Double standards

[starrkers]

Well, I don't know if you're talking about me, but I do take some offense to this thread, and I'm sorry, Starrkers, but you CAN'T post something like this than say to those who answer you: "Oh, I wasn't referring to you!" You did not name the names of those who you feel deserve the condemnation in your original post. You kept it general and so condemned us all.

Take all the offense you want. If you feel what you said in that thread could be relevant to this one, go right ahead.
No, I won't name names.
The fact that so many people have felt the need to defend themselves here speaks volumes.

As for a double standard: I've asked questions like the deep throat one--sometimes I've gotten equally defensive responses, and if I have, I take the onus on me. I believe that I've asked badly, or written something that was misunderstood, or trod on sensitive toes. Happens. And I apologize, and I try to find out where I went wrong, and make sure I don't go wrong again. But when I've asked something badly, believe me, no one's been polite to me just because I'm female.

This is why I answered as I did--because I was pointing out to him that he'd asked in a way that didn't come across as genuine or courteous or writerly.

My point was he was both new and male and therefore automatically suspect. Call me stupid, but I didn't see anything wrong with his question.

As for his amazing accomplishment of 14 stories and 11H's...I'm sorry, but what the fuck does that prove? That he can write hot enough sex scenes to get "H's?" I know an award winning writer that I would not ever...ever...ever leave a little boy alone with. I've known award winning writers that I would not ever...ever...ever leave a young girl with. I've known writers who are the worst, misogynistic assholes I've ever met in my life and who happily fuck with women every chance they get. On the internet and off.

Did anyone actually look to see if he had written anything? No, the automatic assumption was that he was a slimy bastard looking to get his rocks off.

Do you understand that your logic is flawed here? His 14 stories don't mean dick. He could still be gleefully fucking with the women on this forum as either a troll or a asshole or a pervert. Come to that, we don't even know if the person asking the question is the writer who wrote those stories! It could be his 16 year old son using his login.

And I could be Mahatma Gandhi reincarnated. Makes as much sense as your argurment.

I mean, you take us to task for making assumptions about him...but we don't know this guy in person. Unless each and every one of us has met him face to face, we don't know shit about him...except that he writes some hot erotica. And this proves what about his character? Honesty? Psychological stability?

Does this mean that our first response should be that he's dishonest and not genuinely asking this question for writing purposes? No, but that didn't happen at the beginning, did it? People were friendly and upfront with him, weren't they? Stella was astonishingly informative. It was only when he began to sound "unprofessional" that the shields went up and people got unfriendly and rude. Should they have been rude? Probably not. But I think that they should, absolutely, have pointing out to him that the tone and way he was asking his questions were beginning to make him look bad.

The tone of reply was hedged early, I have no problem with that. Just in the insults and abuse that got thrown.

I'm not trying to absolve rude people of rudeness, but all us writers have to find ways to ask these questions as courteously, professionally and *genuinely* as possible. Because we're on the internet, and it's all too easy to be read wrong, or come across wrong, and appear like you're not genuine but fucking with people. And on the internet, with all it's avatars and pseudonyms...how can anyone be absolutely sure of your bona fides? Of your sincerity and honesty? They can't...and some would rather play it safe than sorry. And given what I've seen on the internet, the games, insults, assholes, fuckers, bullies and stalkers...I'm not ready to blame them for that.

And if you're looking for the bad, that is all you will see, whether it is there or not.

Turns out this bloke is most likely on the level, at least one poster on this thread vouches for him. He probably won't be back though, more's the pity.

It's because of the looking for the bad that the good folk get driven off and we are left with the Scourieses, BFWs and sr71plts.

I'd really rather take the risk on being nice to people when they arrive and letting them find the feet and settle in before hitting them with the frying pan.

But, I guess, that's just me.

 

[keeblercrumb]

This will no doubt get me shouted at, but I really think it needs saying.......

Well, it did get you shouted at. But I, closely resembling many of the stereotypes described above, appreciate your attempt to interject some
element of politeness to newbie male posters, apparently wishing some advice from the women here abouts.

I first came(sic) on this board because I had questions about writing erotic short stories.... AND because I wanted to become friendly(sic, sic) with women, who, being erotic fiction writers themselves, would be more open to both the questions and online relationships.

Needless to say, my reception was pretty much as received by the guy being discussed in this thread. It was, of course, embarrassing and a little humiliating to be castigated by total strangers who seemed to have forgotten what brought them here to begin with.

It was several years before I ventured here again, and then only because I had long abandoned the web as a place to meet anybody.. but I lurked here to keep up with an email and chat buddy who happens to be one of the regular, usual suspect, female writers on AH.

So now.... like most of you.... I do NOT come here for the salacious and erotic... but rather only for the exchange of thoughts and opinions.. But I do remember.... that this IS a fucking porn site, after all, and I like the naivite and naked desire of the newbies caught up in the writing and chatting et al. about sex.

I am not given to quoting myself.....but here is the closing stanza on a poem I posted some 5 years ago....

Ache-Ohh became a bar girl,
and honed her craft.

I became a soldier,
drunk in the corner of the bar.

And like all the bar girls
and all the soldiers,
we danced the cruel dance
of glib and tease and promises broken.

And when those fleeting moments
of exposed, sweet desire
lay quivering
and open
before us,
we wounded it with cruel jest
or lonely silence.

In this Okinawa of 1968.

……………………………………

I came to this site of sights and words,
like most, I would guess,
to cum.

Safe behind these screens and wires and nets of ether,
I expose nothing of me.

Except that which is the deepest and most honest raw of me: my sex, my lust, my desire.

These I lay before you,

Quivering and Open.

Do not, gentle user,
treat them with
cruel jest
or lonely silence.

Do not make this place…

Okinawa On Line.

Thanks for the thought, Starrkers.



-KC

 

[3113]

No, I won't name names.
The fact that so many people have felt the need to defend themselves here speaks volumes.

It does not. If you scream "Witch! Burn 'em!" or "Unpatriotic!" you put people on the defensive--explaining that our actions are not as you define them is not the same as defending wrong actions as right. And your "I won't name names!" assertion speaks volumes as well. It says that you want to make everyone feel guilty, then absolve them if they weren't the offender rather than accuse those who really deserve it and keep the "innocent" out of it. This doesn't do you or your argument credit.

My point was he was both new and male and therefore automatically suspect. Call me stupid, but I didn't see anything wrong with his question.

There's nothing wrong with the question. There is something wrong with acting like an outraged mother lecturing her children about bullying on the playground and saying, "Now I won't name names! But the culprits know what wrong they did!" You have to know that the culprits probably aren't reading this, probably don't know what they did wrong, and probably don't give a shit if they did. So all you do is preach to those who would agree with you if your tone was less stringent and you seemed willing to discuss it, rather than lecture.

Did anyone actually look to see if he had written anything? No

How do you know that no one looked to see if he wrote anything? And, again, it does not automatically indicate that he is on the up-and-up anyway. If he had no stories, that wouldn't indicate that he was a slimy bastard either. HOW he asked the question set off alarms. And whether he wrote anything or not, the way a person asks a question can do that.

And I could be Mahatma Gandhi reincarnated. Makes as much sense as your argurment.

It does? Never mind. I'm going to translate this confusing statement of yours rather than asking for an explaination: "3113, you're not hearing what I'm saying and this is upsetting me!" Is that about right? I'm sorry to be upsetting you. Upset doesn't make for rational discussions.

And if you're looking for the bad, that is all you will see, whether it is there or not.

And do you tell your children to talk to strangers? To assume all strangers are good and go with them into their car? This is an erotica forum. We get a lot of slime. Being trusting pollyannas isn't the best idea either.

Take all the offense you want.

And in the end, the discussion crashes as the pot calls the kettle black. So. You want us to give a shit that we might have offended and wronged this guy, and feel bad about it. But you don't give a shit if your righteous rant offends or wrongs any of us.

I understand you're deeply upset about this and that it hit a nerve. I understand that you're angry with likely larger aspects of the forum, perhaps with the internet even. There are a lot of mean people who aren't courteous, and people do jump on others. As I said, I've had it happen to me, both as a newbie and as not. Frequently. And on this forum. And you're right that this is not a nice nature for this beast. And I wish it was otherwise too, and I get tired of people lacking manners and being assholes. But there's a difference between a rant and a discussion. And you really need to decide which this is.

If it's just a rant, then rant and ignore answers that disagree with you. If it's a discussion, then act in the way you wish others to act--assume that they're trying to see the "good" in those who were rude, to say that those bad answers may have had a valid reason, as much as you do, to a knee-jerk response. That maybe, like you, they were feeling, not thinking when they made accusations and got righteous.

I'm sorry that, at this point in time, with the internet still in its childhood, only the strong can survive. It's not just this forum, and it's not just males or new males who get clobbered by knee-jerk responses, believe me. And I'm sorry that this forum, allowing free speech, means that people can drive others off. If you feel this is reason enough to toss out the baby with the bathwater, that's understandable, but if you're really defending seeing the good in people, then I think you should try to see the good in those of us who want to discuss this, rather than tarring everyone with the same brush.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yes, I quite agree - if you don't like what you see, AVOID it. There is nothing forcing people to respond to these threads at all and no need to attack, as some did on that thread, quite nastily.

I said it before-- there is a message in that anger. It's a pretty important message. It's so important that it's going to come out in inappropriate places.

Not sure I understand the concept. What does that mean?

What concept don't you understand? The tendency of men to grab ahold of women who attract them? I find that hard to belive, Liar, you're much smarter than that.

People telling people sexy stuff? On a smut writing board? Imagine that.

Ooooh, THAT concept! Please re-read my posts and try to take them seriously.

No, I won't name names. ..

I will. After Damppanties made her remark, fatDino came by and made a complaint that had very little to do with the conversation. She was not part of the conversation, and her comments were insulting and stereotyping, as it happens, to gay men. Charley, of course did her Charley thing.

My point was he was both new and male and therefore automatically suspect. Call me stupid, but I didn't see anything wrong with his question.

Actually, the automatically suspect part was my point to you. If you want to talk about why that might be so, I've offered several observations. The question was fine, as I've said-- his approach could have been much, much better.

And I haven't seen the guy dropping in to apologise for his own part in the misunderstanding either. If I were interested in actually communicating, I would do that.

...
I first came(sic) on this board because I had questions about writing erotic short stories.... AND because I wanted to become friendly(sic, sic) with women, who, being erotic fiction writers themselves, would be more open to both the questions and online relationships.
-KC

I know. And-- what a sad surprise-- even women who write porn have worries and phobias about unknown men. For myself, I'm constantly astonished that right-wingers have any interest in writing porn!

 

[DeeZire]

Having missed the thread and checking it after the fact, I thought the exchange was relatively well balanced. When the guy started getting more insistent, the replies were equally insistent.

I lost sympathy with the guy when he said he had no interest in giving a blow job to find out what it felt like. If you're going to write about something, but you're too chicken to actually experience what you want to write about, your commitment to writing comes into question.

I have noticed a tendency to pile on around here. I've done it myself, especially when Ami is involved in the discussion. In that context, I thought the blowjob post was relatively tame, especially compared to the pounding I got when I questioned the integrity of stealing music via Limewire a while back . (ducks and runs for cover)

 

[fieryjen]

Alright. I wasn't going to post again, but I need to clear something up. From what Stella posted, I gathered that there were exactly two posters that Starrkers was likely referring to. Correct so far?

There were a couple who had nothing to contribute and no intention of addressing the thread. They saw others attacking and had to add their vitriolic piece.

And I notice none of them have come here. They either see nothing at all wrong with their actions, or they know EXACTLY what and who I'm talking to and have slunk off like the dogs they are.

That's what makes me ashamed - the hangers on who contribute nothing to the site and little to any debate but always line up behind others to throw insults at the unwary.

This suggests somewhat differently, bolded parts obviously my own, and not meant to criticize you, Starrkers. I assume these are the same people Stella referred to. I didn't get the feeling that anyone was actually attacking him before those two. If I misunderstand that, please let me know, because this includes me and quite a few other AH women, many of whom have posted in this very thread, and some of them were bothered by what you said, likely because you were implying that we attacked the fellow before the more vicious attacks began.

The fact that so many people have felt the need to defend themselves here speaks volumes.

I really wasn't bothered at all until I read this part. I explained my post because I thought you might have misread my intentions, and suddenly I'm reading something like this. You jump on those who haven't replied (bolded), and then you make a comment like this about those who have replied.

 

[Recidiva]

The only double standard I encounter here is that people here often think they're serving some sort of higher, nobler purpose than other people serve.

But they're mostly just as human, just as prone to failure and fighting, but it's done with a spell checker.

I'm human and prone to failure and fighting. So it could just be projection. That's all I got, folks. Insight becomes outsight.

 

[Rob_mDear]

A final post

And I haven't seen the guy dropping in to apologise for his own part in the misunderstanding either. If I were interested in actually communicating, I would do that.

For the record, I haven't dropped by to apologize simply because I will not post here any more. I don't even want to make this post, explaining that. The atmosphere here appears to be poisonous, to say the least. The way this has all spiralled way, way out of control is amazing to me.

[A a side note, Stella, I did see that in some of your posts there was a mitigating tone, and I thank you for that, at least.]

Also, for the record, I have re-read my post several times and still see nothing wrong with it. I'm a writer. I'm trying to describe an unfamiliar event in terms of sensations (sight, sound, smell, touch, emotion). Very little that was posted responded to that in an appropriate fashion, so I asked for more. It seems that, for whatever reason, a number of people read offense into that. I still have no idea why. I can glean hints from all of the fur flying all over the place, but... a kid hit me in the face when I was eight. I don't go around punching everyone else, first, just in case they're like that kid.

Also, also for the record... someone just complained that I wouldn't "try it." No, that's not true, I tried it before I even made the post. What I said was that I was asking for the information I couldn't get from trying.

I'm sorry if my reticence lead to all sorts of mistakes and misunderstandings, but please realize that you did this all yourselves. I made one original post asking an honest question (god forbid I should ask about sex on a board about sex on a site about sex), then one subsequent post asking people to please elaborate, and to stick to the original question, not wander off into generalities that weren't doing me any good.

If you didn't want to give what I asked for, then just don't post. If you felt I needed to introduce myself and explain myself, then ask me to. If you felt my question sounded insincere, then say exactly that, just that, and let me explain myself. Blood and bruises, I don't need.

The problem, to me, is that people don't use electronic communication like this the way normal people communicate face to face. In this mode of communication they seem to feel it is perfectly acceptable to simply abandon all sense of decorum or rules... especially if they don't know the person on the other end, which is the exact opposite of how the "real world" works.

It's not my problem, though. I'm gone. I'll spend my time writing. When I need information like this again, I'll hire a hooker or something.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Re: fireyjen's quotes;

And I notice none of them have come here. They either see nothing at all wrong with their actions, or they know EXACTLY what and who I'm talking to and have slunk off like the dogs they are.

OR they haven't bothered to check in on this thread, and have no idea they are being accused of anything at all.

Srplt, for example, never looked at the deep throat thread-- didn't even know it existed.

 

[cloudy]

For the record, I haven't dropped by to apologize simply because I will not post here any more. I don't even want to make this post, explaining that. The atmosphere here appears to be poisonous, to say the least. The way this has all spiralled way, way out of control is amazing to me.

[A a side note, Stella, I did see that in some of your posts there was a mitigating tone, and I thank you for that, at least.]

Also, for the record, I have re-read my post several times and still see nothing wrong with it. I'm a writer. I'm trying to describe an unfamiliar event in terms of sensations (sight, sound, smell, touch, emotion). Very little that was posted responded to that in an appropriate fashion, so I asked for more. It seems that, for whatever reason, a number of people read offense into that. I still have no idea why. I can glean hints from all of the fur flying all over the place, but... a kid hit me in the face when I was eight. I don't go around punching everyone else, first, just in case they're like that kid.

Also, also for the record... someone just complained that I wouldn't "try it." No, that's not true, I tried it before I even made the post. What I said was that I was asking for the information I couldn't get from trying.

I'm sorry if my reticence lead to all sorts of mistakes and misunderstandings, but please realize that you did this all yourselves. I made one original post asking an honest question (god forbid I should ask about sex on a board about sex on a site about sex), then one subsequent post asking people to please elaborate, and to stick to the original question, not wander off into generalities that weren't doing me any good.

If you didn't want to give what I asked for, then just don't post. If you felt I needed to introduce myself and explain myself, then ask me to. If you felt my question sounded insincere, then say exactly that, just that, and let me explain myself. Blood and bruises, I don't need.

The problem, to me, is that people don't use electronic communication like this the way normal people communicate face to face. In this mode of communication they seem to feel it is perfectly acceptable to simply abandon all sense of decorum or rules... especially if they don't know the person on the other end, which is the exact opposite of how the "real world" works.

It's not my problem, though. I'm gone. I'll spend my time writing. When I need information like this again, I'll hire a hooker or something.

I wish you wouldn't let a few run you off.

I didn't answer, but that was because I didn't feel I had anything to offer, and if I had, I would've answered in a PM.

This board does feel poisonous lately...the worst I've seen it in years. In fact, I'll probably be taking a break very soon.

But, don't let the responses of a few ruin things for you. There are some good people here, they just haven't been very vocal on this issue, unfortunately (except for Stella).

 

[SweetWitch]

For the record, I haven't dropped by to apologize simply because I will not post here any more. I don't even want to make this post, explaining that. The atmosphere here appears to be poisonous, to say the least. The way this has all spiralled way, way out of control is amazing to me.

[A a side note, Stella, I did see that in some of your posts there was a mitigating tone, and I thank you for that, at least.]

Also, for the record, I have re-read my post several times and still see nothing wrong with it. I'm a writer. I'm trying to describe an unfamiliar event in terms of sensations (sight, sound, smell, touch, emotion). Very little that was posted responded to that in an appropriate fashion, so I asked for more. It seems that, for whatever reason, a number of people read offense into that. I still have no idea why. I can glean hints from all of the fur flying all over the place, but... a kid hit me in the face when I was eight. I don't go around punching everyone else, first, just in case they're like that kid.

Also, also for the record... someone just complained that I wouldn't "try it." No, that's not true, I tried it before I even made the post. What I said was that I was asking for the information I couldn't get from trying.

I'm sorry if my reticence lead to all sorts of mistakes and misunderstandings, but please realize that you did this all yourselves. I made one original post asking an honest question (god forbid I should ask about sex on a board about sex on a site about sex), then one subsequent post asking people to please elaborate, and to stick to the original question, not wander off into generalities that weren't doing me any good.

If you didn't want to give what I asked for, then just don't post. If you felt I needed to introduce myself and explain myself, then ask me to. If you felt my question sounded insincere, then say exactly that, just that, and let me explain myself. Blood and bruises, I don't need.

The problem, to me, is that people don't use electronic communication like this the way normal people communicate face to face. In this mode of communication they seem to feel it is perfectly acceptable to simply abandon all sense of decorum or rules... especially if they don't know the person on the other end, which is the exact opposite of how the "real world" works.

It's not my problem, though. I'm gone. I'll spend my time writing. When I need information like this again, I'll hire a hooker or something.

After what happened on his thread, I felt compelled to contact Rob. It seemed to me he could use a friend who wouldn't put him in the line of fire. Turns out that he's a very charming, witty and kind person. His question, I feel, was sincere, asked in the interest of understanding.

Seems to me that a lot of people missed a good opportunity to meet someone worth knowing. Just saying...

 

[sr71plt]

Re: fireyjen's quotes; OR they haven't bothered to check in on this thread, and have no idea they are being accused of anything at all.

Srplt, for example, never looked at the deep throat thread-- didn't even know it existed.

Hmmm. As far as I can see Srplt was accused of nothing--beyond Cloudy's usual diatribe (and Starrkers later jab)--having posted nothing to either the mansome or the deep throat thread. My sin, apparently, was in thinking this thread referred to the mansome thread (since it didn't bother to specify what it referred to).

Think you can call it a day, though, as Rob, who appeared to be a nice guy, has been well run off.

 

[Guest]

After what happened on his thread, I felt compelled to contact Rob. It seemed to me he could use a friend who wouldn't put him in the line of fire. Turns out that he's a very charming, witty and kind person. His question, I feel, was sincere, asked in the interest of understanding.

Seems to me that a lot of people missed a good opportunity to meet someone worth knowing. Just saying...

*nods* That he is.

 

[tickledkitty]

Think you can call it a day, though, as Rob, who appeared to be a nice guy, has been well run off.

Or maybe just adding to the drama.

 

[Guest]

I've been gone since Sunday but was exchanging PMs with Rob before this happened. I'm sorry I wasn't here to see this thread.

He does seem like a very nice man, but according to his PM this thread was not the only reason he wanted to take a break from here.

He has been frustrated with lack of discussion on the Story Circle board, he had a less than satisfactory experience trying to offer assistance in the editing forum, and he had a solid and truly distressing run-in with Lord Scouries, as he put it.

He was honestly looking for writing help here, but I agree on reading his posts it was too much - too far. I haven't PMd him back yet but I will.

But - it was not just this thread that bothered him. He thinks his time can be better spent elsewhere, as he stated he wasn't interested in the fellowship here.

 

[DeeZire]

Also, also for the record... someone just complained that I wouldn't "try it." No, that's not true, I tried it before I even made the post. What I said was that I was asking for the information I couldn't get from trying.

If you said you had already tried blowing a guy in that thread, I missed it. Sorry. I think if you had prefaced your request with this information, you might have gotten a more sympathetic response.

The beauty of these kinds of threads spiraling out of control is that it brings to our attention the flaws of human nature that allow such things to happen. Hopefully, we learn from the experience, so that next time, we catch ourselves before going too far.

 

[Guest]

Well, it did get you shouted at. But I, closely resembling many of the stereotypes described above, appreciate your attempt to interject some
element of politeness to newbie male posters, apparently wishing some advice from the women here abouts.

I first came(sic) on this board because I had questions about writing erotic short stories.... AND because I wanted to become friendly(sic, sic) with women, who, being erotic fiction writers themselves, would be more open to both the questions and online relationships.

Needless to say, my reception was pretty much as received by the guy being discussed in this thread. It was, of course, embarrassing and a little humiliating to be castigated by total strangers who seemed to have forgotten what brought them here to begin with.

It was several years before I ventured here again, and then only because I had long abandoned the web as a place to meet anybody.. but I lurked here to keep up with an email and chat buddy who happens to be one of the regular, usual suspect, female writers on AH.

So now.... like most of you.... I do NOT come here for the salacious and erotic... but rather only for the exchange of thoughts and opinions.. But I do remember.... that this IS a fucking porn site, after all, and I like the naivite and naked desire of the newbies caught up in the writing and chatting et al. about sex.

I am not given to quoting myself.....but here is the closing stanza on a poem I posted some 5 years ago....

Ache-Ohh became a bar girl,
and honed her craft.

I became a soldier,
drunk in the corner of the bar.

And like all the bar girls
and all the soldiers,
we danced the cruel dance
of glib and tease and promises broken.

And when those fleeting moments
of exposed, sweet desire
lay quivering
and open
before us,
we wounded it with cruel jest
or lonely silence.

In this Okinawa of 1968.

……………………………………

I came to this site of sights and words,
like most, I would guess,
to cum.

Safe behind these screens and wires and nets of ether,
I expose nothing of me.

Except that which is the deepest and most honest raw of me: my sex, my lust, my desire.

These I lay before you,

Quivering and Open.

Do not, gentle user,
treat them with
cruel jest
or lonely silence.

Do not make this place…

Okinawa On Line.

Thanks for the thought, Starrkers.



-KC

Kisses, you, my favorite uncle.

 

[Stella_Omega]

For the record, I haven't dropped by to apologize simply because I will not post here any more. I don't even want to make this post, explaining that. The atmosphere here appears to be poisonous, to say the least. The way this has all spiralled way, way out of control is amazing to me.

No, it's just a conversation. May I say that your running away isn't too impressive. And that we don't warrant any further effort on your part make me feel bad.

[A a side note, Stella, I did see that in some of your posts there was a mitigating tone, and I thank you for that, at least.]

Well, you're welcome for that at least. I also gave you some fairly explicit details about my sexual habits. You're welcome.

Also, for the record, I have re-read my post several times and still see nothing wrong with it. I'm a writer. I'm trying to describe an unfamiliar event in terms of sensations (sight, sound, smell, touch, emotion). Very little that was posted responded to that in an appropriate fashion, so I asked for more. It seems that, for whatever reason, a number of people read offense into that. I still have no idea why.

a number of people who happen to be women. Try reading my posts here once more. And then again. And then a third time. The reasons are spelled out as clearly as I can possibly make them.

I can glean hints from all of the fur flying all over the place, but... a kid hit me in the face when I was eight. I don't go around punching everyone else, first, just in case they're like that kid.

Do you really correlate rape with being punched in the face? Women get punched in the face too. Possibly more recently than in their eighth year. The impact of male sexuality can be lifelong for many women.

Also, also for the record... someone just complained that I wouldn't "try it." No, that's not true, I tried it before I even made the post. What I said was that I was asking for the information I couldn't get from trying.

Couldn't you say; "I have tried it"?

I'm sorry if my reticence lead to all sorts of mistakes and misunderstandings, but please realize that you did this all yourselves. I made one original post asking an honest question (god forbid I should ask about sex on a board about sex on a site about sex), then one subsequent post asking people to please elaborate, and to stick to the original question, not wander off into generalities that weren't doing me any good.

"Hi, my name is ____ and I have __ number of stories posted here. I have never come to the forums before, but I have a couple of questions and I hope some of the women here will answer. I know this is one of those male fantasy things, and i want to write it a little more realistically. Here's my question; _____ Thanks to anyone who answers!"

If you didn't want to give what I asked for, then just don't post. If you felt I needed to introduce myself and explain myself, then ask me to. If you felt my question sounded insincere, then say exactly that, just that, and let me explain myself. Blood and bruises, I don't need.

The problem, to me, is that people don't use electronic communication like this the way normal people communicate face to face. In this mode of communication they seem to feel it is perfectly acceptable to simply abandon all sense of decorum or rules... especially if they don't know the person on the other end, which is the exact opposite of how the "real world" works.

That works both ways. This thread is an argument between people who already talk to each other. Showing up here and making your own assumptions about how people will react-- without knowing any of them-- has, as you have found out, its own pitfalls.Why did you not think about introducing yourself? because it's only the internet?

It's not my problem, though. I'm gone. I'll spend my time writing. When I need information like this again, I'll hire a hooker or something.

Or, you can remember that you are talking to real people with real lives on any forum. You wouldn't walk into a bar, for instance, and demand intimate details from the women who happened to be in it, would you? You might buy a few drinks, smile and nod, get to know some names. learn who is shy, who might be forthcoming.

Instead, you came here expecting some sort of "ask Jeeves" Q&A resource.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hmmm. As far as I can see Srplt was accused of nothing--beyond Cloudy's usual diatribe (and Starrkers later jab)--having posted nothing to either the mansome or the deep throat thread. My sin, apparently, was in thinking this thread referred to the mansome thread (since it didn't bother to specify what it referred to).

Think you can call it a day, though, as Rob, who appeared to be a nice guy, has been well run off.

Fuck, I just realised how that sounds, I am so sorry! This goes in the 'before coffee' thread.

No, I only meant that Starrkers was making assumptions about other people's behavior when they might simply have no idea that anything was going on at all....

I don't click on every single thread myself. There are times whne I have to go hunting to find the reference in something else.

mea culpa SRplt.

 

[Guest]

All is not lost, Stella.

It seems sr still got the chance to slam those people he deems as evil-doers.

 

[sr71plt]

Fuck, I just realised how that sounds, I am so sorry! This goes in the 'before coffee' thread.

No, I only meant that Starrkers was making assumptions about other people's behavior when they might simply have no idea that anything was going on at all....

I don't click on every single thread myself. There are times whne I have to go hunting to find the reference in something else.

mea culpa SRplt.

Thanks. That makes sense then.

 

[sr71plt]

Or maybe just adding to the drama.

There's that too. The occasional opera can be fun.

 

[Liar]

I lost sympathy with the guy when he said he had no interest in giving a blow job to find out what it felt like. If you're going to write about something, but you're too chicken to actually experience what you want to write about, your commitment to writing comes into question.

Uh. You serious?

 

[Recidiva]

Uh. You serious?

If it is serious, I can't take it seriously.

Research is research.

Asking people about research is valid, asking clear questions about research is valid.

That's why it's research.

 

[sr71plt]

Uh. You serious?

It would sort of limit the erotica that straight men could write, wouldn't it?