Wife found my stash

[Ciceri]

My wife found my porn stash a few years ago. It was devastating and I came close to losing my wife. Shes already insecure because she cant have sex and has no drive. A lot of the porn was tranny, bisex and interracial. DVDs, magazines etc etc. i admitted im turned on by cocks. It kinda upsets me because it was the only outlet I had. She made me destroy it…Damn I miss it, I had a really hot collection. But it back fired, she thought the porn would lead to actual affairs. In reality, it kept me from having to meet or pursue sex outside our marriage. She considered still cheating. Yet she cant or had no desire for sex, she expects me to do the same. Men have a physical and psychological need for sexual release. Blue balls is a real thing. So now that I dont have a porn stash and cant view pirn on my phone, Ive pursued real life meets. Ive sucked a lot of cock since then in secret. I love my wife of course, its a huge struggle!

My wife still likes sex. If your wife is asexual how does she expect you not to have an outlet? That seems unreasonable.

 

[dkak001]

Any input on how to start this conversation?

Look her square in the eyes, and say "Busted!" Let her lead the conversation from there, and be honest.

When she starts asking questions, I'd maybe play 'vulnerable' over upset etc. If she can see it's something you're embarrassed about, she may be less inclined to be upset when she starts asking.

 

[AvgGuy01]

I went away for the weekend and she found volumes of porn on my laptop (which we used to share). Much of it is gay porn and my first thought was to deny it's mine. Should I maintain this claim of ignorance or should I come clean?

I know this is an old post, but...
Deny it's yours?... How would you explain that, someone broke in and put all that porn on your computer?
Also, have you never heard of a SSD card / flash drive?

 

[Ciceri]

I know this is an old post, but...
Deny it's yours?... How would you explain that, someone broke in and put all that porn on your computer?
Also, have you never heard of a SSD card / flash drive?

True. There is no denying. I have a micro disc but I just got careless.

 

[dkak001]

So, what happened? Did this end in a big reveal, or just fade by the wayside???

Details please!

 

[CD_Bree]

i’d say you wanted to be found out so you could have this conversation and not have to hide any more. My hubby left plenty of not really hidden hints about his full desires.

You lied once by hiding it from her. That’s a violation of the trust between you. Likely take time to repair. Lying more now will make it much, much worse.

And we’re not all spooked by gay porn. Some of it is very sexy. You say “much of it is gay porn” but not 100%? If it was 100% or even “vast majority” you’d be having the “are you gay? Are you leaving me? Are you fucking men and exposed me to something?” Those might still be her worries but you’ll never know or get past it without an honest conversation. Be ready for the “if I gave you permission to try gay sex would you want to?” question.

Good luck, be open and honest and tell us how it goes.

Couldn't have been said better than Megans response!

 

[BBCfan]

My wife found my porn stash a few years ago. It was devastating and I came close to losing my wife. Shes already insecure because she cant have sex and has no drive. A lot of the porn was tranny, bisex and interracial. DVDs, magazines etc etc. i admitted im turned on by cocks. It kinda upsets me because it was the only outlet I had. She made me destroy it…Damn I miss it, I had a really hot collection. But it back fired, she thought the porn would lead to actual affairs. In reality, it kept me from having to meet or pursue sex outside our marriage. She considered still cheating. Yet she cant or had no desire for sex, she expects me to do the same. Men have a physical and psychological need for sexual release. Blue balls is a real thing. So now that I dont have a porn stash and cant view pirn on my phone, Ive pursued real life meets. Ive sucked a lot of cock since then in secret. I love my wife of course, its a huge struggle!

Tough situation but she's a roommate/life friend now, not a romantic partner anymore.
Since you're not about to give her anything from your daliances...enjoy and feel zero guilt.
If she truly cared for your needs, you wouldn't be in the situation at all.

 

[BBCfan]

I went away for the weekend and she found volumes of porn on my laptop (which we used to share). Much of it is gay porn and my first thought was to deny it's mine. Should I maintain this claim of ignorance or should I come clean?

It's given you an opportunity to come clean and you definitely should.
I was a closet cocksucker for years, at least in desires, but never wanted to betray or lie to my partner.
I would tell girlfriends that I had some experiences but didn't act on them, which Was true but I didn't tell them how strong the desires were still there.

I just couldn't bring myself to admit my darkest secrets as I figured no one woman would really love me if they saw that.

Had a couple girlfriends that were quite supportive but the relationships weren't healthy in other ways.

Started dating my now wife, she found some stuff on my computer. An ad and replies from a hook up request on craigslist.

Had to come clean about every little detail and it was difficult.
She was concerned I was gay and clossetted, but once I explained how fetishism can work and Explained how things were she at least kept the lines of communication open.

Eventually led to a place of heightened trust and actually helped me work through my hidden desires and acceptance of self in a better way.

Since working through that process I actually find my desires have become less strong.
I think with fetishes if you try to box them up they want to break out even stronger.
Better to find a healthy way to deal with them, hopefully in an honest straightforward manner.

But I also think if someone can't handle the truth then perhaps that someone isn't right for you.

It's a very difficult situation for anybody going through it and I hope it works out for everyone.

 

[1960curious]

I went away for the weekend and she found volumes of porn on my laptop (which we used to share). Much of it is gay porn and my first thought was to deny it's mine. Should I maintain this claim of ignorance or should I come clean?

Come clean,

 

[Ciceri]

Come clean,

Thank you

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

My ex wife had zero desire. I put up with a dead bedroom for 6 years.

Met my current girlfriend and was upfront within the 2nd phone conversation. I told her everything. The crossdressing, bisexuality, social porn sites, the exhibitionism, everything. Being honest and upfront is so much easier.

I've learned to not change who I am for ANYONE. If I won't be accepted for who I am, I don't want to be in that relationship.