Double standards

[starrkers]

This will no doubt get me shouted at, but I really think it needs saying.

I have just come from a thread where an author sought information and was roundly put down and insulted by a number of female posters.

On several occasions I have sought information from the male contingent of this forum, personal sexual information. Each time I have been greeted with helpful posts, good humour and genuine assistance.

No doubt I am going to be told that this poster wasn't genuine, he's a newbie, we can't trust him...etc etc. Why the hell not and what difference does it make? If you don't feel comfortable answering DON'T ANSWER.

Looking at some of the replies to that thread, tonight I am ashamed to say I am a female member of the Author's Hangout.

 

[cloudy]

well, I think you supplied part of the answer to that already: he's new, and no one really knows him.

Add to that the fact that those of us that have been around a very long time have seen way more than one "research" thread that is so obviously an effort to get wank stories out of us, and you get the reaction you've seen.

I just don't answer them.

 

[starrkers]

well, I think you supplied part of the answer to that already: he's new, and no one really knows him.

Add to that the fact that those of us that have been around a very long time have seen way more than one "research" thread that is so obviously an effort to get wank stories out of us, and you get the reaction you've seen.

I just don't answer them.

Yes, of course.\

No-one bothered to look at his submissions page - 14 stories, 11 Hs.

He's new, therefore he must be treated with derision. Never take someone at face value, especially if they're male and seeking answers.

 

[keeblercrumb]

well, I think you supplied part of the answer to that already: he's new, and no one really knows him.

Add to that the fact that those of us that have been around a very long time have seen way more than one "research" thread that is so obviously an effort to get wank stories out of us, and you get the reaction you've seen.

I just don't answer them.

I mean.. really.... just what the fuck was he thinking when he posted onto the AH and wanting to hear about sex??? Or maybe..... do "research" with a Lit Lady???????? Clearly the dude is deluded and rightly deserved to be rediculed.

Silly newbies!!

When he DOES get to be known, assuming he ever comes back, he will just be overwhelmed by how kind and respectful everyone is here to each other.

So how does it feel when you suck my cock? Hmmm?



-KC

 

[cloudy]

Yes, of course.\

No-one bothered to look at his submissions page - 14 stories, 11 Hs.

He's new, therefore he must be treated with derision. Never take someone at face value, especially if they're male and seeking answers.

I didn't say he was looking for wank material, just that we've seen a lot of them that have been.

I don't answer any of them, even if they've been here a long time, and I feel comfortable with them. I might answer in a pm, but not publicly.

eta: If you'll notice, I haven't answered either of the "research" threads. I'm sorry you didn't like my answer as to why what you describe happens, but you asked. So shoot the messenger...

*shrug*

 

[impressive]

He's new, therefore he must be treated with derision. Never take someone at face value, especially if they're male and seeking answers.

Actually, it's the female newbies you gotta watch out for. In the 4 years I've been posting here, I've only encountered one woman who's presented herself as male. (Granted, there could be plenty I'm unaware of.) The converse? Happens far too often.

That being said, I'm not ashamed of my reply. I made a judgment call based on the fact that he sounded more like he wanted either (a) wank material, (b) someone to hand him his story, or (c) both. *shrug* I'll apologize if my judgment proves to be in error. So far, though, I'm not convinced it was.

To each...

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Silly newbie, if he knew the women here he wouldnt want to know about their sexual activities. Eeewwww

 

[keeblercrumb]

Actually, it's the female newbies you gotta watch out for. In the 4 years I've been posting here, I've only encountered one woman who's presented herself as male. ....

Stella has been here longer than that, I think.


-KC

 

[starrkers]

I didn't say he was looking for wank material, just that we've seen a lot of them that have been.

I don't answer any of them, even if they've been here a long time, and I feel comfortable with them. I might answer in a pm, but not publicly.

eta: If you'll notice, I haven't answered either of the "research" threads. I'm sorry you didn't like my answer as to why what you describe happens, but you asked. So shoot the messenger...

*shrug*

I'm not shooting the messenger, I agree with your reasoning as to why it happened.

I just happen to think it's an invalid and lame excuse for being rude to someone who comes onto a sex writer's forum seeking information on writing sex from the viewpoint of the opposite sex.

It's a classic example of making assumptions. And it's something I've mainly seen (not quit exclusively) coming from the female contingent and it is an attitude that should be beneath us.

 

[neonlyte]

I can't bend that far

 

[keeblercrumb]

Silly newbie, if he knew the women here he wouldnt want to know about their sexual activities. Eeewwww

I think we have stumbled on the reason for that problem you have been having meeting women here....

Dude! You gotta work on your "line"!!



-KC

 

[tickledkitty]

I'm not ashamed of my response either. I am, however, just a teensy bit offended by this thread. Who are you, starrkers, to chastise me? I've seen a lot worse happen here with no comment from you, whatsoever.

You're ashamed to be a female member of the AH? What are you doing here then? I didn't realize we were all lumped together as a group and responsible for one another's actions.

There is no "double standard" in play here, and I think you're taking this much too seriously.

 

[sr71plt]

The mansome thread, or did I miss the one being referred to? Mansome's not a newbie. A member for four years, with over 17,000 posts. I got the impression he was trolling for wank material too--or a hook up. Maybe new to AH. But that possibility, added to the question, does make the thread intent suspect, I think.

I try to stay clear of the "give me material to write about" threads. If the poster isn't burning with what they want to write about--and how they want the story to develop--I see no reason why I should be writing it for them.

But on the basic point, yes, there's a group here that loves to pack pick on others. Not as bad now as last year at this time, however, I don't think.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm not ashamed of my response either. I am, however, just a teensy bit offended by this thread. Who are you, starrkers, to chastise me? I've seen a lot worse happen here with no comment from you, whatsoever.

You're ashamed to be a female member of the AH? What are you doing here then? I didn't realize we were all lumped together as a group and responsible for one another's actions.

There is no "double standard" in play here, and I think you're taking this much too seriously.

I don't think she's talking about you at all, your post was negative as far as the subject was concerned, but not in any way a putdown of the OP...

It never hurts for a new poster to introduce him or herself just a little before jumping into cock-sucking questions.

 

[cloudy]

The mansome thread, or did I miss the one being referred to? Mansome's not a newbie. A member for four years, with over 17,000 posts. I got the impression he was trolling for wank material too--or a hook up. Maybe new to AH. But that possibility, added to the question, does make the thread intent suspect, I think.

I try to stay clear of the "give me material to write about" threads. If the poster isn't burning with what they want to write about--and how they want the story to develop--I see no reason why I should be writing it for them.

But on the basic point, yes, there's a group here that loves to pack pick on others. Not as bad now as last year at this time, however, I don't think.

You missed something, yes.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

KEEBLER

I meet women here. I get my share of PMs. But I dont come here for romance or kicks. My woman is the best God ever made, and I cant be less interested in fucking around on her. So I dont think I'm missing much, not from the posts I read here.

 

[Recidiva]

I have no idea what you guys are talking about, but I'm going to grab some popcorn and see if I can catch on.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

CLOUDY seizes any opportunity to be pissed. The guy coulda asked for the correct time and CLOUDY et al woulda beat him with it.

 

[fieryjen]

Count me in as another one not ashamed of what she typed.

The fact that he asked the question didn't bother me in the slightest. But he was asking for detail to the point where I felt it was overdone. I agreed with whoever it was before me who said that he needed to start writing it and fill in his own details. That's how writing works. If he's supplied with the level of detail he asked for, the sensations have already been written, and he'd likely end up plagiarizing on some level if he attempted to put that into his story.

I honestly don't see what's wrong with that.

 

[S-Des]

Yes, of course.\

No-one bothered to look at his submissions page - 14 stories, 11 Hs.

He's new, therefore he must be treated with derision. Never take someone at face value, especially if they're male and seeking answers.

Yeah, I was kind of put off by that. Sometimes my bs detector doesn't work as well as other people's, so I let it go, but it sounded to me like he was trying to understand so he could better write the female's perspective. Him learning to deep throat obviously does nothing to understand what a woman feels (or what her upbringing might have contributed emotionally to those feelings), so I thought the suggestions was odd. When I wrote a portion of one story from a woman's POV, I did extensive questioning of a number of different female authors and editors to get her motivation and reactions more realistic (and it turned out my first try was way the hell off). Maybe I cut the guy slack because I've been there and when I write, I really want to make the stories feel real to the readers (both sexes). Of course you can't get it "right" because everyone is different to begin with, but I think the desire to try is exactly what we should be encouraging (especially with all the ridiculous, lazy, stereotypical efforts that float around this site).

I don't want to criticize anyone for what they wrote because they could be completely right. But for me, I agree with you Starkers. The guy sounded just like I did when I did the same type of thing. And despite common wisdom, most of us don't have a freaking clue what women really think or feel (even those of us who take the time to try). Stopping by to ask is a good thing, in my opinion.

 

[impressive]

It never hurts for a new poster to introduce him or herself just a little before jumping into cock-sucking questions.

One for the sig line.

 

[cloudy]

CLOUDY seizes any opportunity to be pissed. The guy coulda asked for the correct time and CLOUDY et al woulda beat him with it.

Shows exactly how much you know. I didn't even reply to the guy.

Thanks for playing. Please try again.

 

[Recidiva]

I think it's reasonable for people to have some level of defensiveness regarding personal sexual opinions or details.

It's also reasonable to come to a site dedicated to writing about sex and ask how people describe sex.

So it's just two reasonable things that when you put them together, are opposed to each other.

It's not like oil and vinegar play together without some agitation.

 

[sr71plt]

You missed something, yes.

OK, I'll bite. What did I miss? If this isn't about the mansome thread, which thread is it about?

(or were you just validating the thread's point?)

 

[Carnevil9]

OK, I'll bite. What did I miss? If this isn't about the mansome thread, which thread is it about?

(or were you just validating the thread's point?)

I would guess it is the "How Does It Feel To Deep Throat?" thread......Carney