Polyamory

[ecstaticsub]

sorry if this question has been asked before, i admit to not having read the entire thread.

when was the moment you realized that you could love more then one person. as we grow up we hear stories of the princess and her prince charming. there isnt any room in those fairy tales for a second princess or the prince's best friend. so what was the point where you moved away from what you were taught about loving sombody and moved into your own views?

I knew I was I could love two people after the first time I fell in love with a second man. In many ways it was very sad. I knew I could love both, but I was in college and loving two men was not acceptable, esp since I was engaged to one of them. I continued my relationships with both, got married to one and on a limited basis kept up the relationship with the other. But really it became more of a "friends with benefits" type of relationship because he wanted me to himself, to love only him and I was unable to do that. That relationship ended when I moved overseas with my husband.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I love the pickle story. I can really relate to it. For us little traditions/rituals are very important and fortunately he feels the same way as I do.

 

[BiBunny]

sorry if this question has been asked before, i admit to not having read the entire thread.

when was the moment you realized that you could love more then one person. as we grow up we hear stories of the princess and her prince charming. there isnt any room in those fairy tales for a second princess or the prince's best friend. so what was the point where you moved away from what you were taught about loving sombody and moved into your own views?

I realized it when I fell in love with Kitty. (Insert requisite "awwww" here.) I was already in love with a man at the time, and I realized that my love for one didn't diminish my love for the other. The thing with the man didn't last. Kitty and I have been together for 5 years this month. I think it's fairly safe to say that she's *one* of my soulmates at this point, especially considering the longest I've ever stayed with a man is a year and a half.

She and I started out as best friends. We morphed into the *something more* part later. I think that's as good an argument as any for letting your love be your best friend, too.

 

[nh23]

Yet again some wonderful posts. This thread is a goldmine.

And, by the by, it's a goldmine for people in non-poly relationships too. seri's advice above is a perfect example. While it may be more crucial in poly, it's valid in any relationship.

Still, this has easily been one of the most worthwhile threads on here recently.

Awww..

 

[nh23]

sorry if this question has been asked before, i admit to not having read the entire thread.

when was the moment you realized that you could love more then one person. as we grow up we hear stories of the princess and her prince charming. there isnt any room in those fairy tales for a second princess or the prince's best friend. so what was the point where you moved away from what you were taught about loving sombody and moved into your own views?

When I met D. I wasn't looking for love, and it wasn't my intention..it just happened.

 

[Netzach]

Honestly I had a real bitch of a time with it with L, my girlfriend. I wanted her, what the fuck did she still need men around for????

And then I saw her getting fucked during a three way and I was hit upside the head with the *upside*which I had totally failed to see till then. I took to it really well. I let my pussy lead my brain and that worked best. For me it was a question of lack of exposure and real sexual enjoyment of great intensity.

 

[EmpressFi]

i didnt think about "love" with the first relationship we opened ourselves up to. It was.. I can care, I can be attracted to someone else without diminishing my feelings for Malin.

So, I went to England, had my fun.. came home and realized we were better friends than lovers.. and we left it at that.. But there was just something that clicked when I got together with Master. We'd been friends for years.. he found out Malin and I were poly.. and that I was submissive.. From the first moment I saw him..when he first walked off the plane, I loved him. And I wrestled with that emotion. I mean, we knew we loved each other that first weekend, but to say it, wouldnt that mean I was disloyal? (I was still new at this). Malin was the one to tell me .. to show me.. that it was ok to love Master AND him. Once that guilt was taken away.. I've never looked back..

 

[nh23]

All righty, I have a question.

As we all know, I'm doing the sub-searching thing right now. I'm always up-front about being poly, so nobody can ever say I'm less than honest with them. But, while they know this about me, when they start asking me how it works or how I handle it, I sort of draw a blank. I mean, I generally just sort of see how it goes and go from there, but that's not usually the kind of answer they want to hear, LOL.

So for y'all poly folks, how do you handle talking about poly with prospective partners? Not just the initial broaching of the subject, but the actual discussion of it as well. Thanks in advance.

I'm not ignoring this question Bunny..just thinking..lol

 

[ecstaticsub]

i didnt think about "love" with the first relationship we opened ourselves up to. It was.. I can care, I can be attracted to someone else without diminishing my feelings for Malin.

So, I went to England, had my fun.. came home and realized we were better friends than lovers.. and we left it at that.. But there was just something that clicked when I got together with Master. We'd been friends for years.. he found out Malin and I were poly.. and that I was submissive.. From the first moment I saw him..when he first walked off the plane, I loved him. And I wrestled with that emotion. I mean, we knew we loved each other that first weekend, but to say it, wouldnt that mean I was disloyal? (I was still new at this). Malin was the one to tell me .. to show me.. that it was ok to love Master AND him. Once that guilt was taken away.. I've never looked back..

It was my husband who helped me get over the nagging guilt of being in love with my Dom. I didn't want to admit to him that I was in love, not just swept up in being owned for the first time. But when I finally admitted it to my husband he told me that it made him feel better about my D/s relationship. Since he is non-poly and vanilla he still doesn't like the fact that I come home bruised and achy. He said knowing that I was in love and loved made it easier for him to handle the bruises on my body.

 

[mitchell67]

re: tabs and slots

Since Bunny asked a question, i'm going to ask another one if i may...
Persons A and B are together and both poly. Person B has another long-standing partner. Person A has recently become "interested" in someone else, and is having the usual "giggly...i have a huge crush" type feelings. How should Person A go about handling it with regards to Person B? They don't want Person B to feel like they are being replaced or becoming second in any way...but they are kinda focused on the budding relationship with the new person at the moment too...

If that made no sense...PM me....

You might be referring indirectly to NRE in the parlance (new relationship energy), the crush type feelings, which you mention, the euphoria of a new love, and new partner etc.
That's a bit where the metal meets the road and all that communication and openness come into action. Person A is walking in the clouds and person B can and should enjoy the effects on a close intimate. Person A should also know from all that they have talked about beforehand that person B is there and supportive as much as ever if not moreso. There's one tricky drawback to NRE; it makes you think amazingly wonderful thoughts at the moment. In this light when person A suggests quitting both jobs, selling the house, and traveling with the Phish tour to be closer to person A's new love, it's person B's responsibility to smile and to agree to talk about it again in a few weeks.
NRE is a powerful drug that must be enjoyed but only with a designated driver. I hope that answered what you were getting at, HM.

 

[nh23]

Saturday bump

 

[alaskabibear]

Just wanted to say thanks for the Thread.

While my wife and I aren't involved in a M/s or D/s relationship, we have been interested in opening up our marriage to another male (I'm bi and she is not - but likes that I am). An on-line Lit. friend suggested that we investigate polyamorous relationships because we always get so discouraged by the prevalent attitude of casual "sex only" relationships amongst the male bisexuals we have come in contact with. It is very encouraging, educational and interesting to read the comments here from people who actually "get it" - that it's more about the love than it is the sex.

We will mark this one as a Thread to check in on frequently.

 

[the captians wench]

It's so hard to find a romantic poly friendly valentine. *sigh*

I keep finding ones that say "I'll forever be only yours" and "I'll only ever love you" and "you're my one true love". *sigh* they look so nice, and I fall inlove with the card, and then I see one of these lines and I go "*sigh* next" What a disapointment.

 

[Homburg]

It's so hard to find a romantic poly friendly valentine. *sigh*

I keep finding ones that say "I'll forever be only yours" and "I'll only ever love you" and "you're my one true love". *sigh* they look so nice, and I fall inlove with the card, and then I see one of these lines and I go "*sigh* next" What a disapointment.

Some enterprising yahoo has GOT to have put together kink and alt friendly greeting cards.

 

[midwestyankee]

It's so hard to find a romantic poly friendly valentine. *sigh*

I keep finding ones that say "I'll forever be only yours" and "I'll only ever love you" and "you're my one true love". *sigh* they look so nice, and I fall inlove with the card, and then I see one of these lines and I go "*sigh* next" What a disapointment.

You have a red pen and a sense of humor, right?


*says he who once had to buy a birthday card and edit it into an anniversary card because the airport book shop was out of anniversary cards*

 

[BiBunny]

Yay! My favorite thread is back!

(I have nothing of substance to add.)

 

[the captians wench]

You have a red pen and a sense of humor, right?


*says he who once had to buy a birthday card and edit it into an anniversary card because the airport book shop was out of anniversary cards*

Some how adding "well, one of the only anyway" seems to ruin the whole mood of the card.

 

[nh23]

Some enterprising yahoo has GOT to have put together kink and alt friendly greeting cards.

www.kinkycards.com
Have no idea if it has what you're looking for, but there are some really cute cards.

 

[EmpressFi]

ROFL

It's funny you bring up greeting cards for kink.

Our wedding rings have "vous et nul autre" as part of the design (theyr'e copies of medieval posie rings) - aka "you and no other" (c'mon... you've seen Malin..how could we not quote Braveheart)... and so in every Christmas, anniversary, birthday, etc card we've given over the years, we've added

"I will love you my whole life, you and no other"

Well today I open my birthday card and it's all sweet and sappy and I open it up and sure enough, there's my baby's hand-written message.

"I will love you my whole life"

I looked up at him as he grinned and said, "I see you left off the 'you and no other' part" He started laughing and said, "well... can you say it either?"

So I agree.. lets go to hallmark and demand a kink section... or for christ's sake..a poly section...

I love you and you and yeah.. you too

or My love for her does not diminish my love for you.

 

[BiBunny]

Geez, why can't they just make cards that say "I love you"? That'd be enough, wouldn't it? Damn card-marking people.

 

[intothewoods]

Geez, why can't they just make cards that say "I love you"? That'd be enough, wouldn't it? Damn card-marking people.

They do make blank cards, peeps. You could also make photo cards with your own polyfabulous greeting!

Don't thank me. I'm a giver.

 

[the captians wench]

ROFL

It's funny you bring up greeting cards for kink.

Our wedding rings have "vous et nul autre" as part of the design (theyr'e copies of medieval posie rings) - aka "you and no other" (c'mon... you've seen Malin..how could we not quote Braveheart)... and so in every Christmas, anniversary, birthday, etc card we've given over the years, we've added

"I will love you my whole life, you and no other"

Well today I open my birthday card and it's all sweet and sappy and I open it up and sure enough, there's my baby's hand-written message.

"I will love you my whole life"

I looked up at him as he grinned and said, "I see you left off the 'you and no other' part" He started laughing and said, "well... can you say it either?"

So I agree.. lets go to hallmark and demand a kink section... or for christ's sake..a poly section...

I love you and you and yeah.. you too

or My love for her does not diminish my love for you.

Just simply leaving out the only sometimes would work. "you will forever be my love" see still sweet and sappy but no only.

I'll probably do what I did last year for Jounar and get him a whole pack of Pirates of the Carribean valentines *giggles* We're both huge POTC fans (when we sold the happy meal toys and had the pirates ads I got all the displays for him including a huge poster with Cap. Jack that says "are you mac enough?")

But what to get the others in my life.....I'm sure I'll think of something.

 

[BiBunny]

They do make blank cards, peeps. You could also make photo cards with your own polyfabulous greeting!

Don't thank me. I'm a giver.

Oh, stop interrupting my angst with logic already.

 

[intothewoods]

Oh, stop interrupting my angst with logic already.

I'm just bored. Sorry, now I'm stalking the poly thread! This is so awkward.

 

[EmpressFi]

Oh, stop interrupting my angst with logic already.

tricksey logicses... have to watch 'em all the time