The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

Stolen by the Warden



I put in a coffin, scarcely used

and you get a widow, well-worn.

I put in a eponymous corset...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get a widow, well-worn.

I put in a eponymous corset...

But the widow refuses to wear it during her time of mourning.

I put in an old possum.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the widow refuses to wear it during her time of mourning.

I put in an old possum.

But TS Elliot is out chasing cats.


I put in a really practical cat.

 

[NekoParks]

But TS Elliot is out chasing cats.


I put in a really practical cat.

and you get the Napoleon of crime...


I put in a love song about a guy named Prufrock...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get the Napoleon of crime...


I put in a love song about a guy named Prufrock...

but the love-song never made the top 10.



I put in a book of effective spells.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the love-song never made the top 10.



I put in a book of effective spells.

and the SpellCheck rejects half the words.

I put in a new orthography...

 

[NekoParks]

and the SpellCheck rejects half the words.

I put in a new orthography...

and the newest Iphone includes cuneiform...

I drop in some meatballs from IKEA...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the newest Iphone includes cuneiform...

I drop in some meatballs from IKEA...

and you get covered in lingamberries (or was that lingonberries?).

I put in a smorgasbord...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get covered in lingamberries (or was that lingonberries?).

I put in a smorgasbord...

But all they want is the Gas Bill.


I put in an electricity meter

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But all they want is the Gas Bill.


I put in an electricity meter

And the Con-Ed spears your derriere on a monthly basis.


I put in 3 grams of plutonium.

 

[NekoParks]

And the Con-Ed spears your derriere on a monthly basis.


I put in 3 grams of plutonium.

And you get another improbable Cold War movie starring Bruce Willis or Daniel Craig...

I drop in Saki story about an open window...

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get another improbable Cold War movie starring Bruce Willis or Daniel Craig...

I drop in Saki story about an open window...

But the saki got stolen through the window.


I put in a small grenade.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the saki got stolen through the window.


I put in a small grenade.

and parliament auto-defenestrates.

I put in a bay window...

 

[Handley_Page]

and parliament auto-defenestrates.

I put in a bay window...

But there's a warning label about windows at bay.


I put in a Top Secret Drum.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But there's a warning label about windows at bay.


I put in a Top Secret Drum.

and no one has security clearance to take it out.

I put in a drumless drummer...

 

[Handley_Page]

and no one has security clearance to take it out.

I put in a drumless drummer...

and he's left his musket & fife behind.



I put in a bullet mould.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and he's left his musket & fife behind.



I put in a bullet mould.

and you get a mouldy bullet.

I put in colony of Penicilium roqueforti...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a mouldy bullet.

I put in colony of Penicilium roqueforti...

but Iain Fleming makes it bond

I put in a multi bodied state

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but Iain Fleming makes it bond

I put in a multi bodied state

and you get an orgy.

I put in the closing scene from Flaming Creatures...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get an orgy.

I put in the closing scene from Flaming Creatures...

It read: "The AND"



I put in a pyramid

 

[Tio_Narratore]

It read: "The AND"



I put in a pyramid

and you get a financial scam.

I put in a consultation with Mr. Ponzi...

bye HP...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a financial scam.

I put in a consultation with Mr. Ponzi...

bye HP...

cheers, Tio.

He'd forbidden to speak. I thought he was in jail.



I put in a new A.R.M . computer

 

[Saxon_Hart]

cheers, Tio.

He'd forbidden to speak. I thought he was in jail.



I put in a new A.R.M . computer

But it won't download porn fast enough.


I put in a life sized cardboard Johnny Holmes.

 

[Handley_Page]

But it won't download porn fast enough.


I put in a life sized cardboard Johnny Holmes.

But the life-size penis is a debatable issue so it gets taken down.



I put in a baseball card of Kate Upton.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But the life-size penis is a debatable issue so it gets taken down.



I put in a baseball card of Kate Upton.

Mmmmm, Kate Upton.......er um, now we can't see what's behind the glass.


I put Dr. Ruth.