.

I put in a night with Frida Kahlo...

You lay next to her and stare at the ceiling.

I put in high tea in Henry's court

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You lay next to her and stare at the ceiling.

I put in high tea in Henry's court

and he returns the service.

I put the ball in your court...

 

[fed0ra]

and he returns the service.

I put the ball in your court...

I put in an evening at six flags (shudder)

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I put in an evening at six flags (shudder)

and you had actually hoped for seventh heaven.

I put in four horsemen...

(and a complaint about being shortchanged by the machine...)

 

[fed0ra]

and you had actually hoped for seventh heaven.

I put in four horsemen...

(and a complaint about being shortchanged by the machine...)

They leave you with Anne Bonny in return for a casket of change

I put in a day back in school, with the disapproving nun

 

[Tio_Narratore]

They leave you with Anne Bonny in return for a casket of change

I put in a day back in school, with the disapproving nun

and you get your knuckles rapped with a wooden ruler.

I put in an appointment with the father confessor...

 

[fed0ra]

and you get your knuckles rapped with a wooden ruler.

I put in an appointment with the father confessor...

The people scheduled after you are forced to reschedule.

I put in dinner with Immanuel Kant

 

[Tio_Narratore]

The people scheduled after you are forced to reschedule.

I put in dinner with Immanuel Kant

and you get a prolegomena for antipasto.

I put in Eco's Platypus...

 

[fed0ra]

and you get a prolegomena for antipasto.

I put in Eco's Platypus...

I hop on the bus with my camera and my journal


I put in sunscreen & bug spray

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I hop on the bus with my camera and my journal


I put in sunscreen & bug spray

and the other trekkers praise your foresight.

I put the cat back out in the outback...

 

[fed0ra]

and the other trekkers praise your foresight.

I put the cat back out in the outback...

& miss the bus.

I put in some obscure wine yard

 

[Tio_Narratore]

& miss the bus.

I put in some obscure wine yard

and your guests enjoy Chateau de Plonq, 2013.

I put in a packet of sweetened cherry kool-aid...

 

[fed0ra]

and your guests enjoy Chateau de Plonq, 2013.

I put in a packet of sweetened cherry kool-aid...

You breakout in hives from the 100% glob.

I raise a toast to cherry Kool aid (do they have it in Australia?)

 

[Handley_Page]

You breakout in hives from the 100% glob.

I raise a toast to cherry Kool aid (do they have it in Australia?)

One can die finding out.



I put in a slice of fresh toast

 

[fed0ra]

One can die finding out.



I put in a slice of fresh toast

The butter serves itself.

I put out a hand, steal the buttered toast

 

[Handley_Page]

The butter serves itself.

I put out a hand, steal the buttered toast

the hand gets severed by a strong blade.


I put in a cup of tea

 

[fed0ra]

the hand gets severed by a strong blade.


I put in a cup of tea

Turns out its Kool aid.

Thinks the hand holding the blade is mean, puts in a request for a ride to the ER.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Turns out its Kool aid.

Thinks the hand holding the blade is mean, puts in a request for a ride to the ER.

and you get your hand sewn back on, but it's upside-down.

I put in an erotic short story in mirror-image writing...

 

[fed0ra]

and you get your hand sewn back on, but it's upside-down.

I put in an erotic short story in mirror-image writing...

Your story tops the NYT list, pushing out 50 shades.

I put in a fresh baguette

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Your story tops the NYT list, pushing out 50 shades.

I put in a fresh baguette

and you get a cafe-au-lait.

I put in a croque-monsieur...

 

[fed0ra]

and you get a cafe-au-lait.

I put in a croque-monsieur...

It gets switched with the cafe au lait.

I put in a cappuccino

 

[Tio_Narratore]

It gets switched with the cafe au lait.

I put in a cappuccino

and out comes Capucine.

I put in Sophia Loren...