Double standards

[Stella_Omega]

OK, I'll bite. What did I miss? If this isn't about the mansome thread, which thread is it about?

(or were you just validating the thread's point?)

it's about the deep throating thread.

mansome's thread was a parody of that one, actually..

 

[sr71plt]

I would guess it is the "How Does It Feel To Deep Throat?" thread......Carney

Ah, I see. Thanks for the pointer to a specific thread. (Thanks Stella, too.)

 

[voluptuary_manque]

OK, I'll bite. What did I miss? If this isn't about the mansome thread, which thread is it about?

(or were you just validating the thread's point?)

It's the "deep throat" thread, pilot.

 

[Guest]

*wanders in, dazed* Umm - something going on?

*shakes head*

Uhh - Rob's actually good people. Was a serious request.

*vacant stare*

 

[Stella_Omega]

*wanders in, dazed* Umm - something going on?

*shakes head*

Uhh - Rob's actually good people. Was a serious request.

*vacant stare*

Where were you yesterday, when he --and we-- needed you!

 

[Guest]

Where were you yesterday, when he --and we-- needed you!

Huh?


Wha?

*shuffles through pics* Oh - ummm. *bites knuckles*

Oh - yesterday? *chuckle* Playing cards with my father in law.

Today I'm just a little distracted.

Regardless of his relative goodness, OP has a valid point. As a chick, men are usually most cooperative in giving specific sexual info. In my experience, it seems to be the tendancy to immediately dismiss a male poster doing similar research, without even an initial benefit of the doubt.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Huh?


Wha?

*shuffles through pics* Oh - ummm. *bites knuckles*

Oh - yesterday? *chuckle* Playing cards with my father in law.

Today I'm just a little distracted.

Regardless of his relative goodness, OP has a valid point. As a chick, men are usually most cooperative in giving specific sexual info. In my experience, it seems to be the tendancy to immediately dismiss a male poster doing similar research, without even an initial benefit of the doubt.

There are some reasons for that, you know.

By and large, men are always willing to talk about their dicks. On the other hand, women often get called sluts if they talk about their pussies. It's not usually true on this forum, but it's happened-- even here. And Rob did get the benefit of the doubt, at first. Like I say, he would have done well to do some introduction stuff, link us to his stories etc. Women do get suspicious of first-post members who demand more sex-talk than they are willing to offer. It's an instinct honed by lifetimes of such in meat space; checking dark sidewalks before walking on them alone, etc. A man who talks about his hardon isn't worried about the risk of getting jumped by the perfectly strange woman he's been talking to.

 

[Guest]

There are some reasons for that, you know.

By and large, men are always willing to talk about their dicks. On the other hand, women often get called sluts if they talk about their pussies. It's not usually true on this forum, but it's happened-- even here. And Rob did get the benefit of the doubt, at first. Like I say, he would have done well to do some introduction stuff, link us to his stories etc. Women do get suspicious of first-post members who demand more sex-talk than they are willing to offer. It's an instinct honed by lifetimes of such in meat space; checking dark sidewalks before walking on them alone, etc. A man who talks about his hardon isn't worried about the risk of getting jumped by the perfectly strange woman he's been talking to.

Wise and valid words, Stella.

And you are right, his relative board status as a noob (tho if anyone stalked his stories) does require a certain decorum.

*shrugs*

Still, I stand by my first post. He's a good guy.

 

[damppanties]

Count me in as another one not ashamed of what she typed.

The fact that he asked the question didn't bother me in the slightest. But he was asking for detail to the point where I felt it was overdone. I agreed with whoever it was before me who said that he needed to start writing it and fill in his own details. That's how writing works.

This, more than anything else, is what prompted my reply on his thread. And my reply was probably what started the downslide, though it was in no way meant more than what Jen said above.

 

[cloudy]

OK, I'll bite. What did I miss? If this isn't about the mansome thread, which thread is it about?

(or were you just validating the thread's point?)

Thanks for playing, please pick up your consolation prize on the way out.

(bunch of assumptions floating around today...)

 

[sr71plt]

Thanks for playing, please pick up your consolation prize on the way out.

(bunch of assumptions floating around today...)

Again, thanks to those who answered my quesiton with straightforward information and who weren't snotty in a way that confirmed Starrkers original posting.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Thankfully, I have no standards with which to double up on.

 

[cloudy]

Again, thanks to those who answered my quesiton with straightforward information and who weren't snotty in a way that confirmed Starrkers original posting.

You mean like how you were snotty to me in your post?

Imagine that.

(I hate to have to explain this to you, darling....I mean, at your advanced age and all, but you get back exactly what you give, and I see no reason to be nice to you, since you take such pains to be an ass to me. Apparently, you get off on it, so I'm happy to oblige.)

 

[sr71plt]

What, like you were snotty in your original post?

Imagine that.

Oh, really? I think I stated a fact--that there is a lot of group backbiting here (starrker's thread is suggesting exactly the same thing). But I said it isn't as bad this year as it was last year at this time--which is because posters like you are no longer given free rein to gang up and be snotty and act like you have some function here other than to exhibit as a "bitch" posting personality, Cloudy. I didn't mention you in my posting, but I did notice that you immediately became defensive on this thread--which pretty much shows that not even you are fooled by your behavior pattern choice.

 

[cloudy]

Oh, really? I think I stated a fact--that there is a lot of group backbiting here (starrker's thread is suggesting exactly the same thing). But I said it isn't as bad this year as it was last year at this time--which is because posters like you are no longer given free rein to gang up and be snotty and act like you have some function here other than to exhibit as a "bitch" posting personality, Cloudy. I didn't mention you in my posting, but I did notice that you immediately became defensive on this thread--which pretty much shows that not even you are fooled by your behavior pattern choice.

No one's fooled by you, you mean.

I wasn't in any way rude to you by stating that yes, you'd missed something, to which you replied I was being "snotty."

Go back and look. It's there for anyone to see, unless, of course, your reading comprehension is as bad as your manners.

oh, and btw: I can be as "bitchy" as I like, what the hell is stopping me? Fact is, I'm just not here very much anymore because I don't like the gameplaying that goes on. Call me a bitch all you like. I know I'm a bitch, but I'd much rather be a bitch, and honest with it, than stab people in the back behind the scenes.

Besides that, I have a house remodel going on. So sorry I have a life and you don't.

You didn't mention me???? You quoted me, you dumbass.

 

[starrkers]

I'm not ashamed of my response either. I am, however, just a teensy bit offended by this thread. Who are you, starrkers, to chastise me? I've seen a lot worse happen here with no comment from you, whatsoever.

You're ashamed to be a female member of the AH? What are you doing here then? I didn't realize we were all lumped together as a group and responsible for one another's actions.

There is no "double standard" in play here, and I think you're taking this much too seriously.

The thread wasn't particularly aimed at you, but if you feel the need to defend yourself, fine.

Yes, we do get lumped together on the basis of some of our more outspoken fellow posters. You haven't been accused of being one of the "AH bitches" or the "AH elitists"? Lucky you.

Maybe it's not a double standard, maybe it's just a pavlovian reaction.

Why am I here? Good question.

 

[S-Des]

By and large, men are always willing to talk about their dicks.

I'm sorry, did someone call?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Maybe it's not a double standard, maybe it's just a pavlovian reaction.

I think it's much more complex than Pavlov's reaction theory-- But I do think it's a learned response.

I'm sorry, did someone call?

Call for the funk, bro!

 

[starrkers]

I think it's much more complex than Pavlov's reaction theory-- But I do think it's a learned response.

Call for the funk, bro!

And self perpetuating.

 

[S-Des]

I think it's much more complex than Pavlov's reaction theory-- But I do think it's a learned response.

Call for the funk, bro!

See, you might think my politics suck, but you can't deny I'm always stylin'!

 

[rengadeirishman]

i think perhaps there was some meanness, but having migrated from the GB, where assholes are a dime a dozen, I cant help but compare the AH and GB, so i didnt think it was that bad.

 

[Stella_Omega]

And self perpetuating.

Um. Defensive responses tend to be triggered by outside stimuli, and if those stimuli recur often enough, the response becomes part of the reflex package. It's only self-perpetuating after it's been learned.

I dunno, darling. I remember on a different forum, when some guy asked about if a straight man could enjoy anal sex, and how. So, I answered his questions.

It blew his mind. For three days he butted into every thread I was posting in, to ask if my hubby liked getting his ass fucked, or to ask the men I was talking to if I'd fucked them... he said that it was my fault for telling him about anal sex. He pissed everyone off. Eventually, a moderator came online and banned his sixteen-year-old butt.

It was hardly a scary episode, only annoying. But imagine if this had been a face-to-face encounter-- needless to say, I would never have opened my pie hole in the first place!

It's difficult to tell if a male type person is honestly curious and is going to thank you for the information-- or if he's going to go a little nuts, or try to own you because you've told him such sexy stuff. And given that most women feel that a strange man trying to own them isn't going to be an optimal experience, and given the lack of data on this strange guy-- makes much better sense to avoid the risk.

 

[starrkers]

It's difficult to tell if a male type person is honestly curious and is going to thank you for the information-- or if he's going to go a little nuts, or try to own you because you've told him such sexy stuff. And given that most women feel that a strange man trying to own them isn't going to be an optimal experience, and given the lack of data on this strange guy-- makes much better sense to avoid the risk.

Yes, I quite agree - if you don't like what you see, AVOID it. There is nothing forcing people to respond to these threads at all and no need to attack, as some did on that thread, quite nastily.

There were a couple who had nothing to contribute and no intention of addressing the thread. They saw others attacking and had to add their vitriolic piece.

And I notice none of them have come here. They either see nothing at all wrong with their actions, or they know EXACTLY what and who I'm talking to and have slunk off like the dogs they are.

That's what makes me ashamed - the hangers on who contribute nothing to the site and little to any debate but always line up behind others to throw insults at the unwary.

 

[Liar]

...or try to own you because you've told him such sexy stuff.

Not sure I understand the concept. What does that mean?

People telling people sexy stuff? On a smut writing board? Imagine that.

 

[3113]

That's what makes me ashamed - the hangers on who contribute nothing to the site and little to any debate but always line up behind others to throw insults at the unwary.

Well, I don't know if you're talking about me, but I do take some offense to this thread, and I'm sorry, Starrkers, but you CAN'T post something like this than say to those who answer you: "Oh, I wasn't referring to you!" You did not name the names of those who you feel deserve the condemnation in your original post. You kept it general and so condemned us all.

As for a double standard: I've asked questions like the deep throat one--sometimes I've gotten equally defensive responses, and if I have, I take the onus on me. I believe that I've asked badly, or written something that was misunderstood, or trod on sensitive toes. Happens. And I apologize, and I try to find out where I went wrong, and make sure I don't go wrong again. But when I've asked something badly, believe me, no one's been polite to me just because I'm female.

This is why I answered as I did--because I was pointing out to him that he'd asked in a way that didn't come across as genuine or courteous or writerly.

As for his amazing accomplishment of 14 stories and 11H's...I'm sorry, but what the fuck does that prove? That he can write hot enough sex scenes to get "H's?" I know an award winning writer that I would not ever...ever...ever leave a little boy alone with. I've known award winning writers that I would not ever...ever...ever leave a young girl with. I've known writers who are the worst, misogynistic assholes I've ever met in my life and who happily fuck with women every chance they get. On the internet and off.

Do you understand that your logic is flawed here? His 14 stories don't mean dick. He could still be gleefully fucking with the women on this forum as either a troll or a asshole or a pervert. Come to that, we don't even know if the person asking the question is the writer who wrote those stories! It could be his 16 year old son using his login.

I mean, you take us to task for making assumptions about him...but we don't know this guy in person. Unless each and every one of us has met him face to face, we don't know shit about him...except that he writes some hot erotica. And this proves what about his character? Honesty? Psychological stability?

Does this mean that our first response should be that he's dishonest and not genuinely asking this question for writing purposes? No, but that didn't happen at the beginning, did it? People were friendly and upfront with him, weren't they? Stella was astonishingly informative. It was only when he began to sound "unprofessional" that the shields went up and people got unfriendly and rude. Should they have been rude? Probably not. But I think that they should, absolutely, have pointing out to him that the tone and way he was asking his questions were beginning to make him look bad.

I'm not trying to absolve rude people of rudeness, but all us writers have to find ways to ask these questions as courteously, professionally and *genuinely* as possible. Because we're on the internet, and it's all too easy to be read wrong, or come across wrong, and appear like you're not genuine but fucking with people. And on the internet, with all it's avatars and pseudonyms...how can anyone be absolutely sure of your bona fides? Of your sincerity and honesty? They can't...and some would rather play it safe than sorry. And given what I've seen on the internet, the games, insults, assholes, fuckers, bullies and stalkers...I'm not ready to blame them for that.