The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Dianthus]

but the block won't fit in the bong

I put in a tie dye Dead t-shirt.

And get a pint of Cherry Garcia ice cream.


I put in a drawing of a sphere.

 

[SailorJerry]

And get a pint of Cherry Garcia ice cream.

I put in a drawing of a sphere.

but the pre-Renaissance critics don't quite see it from your perspective.

Hiya, Di. Good to see you !

I put in a truly tasteless joke.

 

[Handley_Page]

but the pre-Renaissance critics don't quite see it from your perspective.

Hiya, Di. Good to see you !

I put in a truly tasteless joke.

Unfortunately, my taste-buds are shot anyway, so I don't understand the joke.


I put in a bi-focal Octopus.

 

[Austin8]

Unfortunately, my taste-buds are shot anyway, so I don't understand the joke.


I put in a bi-focal Octopus.

and get a quad-focal sub captain...

I put in a Ray of Sunshine

 

[SailorJerry]

and get a quad-focal sub captain...

I put in a Ray of Sunshine

but Dr. Evil steals the plans, and creates the DEATH RAY of sunshine. Wuahahahaha !

I put in a heroine, with some heroin.

 

[Austin8]

but Dr. Evil steals the plans, and creates the DEATH RAY of sunshine. Wuahahahaha !

I put in a heroine, with some heroin.

But before she has time to cut it, Jimi appears and snatches the bag, and disappears.

I put in a beautiful day, a hammock, and a auburn haired girl to share it with.

afternoon jerr, im home for lunch.

 

[gypsymoonrose]

But before she has time to cut it, Jimi appears and snatches the bag, and disappears.

I put in a beautiful day, a hammock, and a auburn haired girl to share it with.

But the girl is a shape shifter bent on world domination. She is really a seven thousand year old alien from the other side of the galaxy.

Puts in an alien detector and salt. Aliens hate salt.

 

[Austin8]

But the girl is a shape shifter bent on world domination. She is really a seven thousand year old alien from the other side of the galaxy.

Puts in an alien detector and salt. Aliens hate salt.

and the ALIENS living peacefully in this machine, plot to destroy the very ground gypsymoonrose walks on.

I put in a peaceful resolution.

 

[gypsymoonrose]

and the ALIENS living peacefully in this machine, plot to destroy the very ground gypsymoonrose walks on.

I put in a peaceful resolution.

I knew they'd get me sooner or later.

Puts in my will and a teddy bear collection.

 

[Austin8]

I knew they'd get me sooner or later.

Puts in my will and a teddy bear collection.

And the ALIENS love them. [note]Despite their scaly and most jarring outward apearance, they do love to snuggle.[/note]

I put in a very nice employer.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And the ALIENS love them. [note]Despite their scaly and most jarring outward apearance, they do love to snuggle.[/note]

I put in a very nice employer.

and you get a traditional Quebec dream - a good job et un bon boss.

I put in a 17-week wait for 14 weeks of employment insurance...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a traditional Quebec dream - a good job et un bon boss.

I put in a 17-week wait for 14 weeks of employment insurance...

and the paperwork costs a fortune to produce. . . .

I put in a new HB pencil

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the paperwork costs a fortune to produce. . . .

I put in a new HB pencil

and the VM, exasperated by your middle-of-the-road approach to life, gives you a new 5B and a new 6H Farber-Castell...

I put in a pad of toothy drawing paper...

 

[SailorJerry]

and the VM, exasperated by your middle-of-the-road approach to life, gives you a new 5B and a new 6H Farber-Castell...

I put in a pad of toothy drawing paper...

and you get a gummy eraser.

I put in a nude model to sketch (non shape shifting - unless it takes you ages to draw).

 

[gypsymoonrose]

and you get a gummy eraser.

I put in a nude model to sketch (non shape shifting - unless it takes you ages to draw).

I only use chalk and I'm very slow.

You get a roschach test and a bag of skittles with all the red ones gone.

Puts in x-ray specs and a bright blue cape.

 

[SailorJerry]

I only use chalk and I'm very slow.

You get a roschach test and a bag of skittles with all the red ones gone.

Puts in x-ray specs and a bright blue cape.

and you get an adolescent's wet dream.

I put in an arch enemy, who speaks in rhyme.

 

[gypsymoonrose]

and you get an adolescent's wet dream.

I put in an arch enemy, who speaks in rhyme.

As long as it doesn't involve a guy dressed as pac-man.

For the crimes you commit
You get complete clemency and too much time.

I put in a rhyming dictionary and a black beret.

 

[SailorJerry]

As long as it doesn't involve a guy dressed as pac-man.

For the crimes you commit
You get complete clemency and too much time.

I put in a rhyming dictionary and a black beret.

and you get a spoken word demonstration at Whitworth's Ground Zero bookstore in Paris.

I put in a lost toupee

 

[gypsymoonrose]

and you get a spoken word demonstration at Whitworth's Ground Zero bookstore in Paris.

I put in a lost toupee

I'd be happy just to be in paris, as long as I didn't have to sing.

You get a rose bouquet
and are chased by deranged seagulls
on a beach in monterey

 

[Austin8]

I'd be happy just to be in paris, as long as I didn't have to sing.

You get a rose bouquet
and are chased by deranged seagulls
on a beach in monterey

and... you get some leftover shit from Vend posters of yore.

I put in a blue food prep band-aid.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and... you get some leftover shit from Vend posters of yore.

I put in a blue food prep band-aid.

Ahh, gees! It ended up in my blue Hawaiin and I drunk it. Gulp!

I put in a strainer.

 

[Austin8]

Ahh, gees! It ended up in my blue Hawaiin and I drunk it. Gulp!

I put in a strainer.

Haha ! nasty! it was bloody!

I put in a lb. of pork fat

 

[YoursSINSerely]

Haha ! nasty! it was bloody!

I put in a lb. of pork fat

and, you get the best french fries on the face of the earth.

I put in a pound of green beens.

 

[SailorJerry]

and, you get the best french fries on the face of the earth.

I put in a pound of green beens.

which thankfully seem like less in metric: 0.45 kg.

I put in a slap chopper !

 

[gypsymoonrose]

which thankfully seem like less in metric: 0.45 kg.

I put in a slap chopper !

You get a large onion, a recipe for salsa but no chips.

I put in a bottle of soda and some cheap whisky.