Polyamory

[nh23]

I love her. She loves me. We say it many times a day and mean it, buttt.....

we are not in love.

I'm not her romantic partner, her girlfriend, her lover or anything like that. I'm her property, her slave. So our relationship is first and foremost that of slave and Owner. We are other things to one another too...friends, for certain, but I would always be someone she would say "this is seri, she belongs to me" or "she is my girl"....and that's exactly how she introduces me to most anyone we meet, vanilla or otherwise She says it with such no-nonsense conviction that oddly enough, few people ever seem to wonder about it. lol

I've had feelings of being in love with her before, but she doesn't share them, and neither of us are willing to mix the romance with the M/s. So I've learned to deal with those feelings. We both feel that slavery and romance are not a good mix because in the end, the romantic partnership comes first, and this doesn't mix with our definition of ownedship/ownership. I for one would not be willing to do anything that would alter the dynamic and focus we have, so it does make those other feelings a lot easier to deal with. I still have a hard time when she is dating though.

Ah, thank you seri

 

[Caitlynne]

*nods* That's what happened to me, I wasn't looking for love. I met D..and well I couldn't help myself..lol.

*smiles* and this is why I think so many "open" relationships end up surprised. They begin with a boundary of "no emotional" attachments, and while that is possible to adhere to for some, it isn't all that practical or successful as a boundary for way too many.

It defies human nature in a lot of ways. Partners who put all their cookies in that basket, so to speak, can be in for a rough ride if and when some emotions come into the mix. The biggest surprise is often the partner who insisted on "no emotional attachment" is of course the one that has emotions come into play. Some weird kind of cosmic joke of some kind.

Anyone who opens up their relationship to other people, regardless of other boundaries, had better talk over what happens if someone does get attached, and if that is a deal breaker then probably other restrictions need to be considered. Ones like no play without the other present, or some other way to avoiding emotional attachments. It's just human nature to form some kind of attachment. There's already an attraction that can segue to something else. I'm not saying EVERYONE will form some attachment, lots of people don't, but enough do that it's worth discussing ahead of time.

You can't logic your way out of an emotional attachment once it has formed. Ya know what I mean?

 

[nh23]

*smiles* and this is why I think so many "open" relationships end up surprised. They begin with a boundary of "no emotional" attachments, and while that is possible to adhere to for some, it isn't all that practical or successful as a boundary for way too many.

It defies human nature in a lot of ways. Partners who put all their cookies in that basket, so to speak, can be in for a rough ride if and when some emotions come into the mix. The biggest surprise is often the partner who insisted on "no emotional attachment" is of course the one that has emotions come into play. Some weird kind of cosmic joke of some kind.

Anyone who opens up their relationship to other people, regardless of other boundaries, had better talk over what happens if someone does get attached, and if that is a deal breaker then probably other restrictions need to be considered. Ones like no play without the other present, or some other way to avoiding emotional attachments. It's just human nature to form some kind of attachment. There's already an attraction that can segue to something else. I'm not saying EVERYONE will form some attachment, lots of people don't, but enough do that it's worth discussing ahead of time.

You can't logic your way out of an emotional attachment once it has formed. Ya know what I mean?

*nods muchly*

 

[nh23]

I was wondering if anyone had a particular question or topic they would like to see brought up for this thread. If you're not comfortable sharing it here, feel free to PM me, and I would be happy to bring it up.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I was wondering if anyone had a particular question or topic they would like to see brought up for this thread. If you're not comfortable sharing it here, feel free to PM me, and I would be happy to bring it up.

I have a question for you personally if you don't mind. On another thread you mentioned training your husband to Top you. (I think you used the word train, if not it was something like that ) But really he was mostly vanilla. My husband is mostly vanilla also with a few kinks of his own.

My question is do you see sometime in the future where your husband may be your Dom? Or at least take on more of a dominant role? Would you want this?

My husband has flogged me a little in the past but I always felt it more annoying than pleasurable. Since I have been with Daddy I have not allowed my husband to even spank me during sex, even a little. I am not allowed to ever bottom for anyone in anyway without Daddy's consent. I think he may allow my husband if I wanted it but without the mental--being submissive to him--I can't see it having the effect I crave. I will admit to a shiver when he takes his belt off in a certain way...which he laughs about sometimes.

I had at one time wished that my husband would be more dominant but now no way would I want it. I like my husband the way he is and the relationship with my Daddy the way it is.

 

[nh23]

I have a question for you personally if you don't mind. On another thread you mentioned training your husband to Top you. (I think you used the word train, if not it was something like that ) But really he was mostly vanilla. My husband is mostly vanilla also with a few kinks of his own.

My question is do you see sometime in the future where your husband may be your Dom? Or at least take on more of a dominant role? Would you want this?

Honestly..No. My husband has learned to use the flogger, crop etc...and has been talking to a few people who are experienced Dominants to learn more about the lifestyle. That being said the only role I can really see him taking on is one of a service Top. He will Top me if I ask him too, but he doesn't really take any personal pleasure from it. He's not a sadist, and he has a really hard time being as hard on me as I want him too. He also doesn't take on the Dominant role in our marriage, and I honestly can't ever see him doing so. I'm happy with him the way he is, as D fills the role of a Dominant in my life. I do very much appreciate the fact that my husband is willing to learn more about this lifestyle, and is learning to do things that I like.

My husband has flogged me a little in the past but I always felt it more annoying than pleasurable. Since I have been with Daddy I have not allowed my husband to even spank me during sex, even a little. I am not allowed to ever bottom for anyone in anyway without Daddy's consent. I think he may allow my husband if I wanted it but without the mental--being submissive to him--I can't see it having the effect I crave. I will admit to a shiver when he takes his belt off in a certain way...which he laughs about sometimes.

I had at one time wished that my husband would be more dominant but now no way would I want it. I like my husband the way he is and the relationship with my Daddy the way it is.

I'm allowed to bottom for others as long as sex stays out of the equation. Sometimes I need the pain, just for the sake of pain, and I can't always be with D when I get that way. He allows me to bottom when I need to. Of course with my husband, I can have sex whenever I want even if it's related to bottoming. But for me...sex rarely ever comes into the equation when I bottom. It's mostly a non sexual act for me.

 

[Netzach]

M popped me in the ass once with his bathrobe belt.

It was an accident. A fluke.

I genuinely found myself wondering if I'd like it if he were more versatile, from this question - it's a good one. Not really.

I have had him tie me up and tease me and he's really *good* at it - his first rel. was with another sub/bottom and they took turns, so I'm sure both of them are pretty capable, but I think he could survive happily never being the top again.

I also think it would be disruptive if he were as into humiliation as H or as strong a sexual top or as much on the masculine end of the spectrum as my bull.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'm allowed to bottom for others as long as sex stays out of the equation. Sometimes I need the pain, just for the sake of pain, and I can't always be with D when I get that way. He allows me to bottom when I need to. Of course with my husband, I can have sex whenever I want even if it's related to bottoming. But for me...sex rarely ever comes into the equation when I bottom. It's mostly a non sexual act for me.

Thanks for your answers. This is where we differ. I can not see me ever bottoming without having sex. It's the really rough hard sex afterwards that a good flogging/spanking etc makes me crave desperately. Probably the worst punishment I could ever recieve would be to be beat and then not allowed sex. My Dom would also more likely allow me to have sex with others than to allow me to bottom.

 

[nh23]

Thanks for your answers. This is where we differ. I can not see me ever bottoming without having sex. It's the really rough hard sex afterwards that a good flogging/spanking etc makes me crave desperately. Probably the worst punishment I could ever recieve would be to be beat and then not allowed sex. My Dom would also more likely allow me to have sex with others than to allow me to bottom.

*nods* Most of the time when I bottom, it's because I need that release. To calm the inner storm within. At those times it's not about sex for me. I realize that may be a bit unusual..But, what can I say I'm an unusual chick..lol

 

[Evil_Geoff]

*grins and shrugs* The flavor of our relationship is definitely different...

Sexually/romantically/emotionally, janey and I are pretty monogamous. But I'm a sadist and I like to inflict pain... janey is not much of a masochist. So I do SM play with others. If/when janey bonds emotionally with another enough to want to bring them into the emotionally and physically intimate part of our lives, I will consider adding that person into our family.

Until then, they are play partners. And friends perhaps, but not more.

It's worked for us going on 5 years now.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

That would be so hawt to have a Bunny-Etoile-Netzach sandwich. Who doesn't want to do twins?!

Oh gawd, I know it's your fantasy Etoile... but I wanna watch!

 

[DeservingBitch]

Oh gawd, I know it's your fantasy Etoile... but I wanna watch!

Move along. I'm already there watching.

 

[nh23]

A Tuesday bump

 

[minx1]

A Tuesday bump

Thanks for the bump and the thread nh.

I have been lurking and reading for a while. Whilst I have no actual experience of polyamory, I can completely understand how someone may love more than one person. It seems that to make a successful polyamorous the people involved need to be very secure and sure of their relationships, and indeed of themselves. With regards to the latter I think I may be a little too insecure. Having said that who knows, perhaps I may surprise myself!

I know my Master likes the idea of us having a play partner, perhaps on a one off basis. I know thats not what polyamory is about, but it kinda led me here anyway.

But I have found the thread extremely imformative and will continue to read with much interest.

 

[sexycaz22]

But I have found the thread extremely imformative and will continue to read with much interest.

*nods* I can only agree with what you said, minx.

Although I am not in any relationships as yet, I am open-dating (well that is what I want to call it!) and is dating and/or doing play sessions with different people - both PYL and pyl and I am enjoying it.

However, I am still looking for that meaningful and deep relationship with a PYL or a pyl but with the possibly of a second relationship, which is why I am a lurker with this thread, and is one of my favourite threads on Literotica!

 

[nh23]

Thanks for the bump and the thread nh.

I have been lurking and reading for a while. Whilst I have no actual experience of polyamory, I can completely understand how someone may love more than one person. It seems that to make a successful polyamorous the people involved need to be very secure and sure of their relationships, and indeed of themselves. With regards to the latter I think I may be a little too insecure. Having said that who knows, perhaps I may surprise myself!

I know my Master likes the idea of us having a play partner, perhaps on a one off basis. I know thats not what polyamory is about, but it kinda led me here anyway.

But I have found the thread extremely imformative and will continue to read with much interest.

You're welcome I'm really glad it's been helpful for you!

 

[nh23]

*nods* I can only agree with what you said, minx.

Although I am not in any relationships as yet, I am open-dating (well that is what I want to call it!) and is dating and/or doing play sessions with different people - both PYL and pyl and I am enjoying it.

However, I am still looking for that meaningful and deep relationship with a PYL or a pyl but with the possibly of a second relationship, which is why I am a lurker with this thread, and is one of my favourite threads on Literotica!

Aww..Caz Thank You!

 

[BiBunny]

All righty, I have a question.

As we all know, I'm doing the sub-searching thing right now. I'm always up-front about being poly, so nobody can ever say I'm less than honest with them. But, while they know this about me, when they start asking me how it works or how I handle it, I sort of draw a blank. I mean, I generally just sort of see how it goes and go from there, but that's not usually the kind of answer they want to hear, LOL.

So for y'all poly folks, how do you handle talking about poly with prospective partners? Not just the initial broaching of the subject, but the actual discussion of it as well. Thanks in advance.

 

[HottieMama]

Since Bunny asked a question, i'm going to ask another one if i may...

Persons A and B are together and both poly. Person B has another long-standing partner. Person A has recently become "interested" in someone else, and is having the usual "giggly...i have a huge crush" type feelings. How should Person A go about handling it with regards to Person B? They don't want Person B to feel like they are being replaced or becoming second in any way...but they are kinda focused on the budding relationship with the new person at the moment too...

If that made no sense...PM me....

 

[nh23]

Since Bunny asked a question, i'm going to ask another one if i may...

Persons A and B are together and both poly. Person B has another long-standing partner. Person A has recently become "interested" in someone else, and is having the usual "giggly...i have a huge crush" type feelings. How should Person A go about handling it with regards to Person B? They don't want Person B to feel like they are being replaced or becoming second in any way...but they are kinda focused on the budding relationship with the new person at the moment too...

If that made no sense...PM me....

Ok..what happens sometimes when we meet a new person is that we kind of go into a frenzy of sorts. You know the I'm in love, the world is great, and your thoughts tend to get wrapped up in the new person. It's normal to get that way..but realizing that we do get that way is kinda the key. It's fine and good to feel that way, but you need to find balance. If every word to person B is gushing about the new crush..well person B is going to start to have feelings of jealousy/resentment. It's ok to focus on the new person, as you are building a new relationship, but like I said poly is about balance. Be sure you are spreading out your time as evenly as possible. Don't forget that person B has needs, and wants, and feelings also. Try to give them special attention all of their own where the new crush isn't talked about. Not saying that you shouldn't talk about the new person at all..lol, but like I said when we are newly in love or lust we tend to go on and on about the new person. Make sure thoughts/feelings about the new person are not over riding your special time with person B..

Ok..did that help or make sense at all? LOL

 

[EmpressFi]

All righty, I have a question.

As we all know, I'm doing the sub-searching thing right now. I'm always up-front about being poly, so nobody can ever say I'm less than honest with them. But, while they know this about me, when they start asking me how it works or how I handle it, I sort of draw a blank. I mean, I generally just sort of see how it goes and go from there, but that's not usually the kind of answer they want to hear, LOL.

So for y'all poly folks, how do you handle talking about poly with prospective partners? Not just the initial broaching of the subject, but the actual discussion of it as well. Thanks in advance.

When Master and decided to get together, we, the three of us talked a lot about what would be allowed and what wouldnt. Master also made it clear that if at any point, it appeared he was interferring with my marriage to Malin, he would be gone. He would NOT break up the marriage as it is my primary relationship. That's been the main key. He's known.. we've known.. since the beginning, where that hard boundary is.

 

[nh23]

So yesterday I was browsing on another BDSM forum and found this post on polyamory. It's a real gem, so I asked permission from the poster to post it here. It has an amazing amount of insight. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

Sometimes a pickle isn't just a pickle.

I often have people ask me how I can be poly and have so few issues with the situation. I, being the clever one that I am, always have an answer on hand. The truth is I love being poly, but occassionally have what I call a poly stutter. You may be asking what a poly stutter is. Well, it is when your feelings get hurt in a situation that never would have occured if you werent poly. However, a stutter is small and you move on and just keep talking/living.

Anyhow I had a poly stutter today and I have some very mixed feelings about it.

I love being poly and cannot imagine life any other way. I would never change anything about this life that Master and I have chosen for ourself.

2 Years ago I made a New Years Resolution to find something to be selfish about. I mean, I share everything in my life and have nothing to call mine or my own. I share my husband/Master, clothes, home, food, hobbies, everything. I wouldnt have it any other way, but sometimes I long for something to just be mine and be special to me.

People talk about how rituals are important in power exchanges. Master and I do not have many rituals that we hold close to our hearts or that are symbolic to our lifestyle or power exchange. We have found that maintaining rituals is burdensome and actually can take away from the intensity and flexibility of the power exchange.

Anyhow, back to the New Years Resolution: The year flew by and I didnt find anything that I could or would be selfish with. I determined that I had grown and matured by realizing that I didnt need or truly want anything to be all mine. I loved my family and my service and the lack of owning anything of being a slave. It made me feel my slavery in a deep way.

So, ever since Master and I have been together he has not been a pickle fan. Everytime we go out to eat and they put a pickle on his plate he pulls it off and gives it to me. I know that his pickles are mine. I love pickles. It is a service to him ya know. I rid him of the pickle he dislikes and I love them. It is just tradition. It is what we do and always have.

Today I was waiting ever so patiently for his pickle and was about to ask for it quite cutely when he pulled it from his plate and handed it to Rachel! OMG NOOOO Poly stutter!!!! I felt like he had just slapped me in the face and given my place away. Now, I realize it was just a damn pickle! However, it made me so sad and I felt displaced. It was a poly stutter.

I said something and Rachel offered me the pickle. That was sweet of her. Master ordered more pickles. That was sweet of him, but not the point. I cut the pickle and passed her half. I said that I would share Masters pickles with her in the future, since she likes them too. Master told me he handed it to her because she was looking for it on his plate......

I know the whole thing sounds silly. It was just a pickle. Yet, in this case it wasnt about it being a pickle... A pickle was not just a pickle.

Part of the reason our poly works so well is this: Each person carves thier own place and establishes thier role with each individual in the relationship. We try to be sure that as a new person comes in the established persons do not lose anything, rather gain. When it comes to attention Master creates more time and puts forth more effort to be affectionate to everyone... so it may be split more ways, but there is more to go around.

Anyhow, as silly as it, my feelings were hurt and I felt bleh.... It really wasnt about the pickle. I didnt mind sharing the pickle. I dont even know that I really wanted the pickle.... it was just my place, my job, what I always do! It was something that was mine. I didnt realize that I had anything that was really mine, my place, a thing between Master and me. Anna had sex. I had a pickle. ( sure go ahead and laugh)

I certainly would not have expected a pickle to throw me off and make me want to cry but it did. For some reason it made me feel a loss.

Now, I understand how ridiculous this is. I also know that it isnt about a pickle. I know it is not reflecting a bigger underlying issue. It was just a stutter, but it hurt. Now, as I realize how ridiculous it is my thinking is going to win out. Even though it hurt my feelings I see it as being stupid. So, I wont go talk to Master becuase I realize it is dumb. I dont want to inconvenience him with my petty emotions. So, I will resolve this within myself, accept that tradition as being gone and I will share my pickle. There are so many other ways to feel that special connection and I shall embrace them.
Maggi
Surrenderwithin@aol.com.

 

[serijules]

That is an excellent post, thanks for sharing it here! I know the feeling well...and one thing that Ma'am and I have odds about is moments like that, because I often voice them as "hurts" and she doesn't always understand how mild weird little things like that can be hurtful, because to her, "hurt" is a big thing. To me, it isn't so big. It is, as the original poster put it, a stutter. The conversations about this don't always go well.

There are things I am possessive over too, so to speak. Nicknames that are mine, jobs and chores that I've always done, etc. I think everyone in a poly situation needs to pay attention to these little things, because often the little things are the glue that holds everything together.

 

[Homburg]

Yet again some wonderful posts. This thread is a goldmine.

And, by the by, it's a goldmine for people in non-poly relationships too. seri's advice above is a perfect example. While it may be more crucial in poly, it's valid in any relationship.

Still, this has easily been one of the most worthwhile threads on here recently.

 

[myinnerslut]

sorry if this question has been asked before, i admit to not having read the entire thread.

when was the moment you realized that you could love more then one person. as we grow up we hear stories of the princess and her prince charming. there isnt any room in those fairy tales for a second princess or the prince's best friend. so what was the point where you moved away from what you were taught about loving sombody and moved into your own views?