The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[SailorJerry]

and they taste like camel dung.

I put in some dinosaur poo.

and you get a Paleo-biologist with an interest in Coprolites.

I put in another kind of movement.

 

[Austin8]

and you get a Paleo-biologist with an interest in Coprolites.

I put in another kind of movement.

and you get a MC Hammer move that can only be performed after consuming a couple of ever-clear, cranberry juice drinks; while wearing pajama pants.

I put in a matching pajama top

 

[Noor]

and you get a MC Hammer move that can only be performed after consuming a couple of ever-clear, cranberry juice drinks; while wearing pajama pants.

I put in a matching pajama top

and you get bunny slippers

I put in a hot water bottle

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get bunny slippers

I put in a hot water bottle

filled with cold water !

I put in a kettle

 

[Tio_Narratore]

filled with cold water !

I put in a kettle

and it whistles; you know how to whistle, don't you, HP? You just put your lips together and... blow.

I put in a photo of Bacall...

 

[Noor]

and it whistles; you know how to whistle, don't you, HP? You just put your lips together and... blow.

I put in a photo of Bacall...

and you get a Betty

I put in semi-sweet chocolate chips

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a Betty

I put in semi-sweet chocolate chips

and you're only half satisfied.

I put in Sweet Marie...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you're only half satisfied.

I put in Sweet Marie...

but she's real bitter !


I put in a pint of English Bitter (beer)

 

[YoursSINSerely]

but she's real bitter !


I put in a pint of English Bitter (beer)

and, I pour you a second one since you are into booze and all these days!

I put in a bowl of pretzels.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, I pour you a second one since you are into booze and all these days!

I put in a bowl of pretzels.

and you discover some interesting knots.

I put in a lady who's all tied up this weekend...

 

[Austin8]

and you discover some interesting knots.

I put in a lady who's all tied up this weekend...

and it takes three strong fire rescue workers, a rig axe, Jaws Of Life, and a calming poem written by Ruth Bidgood, to get her free!

I put in a shroud knot

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and it takes three strong fire rescue workers, a rig axe, Jaws Of Life, and a calming poem written by Ruth Bidgood, to get her free!

I put in a shroud knot

and the Grim Reaper awards you a Merit Badge.

I put a shroud in Turin...

 

[Austin8]

and the Grim Reaper awards you a Merit Badge.

I put a shroud in Turin...

and you get a radiocarbon dating report on a pair of your favorite boxers, dating them to 1967.

I put in my favorite pair of shrink to fit 501 Levis.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a radiocarbon dating report on a pair of your favorite boxers, dating them to 1967.

I put in my favorite pair of shrink to fit 501 Levis.

and your voice goes up two octaves.

I put in the last castrato...

 

[Austin8]

and your voice goes up two octaves.

I put in the last castrato...

(I wear my clothes a little on the loose and comfy side Tio)

and you get Fidels brother, asking pointed questions about your ties to Cuban cigar exports to Canada.

I put in a well worn pair of Redwing work boots.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

(I wear my clothes a little on the loose and comfy side Tio)

and you get Fidels brother, asking pointed questions about your ties to Cuban cigar exports to Canada.

I put in a well worn pair of Redwing work boots.

and HP's Blackbird demands them back.

I put in a flock of Canada Geese...

 

[Austin8]

and HP's Blackbird demands them back.

I put in a flock of Canada Geese...

and you get the band; Flock of Sea Gulls playing at your summer solstice celebration.

I put in a Big Texas Fireworks Show, here, in BFE.

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get the band; Flock of Sea Gulls playing at your summer solstice celebration.

I put in a Big Texas Fireworks Show, here, in BFE.

and HP's Blackbird gets a sonic screen from the noise.
[she's still sitting determinedly on her eggs]


I put in an incubator for little chicks.

 

[Noor]

and HP's Blackbird gets a sonic screen from the noise.
[she's still sitting determinedly on her eggs]


I put in an incubator for little chicks.

and you get salamanders

I put in seafood chowder

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get salamanders

I put in seafood chowder

and you get told it's pronounced "chow-dah."

I put in an irate Bostonian...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get told it's pronounced "chow-dah."

I put in an irate Bostonian...

They want Lincolnshire to secede from the UK.


I put in a new wheel-rim trim.

 

[SailorJerry]

They want Lincolnshire to secede from the UK.


I put in a new wheel-rim trim.

which is just a variation on the classic bowl cut.

I put in a barber shop triplet.

 

[Handley_Page]

which is just a variation on the classic bowl cut.

I put in a barber shop triplet.

first noted by Mozart


I put in a 1943 Fordson tractor

 

[Tio_Narratore]

first noted by Mozart


I put in a 1943 Fordson tractor

and the curator of the agriculture museum makes an offer you can't refuse.

I put in a yoke of eight oxen...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the curator of the agriculture museum makes an offer you can't refuse.

I put in a yoke of eight oxen...

and get the yolk of eight eggs


I put in an electric chicken