I love being told what to do...does anyone like to be told or to tell?

Women - being told what to do

I know that many women get quite wet and turned on being told what to do sexually (even if, in everyday life, they don't like at all being told what to do). It is great hearing from women who have discovered that sweet aspect of themselves.

D

I love being a Dominant, that is who I am. I give orders and expect that they will be obeyed. And to go along the lines of Geoff, I am also a sadist, as I love inflicting pain.

Having her on her knees, saying, "yes Master" is the most awesome feeling I have known...

The ultimate bliss was having her bound and at My mercy as I inflicted My pain.. as she took what I dished out, and held back those primal urges until I gave consent...

for me its not so much the raunchyness of it. FOr me its the sensual closeness that youa nd your partner have with eachother. for me its a beautiful thing and it makes me feel loved and wanted more then ever.

a bit of both

I'm not into anything heavy duty (rough), so to speak, but I do find it exciting when a man takes charge and tells me what he wants. There's something about hearing him say it which adds an element of arousal to the whole mix. That being said, though, I want the option to decline his request/order from time to time.

There are also times when I get off on saying what it is I want. It's nice to take charge sometimes and it gets me what I want!

My dominant inclinations tend more toward the nonverbal in person. Hand signals and facial expressions should be all that is needed to control a well trained sub. During training verbal commands are necessary, but the number and frequency of verbal commands should decrease as the training progresses. A true Dom is skilled at eliciting proper behavior as a matter of training and discipline, rather than via "orders." A well trained dog senses the mood of it's master, behaving accordingly. A properly trained sub should do even better.

One of the greatest pleasures I have ever known was to meet a Master whose slave could orgasm with nothing but a hand signal to trigger it. "Come" can be a powerful signal, when the desire to please overrides all others. Doubtlessly, the slave was in a constant state of arousal from the attention to detail her Master paid. This was only possible because her Master had no need to constantly correct her behavior with regard to basic rules. The understanding the slave had between the non-verbal commands "Come to me" and "Come for me" was a direct result of adherence to inviolate rules. Few others would be able to discern any difference between the two signals.

A sub should have a complete set of standing orders which are inviolate. These are the rules that have the severest punishments for a failure to observe them. These rules should be absolutely clear and unambiguous, no wiggle room. As an example, if the rule is to wear no panties, is wearing a thong or pantyhose allowed? A better rule would be to allow only one layer of fabric to cover either the whole body or the significant areas. A Dom who has to punish a sub for violation of the rules should be certain whether the violation was intentional or a misunderstanding before setting the punishment. Such topping from the bottom, that is, to disobey intentionally, knowing that a punishment will be incurred, must be overcome. The sub realizes that the Master has, as the ultimate punishment, the ability to withdraw mastery. This is a fine line to walk, the sub needs attention, and the Master desires obedience. Both must be fulfilled.

Some rules must be chosen so that both Master and sub can enjoy the relationship, for why else would they participate? Both lifestyles (or roles) carry responsibilities beyond the norm, and both participants should receive the benefits they desire. These lesser rules can be chosen so as to allow the play that makes the relationship a loving, trusting, and fulfilling one.

Please note the use of mixed terminology, i.e. Master and sub, instead of Master/slave or Dominant/submissive or Top/bottom. This is intended, for after all, a part-time role is much different from a life of TPE, yet the underlying principles are similar. For purposes of discussion, if the terminology I use bothers you, please substitute the words that define your situation best.

Regards,

conhed

.....

I love it when my Daddy gives me orders I like it when my daddy tells me that he expects something to be done when he gets home or when we're playing he gives me orders its a major turn on.

As a Master, I love to give orders, and I do expect unhesitating obedience. Once the rules are established, the orders should be for specific situations that are not covered by a general rule.

There was a story I read about a slave who was confined to a room, not by a lock, but by command. A burglar broke in to this second floor room, and the slave, rather than disobey the order to remain, took the initiative to toss the burglar out the window to his death.

The reward from her Master for protecting his property was considerable. The property in question was the slave herself. Several rules were interpreted by the slave to produce an almost perfect outcome. One was to remain in the room, thus following a direct order, and another was to protect her Master's property, and the final rule was to use her discretion within the rules to achieve an acceptable outcome to an unanticipated situation.

Sometimes, though, such discretion should not be allowed, such as in enforced public nudity. The use of the hands to cover would be contrary to the purpose of exposure, and would result in a punishment even if there were no specific rule about such.

And then there are the times when the Master chooses to require an action that would normally not be allowed under the rules. If the slave is not permitted self gratification by a rule and the Master requires the slave to masturbate, the order takes precedence over the rule because an order always supersedes a rule. The really fun part is in no-win situations where equal precedence rules conflict and the slave must choose which to follow and which to accept punishment for breaking. This is my favored scenario for times when I feel like applying a corrective lesson. My favorite is to require silence, and to require begging for permission to cum. The only correct choice is to remain silent and not cum. That is not possible once a slave is sufficiently aroused. What a delicious dilemma, not to mention the punishment that follows!

This thread is about being told what to do, my intent here is to point out that just being told what to do can lead to even more fun and excitement when the scope of the orders is more than just the moment at hand.

For all you subbies, male and female alike, here is a freebie: Find a business that does home delivery or pickup, such as a pizza delivery or dry cleaning. Call and ask if they will do business with you if a naked person (specify male or female) answers the door. Also get permission to record video of the transaction. Set up the delivery or pickup and record it with your video camera. Blurring of faces or recording from the neck down is OK. The preferred setting is to have several clothed persons of both genders also in the recording so as to reinforce the nudity of the sub/performer. For those more daring, a tip in the form of allowing the delivery person to request a performance of some sort from the sub/slave, this could be, for example, an erotic dance or a sexual favor, depending on circumstances. Of course male subs could be required to be erect when answering the door, and females could be required to have a dildo in place. This whole exercise is for the sub to demonstrate a willingness to perform for an unknown master and to prove that safe, sane and consensual is legal and fun.

Another variation is to have the sub present his/her recently spanked bottom for evaluation. Of course this requires someone to do the spanking while the delivery person is en route.

While I personally have no use for the video, the sub should further demonstrate their devotion by making the video available to other people, especially potential Masters/Mistresses.

Any takers?

Regards,

conhed

I have a real problem with public nude anything, even if it's with a delivery person and camera at my front door.

Time to head to the hard limits thread . . .

FurryFury said:

I have a real problem with public nude anything, even if it's with a delivery person and camera at my front door.

Time to head to the hard limits thread . . .

Click to expand...

Hmm, dare I say how prudish that sounds in a thread (BDSM Talk/ I love being told what to do...) about being told what to do? I LOLed mightily at the idea that being told what to do would necessarily not involve public nudity or humiliation, but simply "Do the dishes" or "Tell me about the last time you masturbated."

While there are certainly people that would not ever consider public nudity, there are many that, like I, actually have been nude in public legally, and not because I was forced to, but because I happen to live near a clothing optional beach and am not ashamed of my not so attractive body. It is what God gave me and he is the ultimate MASTER. I choose not to be ashamed of what HE has made. Anyone who wants to laugh at me is free to do so. I am free to laugh at them, too, for my own reasons.

So please, do tell, what is your problem with public nudity? Do you find the human body repulsive? Do you think it is morally wrong? Do you think it is a sin? Do you think it is dangerous? Are you afraid that someone will make fun of you? Or is it only that the body must not be shown, yet your participation in a discussion about power exchange is OK?

I am not being sarcastic or flaming, I am genuinely curious about why you consider being told to do a particular task naked is out of bounds in this thread. If that is your limit, I can respect that, but I would like for you to be clear exactly why you say that. After all, the exploration of our limits is the only way to find them. I have found that my personal limits are much greater than I previously dreamed, but it was only after I decided to try some of the things that I fantasized about. Like many other Dominants, I discovered myself only after submitting and learning what is possible when one is pushed. I still hold a Mistress in greatest esteem for her insistence that I learn the ropes (and chains and irons) from the bottom up. She is very wise, and much of what I say is her teaching. I am proud to be treated as her peer today. Such respect is not easily earned.

Regards,

conhed

I don't really care if you find it prudish. I have my hard limits and this is one of them. These limits don't have to have your, the majorities or anyone else's approval but the people I involve myself with sexually.

Involving others in one's kink is not something I would put on the table. I think there are a good many people who would agree with me. I don't think it's cute or sexy to do so.

I like pointing this out when it comes up because some might assume that EVERYONE in the kink world would say this sort of thing is okay. This might influence them to do things they are not comfortable with because of the perception everyone else is or would.

Each to their own though.



I was in a big hurry when I first wrote this post. I didn't have time to respond to each thing in your prior post.

First of all, I know there are so many more things one could be "told to do" other than washing the dishes (dear GOD noooo, please noooo) and masturbating (if you insist, LMAO), that do not involve public nudity. Sure if the delivery guy said it was fine that might cover some of the area of concern I have but there is still your neighbors and passersby. There is also an inherent danger legally and personal safety wise involved here.

In theory I'm all for public nudity at legally designated places. I'd love to be free enough (in my own mind) to do that. I accept that if God made me, he made me so that I do not feel comfortable doing that. Regardless I'm cool with how I am and how nudist enjoy their communities.

Let me just say, I truly think the naked human body is both beautiful and miraculous. There are parts I don't enjoy looking at. I'm an not a voyeur or an exhibitionist. Sinning and morals don't come into it for me. As stated above, I do think it could be dangerous. I'm not afraid someone will make fun of me. I think the body could be shown in areas that the adults are consenting to view it and be, in effect part of that person's sex life. Your freedom to show your body, stops for me, at the precise intersection where it infringes on someone's right not to see it without their consent. That, to me, is very wrong.

For me power exchange isn't about public nudity nor is it about being told to be publicly nude for a delivery person. Not for me anyway. It's about so much more. All of the things that it can be about are perfectly okay IMO. However, for those that are exhibitionists or voyeuristic, I'd hope they'd confine their kink (as we all should) to appropriate venues. That's just common sense to my way of thinking.

Being told to do a particular task naked is one thing. Naked in public on my door step with a stranger is something else. Yes, that is a very hard limit for me.

I've enjoyed exploring limits. Including neighbors, passersby and even (possibly) willing delivery people in my kink is not going to happen. People talk about these kinds of things all the time. I think it's dangerous and wrong. Not everyone feels the same about it. Some think that their rights to play in public with non consenting adults in view is thrilling, cute and fun. I say otherwise.

If these are things you truly need to get your kink on, there are ways to arrange for a consenting audience. If you prefer them to be non consenting that's a problem, IMO.

Now maybe I've covered all this.

Cool, I thought that I had made it clear that all participants were aware and in agreement, that is, that the delivery person would know ahead of time, as well as be known to (at least some of) the other participants. I absolutely agree that infringing someone's right to be free of my (our, or your) games is unacceptable. Thank you for your answer, as it does conform to safe, sane and consensual, which, of course, applies to ALL participants.

My apologies if stating that "to prove that safe, sane and consensual is legal and fun." was not enough to convey that message. My intent was to show that we CAN have our fun without running much risk of harm by using solid planning and having the consent of ALL involved, as well as not involving children in any way.

Many people live in areas where the population density simply is too high for such games, but many people have homes that are secluded and there is no reasonable chance of being seen by a non-participant. Perhaps this couldn't even be called "public nudity" for that reason, but then again, the OP raised the issue of being told what to do, without any real limitations as to setting or actions. I am sorry if this one kink of mine, which is very much a part of BDSM in my mind, seems to be a sticking point, but as you point out, each of us has our limits. I am perfectly happy to observe limits, and my personal limits are more along the lines of water sports, blood, and breath control, but I would never tell another that it was inappropriate in an activity in which I was not a participant, as long as SSC was observed. There are laws that must be obeyed regardless of our fantasies.

The truth be known, simply putting another person in rope bondage is very dangerous if poor technique is used. I would much rather face a judge on a charge of indecent exposure than risk a permanent back injury due to a novice attempting a hogtie, or brain damage as a result of breath play. But these are my limits, both for my self and for anyone I play with. I love whips and bondage, but prefer to let others teach me than to experiment with another person's well being without being informed, aware and capable at the use of the tools. The Mistress that taught me was adamant about the value of knowing the true effects of anything one might do to another, by first experiencing the effects. No other method comes close to reinforcing a commitment to the safety and well being of someone who trusts you to take them to a certain point and no farther. I would never allow an inexperienced Dom to have control of someone who placed their trust in me.

I guess the upshot is that we agree that setting the limitations for our play is required, but we disagree on what they should be, and that is really all that can be said. No one set of limits is right for everyone, that is why we have safe words and sobriety requirements.

May all your encounters be pleasant and rewarding, and all of your fantasies be fulfilled!

Warmest Regards,

conhed

conhed said:

Cool, I thought that I had made it clear that all participants were aware and in agreement, that is, that the delivery person would know ahead of time, as well as be known to (at least some of) the other participants. I absolutely agree that infringing someone's right to be free of my (our, or your) games is unacceptable. Thank you for your answer, as it does conform to safe, sane and consensual, which, of course, applies to ALL participants.

My apologies if stating that "to prove that safe, sane and consensual is legal and fun." was not enough to convey that message. My intent was to show that we CAN have our fun without running much risk of harm by using solid planning and having the consent of ALL involved, as well as not involving children in any way.

Many people live in areas where the population density simply is too high for such games, but many people have homes that are secluded and there is no reasonable chance of being seen by a non-participant. Perhaps this couldn't even be called "public nudity" for that reason, but then again, the OP raised the issue of being told what to do, without any real limitations as to setting or actions. I am sorry if this one kink of mine, which is very much a part of BDSM in my mind, seems to be a sticking point, but as you point out, each of us has our limits. I am perfectly happy to observe limits, and my personal limits are more along the lines of water sports, blood, and breath control, but I would never tell another that it was inappropriate in an activity in which I was not a participant, as long as SSC was observed. There are laws that must be obeyed regardless of our fantasies.

The truth be known, simply putting another person in rope bondage is very dangerous if poor technique is used. I would much rather face a judge on a charge of indecent exposure than risk a permanent back injury due to a novice attempting a hogtie, or brain damage as a result of breath play. But these are my limits, both for my self and for anyone I play with. I love whips and bondage, but prefer to let others teach me than to experiment with another person's well being without being informed, aware and capable at the use of the tools. The Mistress that taught me was adamant about the value of knowing the true effects of anything one might do to another, by first experiencing the effects. No other method comes close to reinforcing a commitment to the safety and well being of someone who trusts you to take them to a certain point and no farther. I would never allow an inexperienced Dom to have control of someone who placed their trust in me.

I guess the upshot is that we agree that setting the limitations for our play is required, but we disagree on what they should be, and that is really all that can be said. No one set of limits is right for everyone, that is why we have safe words and sobriety requirements.

May all your encounters be pleasant and rewarding, and all of your fantasies be fulfilled!

Warmest Regards,

conhed

Click to expand...

Now wouldn't that be a wonderful world!

I'm glad we can see eye to eye on things after all even if we are not in full agreement with regard to personal limits.

JamieB said:

The best part for me isn't telling my beautiful, delicious sub what to do...the best part is that she does it. It's mind-blowing.

J

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I couldn't say it better.

I'm a bit on the "tamer" side (i.e. just into pure D/s). Tell me what to do and I'll scramble. Hearing what he wants excites the hell out of me. It's all about the authoritative tone, the directive, and the unspoken threat. And fail to respond quickly? Mmmm.

I love being told what to do...and then doing it.

I have a couple of questions stemming from Conhed's very thorough posts. Please don't assume that I'm being nasty or trying to cause any trouble .

My olde brain just can't wrap itself around something.

If we accept proposition X:

conhed said:

The sub realizes that the Master has, as the ultimate punishment, the ability to withdraw mastery. This is a fine line to walk, the sub needs attention, and the Master desires obedience. Both must be fulfilled.

Some rules must be chosen so that both Master and sub can enjoy the relationship, for why else would they participate? Both lifestyles (or roles) carry responsibilities beyond the norm, and both participants should receive the benefits they desire. These lesser rules can be chosen so as to allow the play that makes the relationship a loving, trusting, and fulfilling one.

Click to expand...

can we accept scenario Y as a valid tool for reaching said goals?:

conhed said:

The really fun part is in no-win situations where equal precedence rules conflict and the slave must choose which to follow and which to accept punishment for breaking. This is my favored scenario for times when I feel like applying a corrective lesson. My favorite is to require silence, and to require begging for permission to cum. The only correct choice is to remain silent and not cum. That is not possible once a slave is sufficiently aroused. What a delicious dilemma, not to mention the punishment that follows!

Click to expand...

I'm not suggesting it isn't possible (and it sounds like a good bit of fun to me to be absolutely honest), but I don't really understand how this "no win" situation serves either the primary need of the Dominant (which you cite as inciting "obedience") or that of the sub (obeying/pleasing...though you quite curiously cite it as "attention").

How does setting the sub between a rock and a hard place foster trust? If the punishment is the end goal (which is a very fun goal to have) shouldn't one just be honest about it?

What lesson is being learned from this?

I'm not really setting this down in type clearly, so my apologies.

Sort of regret writing this now . I'm pretty sure the answer is going to come back as something like: "The lesson is that the Dom/me's in charge and can do whatever s/he likes ."

I just think its an interesting problem that comes from telling someone/being told what to do. I actually want to be able to do what I'm told.

*still trying to figure out the fine line with needing attention.. *

I dont need attention. I need to take care of his needs..

also..how is it impossible to demand silence then say you cant come without begging for it.. eventually the stimulation will hurt.. then frustrate..then.. I wont need to come anymore.. .. how is that impossible..

trying to answer these questions

I was told by the young man I serve to give my thoughts on these questions.
We have times where he calls me on our phone and we talk about things he has MADE me do and what I thought of them. During these phone conversation I am ALLOWED to talk my mind I have to be very explicit and talk very honestly Ken my Sex Master uses these conversation to learn how to use me and what turns me on . I use these conversations to show Him how much I like being with him . and to prove to him I am his to use . Also sometimes I bring things up that we haven't tried yet and I am interested in trying

The Big thing is this is how we communicate and give each other our thoughts on our relationship.

um...yeah...

Something comes over me when an order is given sexually. I need to be controlled. The more control he takes the more intensely I feel everything and the more I crave, writhe, sink into that space where I can hardly string words together. Knowing that he is inside my head, directing every move and touch is surreal. It's even better if it comes after a day of constantly being reminded of him perhaps by wearing something he chose or carrying out a task he assigned. I think I separate being told what to do into different categories: first are requests, anything that he has offhandedly said would please him but is done because I choose to at my own volition; second are tasks, anything I am told to do and must do, but the time frame and method for accomplishing it is left up to me and third, commands/orders that are given and must be followed immediately. Someday we may develop rules too, but for now we are still learning where those boundaries will lie. That said I always reserve the right to say I cannot or will not do something and I will stand up for what I believe is right or wrong. I tend to be assertive and have a clear sense of myself day-to-day. Perhaps that is part of the reason why being controlled is so very delicious. If someone were to try and micromanage me I'd give them the heave-ho right quick. But when someone takes the reigns out of my hands and assertively directs all that stored energy and sensation, hmmmmm. Yes, I like being told what to do.

tickety_tock said:

I have a couple of questions stemming from Conhed's very thorough posts. Please don't assume that I'm being nasty or trying to cause any trouble .

My olde brain just can't wrap itself around something.

If we accept proposition X:



can we accept scenario Y as a valid tool for reaching said goals?:



I'm not suggesting it isn't possible (and it sounds like a good bit of fun to me to be absolutely honest), but I don't really understand how this "no win" situation serves either the primary need of the Dominant (which you cite as inciting "obedience") or that of the sub (obeying/pleasing...though you quite curiously cite it as "attention").

How does setting the sub between a rock and a hard place foster trust? If the punishment is the end goal (which is a very fun goal to have) shouldn't one just be honest about it?

What lesson is being learned from this?

I'm not really setting this down in type clearly, so my apologies.

Sort of regret writing this now . I'm pretty sure the answer is going to come back as something like: "The lesson is that the Dom/me's in charge and can do whatever s/he likes ."

I just think its an interesting problem that comes from telling someone/being told what to do. I actually want to be able to do what I'm told.

Click to expand...

A good question, if I understand it. Let me state it in my own words for you to check that:

Does a Dom need a reason to administer a punishment, and how does this relate to being told what to do?

I hope this is an accurate rephrasing of your question, if not please forgive my presumptuousness.

The psychology of power exchange is complex in that the needs of two very different types of personalities are to be met, if the relationship is to be successful.

As a Dom, I make several assumptions, based on open and direct communication. There is no way I am going to chance legal charges by being unaware of or disrespectful of limits. The whole point is gratification of fantasies safely, both mine and a subs.

Sometimes, pain is involved, but it is never non-consensual. I AM a nice person overall, but I do have a sadistic streak that I enjoy indulging when possible and allowable. The sub must have a masochistic need for me to feel comfortable causing the pain. Otherwise, the guilt (mine!) for doing so is a total downer. Needless to say, guilt kills any arousal!

So, what are my assumptions?

> That the scene is consensual and has been discussed thoroughly.

> That the limits, whether a mild spanking or a severe caning are clear and that a safe word/gesture is agreed upon.

> That power exchange is based on mutual respect and trust. I trust that I won't be charged with assault, and the sub trusts that I will observe limits and use every bit of my awareness to preserve their safety. After all, a great sub is a very valuable possession and not to be lightly regarded! One does not take a hammer to one's car windshield, why would one want to damage another, infinitely more valuable possession?


The greatest feeling in the world for me is to have a sub that devotes their being to pleasing me as Master, whether it is keeping house, or sexual gratification. No doubt there are some whose entire being is centered on simply serving and following orders and who do not desire sexual gratification, but I desire a sub who I can choose to punish, or arouse, at my whim. A sub who merely desires to be told what to do is, well, boring, unless there is some friction (drama, if you want to put it in those terms) that leads to kinky fun.

I guess you can tell that I am not a lifestyle Dom. I do not believe that I could face the responsibility full time. I need a sub that is able to function independently, yet submit to my will when playtime rolls around.

One of my greatest pleasures is to pleasurably torment a sub to a crashingly great orgasm. I love to physically tease until the sub is nearly incoherent with desire and to finally allow release. Bondage serves to prevent self gratification and often is erotic for both sub and Master, but I have often foregone my physical pleasure in order to get the mental or psychological pleasure that comes from controlling another, if that makes sense.

In a humorous way, I'd like to repeat something I read, I believe the story is here on Literotica, but I am not sure, anyway, here it is: "It's all about the cock." I take that to mean that a sub that wants to please will allow me to do what I find pleasurable even if it means that I get pleasure from giving pleasure. For sure, I also get pleasure from causing pain, but it is not an exclusive need, and the situation MUST be mutually satisfying, else I get no pleasure at all.

Since this thread is about being told what to do, or telling, and the question is why set up a no-win situation by giving conflicting instructions, my answer is that the no-win is merely a setup for the win-win where both parties get what they desire. In this case, obedience implies breaking a rule in order for the real fun to begin!

I hope that this wall of text is reasonably close to an answer to the question. I am always willing to talk about my experiences and invite anyone to raise questions and offer counter-arguments. I am by no means a final authority, although I do consider myself to possess some knowledge. There are surely many with more experience and knowledge than I. Sometimes the best way to learn is to state a belief and listen to other people when they discuss it. That is my primary reason for being here, to participate in the sharing of knowledge as both teacher and student.

I appreciate the kind attention to my comments and look forward to further discussion.

Regards and cuddles,

conhed

conhed said:

A good question, if I understand it. Let me state it in my own words for you to check that:

Does a Dom need a reason to administer a punishment, and how does this relate to being told what to do?

<Snippety-snip!>

Since this thread is about being told what to do, or telling, and the question is why set up a no-win situation by giving conflicting instructions, my answer is that the no-win is merely a setup for the win-win where both parties get what they desire. In this case, obedience implies breaking a rule in order for the real fun to begin!

Click to expand...

A wall of text indeed! Your attentive answer is definitely appreciated and you have certainly not been presumptuous. The last part of your answer, which has been quoted above, is especially interesting.

So, does the fact that obedience implies breaking a rule need to be explicitly noted or is it truly only implied in this case?

tickety_tock said:

A wall of text indeed! Your attentive answer is definitely appreciated and you have certainly not been presumptuous. The last part of your answer, which has been quoted above, is especially interesting.

So, does the fact that obedience implies breaking a rule need to be explicitly noted or is it truly only implied in this case?

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Sorry if I quoted the immediate preceding post. (A minor annoyance to some, I know.)

At the risk of appearing to condone topping from the bottom, I think that this is a situation where the sub has a choice, knowing the punishments are different for each possible rule violation. Specifics vary, but I regard orgasm control as more important than silence. The option to remain silent and not cum isn't really a choice, as it leads nowhere. The psychology is that the sub is aware of the consequences and may, in fact, be able to achieve BOTH punishments. This is the ideal outcome for me, as it allows me the most pleasure, which is the sub's primary interest, and the Prime Rule "Please the Master."

Of course this implies that the rule of silence is broken in order to plead permission to cum, permission is denied and the sub fails to control the orgasm. This was my desire from the start, I intended for the sub to fail so that I could gain my pleasure from punishing that failure.

To me, the whole point of dominance is to create a situation that leads inexorably to a conclusion that is already agreed upon (or simply dictated by me, depending on circumstances), yet allow enough room for impromptu playing that is not scripted. I am not an actor, but a real person with real desires that needs another real person with complementary needs to play with, not as a performance, but as a fulfillment of mutual needs.

I have met Doms who would not tolerate any rule violation because they viewed it as a personal failure as a Master. I think that a Master fails only when the sub has no spirit or desires. Think of it this way, withholding pain from a masochist is just as sadistic as torturing a non-masochist. The pain for a sub that desires to be controlled is in the removal of that control, which I often refer to as "attention."

As a type A personality, I detest any authority other than my own, and many people call me arrogant as a result. I regard them as weak because the only attack they can offer is to describe me as what I truly am, superior, but using a term that they consider pejorative, and I consider a compliment. I do not consider them submissive, simply inferior beings with little understanding or knowledge. A perfect submissive is smart, educated, informed and acutely aware of his/her self and understands the psychology that applies to their needs. This means that a great sub is superior to the great unwashed masses in every way, for they are aware of the value they present to a Dominant such as myself. I need someone to obey me just as much as they need someone to control them.

So, the answer to your question is "Please the Master." I signal that I seek my pleasure through causing a sub pain by the creation of the situation, and their acceptance is signified by their answer, in full awareness of the consequences.

To put it bluntly, I demand that the sub please me by giving me a reason to enjoy my power. It is no different than directing the sub to apply nipple clamps or, in more extreme cases to offer sexual favors to others. I do expect, however, rational and honest feedback when limits are approached. I think that there is a misconception that D/s is about ego. It is not. It is about individuals getting their desires met. Ideally, there is friendship and love to go with the pain and pleasure.

Sometimes, though, a good flogging is a good way to get acquainted! We are all unique, and the best approach is to be honest and accept the results, rather than to deceive and hope for success. All we need to do is to communicate, honestly and frequently.

Regards,

conhed

After rereading my previous post, I realized that there was something left unsaid that ties it all together. Here it is:

The most important thing for a Master to know is when and why a sub's needs are unmet. If this is because the sub is being punished, that is one thing, but if it is because I am unaware (or worse, intentionally kept ignorant by the sub) of those needs, then I have failed, and the sub has failed also.

The most important thing for a sub to know is that Master has been made aware of everything that is relevant. The second most important thing is to know that Master has taken all into account, but will sometimes demand more than can be given, due to any number of reasons, (While many subs may believe in the infallibility of their Master, I can assure you that every true Master is completely aware of their own limitations and fallibility. This is one of the most important criteria for true Mastery of self, yet a true Master will never allow weakness or insecurity to show. This self control is what allows one the confidence to control another.) but, the usual reason is to test a limit. When this is done, it is critical that the sub give feedback when the situation is new or exceeds previous boundaries. Master must KNOW the truth, never guessing and never acting without information.

So, there are rules and requirements that are a part of the roles, and there are rules that are outside the boundaries of the play. "Please the Master" is the prime rule, and a sub allowing itself to be taken past safe limits will never please a real Master.

To make it as simple as I can, I would never punish a sub for breaking the rule of silence by using a safe word. No true Master would.

That is where the trust and honor exist. As to explicit or implicit, the answer is both, but within different contexts.

Regards,

conhed

that really turns me on if someone is telling me what to next that was really nice and intense.

Since I have, to date, only played online or over the phone, my playing is ALL ABOUT telling my partners what to do.

What makes it even better, for me, is that I usually play with girls who are either still learning about submission or even still in the "Could I possibly be a submissive?" stage.

Nothing makes a girl squirm quite like pointing out to her that, whether she self-identifies as a submissive or not, she's just done something that would shock her closest friends - for some guy from the Internet!!!