The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Gizzmotick]

And you get back a new, improved, business plan.

I put in my collection of hats

And you get a collection of cardboard hat stays.

I put in my old baseball cards.

 

[Emperor_Nero]

And you get a collection of cardboard hat stays.

I put in my old baseball cards.

You get one old dirty baseball that's been chewed on by a slobbery dog

I put in an Easter egg...

 

[wmrs2]

You get one old dirty baseball that's been chewed on by a slobbery dog

I put in an Easter egg...

The Easter egg was in a tin can. The slobbery dog had its nose stuck in the can. I tried to help it get free and it took a hunk out of me.

 

[xssve]

You get one old dirty baseball that's been chewed on by a slobbery dog

I put in an Easter egg...

And out pop's a Rabbit.

I put in a bunch of Lillies.

 

[Stella_Omega]

And out pop's a Rabbit.

I put in a bunch of Lillies.

You get back one deep red rose.

I put in a double espresso latte.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

You get back one deep red rose.

I put in a double espresso latte.

And you get back one wide awake bear.


I put in a worn out Panama hat.

 

[Stella_Omega]

And you get back one wide awake bear.


I put in a worn out Panama hat.

You get tan shoes with pink shoelaces.

I put in a 1967 vintage green tweed blazer

 

[voluptuary_manque]

You get tan shoes with pink shoelaces.

I put in a 1967 vintage green tweed blazer

You get an Old School Tie.

I put in a bottle of my Safari Hot Sauce.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You get an Old School Tie.

I put in a bottle of my Safari Hot Sauce.

You get a piece of my mind-- or anyways, blown-up brains!


I put in a worn-out bandsaw belt and two totally disintegrated bearing cages.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

You get a piece of my mind-- or anyways, blown-up brains!


I put in a worn-out bandsaw belt and two totally disintegrated bearing cages.

You get hours searching Craigslist and eBay!

I put in an underused wetsuit, fins, mask, etc.

 

[Guest]

You get hours searching Craigslist and eBay!

I put in an underused wetsuit, fins, mask, etc.

And got a wet and very annoyed mermaid.

I put in my non-functioning webcam.

 

[Stella_Omega]

And got a wet and very annoyed mermaid.

I put in my non-functioning webcam.

You get back a blind man's wet dream.

I put in the sound of a drum kit two doors away.

 

[Katyusha]

You get back a blind man's wet dream.

I put in the sound of a drum kit two doors away.

And get back soundproof windows and doors.

I put in all this fast-food trash that's sitting on my coffee table...

 

[TE999]

And get back soundproof windows and doors.

I put in all this fast-food trash that's sitting on my coffee table...

And you get back an annoyed clown.

I put in my dog-eared copy of Roget's Thesaurus...

 

[Katyusha]

And you get back an annoyed clown.

I put in my dog-eared copy of Roget's Thesaurus...

And you get back a very worn copy of Webster's Dictionary.

I put in the episode of American Dad...

 

[TE999]

And you get back a very worn copy of Webster's Dictionary.

I put in the episode of American Dad...

And you get back an episode of The Family Guy.

I put in a broken music box...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And you get back an elf with a tool kit.

I put in half a pan of left over baked pasta.

 

[Gizzmotick]

And get back one serious case of indigestion.

I put in my company phone.

 

[Emperor_Nero]

And get back one serious case of indigestion.

I put in my company phone.

... and you get a full voice mailbox.

I put in a half glass of warm milk ...

 

[JagFarlane]

... and you get a full voice mailbox.

I put in a half glass of warm milk ...

And get back a glass of Navy issue chocolate milk

I put in the pound of fur the damn cat sheds weekly

 

[Emperor_Nero]

And get back a glass of Navy issue chocolate milk

I put in the pound of fur the damn cat sheds weekly

... and you get back a new kitten.

I put in the empty propane tank from my grill ...

 

[Stella_Omega]

... and you get back a new kitten.

I put in the empty propane tank from my grill ...

You get back raw steaks.

I put in the borked fuel pump for a 78 Baja Beetle.

 

[harrlequin]

You get back raw steaks.

I put in the borked fuel pump for a 78 Baja Beetle.

And take out a Lada.

I put in a pair of bum knees...

 

[Emperor_Nero]

And take out a Lada.

I put in a pair of bum knees...

And you get back a formal, written request for any spare change you might have.

I put in a beautiful piece of NASA glass...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And you get back a formal, written request for any spare change you might have.

I put in a beautiful piece of NASA glass...

And get back a very satisfied smile.


I put in today's Marine Weather Report.