A
Angedesoleil
Guest
I've faced a constant battle with people in my life over the concept of what to say and what not to say. It been a mixed blessing. Some people view it as positive that I am unappologetically and openly exactly who and what I am. What you see is that you get is an understatement. Some people view this as a very positive thing.... until I end up in their life and partly their responsibility... then it tends to drive them insane. The very thing that made their life EASY and helped us get a move on ends up frustrating them to no end. This is not a solitary occurrence... this has been a running theme in my life.
It has also painted a target on my back for people who see me as easy prey. They tend to know EXACTLY what buttons to push to get a reaction out of me, because I'm not "guarded" about who I am.
I'm good with me. I've been good with me. I've taken this as just one more thing that is who I am, and who I should be with would value that part of me and understand it.
Yesterday I was REALLY wrestling with this concept. The fallout from it. I was going back through my life and thinking about all of the ramifications of this.
One of the things that I've been open about is that I have Aspergers. One of the specific Aspergers traits I exhibit is that I have a difficulty or uniqueness in language nuance. I see nuance where others don't and I don't see it sometimes where others clearly do. This can cause unexpected humor and unexpected frustration for both myself and those around me.
After a lot of soul searching I came to the conclusion that my issue is rooted in this:
I believe one of the base requirements for myself as a person, myself as a submissive, and myself as a part of this community is HONESTY. I value HONESTY deeply. Honesty with regards to who I am, what I'm about, and what I think, feel, and believe. I have also been taught since a young child that "a lie of omission is still a lie." Aspergers trait #2 ... we like rules. We thrive on rules. Our life is MUCH easier if we have a set of rules to follow. So the rule that "a lie of omission is still a lie" has been one I've followed and taken to heart. It's why I tell on myself even if I wont get caught. It's why I CANT lie. I'm really not capable of it. I have so many physical tells it is comical.
So when dealing with people I tend to hide NONE of myself. That isnt to say there aren't things I keep private... but if I feel it is something that is or I hope will be, something they should be aware of... I make it known *immediately.*
EX: within the first three messages with someone whom I'm sincerely interested in pursuing a relationship with they are made aware of medical conditions that may affect me. This information, I have considered as honesty. It is information that, I believe, might affect their willingness to embark upon that relationship with me. I had considered this HONESTY.
... apparently this is a nuance I missed somewhere. This is apparently TRANSPARENCY. ... which is somehow different from HONESTY. This is a new concept to me. Honesty is apparently, if asked, then either stating the information or making the person aware there is something there that I'm not ready or willing to discuss yet. What I have been isn't honest, it is transparent. I've been made aware that transparency is #1 dangerous and #2 not people's right. That I devalue myself by being transparent.
I'm curious how other people view these concepts. I'm still trying to understand this. I'm still trying to decide how to implement this lesson into my life and into my method of dealing with people.
For you:
what is the difference between honesty and transparency?
Do you value honesty or transparency in relation to vanilla and D/S relationships?
How do you know when to be honest and when to be transparent?
When do you cross the thresh hold from honesty to transparency?
any other insights?
It has also painted a target on my back for people who see me as easy prey. They tend to know EXACTLY what buttons to push to get a reaction out of me, because I'm not "guarded" about who I am.
I'm good with me. I've been good with me. I've taken this as just one more thing that is who I am, and who I should be with would value that part of me and understand it.
Yesterday I was REALLY wrestling with this concept. The fallout from it. I was going back through my life and thinking about all of the ramifications of this.
One of the things that I've been open about is that I have Aspergers. One of the specific Aspergers traits I exhibit is that I have a difficulty or uniqueness in language nuance. I see nuance where others don't and I don't see it sometimes where others clearly do. This can cause unexpected humor and unexpected frustration for both myself and those around me.
After a lot of soul searching I came to the conclusion that my issue is rooted in this:
I believe one of the base requirements for myself as a person, myself as a submissive, and myself as a part of this community is HONESTY. I value HONESTY deeply. Honesty with regards to who I am, what I'm about, and what I think, feel, and believe. I have also been taught since a young child that "a lie of omission is still a lie." Aspergers trait #2 ... we like rules. We thrive on rules. Our life is MUCH easier if we have a set of rules to follow. So the rule that "a lie of omission is still a lie" has been one I've followed and taken to heart. It's why I tell on myself even if I wont get caught. It's why I CANT lie. I'm really not capable of it. I have so many physical tells it is comical.
So when dealing with people I tend to hide NONE of myself. That isnt to say there aren't things I keep private... but if I feel it is something that is or I hope will be, something they should be aware of... I make it known *immediately.*
EX: within the first three messages with someone whom I'm sincerely interested in pursuing a relationship with they are made aware of medical conditions that may affect me. This information, I have considered as honesty. It is information that, I believe, might affect their willingness to embark upon that relationship with me. I had considered this HONESTY.
... apparently this is a nuance I missed somewhere. This is apparently TRANSPARENCY. ... which is somehow different from HONESTY. This is a new concept to me. Honesty is apparently, if asked, then either stating the information or making the person aware there is something there that I'm not ready or willing to discuss yet. What I have been isn't honest, it is transparent. I've been made aware that transparency is #1 dangerous and #2 not people's right. That I devalue myself by being transparent.
I'm curious how other people view these concepts. I'm still trying to understand this. I'm still trying to decide how to implement this lesson into my life and into my method of dealing with people.
For you:
what is the difference between honesty and transparency?
Do you value honesty or transparency in relation to vanilla and D/S relationships?
How do you know when to be honest and when to be transparent?
When do you cross the thresh hold from honesty to transparency?
any other insights?