The "Fuck you cancer!" thread

[cookiecat]

Wow...praying for all the strength you can muster and all he can muster too for as long as possible... So very sorry he is suffering with this horrible disease and so sorry you are struggling so very much. It is sad to just watch him deteriorate I am sure...Take care of you so you can take good care of him...

Fuck you ALS

Thank you. I take all the prayers I can get!

Oh cookie.



ALS. Fuck you.

You are doing so, so well. Such profound bravery by you both. Hang in there and take good care of yourself.

Thanks. I'm a really good "fake it 'til you make it" kind of a girl. I hide out in the glitter thread frequently for distraction.

Godammit, fuck it to hell, cookie.

I stay out of this thread. My mom is a 4x cancer survivor, and I worked oncology for years. One of my good friends just died of pancreatic cancer last Christmas... and on and on and on...

I feel as if I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop with people I love, or people I'm responsible for.


((((cookie))))
You know how much I love you and your hubs.

Fuck the pain and suffering.

I do know. Your support, No's support - Elle's cookies and glitter, the messages I get -- it feels really good.

It feels kind of scary and hard so coming here is a welcome place to be.

 

[cascadiabound]

Oh cookie.


ALS. Fuck you.

You are doing so, so well. Such profound bravery by you both. Hang in there and take good care of yourself.

Godammit, fuck it to hell, cookie.

I stay out of this thread. My mom is a 4x cancer survivor, and I worked oncology for years. One of my good friends just died of pancreatic cancer last Christmas... and on and on and on...

I feel as if I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop with people I love, or people I'm responsible for.

((((cookie))))
You know how much I love you and your hubs.

Fuck the pain and suffering.

Wow...praying for all the strength you can muster and all he can muster too for as long as possible... So very sorry he is suffering with this horrible disease and so sorry you are struggling so very much. It is sad to just watch him deteriorate I am sure...Take care of you so you can take good care of him...

Fuck you ALS

Adding my prayers and strength and support and glitter to you cookie.
ALS sucks this way. My heart breaks for you.
Fuck you ALS GDI
Hugs and more as you walk this path with your love.
cb

 

[GoAztecs]

Very apprehensive about my breathing test coming up. I have been coughing a lot lately and I don't know if it is from the recent flu I had, the damage from the chemotherapy, or having it again. FYC

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Very apprehensive about my breathing test coming up. I have been coughing a lot lately and I don't know if it is from the recent flu I had, the damage from the chemotherapy, or having it again. FYC

Apprehension does you no good whatsoever! Kick it's butt as well Relax and be well!

 

[GoAztecs]

Apprehension does you no good whatsoever! Kick it's butt as well Relax and be well!

Thank you for those words, you are right

 

[cookiecat]

Very apprehensive about my breathing test coming up. I have been coughing a lot lately and I don't know if it is from the recent flu I had, the damage from the chemotherapy, or having it again. FYC

When is the test?

 

[LadyVer]

Finally broke down over the loss of the friend in my support group. As I talked to one of my kids about the friend and related that the relative I grew up with is battling a recent diagnosis, I lost it. It just rose up and overwhelmed me. I apologized to my son, because I called him to see how he was doing, and said to him you think age would give you more whatever to handle losses, that I should be able to handle this. My son was so supportive and mature in his response. Extremely grateful for my kids. And grateful for this thread.

 

[midwestyankee]

Damn, Cookie. It has taken days for me to shake off enough enough of my own life-ness to respond to your post about the most recent slip in your husband's condition, and I doubt I have the words to share my sadness at your news. We hardly know one another, yet I treasure your regular presence and almost constant good cheer here. I hope you will continue to feel comfortable venting here. It seems like just the right place for it.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

My husband has ALS. It will be 3 years in November. He's been in a wheelchair for over about 2 years. It's been a gradual decline of his mobility. No use of hands/arms at all. He could - in ninja-like fashion - kick open a door or use his toes to tap a button, and he could stand for about 3 minutes in order to transfer to the bathroom or for me to change his pants.

He's been able to eat normally. He talks. Breathes ok. He's actually been- considering the situation - fairly independent in his own way - he uses bluetooth on his chair to control the tv, he could move his chair with his head and one knee, he sleeps in his chair so I don't have to transfer him.

Then something changed. In the course of a few days, he lost total use of his legs, he lost his core strength so now he's all slumped over in his chair. He can't move his wheelchair on his own. His breathing became rapid and shallow. He can still eat and swallow but it's become such an ordeal to feed him, he's being tube fed everything. To change his clothes or use the bathroom, I now have to use a hoyer lift - which in better days looks very sex sling'ish.

What a weird, heartache of a week. It's kind of how ALS has worked for us.... something will change rapidly. We freak out then adjust to it and move along. This, however, feels really big.

It's not cancer. But it's shitty, it's terminal. And it deserves a giant fucking FUCK YOU.

(((((hugs))))) cookie

 

[steelyblue73]

.....

 

[cookiecat]

(((((hugs))))) cookie

thank you.

 

[cookiecat]

Finally broke down over the loss of the friend in my support group. As I talked to one of my kids about the friend and related that the relative I grew up with is battling a recent diagnosis, I lost it. It just rose up and overwhelmed me. I apologized to my son, because I called him to see how he was doing, and said to him you think age would give you more whatever to handle losses, that I should be able to handle this. My son was so supportive and mature in his response. Extremely grateful for my kids. And grateful for this thread.

Condolences on the lost of your friend. Good on you that you let all those feelings out and even better your son rose to the occasion. That sounds like a good feeling.

Damn, Cookie. It has taken days for me to shake off enough enough of my own life-ness to respond to your post about the most recent slip in your husband's condition, and I doubt I have the words to share my sadness at your news. We hardly know one another, yet I treasure your regular presence and almost constant good cheer here. I hope you will continue to feel comfortable venting here. It seems like just the right place for it.

Thank you. Like LadyVer, I find this a safe place to let stuff out of my head (and my heart). The support here has been amazing.

 

[cookiecat]

Hold those you love tightly. Tell them you love them, every day. Cherish every moment. Oh,yeah and...

Fuck you cancer!

Wise words.

 

[Shankara20]

Damn, Cookie. It has taken days for me to shake off enough enough of my own life-ness to respond to your post

I've been this way myself for about a month. So cranky about my own "new normal" to the point that every time I start to open this thread I move away. I know many lovely folks are dealing with much larger things than I am, but I just can't check in at times.

My goes to all that are struggling to find how to deal with that god-damn "new normal". ((hugs))

ps: Fuck You Cancer.

 

[TheSilverLining]

Cookie, I had no idea you were dealing with something so heartbreaking. I barely know you, and I don't stumble into this thread much because it's all sitting a little too close to home right now....but I want to send you lots and lots of virtual love.
Your posts are always so uplifting, and I love your glitter thread. Thank you.

All the sparkly virtual hugs for you and a massive "fuck you" to the rubbish stuff.

 

[Shankara20]

Cookie, I had no idea you were dealing with something so heartbreaking. I barely know you, and I don't stumble into this thread much because it's all sitting a little too close to home right now....but I want to send you lots and lots of virtual love.
Your posts are always so uplifting, and I love your glitter thread. Thank you.

All the sparkly virtual hugs for you and a massive "fuck you" to the rubbish stuff.

 

[TheJestersAdvocate]

All i can is fuuuuuuuuuuuck cancer. Too many people, great people especially, are effected by this. Hell, even if it targeted only bad people, that would be awful....perhaps poetic justice, but in the end, it's not something I would wish upon anyone.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Wise words.

Yep.

I've been this way myself for about a month. So cranky about my own "new normal" to the point that every time I start to open this thread I move away. I know many lovely folks are dealing with much larger things than I am, but I just can't check in at times.

My goes to all that are struggling to find how to deal with that god-damn "new normal". ((hugs))

ps: Fuck You Cancer.

What you are going through is what you are going through, and pain is pain. Comparison doesn't work that way. I hope you will be compassionate with yourself about what is required to take care of yourself during a tremendously trying part of your life.

I can't speak for anyone else here, but I believe this is such a caring group - and a group that understands the strain of dealing with disease - that no one thinks less of you for conserving resources. Quite the opposite! I bet people are glad you are taking care. We've all needed to take breaks in our lives and on this forum. Are you missed? Absolutely! Faulted? No way.

Many good and positive wishes to you, Shank.

 

[cmslt2326]

I've been this way myself for about a month. So cranky about my own "new normal" to the point that every time I start to open this thread I move away. I know many lovely folks are dealing with much larger things than I am, but I just can't check in at times.

My goes to all that are struggling to find how to deal with that god-damn "new normal". ((hugs))

ps: Fuck You Cancer.

My heart goes out to you too...keep fighting and remember we are here if you need us....
After all...that is what this thread is for and I can honestly say the people here have helped keep me sane during this battle...come see us if you need a boost Shank...

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Smiles and kisses for Shank, and for whoever else needs them.

 

[cookiecat]

I've been this way myself for about a month. So cranky about my own "new normal" to the point that every time I start to open this thread I move away. I know many lovely folks are dealing with much larger things than I am, but I just can't check in at times.

My goes to all that are struggling to find how to deal with that god-damn "new normal". ((hugs))

ps: Fuck You Cancer.

Turning inward feels necessary, doesn't it? As if one brick around your being gets loose, your entire foundation might shatter.

It's a fine balance; hiding under the covers and feeling safe vs. exposing your heart, your troubles, your tears in order to feel safe in the support of friends - and even virtual strangers who wish you only healing and love.

DGE said it - comparing just can't be done. My friends will sometimes start talking to me like a friend and then stop and say, oh - but my issue doesn't compare to what you're going through... I don't want to bother you. While I appreciate the tender concern, I hope I'm a better friend than that.

We all need love, compassion, support, darn it!

Cookie, I had no idea you were dealing with something so heartbreaking. I barely know you, and I don't stumble into this thread much because it's all sitting a little too close to home right now....but I want to send you lots and lots of virtual love.
Your posts are always so uplifting, and I love your glitter thread. Thank you.

All the sparkly virtual hugs for you and a massive "fuck you" to the rubbish stuff.

Thanks. I'm glad you stumbled in. ((( hugs ))) for whatever you're dealing with. (see my last sentence above!!) I appreciate your kind words.

 

[GoAztecs]

All i can is fuuuuuuuuuuuck cancer. Too many people, great people especially, are effected by this. Hell, even if it targeted only bad people, that would be awful....perhaps poetic justice, but in the end, it's not something I would wish upon anyone.

Well said

 

[GoAztecs]

Had my breathing test today. Improvement from my last appointment for my lungs, from 45% to 50%. Good to see there is improvement after the chemotherapy.

Bad part is when I went to tell friends at the dog park, one of my friends stated his dad was just diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.

FYC!

 

[Apple_of_Eden]

I've been this way myself for about a month. So cranky about my own "new normal" to the point that every time I start to open this thread I move away. I know many lovely folks are dealing with much larger things than I am, but I just can't check in at times.

My goes to all that are struggling to find how to deal with that god-damn "new normal". ((hugs))

ps: Fuck You Cancer.

I hope you all know how wonderful you are for sharing your experience and wisdom. I don't always post, but I visit here often and learn something each time I read some of the posts. Shank, you comment about "struggling to find how to deal with that new normal" hit home.

My brother is fighting pancreatic and liver cancer. Recently, he was diagnosed with bone mets. First to his sternum, and most recently to his spine. He just completed two weeks of radiation treatments to his spine. His chemo regime has changed once again. It's a constant battle of ups and downs and has been for what seems like forever now.

He had a birthday at the end of August. He shut off his phone so he wouldn't have to hear people wish him Happy Birthday. It broke my heart to talk to him about it. I couldn't even say the words Happy Birthday because he's been in such pain and has gone through so much that he wants it to end.

You said exactly what he is feeling Shank...he hates his "new normal". He hates it with a passion. It's hard to watch his body change, but it's more difficult to see his personality and being change. I hate his "new normal" too, but I'd take it over the other possible option. I'm just not sure he would any more.

Your comment made me think a little more about what he is dealing with on an everyday basis. I've been by his side for everything from diagnosis to treatments. I've taken him to Sloan Kettering for treatments. But, I've only been a sightseer on his journey through this horrible disease. Unfortunately, he hasn't been able to get off the bus for even a moments peace or to have his old normal back for years now. It sucks! It really, truly sucks so much.

Thank you for putting a name to the issue and for making me focus more on what he is feeling and thinking about. His mind never stops and he is awake most nights worrying about one thing or another. Another aspect of his "new normal" that he hates...insomnia at night and tired all day.

FYC!!!!

Hugs and love to all. To those on the bus and to those of us running along side of it. It sucks for everyone. It's just a different view of sucks!

 

[Devlishone4fun]

Hi all.... Thought I would pop in for a short short and give you a update....

Yes still alive and doing well. Under going BCG treatments right now at CTCA. 2 down 4 more to go. So far and I mean so far things are looking up. Had surgery back last month and it turns out the cancer was not invasive and had not gone into the muscle. T1 Stage 2. So was perfect candidate for the BCG treatments.

I am still hanging tough and kicking this fucking cancer's ass back to wherever it came from.