Wife found my stash

[Ciceri]

I went away for the weekend and she found volumes of porn on my laptop (which we used to share). Much of it is gay porn and my first thought was to deny it's mine. Should I maintain this claim of ignorance or should I come clean?

 

[Rj_Gallos]

I think you just be honest and start the conversation.

 

[Ciceri]

I think you just be honest and start the conversation.

Any input on how to start this conversation?

 

[TrailerHitch]

98

Here's my view on this, if you have to hide it to save your marriage why the hell do you have it on your computer in the first place? Secondly, she must have suspected something or why

 

[Ciceri]

Here's my view on this, if you have to hide it to save your marriage why the hell do you have it on your computer in the first place? Secondly, she must have suspected something or why

Most guys keep their porn on their devices or in the cloud. Mine was in a file within a file. Usually hidden but not too hard to find

 

[TrailerHitch]

Any input on how to start this conversation?

Be honest. Simple as that.

Told my wife my desires as part of our open marriage discussion and she was okay with it. Our only hard and fast rule is we have to use protection during sex.

 

[TrailerHitch]

Most guys keep their porn on their devices or in the cloud. Mine was in a file within a file. Usually hidden but not too hard to find

I don't have a single porn thing on my computer. If I look at something when I'm done I delete it. BUT I DON"T HAVE TO. I have my computer and my wife has hers. I don't touch hers and she doesn't touch mine.

 

[Ciceri]

That's admirable. My wife gets combative whenever privacy comes up.

 

[TrailerHitch]

That's admirable. My wife gets combative whenever privacy comes up.

I am an open book to my wife I sometimes probably divulge too much. She is FAR more private about her life and things she does both on and off the computer. I believe I may go that route too since what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

[JohnHope330]

I would tell my wife that sometimes I am interested in gay porn but that the best way to get over this, is for us both to have more and better sex. Maybe I could finally convince her to let me do the anal trick that I am begging for so long.

 

[Ciceri]

I would tell my wife that sometimes I am interested in gay porn but that the best way to get over this, is for us both to have more and better sex. Maybe I could finally convince her to let me do the anal trick that I am begging for so long.

My wife enjoys anal sex but I haven't the courage to let her know I'd like to be on the receiving end. I bought a big dildo for her birthday and still havent hinted at its possible uses

 

[TrailerHitch]

My wife enjoys anal sex but I haven't the courage to let her know I'd like to be on the receiving end. I bought a big dildo for her birthday and still havent hinted at its possible uses

Just tell her you'd like to try it and see what she says. If she says no buy one with a suction end and stick it to the wall and fuck yourself!!

 

[Superfungurl]

Denial will be futile, make you look silly, also give the appearance of questioning your wife's intelligence (which may be warranted, hey, I don't know your wife!). I'm no therapist so "advice"?...more of a suggestion to consider...first, find out (as subtle as possible)...does she dig it in any way? And then...taking a page from psychology...it's all about "framing". Say I put in the newspaper this headline: Murder Rate Triples in Local Town. Alarming, eh? But...what if the prior year there was 1 murder...and this year there were 3? That's not as alarming. How can you use that principle here? IDK off the bat...maybe you just admire the...ability to stay erect? Trying to...learn stuff you can apply with her? Don't get too out of pocket but...also don't try "too hard" to hammer the message that you don't actually "do" anything...which let's assume you don't! This is just entertainment, not cheating! Hell, it's a fucking plane ticket from this to Cheatertown...you're not even in the ballpark. Trying too hard on messaging calls up the phrase "Me think the lady doth protest too much" or something of the sort. IDK...my two cents, worth 2 cents (plus/minus 2 cents).

 

[Britva415]

Most guys keep their porn on their devices or in the cloud. Mine was in a file within a file. Usually hidden but not too hard to find

So, she was really, really looking.

DTMFA

Anyway, definitely don't deny it. Besides having nothing to be ashamed of, denying it will look dishonest as well as really stupid because there's no plausible way the denial could be true.

 

[PintlerMan]

Own up to it, liars always get found out. She's ya wife, women like to talk, so talk to her, be honest, and if she can't handle it, I sure hope she can. best of Luck

 

[wetsawdust]

Yeah, no point not owning it. It will be a much easier conversation if you are being honest.

 

[slipprywenwet]

Yeah, no point not owning it. It will be a much easier conversation if you are being honest.

it'll be OK -- own it
honestly

 

[MeganFachs]

i’d say you wanted to be found out so you could have this conversation and not have to hide any more. My hubby left plenty of not really hidden hints about his full desires.

You lied once by hiding it from her. That’s a violation of the trust between you. Likely take time to repair. Lying more now will make it much, much worse.

And we’re not all spooked by gay porn. Some of it is very sexy. You say “much of it is gay porn” but not 100%? If it was 100% or even “vast majority” you’d be having the “are you gay? Are you leaving me? Are you fucking men and exposed me to something?” Those might still be her worries but you’ll never know or get past it without an honest conversation. Be ready for the “if I gave you permission to try gay sex would you want to?” question.

Good luck, be open and honest and tell us how it goes.

 

[klippert]

i’d say you wanted to be found out so you could have this conversation and not have to hide any more. My hubby left plenty of not really hidden hints about his full desires.

You lied once by hiding it from her. That’s a violation of the trust between you. Likely take time to repair. Lying more now will make it much, much worse.

And we’re not all spooked by gay porn. Some of it is very sexy. You say “much of it is gay porn” but not 100%? If it was 100% or even “vast majority” you’d be having the “are you gay? Are you leaving me? Are you fucking men and exposed me to something?” Those might still be her worries but you’ll never know or get past it without an honest conversation. Be ready for the “if I gave you permission to try gay sex would you want to?” question.

Good luck, be open and honest and tell us how it goes.

Megan Nailed it. honesty is the best medication … if she asks question answer them truthfully.. lay it all out. most of all do 'not' play the victim in this and don't go weak. she will be gauging you as well. There is so much I have to say, because I've been in a similar position. I will tell you this. If there is one thing going through her mind. Are you the "Man" she married.

 

[Rj_Gallos]

I agree with what @MeganFachs and @klippert shared. Try and not become defensive the events happened and you know have the opportunity to share.

Acknowledge the anxiety of the unknown future but don’t be afraid of who you are as you talk this with her. Keep in mind her emotions are present as well, check in with her and let her express herself too.

Things will work out to a better place in the end.

 

[muycurioso]

I went away for the weekend and she found volumes of porn on my laptop (which we used to share). Much of it is gay porn and my first thought was to deny it's mine. Should I maintain this claim of ignorance or should I come clean?

I would say it is curiosity and take her out, then fuck her hard. If, she brings it up during sex time then see what happens. Also, I told my wife some of my bi fantasies. She was cool with until she wasnt so watch out.

 

[JohnHope330]

I doubt if telling her about my interest in gay porn will get a forgiving reaction from my wife. The man that took her virginity ages ago after promising to marry her, left her and a week later she found out that he was having sex with men as well. Since then she hates everything gay or lesbian. If something gay appears on tv, she wants me to switch channel at once.

 

[Bisexguy70]

My wife found my porn stash a few years ago. It was devastating and I came close to losing my wife. Shes already insecure because she cant have sex and has no drive. A lot of the porn was tranny, bisex and interracial. DVDs, magazines etc etc. i admitted im turned on by cocks. It kinda upsets me because it was the only outlet I had. She made me destroy it…Damn I miss it, I had a really hot collection. But it back fired, she thought the porn would lead to actual affairs. In reality, it kept me from having to meet or pursue sex outside our marriage. She considered still cheating. Yet she cant or had no desire for sex, she expects me to do the same. Men have a physical and psychological need for sexual release. Blue balls is a real thing. So now that I dont have a porn stash and cant view pirn on my phone, Ive pursued real life meets. Ive sucked a lot of cock since then in secret. I love my wife of course, its a huge struggle!

 

[JohnHope330]

My wife found my porn stash a few years ago. It was devastating and I came close to losing my wife. Shes already insecure because she cant have sex and has no drive. A lot of the porn was tranny, bisex and interracial. DVDs, magazines etc etc. i admitted im turned on by cocks. It kinda upsets me because it was the only outlet I had. She made me destroy it…Damn I miss it, I had a really hot collection. But it back fired, she thought the porn would lead to actual affairs. In reality, it kept me from having to meet or pursue sex outside our marriage. She considered still cheating. Yet she cant or had no desire for sex, she expects me to do the same. Men have a physical and psychological need for sexual release. Blue balls is a real thing. So now that I dont have a porn stash and cant view pirn on my phone, Ive pursued real life meets. Ive sucked a lot of cock since then in secret. I love my wife of course, its a huge st

I understand your situation very well. Some women believe that they own the genitals of their husbands. I also got rid of my anal toys in order to avoid marital crises. But at the end I began meeting men and found a solution for my desire for sex. I described the process in my story https://literotica.com/s/experiences-of-a-late-starter-ch-01

 

[BiDrew42]

Back when I was married, I fucked up and didn't delete my search history after viewing a number of pictures of trans pornstars. I came home from work a few days later and the pictures were all open. This was after her first affair when we were still trying to make a go of our marriage. She was outside sunbathing so I changed into my trunks and went out to talk to her. She had known since before we were married that I was bisexual, and she also knew that I had sex with many trans escorts before we were married. After saying hello and getting comfortable I jumped right in and told her truthfully that I still liked to look at pictures of trans women but I wasn't having sex with any and hadn't since before we were married. She asked me if I would like to have sex with a trans woman and I said that I missed cock, whether it was on a trans woman or a male, but knew that was something that wasn't likely to happen again unless we both agreed. She wasn't very agreeable, but said she would think about it. Beginning that night, however, she began pegging me more frequently and our relationship did improve for several months before she had another affair. I waited until after the divorce was final to engage a trans escort, but I have been making up for lost time ever since!