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Mr. cookie had an "episode" yesterday - super scary. After a tough weekend and a busy, chaotic Monday morning, he had a panic attack once everyone left. We signed up for hospice and it started yesterday.
{snip}
This morning, he's perky, alert. Feeling focused. Chapping my ass that I have clothes on - so clearly, his attitude is much better.
Fuck. Fuckity fuck. Fuck ALS. Fuck cancer. Fuck the things out of our control.
Mr. cookie had an "episode" yesterday - super scary. After a tough weekend and a busy, chaotic Monday morning, he had a panic attack once everyone left. We signed up for hospice and it started yesterday.
I took him outside, thought the sun and air would calm him down. Instead, he started hyperventilating. His eyes rolled back in his head but eyelids didn't close, his head flopped to side and his mouth was just slack.
WTF? Holy cats. At scary times in the past, I've become superwoman - like one of those moms you hear about who can lift a car of their trapped kid. This was not the case. I shook him, screamed at him, I actually slapped him twice - hard. He didn't wake up. I ran down the patio to the driveway - our home health aide had walked out the door with us. I was hoping he was still in his car but that wasn't the case.
When I ran back, Mr. cookie was awake but unfocused. He didn't realize I was hysterically crying until I grabbed his shirt and shook him. He looked at me and asked what was wrong. He didn't remember the episode.
This whole thing only last a minute.
It made me realize I'm just not ready for anything. We've planned everything - we've had the tough discussions. And yet, when this moment happened, I wasn't quite sure what to do.
This morning, he's perky, alert. Feeling focused. Chapping my ass that I have clothes on - so clearly, his attitude is much better.
Fuck. Fuckity fuck. Fuck ALS. Fuck cancer. Fuck the things out of our control.
Mr. cookie had an "episode" yesterday - super scary. After a tough weekend and a busy, chaotic Monday morning, he had a panic attack once everyone left. We signed up for hospice and it started yesterday.
I took him outside, thought the sun and air would calm him down. Instead, he started hyperventilating. His eyes rolled back in his head but eyelids didn't close, his head flopped to side and his mouth was just slack.
WTF? Holy cats. At scary times in the past, I've become superwoman - like one of those moms you hear about who can lift a car of their trapped kid. This was not the case. I shook him, screamed at him, I actually slapped him twice - hard. He didn't wake up. I ran down the patio to the driveway - our home health aide had walked out the door with us. I was hoping he was still in his car but that wasn't the case.
When I ran back, Mr. cookie was awake but unfocused. He didn't realize I was hysterically crying until I grabbed his shirt and shook him. He looked at me and asked what was wrong. He didn't remember the episode.
This whole thing only last a minute.
It made me realize I'm just not ready for anything. We've planned everything - we've had the tough discussions. And yet, when this moment happened, I wasn't quite sure what to do.
This morning, he's perky, alert. Feeling focused. Chapping my ass that I have clothes on - so clearly, his attitude is much better.
Fuck. Fuckity fuck. Fuck ALS. Fuck cancer. Fuck the things out of our control.
saw a friend this morning, a former coworker, a man I've know for over a decade. He has terminal liver cancer. The docs give him a year, at best. To see this man, that I thought would out live us all, frail, weakened, and scared....
it just breaks my heart......
saw a friend this morning, a former coworker, a man I've know for over a decade. He has terminal liver cancer. The docs give him a year, at best. To see this man, that I thought would out live us all, frail, weakened, and scared....
it just breaks my heart......
God I suck at keeping in touch.
I don't know where else to go. The board seems so empty without him. I feel a kinship here.
It's been nearly two years. I've reverted back to the way things were when I was in South Dakota and he was in Tennessee. I'll read something and think "I need to send it to Sir W" and then remember all over again. It just feels like he's so close, like I could sign in and he'd be there. Nevermind that we spent five years in the same house. He's not gone, he's just logged off.
I'm good, I really am. I just miss the old man. I think I'll go read some of his old posts...
YK
This thread can be very depressing at times.
I think it's long overdue for an uncomfortably relevant joke.
I'm good, I really am. I just miss the old man. I think I'll go read some of his old posts...
YK
I miss BOTH of you.God I suck at keeping in touch.
I don't know where else to go. The board seems so empty without him. I feel a kinship here.
It's been nearly two years. I've reverted back to the way things were when I was in South Dakota and he was in Tennessee. I'll read something and think "I need to send it to Sir W" and then remember all over again. It just feels like he's so close, like I could sign in and he'd be there. Nevermind that we spent five years in the same house. He's not gone, he's just logged off.
I'm good, I really am. I just miss the old man. I think I'll go read some of his old posts...
YK
God I suck at keeping in touch.
I don't know where else to go. The board seems so empty without him. I feel a kinship here.
<snip>
I'm good, I really am. I just miss the old man. I think I'll go read some of his old posts...
YK
OK Damn it...time for the first of many (me)to win one and send this cellfucker on his way...
Today I was told I am in remission...cancer-free...
After damaging my heart, enlarging my liver, and killing my pancreas (I am now a diabetic) the tests show NO evidence of cancer.
The kind of cancer I had has a strong chance of recurring but for now I am celebrating!!!
Oh and for all my friends out there struggling do not think I forgot how hard the battle is and I am still praying for so many of you...BIG HUGS
Fuck you cancer...
OK Damn it...time for the first of many (me)to win one and send this cellfucker on his way...
Today I was told I am in remission...cancer-free...
After damaging my heart, enlarging my liver, and killing my pancreas (I am now a diabetic) the tests show NO evidence of cancer.
The kind of cancer I had has a strong chance of recurring but for now I am celebrating!!!
Oh and for all my friends out there struggling do not think I forgot how hard the battle is and I am still praying for so many of you...BIG HUGS
Fuck you cancer...
OK Damn it...time for the first of many (me)to win one and send this cellfucker on his way...
Today I was told I am in remission...cancer-free...
After damaging my heart, enlarging my liver, and killing my pancreas (I am now a diabetic) the tests show NO evidence of cancer.
The kind of cancer I had has a strong chance of recurring but for now I am celebrating!!!
Oh and for all my friends out there struggling do not think I forgot how hard the battle is and I am still praying for so many of you...BIG HUGS
Fuck you cancer...
OK Damn it...time for the first of many (me)to win one and send this cellfucker on his way...
Today I was told I am in remission...cancer-free...
After damaging my heart, enlarging my liver, and killing my pancreas (I am now a diabetic) the tests show NO evidence of cancer.
The kind of cancer I had has a strong chance of recurring but for now I am celebrating!!!
Oh and for all my friends out there struggling do not think I forgot how hard the battle is and I am still praying for so many of you...BIG HUGS
Fuck you cancer...
OK Damn it...time for the first of many (me)to win one and send this cellfucker on his way...
Today I was told I am in remission...cancer-free...
After damaging my heart, enlarging my liver, and killing my pancreas (I am now a diabetic) the tests show NO evidence of cancer.
The kind of cancer I had has a strong chance of recurring but for now I am celebrating!!!
Oh and for all my friends out there struggling do not think I forgot how hard the battle is and I am still praying for so many of you...BIG HUGS
Fuck you cancer...
I'm not sure why I'm here other than it's easier to tell far away faces and friends than it is in real life.
I somehow believe my sheer force of love will keep my husband alive. How can it not? I've only had him 5 years. I sit here, watching him sleep, afraid to let him sleep.
The hospice doctor was here. Said husband is in active dying phase. He thought two days. My husband said no way! Two days. A week? I'll take every moment I can get.
Fuck ALS.
Fuck cancer
Fuck loss
OK Damn it...time for the first of many (me)to win one and send this cellfucker on his way...
Today I was told I am in remission...cancer-free...
After damaging my heart, enlarging my liver, and killing my pancreas (I am now a diabetic) the tests show NO evidence of cancer.
The kind of cancer I had has a strong chance of recurring but for now I am celebrating!!!
Oh and for all my friends out there struggling do not think I forgot how hard the battle is and I am still praying for so many of you...BIG HUGS
Fuck you cancer...