A Special Day

[widereceiver]

I know the exact day that the last of my defenses, the last support for my denials crumbled away, and there was no alternative to admitting I was something I never wanted to be - a homosexual. It was preceded by years of uncertainty, doubt, and constantly telling myself that I really wasn’t “that way“. This went on for so long even though I was often thinking about sex with men and enjoying gay porn on the internet. I stopped looking at any porn involving women- not even when it was bi mmf scenes. I was interested only in strict m2m stuff. But this happened and when it did, I knew not just intellectually but emotionally as well that I was gay. I knew in my heart of hearts that was the truth and I had to accept it. I have the date marked on the calendar on my phone so next year it will remind me to celebrate as I consider this date my “gay birthday“.

It wasn’t that long ago but I found right away that I liked being gay. Although I enjoyed an evening of gay sex when I was a young man ( I was on vacation at the time and picked up two guys at a gay bar.), it was a one-off deal and didn’t lead to anything. Now I’m looking forward to hooking up with other men for pleasure. I sucked cock before so that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but my ass is virgin territory. My goal for 2023 will be to get laid. I suppose that will really seal the deal.

Does anyone else celebrate a gay birthday? Is it the day you accepted your gay self or possibly the day you came out?

 

[tristantrotsky]

I know the exact day that the last of my defenses, the last support for my denials crumbled away, and there was no alternative to admitting I was something I never wanted to be - a homosexual. It was preceded by years of uncertainty, doubt, and constantly telling myself that I really wasn’t “that way“. This went on for so long even though I was often thinking about sex with men and enjoying gay porn on the internet. I stopped looking at any porn involving women- not even when it was bi mmf scenes. I was interested only in strict m2m stuff. But this happened and when it did, I knew not just intellectually but emotionally as well that I was gay. I knew in my heart of hearts that was the truth and I had to accept it. I have the date marked on the calendar on my phone so next year it will remind me to celebrate as I consider this date my “gay birthday“.

It wasn’t that long ago but I found right away that I liked being gay. Although I enjoyed an evening of gay sex when I was a young man ( I was on vacation at the time and picked up two guys at a gay bar.), it was a one-off deal and didn’t lead to anything. Now I’m looking forward to hooking up with other men for pleasure. I sucked cock before so that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but my ass is virgin territory. My goal for 2023 will be to get laid. I suppose that will really seal the deal.

Does anyone else celebrate a gay birthday? Is it the day you accepted your gay self or possibly the day you came out?

Congratulations Widereceiver!
My progression was not exactly guilt-free either. During my late-teen years I was pretty-much fucked-up, unsure about my sexual identity, confused and messed-up about gender. Not because I’d sucked cock, but because I'd enjoyed it so much. What the hell did that mean? I was worried, did it mean I was Gay, Queer… a faggot, a poofter… a homosexual? Was I in some ways unnatural, a pervert? Was I doomed to live a life of furtive guilty shame? to be an outcast, a sexual pervert all my life? I went through a phase of severe self-harming depression. Until I met my first adult 'friend' who helped, supported and encouraged me into accepting and celebrating my true identity. Enjoying cock is a gift that we value... never, ever apologise for what you are...
Welcome...

 

[nostuff]

I don't have a "gay birthday," because I can't point to any one moment when I accepted my desire for men. I think of it more as a journey. It began with wondering what cock was like, whether I would be repelled by a man's touch, and that led to my evolution over the course of years. I'm still evolving, I suppose. Though I've sucked cock, been sucked and even fucked a couple men, my own cherry is still intact. Perhaps I can correct that in the coming year.

 

[saintcero]

I don’t remember the date of my first M2M event. It was oral. I went to receive a BJ but ended up sucking and swallowing. I loved it.

I will always remember yesterday, 12/6/2022, as that is the day I gave up my anal cherry. I got two loads bareback from a FWB and I loved it too.

 

[tristantrotsky]

I don’t remember the date of my first M2M event. It was oral. I went to receive a BJ but ended up sucking and swallowing. I loved it.
I will always remember yesterday, 12/6/2022, as that is the day I gave up my anal cherry. I got two loads bareback from a FWB and I loved it too.

Happy Gay Birthday... I'd wish you all the best, but it sounds very much like you've already enjoyed it...!!!

 

[saintcero]

Happy Gay Birthday... I'd wish you all the best, but it sounds very much like you've already enjoyed it...!!!

Fingered me. Rimmed me. Two fingers next. I begged him three times before he boned me. Over the sofa and then later again on a massage table, doggy and with my legs on his shoulders. I would have taken more but started to feel a little raw. He bought me a fox tail plug yesterday. He will collar and leash me for a walk on his 100 acres with my new tail in place. I have been practicing my wiggle walk to make the tail work. Love my collar. I have been conditioning the leather. it has my name on it? The walk will conclude when we reach some pine trees where he will tie me and take me out in the open. He has talked of me being his show pony. I am a slut now

 

[xdresssissytoes]

My "birthday" was when it became clear to me at a very young age that I loved to kneel and suck cock. It was very confusing and took years for me to become totally comfortable with who I was and what I wanted....more cock to suck....more cum to swallow....more cock deep in my sissy pussy!

 

[tristantrotsky]

My "birthday" was when it became clear to me at a very young age that I loved to kneel and suck cock. It was very confusing and took years for me to become totally comfortable with who I was and what I wanted....more cock to suck....more cum to swallow....more cock deep in my sissy pussy!

When you're enjoying sucking a big cock, all your birthdays cum at once...!

 

[none2_none2]

I know the exact day that the last of my defenses, the last support for my denials crumbled away, and there was no alternative to admitting I was something I never wanted to be - a homosexual.

I'm pretty good at remembering dates. My first m2m was 15-Aug-1981. However, there is only one defense worthy of remembering for someone attracted to other men. That point in your life when you open your heart and surrender to the love of another man. I've had some false starts over the years, but the on for Labor Day 19 years ago was when I met my partner for life. Granted I didn't tell him that day that I loved him, but it was the beginning of our journey. I will always be most attracted to masculine, hairy, muscular, bottom men, but that sexual template doesn't compare to the need to be loved by another man. To think that somewhere in this huge world there is someone who gives a damn about you personally -- not just your body parts. To love a man isn't a one day eureka, but rather a series of them.

Just as someone posting wants to remember 6th Dec of 2022 (6 days ago) for first bottoming. I too cannot forget that date. As it is my birthday, and one more example of my guy taking the day off to spend it entirely with boring, little, old me...
My heart aches every time I think of just how wonderful this man is. I really don't deserve this angel of love. Again, just one more example of how with love it is kind of a series of re-falling in love with that special one when you think of examples of devotion that your partner gives you. Back in the fall of 2018, I almost died from West Nile. I was in the hospital from Aug 31st to Oct 5th, After about the first two weeks I finally came out of sedation. There was my big hunk of man leaning over me crying. My guy isn't a cry baby. He was simply so stressed as he thought many times during these weeks that he was going to loose me. Any doubts I had that a man could truly love another man was destroyed when I experienced his devotion back then. He took off work to stay with me except for nights to go home and sleep and take care of all our animals (both indoor pets and livestock)...

Remembering when I was attracted to something has zero significants to me. Remembering the journey I am taking to surrender to a man's love that is infinitely returned ten fold is. Craving a male body may be so very hot, but loving a man is divine.

 

[OldFred65]

I know the exact day that the last of my defenses, the last support for my denials crumbled away, and there was no alternative to admitting I was something I never wanted to be - a homosexual. It was preceded by years of uncertainty, doubt, and constantly telling myself that I really wasn’t “that way“. This went on for so long even though I was often thinking about sex with men and enjoying gay porn on the internet. I stopped looking at any porn involving women- not even when it was bi mmf scenes. I was interested only in strict m2m stuff. But this happened and when it did, I knew not just intellectually but emotionally as well that I was gay. I knew in my heart of hearts that was the truth and I had to accept it. I have the date marked on the calendar on my phone so next year it will remind me to celebrate as I consider this date my “gay birthday“.

It wasn’t that long ago but I found right away that I liked being gay. Although I enjoyed an evening of gay sex when I was a young man ( I was on vacation at the time and picked up two guys at a gay bar.), it was a one-off deal and didn’t lead to anything. Now I’m looking forward to hooking up with other men for pleasure. I sucked cock before so that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but my ass is virgin territory. My goal for 2023 will be to get laid. I suppose that will really seal the deal.

Does anyone else celebrate a gay birthday? Is it the day you accepted your gay self or possibly the day you came out?

It all you have done is suck cock, that doesn't make you gay or even bi. You aren't truly gay or bi until you've taken a real cock in your ass and loved it.

 

[Scooterlover]

I was always confused. When I was growing up you were either normal or a poofter!
I was told that men like Larry Grayson weren’t nice men. John Inman and his sort were comedy.
The other sort of homosexuals were all child molesters ( my headmaster was proof of this).
We had no discussion on gender. There were some strange oddities like Holly Woodlawn and Candy Darling but they were Hollywood and not like us.
Then Bowie came along and, suddenly, you could be bi.
None of these, though, fitted what I was. Only when Boy George, Marylyn and Pete Burns came along did I begin to say “Ahh. Now I think I understand”.
Only when I stopped self medicating at the age of 50 ( after about 35 years never having a totally sober day). After 2/3 nervous breakdowns and a list of failed relationships as long as my arm did I start to hear the dialogue that the youth of today were having and I realised that my issues revolved around my gender.
Now at past 60 I am more at peace with myself, but it has been a long process with no significant dates just a steady creep of reality making herself felt.

 

[tristantrotsky]

I was always confused. When I was growing up you were either normal or a poofter!
I was told that men like Larry Grayson weren’t nice men. John Inman and his sort were comedy.
The other sort of homosexuals were all child molesters ( my headmaster was proof of this).
We had no discussion on gender. There were some strange oddities like Holly Woodlawn and Candy Darling but they were Hollywood and not like us.
Then Bowie came along and, suddenly, you could be bi.
None of these, though, fitted what I was. Only when Boy George, Marylyn and Pete Burns came along did I begin to say “Ahh. Now I think I understand”.
Only when I stopped self medicating at the age of 50 ( after about 35 years never having a totally sober day). After 2/3 nervous breakdowns and a list of failed relationships as long as my arm did I start to hear the dialogue that the youth of today were having and I realised that my issues revolved around my gender.
Now at past 60 I am more at peace with myself, but it has been a long process with no significant dates just a steady creep of reality making herself felt.

I feel for your pain. I know so well the battle you've been fighting.
I'm so very glad that you've finally found peace, and have become reconciled with your true self.
I wish you only the very best for the plenty of tomorrows to come...

 

[goldenknights54]

It all you have done is suck cock, that doesn't make you gay or even bi. You aren't truly gay or bi until you've taken a real cock in your ass and loved it.

Ok.... I want to try it all

 

[Jerseyshore]

I know the exact day that the last of my defenses, the last support for my denials crumbled away, and there was no alternative to admitting I was something I never wanted to be - a homosexual. It was preceded by years of uncertainty, doubt, and constantly telling myself that I really wasn’t “that way“. This went on for so long even though I was often thinking about sex with men and enjoying gay porn on the internet. I stopped looking at any porn involving women- not even when it was bi mmf scenes. I was interested only in strict m2m stuff. But this happened and when it did, I knew not just intellectually but emotionally as well that I was gay. I knew in my heart of hearts that was the truth and I had to accept it. I have the date marked on the calendar on my phone so next year it will remind me to celebrate as I consider this date my “gay birthday“.

It wasn’t that long ago but I found right away that I liked being gay. Although I enjoyed an evening of gay sex when I was a young man ( I was on vacation at the time and picked up two guys at a gay bar.), it was a one-off deal and didn’t lead to anything. Now I’m looking forward to hooking up with other men for pleasure. I sucked cock before so that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but my ass is virgin territory. My goal for 2023 will be to get laid. I suppose that will really seal the deal.

Does anyone else celebrate a gay birthday? Is it the day you accepted your gay self or possibly the day you came out?

We all come out differently, but we all have a day when our life changed, when we began accepting our gay self. It's great if others accept us, but the most important acceptance is of ourselves, learning to love who we are and be free to be ourselves. The foundation of Pride is loving who you are. Blessed Be to everyone making that journey.

 

[Jerseyshore]

I'm pretty good at remembering dates. My first m2m was 15-Aug-1981. However, there is only one defense worthy of remembering for someone attracted to other men. That point in your life when you open your heart and surrender to the love of another man. I've had some false starts over the years, but the on for Labor Day 19 years ago was when I met my partner for life. Granted I didn't tell him that day that I loved him, but it was the beginning of our journey. I will always be most attracted to masculine, hairy, muscular, bottom men, but that sexual template doesn't compare to the need to be loved by another man. To think that somewhere in this huge world there is someone who gives a damn about you personally -- not just your body parts. To love a man isn't a one day eureka, but rather a series of them.

Just as someone posting wants to remember 6th Dec of 2022 (6 days ago) for first bottoming. I too cannot forget that date. As it is my birthday, and one more example of my guy taking the day off to spend it entirely with boring, little, old me...
My heart aches every time I think of just how wonderful this man is. I really don't deserve this angel of love. Again, just one more example of how with love it is kind of a series of re-falling in love with that special one when you think of examples of devotion that your partner gives you. Back in the fall of 2018, I almost died from West Nile. I was in the hospital from Aug 31st to Oct 5th, After about the first two weeks I finally came out of sedation. There was my big hunk of man leaning over me crying. My guy isn't a cry baby. He was simply so stressed as he thought many times during these weeks that he was going to loose me. Any doubts I had that a man could truly love another man was destroyed when I experienced his devotion back then. He took off work to stay with me except for nights to go home and sleep and take care of all our animals (both indoor pets and livestock)...

Remembering when I was attracted to something has zero significants to me. Remembering the journey I am taking to surrender to a man's love that is infinitely returned ten fold is. Craving a male body may be so very hot, but loving a man is divine.

Blessed Be to your love

 

[Busy54]

It all you have done is suck cock, that doesn't make you gay or even bi. You aren't truly gay or bi until you've taken a real cock in your ass and loved it.

I don’t know about that, the three friends I service are all dedicated tops(lucky me)…. I cannot say they’ve never taken cock..

 

[muycurioso]

I'm pretty good at remembering dates. My first m2m was 15-Aug-1981. However, there is only one defense worthy of remembering for someone attracted to other men. That point in your life when you open your heart and surrender to the love of another man. I've had some false starts over the years, but the on for Labor Day 19 years ago was when I met my partner for life. Granted I didn't tell him that day that I loved him, but it was the beginning of our journey. I will always be most attracted to masculine, hairy, muscular, bottom men, but that sexual template doesn't compare to the need to be loved by another man. To think that somewhere in this huge world there is someone who gives a damn about you personally -- not just your body parts. To love a man isn't a one day eureka, but rather a series of them.

Just as someone posting wants to remember 6th Dec of 2022 (6 days ago) for first bottoming. I too cannot forget that date. As it is my birthday, and one more example of my guy taking the day off to spend it entirely with boring, little, old me...
My heart aches every time I think of just how wonderful this man is. I really don't deserve this angel of love. Again, just one more example of how with love it is kind of a series of re-falling in love with that special one when you think of examples of devotion that your partner gives you. Back in the fall of 2018, I almost died from West Nile. I was in the hospital from Aug 31st to Oct 5th, After about the first two weeks I finally came out of sedation. There was my big hunk of man leaning over me crying. My guy isn't a cry baby. He was simply so stressed as he thought many times during these weeks that he was going to loose me. Any doubts I had that a man could truly love another man was destroyed when I experienced his devotion back then. He took off work to stay with me except for nights to go home and sleep and take care of all our animals (both indoor pets and livestock)...

Remembering when I was attracted to something has zero significants to me. Remembering the journey I am taking to surrender to a man's love that is infinitely returned ten fold is. Craving a male body may be so very hot, but loving a man is divine.

that is awesome. I will die alone and I am already forgotton and invisible.

 

[none2_none2]

that is awesome. I will die alone and I am already forgotton and invisible.

Muycurioso,
I am not in the field of counseling, but it doesn't take much to figure out that you are unhappy. I read over some of your posts, and I think you said you are around 52 years of age. That is a whole whopping 11 years younger than me. Unless, you are dying there is no reason to think you won't have many years ahead. Why not get counseling or such to make you feel better about life? 52 is way too young to write your life off with such a sad note.

I know our sexual desires are very different, but there is someone for every one if you so desire to have a loving partner. One of the sad realizations in life is that you cannot change others, but you can change yourself. For years I thought I would always be alone. I found that way too many of the guys were not interested in ME -- only interested in our sexual encounters.

Before my guy, one of the most serious relationships I had was with someone who after 2 years told me he had never been in love with me (only fond). I was devastated. This guy had TOLD me he loved me. Though he was ten older than me, I had been his first full fledge sexual partner. This guy was even a man of the cloth. I went through a depression that I thought I would never get out of. It lasted for so long. It is one thing to have someone tell you that they stopped loving you, it is even worse to have someone say it was all a sham.

Anyway, don't think I am some poster child, I made very many mistakes over my life. I recall someone I thought I was crazy about (it was really just great sex - nothing else). He decided to take a vacation to Mexico with some new "friend". Anyway, I was so angry and hurt that I went out cruzing to get back at him (in my own way). I found some one in the park sitting by himself, and I let him blow me. It was nothing great. I was just angry and just wanted to get off.

Anyway, this was in my late 20's. I was so fed up with the shallowness of m2m relationships that I wanted to settle down, get married, and have a family - to hell with men! Anyway, I went to get my fertility checked. I went all the way to getting a testicle biopsy to figure out why my sperm count was so low. (Note, I was never injured there nor had something like mumps.) While I was waiting for the biopsy results, I went to kneel in the church sanctuary one evening -- praying that I would be fertile and how I would make God proud by giving up m2m sex and relationships.

While I was there on my knees, that old man that I had sex with in the park came up and sat next to me. He was nervous, but wanted whisper to me how thankful he was that I had sex with him. I was the first man (or for that matter any human being) he got to have sex with. I was so ashamed. Here I was in church praying for fertility so that I could have a son to love, while here was an innocent stranger who I had used to get off in a fit of anger over being sidelined by another man who I thought cared for me. How could I expect God to grant me the ability to have children, when I had treated a child of God's as some kind of toilet to get my rocks off. Yet here was this man thanking me profusely for using him. This stranger deserved better. His first time should have been with someone who gave a damn about him. Not just someone who wanted to get off.

I wish that event that night in church had turned my life around. It was much later before I got my act together. However, it did stick in my mind every time I thought I deserved better than what I had. You get what you give. If you want to love, you have to love someone first. Maybe you won't get what you want from that person, but how you think and behave radiates to others. You will eventually find someone special.

I know in my heart that my partner is my better half. I don't deserve him. He has got a more pleasing personality. He is less hot headed. He could have children and did. He is a good father and grandfather. Its been about two decades together. I will always feel a loss that I couldn't sire kids. I wanted to prove to myself that I too could have been a good father -- unlike my own dad who told me that I was unlovable and that I was retarded despite bring home A's on my report cards. (Thank God I only lived with him from 11-14.5 years of age.) We made our peace before he died. I loved my Dad because he was my dad, but I never liked him.

Part of me had thought that perhaps a man was incapable of loving another man as deeply as a woman can. However, in the fall of 2018, I realized how flawed my sexist reasoning was. I was in the hospital with the West Nile virus, and almost died a few times. My partner was there all the time except to go home to sleep and take care of the animals (pets and livestock). When I finally came out of sedation. My big macho guy was there hovered over me and crying. Yes, a man can love a man just as much as a woman can. I'll never understand these dudes who crave cock, but not the man it is attached to. A cocked is attached to a living, breathing man who is every bit as worthy of being loved.
If My ED went away tomorrow, I still would have no desire to have anybody but him. Before the ED, I remember how I would my heart would melt when he would tell me his ass is mine, and only mine.

My heart is at peace knowing that I finally found someone who cares about ME and me for him.

You can find whatever it is that you want. It just starts by being the person you want to attract.

Don't let past negative experiences turn you away from the possibilities. Everybody deserves to be loved and remembered.

 

[none2_none2]

Having not heard from him in a few weeks I reached out to OldFred65. A friend/neighbor of his responded with the sad news that Fred suffered a second heart attack and passed away in his sleep last week. After Fred’s affairs are in order his wife will be returning to Vietnam with his ashes.

RIP Fred. Semper Fi'

Note, while I happened to check on some people's posting history, I ran across this post on the General Board that I have quoted. Since I hardly ever go outside of the GLBT discussions forum, I figured I should share it here for those that may have interacted with him on the GLBT stuff, but like me do not go to the General Board. His last post on Dec 13 was on this thread... RIP!

 

[tonyreid]

I was always confused. When I was growing up you were either normal or a poofter!
I was told that men like Larry Grayson weren’t nice men. John Inman and his sort were comedy.
The other sort of homosexuals were all child molesters ( my headmaster was proof of this).
We had no discussion on gender. There were some strange oddities like Holly Woodlawn and Candy Darling but they were Hollywood and not like us.
Then Bowie came along and, suddenly, you could be bi.
None of these, though, fitted what I was. Only when Boy George, Marylyn and Pete Burns came along did I begin to say “Ahh. Now I think I understand”.
Only when I stopped self medicating at the age of 50 ( after about 35 years never having a totally sober day). After 2/3 nervous breakdowns and a list of failed relationships as long as my arm did I start to hear the dialogue that the youth of today were having and I realised that my issues revolved around my gender.
Now at past 60 I am more at peace with myself, but it has been a long process with no significant dates just a steady creep of reality making herself felt.

So glad life is better for you these days I remember all the tv stars bands etc of the day . Never seen myself as bi back then but do now ! Love to chat sometime just to say hi and offer an ear , Oh and I also loved Jimmy Summerville back then and now friends on fb with him . Anyway feel free to say hi anytime !

 

[Wag_that_tail86]

Note, while I happened to check on some people's posting history, I ran across this post on the General Board that I have quoted. Since I hardly ever go outside of the GLBT discussions forum, I figured I should share it here for those that may have interacted with him on the GLBT stuff, but like me do not go to the General Board. His last post on Dec 13 was on this thread... RIP!

Sorry to hear...

 

[bobb_sledd]

Note, while I happened to check on some people's posting history, I ran across this post on the General Board that I have quoted. Since I hardly ever go outside of the GLBT discussions forum, I figured I should share it here for those that may have interacted with him on the GLBT stuff, but like me do not go to the General Board. His last post on Dec 13 was on this thread... RIP!

Thanks for re-posting.

 

[none2_none2]

Thanks for re-posting.

The thanks really goes to you. You gave a damn about another human being enough to find out what happened when he wasn't posting in a while.

I have no idea what your sexuality is, but way too many guys on here are obsessed with cock and not the man its attached to. OldFred was a human being -- not just a cock. I have to admit I didn't know him, but I recognized his posts as being fairly frequent.

So again, thank you for being a caring, decent human being!

 

[Tayloroc]

Fingered me. Rimmed me. Two fingers next. I begged him three times before he boned me. Over the sofa and then later again on a massage table, doggy and with my legs on his shoulders. I would have taken more but started to feel a little raw. He bought me a fox tail plug yesterday. He will collar and leash me for a walk on his 100 acres with my new tail in place. I have been practicing my wiggle walk to make the tail work. Love my collar. I have been conditioning the leather. it has my name on it? The walk will conclude when we reach some pine trees where he will tie me and take me out in the open. He has talked of me being his show pony. I am a slut now

Wow! How exciting!!

 

[2tallpaul]

I didn't know until we added the husband to our FMF parties. A week later it was a spit roast and the girlfriend had me come out in a group setting by a pool and when done, I had had several cocks in me as a crowd watched. No questions, an applause and no doubt the closet was left wide open and concrete burns on my knees, butt and back. Shaved, caged and a slut. Show pony comment above so much describes the new life. I don't think of myself as a male, more unisex. Like a birthday, I remember the date of my first spit roast, I knew there was no going back. Second birthday is in two months.