Your favourite smesh awful erotica descriptive phrase of less than 5 words

[UnderYourSpell]

Gateway to her guts .......... Kevin Bloody Wilson.

 

[lovecraft68]

“hammered her tight twat”
“nailed her oozing gash”
“Oozed from her creaming cunt”

To each their own when it comes to slang, but how anyone thinks the word gash is appealing in any way is beyond me.

 

[SimonDoom]

"Growling at the Badger" is a Scots term for cunnilingus.

This one made my day. Good for some laughing out loud. I'm trying to imagine saying this in bed and I just can't. Or trying to imagine talking about it among friends over beers, and I can't imagine that either.

Thing is, the way the Scots pronounce it no non-Scot would have any idea what the guy is saying. It would probably come out something like "Wee bit o' grrrln' a' tha' bdgrrrr."

To an American ear, it could be anything.

It would be a great title for the right story.

 

[ElectricBlue]

This one made my day. Good for some laughing out loud. I'm trying to imagine saying this in bed and I just can't. Or trying to imagine talking about it among friends over beers, and I can't imagine that either.

Thing is, the way the Scots pronounce it no non-Scot would have any idea what the guy is saying. It would probably come out something like "Wee bit o' grrrln' a' tha' bdgrrrr."

To an American ear, it could be anything.

It would be a great title for the right story.

Imagine yourself as Sean Connery.

 

[AlexBailey]

Put you legs around my mmmph umpfh umm.

 

[stickygirl]

Feeding her pony

( foreplay )
which is quite sweet really

Wringing his fuck-monkey's neck
not so sweet

 

[Starlust]

Rearranging her insides

 

[MayorReynolds]

Her turd cutter.

 

[mynameisben]

"...her dirty hairy jizz hole."

Could he have possibly meant Dirty Harry? I laughed out loud. And then, of course, I stopped reading.


Ben

 

[TadOverdon]

Favorite ridiculous porn synonym: "meathammer."

 

[ShadowLuver]

Bit longer than five words, but I cringe whenever I read the unimaginative and trite description of a woman as having "curves in all the right places"

 

[LAHomedog]

"Throbbing manhood."

 

[PBAnnie]

"Mewling like tigers in heat"
All I can think of is the most obnoxious cat meowing sounds at 3 am

There's a YouTube video of two Lynxs shit-talking each other in the wild. It makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it.

 

[PBAnnie]

This one made my day. Good for some laughing out loud. I'm trying to imagine saying this in bed and I just can't. Or trying to imagine talking about it among friends over beers, and I can't imagine that either.

Thing is, the way the Scots pronounce it no non-Scot would have any idea what the guy is saying. It would probably come out something like "Wee bit o' grrrln' a' tha' bdgrrrr."

To an American ear, it could be anything.

It would be a great title for the right story.

That story needs to include a microbrewery called "The Badger" where people come to buy growlers of their favorite ales.

 

[PBAnnie]

Bad spelling always kills it for me. It's even worse when the writer thinks their spellcheckers are some sort of miracle workers.

There is a lot more than one story on Literotica that includes a phrase like

"...she had really big boobs and a little waste." ​

Even if the writer had intended to write scat-porn it's an awful way to describe an erotic encounter.

 

[Duleigh]

Rearranging her insides

I have been accused of doing that. I took it as a high form of praise.

 

[lovecraft68]

Ropes of semen.

Yeah, okay, Peter North.

 

[nerdboy1000]

I’m going to be using “bartender’s swizzle stick” in one of my upcoming stories.

I promise it works in context!

Out of the right context - so much cringe,

 

[Duleigh]

From Cheech and Chong

"Here's your pizza" (sound of zipper) and pepperoni!"

(sound of woman squealing)