Drakkwall
Literotica Guru
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The Stormmane Chronicles
Book One: The Tauren Mechanic
Book One: The Tauren Mechanic
My name is Kausth Stormmane and I am a tauren, or rather I am half Tauren half Night Elf, from my father's side of the family. I am a freelance mechanic who travels Azeroth in search of metals, tools, gears and interesting items, while my profession as a mechanic is my main source of income am I also a skilled hunter and I love to use guns but when I need to will I use all kinds of meele weapons from small daggers to huge war hammers.
While it is not known by most so do I use my skills neither for Alliance nor Horse, I am not part of any factions of Azeroth, if I was then I wouldn't be a freelance mechanic. I have a special pass I earned from the horde and the alliance by offering them the designs for two unique war machines each of them would find useful not only for war but for peace as well. But as always is war the main topic in those pig skulls' heads.
I am a bit ashamed of this war to tell the truth, I hate how we fight over meager things with each other for reasons that had passed centuries ago. My father is a simple merchant whom my mother fell in love with, she is a hardcore hunter who loves the wild, so you can tell there's a bit of explosive chemistry between my parents. but they love each other and do not let things as petty arguing get the best of them.
Well as for me, I studied as a mechanic and miner under the teaching of a dwarven friend of my father's, it was a blast, traveling from mining coal and copper to the rare and incredible rare adamantine and mithril. I learned the arts of the hunter by my bother and she was a rough but great teacher, though I am still unsure if teaching me how to turn humanoid females into pets is an official hunter skill... probably my mother who wants grand babies as she keeps mooing about.
Because of my half elven heritage am I more humanoid built then normal taurens, though I am not complaining as it seems to attract attention from the females. But I sure do wonder why they keep eying my crotch, I am not that big of a tauren down there... But then again I haven't really measured it with another tauren, and I am sure as hell not going to do that, ever. But I am getting off tract... where was I?
Ah yes, as I stated, I am a more humanoid appearing Tauren with well versed skills in engineering, mining and hunting, I am not too bad of a cook, healer or fisherman either. My work as a freelance mechanic gives me lots of chances to check out interesting machines, constructions and more, I was even hired by one of the boss monsters in one of the dwarven ruins to check on some pipes, gears and rusting golems, it was fun but the naga sirens' eying my behind creeped me out.
So to speak am I a pretty well known person among the world and my status as a freelance makes it possible for me to keep out of any battlezone or duel, well except for when I meet one of those freaks with one or more of The Four Curses of Annoyance on them.
First comes the Curse of Lacking Language Skills, makes a person speak things that makes no sense like ROLF, LOL, Haxxor, pwned, cyber, L33T, camp and the likes. They have no proper grammar, speaks of strange things as, I am getting a taco wanna go raid, selling rusty knives for 1 G, and crap like that while just standing still and shouting it out as if they are speaking to a crowd of people. Perhaps the most annoying of the four.
The second is the Curse of Loot/Prey Stealing, people that keeps taking out the kills just as you are about to take out the beast yourself, or takes the loot of the monster you have fought hard to kill, or both, very annoying.
And the third curse is the Curse of Dueling/Guild Inviting, this curse makes people duel every person they meet, be it alliance or horse, and they keep sending letters of invitations to people they want to join their guild, every tenth second, annoying but helps when you need fire in the winter.
And lastly is the Curse of Motion Affliction that makes people move oddly, they appear to stop, stop and move repeatedly, then suddenly teleport to a different spot after five minutes of being frozen. and sometimes they even frozen while fighting a monster and afterwards there's a blink and the person is either dead or the monster is dead.
These four curses were spread worldwide by a group of hammered mages, warlocks and druids of all the ten races, they were made into the biggest joke of azeroth history and even the Burning Legion are ashamed at the fact that they could never reach such a status of asshole-ness like this group of hammered magic users.
But I am getting off track again, at the moment am I riding through the snow covered mountains of Dun Morogh, the home of the main capital of the dwarves, Ironforge. And I am here for a job offered to me by King Magni Bronzebeard himself, it concerned a newly found tunnel beneath Ironforge's tunnels where a set of dwarves and gnomes had prepared to make new homes for them, but a wall collapsed and a hidden tunnel made out of metal was found. I was offered a job to be part of the squad who would investigate the tunnel, with my engineering skills I would be able to figure out if the tunnel was dangerous or if there was some kind of trap in the tunnel.
And that brings us to today, I am riding on my trusty raptor Wildfang, a very big raptor I captured and tamed myself with a group of trolls, I was given the honour of taming this fine creature and make her into my mount as I aided them in keeping her from damaging their homes or eating their cattle. As I rode up the road up the large mountain towards huge gates of Ironforge I saw many people give me looks from glares to lusty stares, though it made me shudder as some of those last stares came from some males.
Wildfang was warped in a thick warp fur to keep her warm in these cold lands and her black and red scale hide would make it impossible for her to be stealthy so I had made a device that turned her hide into different colors, so that she would have no problem hunting while we were here. As I reached the huge gates I saw a group of dwarves and gnomes preparing to fire a giant crossbow into the mountain wall, I noticed a flaw in the design of the crossbow and decided to help them before they fired the crossbow and destroyed it, my dwarven was not all that good though so I had hard to explain it.
<D>"Ye might want de check da place uf da hook, da hold uf da left cog on da left bow an' look ath de crack in a left bow by da middle. If ye fire da bow, ye make da bow sploid like da ice piece."<D>
After leaving the flustered dwarves and gnomes, who were tormented by the chuckling guards as they indeed found the fault in their new crossbow, I rode slowly into the warm entrance of the Ironforge. It was a beautiful place for a mechanic like myself, molten lava, melted metal, rotating gears, machines and so much more, it was paradise. Now I just needed to find the place I was supposed to meet King Bronzebeard, it was in the mines, and after asking for directions five times I finally reached the mines and saw dwarven guards standing guard around King Bronzebeard while a group of professional adventurers stood there as well.
The King gave a short nod to me as I rode over to them on my beautiful raptor. "Greetings Kausth ye're welcome to our proud capital, you better have prepared because the expedition will take off after they have introduced themselves and spoken their current plants for the expedition's success."
Giving a sign of gratitude to the dwarf king I rode over to the group that would make up the expedition. They were all female I discovered to my surprise, two night elves, three humans, two draeneis, two trolls, two orcs,and two blood elves. It appeared it was the infamous Freelance Women's League, they were a guild of women made up by all manners of species, be it alliance, neutral or horde related, who worked freelance like myself, not getting involved in the war.
But then I see the yare not all females as one of the humans is a male paladin, and he was glaring at all the people whose race were part of the horde, he glared at me the hardest, probably because I was a male. I got off Wildfang and petted the churring raptor before turning towards the expedition group, not a very big one considering they normally had carriages, pack animals and twenty workers, but then again the people here were professionals so there was no need for the Alliance to waste its resources. "Greetings my name is Kausth Stormmane and I am a freelance engineer, miner and hunter, makign a living working freelance across the world. I am a nexcellent gunner and archer and I like to use explosives when there's not enough points to hit with an arrow or an arrow."
The human paladin introduced himself first with a spit at my hooves and snarled at me. "I am Jenkins Goldhair! Paladin and Sergeant in the service of the alliance, ordered her to act as an escort and supervisor so you scoundrels do not do anything to foul the discoveries of the Ironforge's past. Even though I'd rather pierce your demonic heart with a blade of justice I will keep it sheathed, for now." The rest of the expedition team groaned and palmed their faces ,apparently this pompous jackass was the regular paladin stereotype who liked to kill evil that was evil in his eyes and ask questions after said evil is vanquished.
Looking at the paladin with a raised eyebrow I speak up. "You just insulted your own alliance members i na very foul manner." Before the gaping paladin to retail I raised a hand and silenced him. "Because if you had looked at me a bit closer you might have noticed I have no pupils, and my ears are a bit longer then normal, this is because I am half night elf. So unless you wish to insult your allies because of your big mouth then I suggest you shut said mouth."
The paladin glared at me and shouted out again, thinking he had some kind of proof of my 'evil'. "Aha so you are the spawn of the foul raping of a night elf maiden and a foul demonic cow tauren! This shows your race's true color!"
Chuckling a little I poked him in the chest plate of his armor. "For your information, my night elf blood comes from my father. And it was not rape, my mother is a tauren huntress who meet him, a freelance merchant and traveler during one of her travels as an ambassador. It was love at first sight they say it, they simply started talking, liked each other mroe and more until they, a week later, were humping like rabbits and bunnies. They got married two months later when they discovered my mother was pregnant with me, and they are still happily married and I have two younger siblings, one sister and one brother, and I think my mom is excepting twins by this summer."
the pladin breaks down and huddles, curling up in a crying whimpering wreck, his views of the world shattered. "Well that's one way to get rid of an annoying person. Hey Lord Bronzebeard, our guide is broken, can we get a refund!?" The king just laughed and soon a female draenei dressed in Ironforge armor came over with a pickaxe over her shoulder and a halberd on her back.