The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

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(had to google neko) and you get a women who does a really good job when she runs her fingernails down your back.


I put in the recipe for a hot sex partner (ingredients not included)

(seriously? wow... just shows how much of a furry i am... lol)
why do you need the recipe? i'm right here! lol. jk. jk.

i put in a box of crayons because i feel like it!!! (and there happens to be a box sitting on the table... lol)
 
(seriously? wow... just shows how much of a furry i am... lol)
why do you need the recipe? i'm right here! lol. jk. jk.

i put in a box of crayons because i feel like it!!! (and there happens to be a box sitting on the table... lol)

and you get a lovely nude of a large woman drawn by me.

I put in a set of top quality soft pastels and a pad of pastel paper.
 
and you get a lovely nude of a large woman drawn by me.

I put in a set of top quality soft pastels and a pad of pastel paper.

you get back a poorly done picture of a kittykat with "i'm a writer not an artist unfortunately" written on it.

i put in a pillow just because. lol.
 
It's one of the manga love pillows so you get to arrange a wedding for the pillow and your weird flatmate.

I put in wedding invites with manga porn on them.
 
It's one of the manga love pillows so you get to arrange a wedding for the pillow and your weird flatmate.

I put in wedding invites with manga porn on them.

and it is rounded up by the do-good police.
[ WTF is 'manga']


I put in a copy of Lady Chatterly.
 
and it is rounded up by the do-good police.
[ WTF is 'manga']


I put in a copy of Lady Chatterly.

(Wow! The Brits are cloning horny minor nobles! This'll give us a new interest in BBC series on American PBS!)

and you get a line (sorry, a queue) of gardeners each wanting their own copies.

I put in Molly's soliloquy...
 
(Wow! The Brits are cloning horny minor nobles! This'll give us a new interest in BBC series on American PBS!)

and you get a line (sorry, a queue) of gardeners each wanting their own copies.

I put in Molly's soliloquy...

and you get a lot of howling and barking as Molly is my next door neighbour's labradoodle.


I put in human strength flea powder.

(Manga is Japanese cartooning. They do a lot of disturbing porn. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manga)
 
and you vomit all over your shoes then hallucinate that you are a giant lizard.

i put in a box of lizard food with extra crickets.

and the lizard slides back through the sipapu to find first man.

I put in a dance for the Four Corn Mothers...
 
and the vacuum pump overdoes it.

I put in a painful bout of mechanical priapism...

and everyone laughs their arses off at you as you walk to the nearest emergency room.

i put in a video of someone having a giant needle stuck into their penis (it cures you).
 
and everyone laughs their arses off at you as you walk to the nearest emergency room.

i put in a video of someone having a giant needle stuck into their penis (it cures you).

and the ER Doc made a mistake and filled the syringe with alprostadil.

I put in a case of iatrogenic priapism...
 
and the ER Doc made a mistake and filled the syringe with alprostadil.

I put in a case of iatrogenic priapism...

and there's talk of gangrene or amputation. Clears the problem right up.

I put in a pillow for a sore and wilted penis.
 
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