Do men really care if their partner cums?

[durtycouple]

Never had a partner who prioritized my pleasure during sex, or felt any responsibility for my orgasms.

One partner never saw me reach climax at all, two partners didn't see it for close to a year in each case. The only reason any of them ever saw it is because I got sick of going without and decided to handle things myself.

To a large degree, I think they were ignorant. Two of them commented to me 'It didn't take my last girlfriend this long.' But I think they were selfish, too.

I hear men here talk about the importance they place on pleasing their partner and making sure she reaches her climax, often before any intercourse has taken place, and I am just amazed. And multiple climaxes? Can this be true?? It is so far from my experience that it's difficult to believe this attitude actually exists.

I'm really sorry about your experiences. Starting in College, I've always made my partner cum, at times counting the orgasms that she had and seeing how high we could go. I love to make my wife cum, and while there may be times where she is just too tired to have an orgasm, my preference is to make her cum whenever we have sex!!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

It is true, Honey kiss, although from reading about your experience I can understand why you would suspect otherwise. Let me try to frame this from my perspective and experience. I would find one-sided sex shallow and unfulfilling. Yet this too is partly selfish, because I know that, while I can reach a level of arousal which would allow intercourse to take place perfectly easily, that level can be heightened immeasurably by any contribution I can make to my woman's arousal.

A selfish fuck, to me, would feel transactional, a shared one can frequently be sublime. So yes, multiple orgasms for her before (or during) penetration is a frequent occurrence, although often she will choose to limit the number so that her arousal cycle will allow us to do it all over again a couple of days later.

My erection, too, will grow harder and higher while listening to her. While I stroke, or lick, I listen, feel, smell, taste. All of these things are arousing. Best of all, perhaps, are the times when I can penetrate her moments after her orgasm. Not for entirely selfish reasons, but because I know I can watch her reaction, feel her tightness, feel the need she has to be filled, watch her pupils dilate and enjoy the gasp which often escapes her lips at this point.

I'm not sure I've expressed this well. It's a bit early in the morning. Put simply, a fuck can be just a fuck. Sometimes, even both partners want just that after a long day at work. On other occasions, though, when time and energy allow for languid exploration, a deliciously slow build, and both partners want fervently to please each other, it can be so much more.

H

 

[Erodicus]

I'd be fascinated to know whether men honestly care if the woman they're having sex with cums or not. My experience, and perhaps I'm a little jaded by several partners in the last couple of weeks, is that as long as the man with whom I'm fucking climaxes it's of little concern to him whether I am satisfied or not.

I should clarify that I certainly don't expect my lover to take responsibility for my orgasm, ultimately that's up to me but I do expect him to know at least in general terms what women enjoy. A rudimentary understanding of foreplay and clitoral stimulation is not too much to expect surely?

My first reaction to this question was that it was a bit like asking whether the pope is a Catholic. I've never had sex with a woman when her climax wasn't as important to me as my own. But after hearing of the disappointments of many women, it seems that too many guys are either too selfish or in too much of a rush. Just because you're faster than a speeding bullet, guys, doesn't mean you are Superman in bed. Sex is always better when its reverent, fun and not rushed.

 

[klippert]

i'm told that I'm suppose to.

 

[PrincepsCyberius]

I'd be fascinated to know whether men honestly care if the woman they're having sex with cums or not. My experience, and perhaps I'm a little jaded by several partners in the last couple of weeks, is that as long as the man with whom I'm fucking climaxes it's of little concern to him whether I am satisfied or not.

I should clarify that I certainly don't expect my lover to take responsibility for my orgasm, ultimately that's up to me but I do expect him to know at least in general terms what women enjoy. A rudimentary understanding of foreplay and clitoral stimulation is not too much to expect surely?

I can tell you that in my case, it is essential to me that my partner has at least one orgasm whenever we make love.

To be honest, it is as much about my ego as it is about her pleasure.

 

[Olderthanthat]

Never had a partner who prioritized my pleasure during sex, or felt any responsibility for my orgasms....

I hear men here talk about the importance they place on pleasing their partner and making sure she reaches her climax, often before any intercourse has taken place, and I am just amazed. Can this be true?? It is so far from my experience that it's difficult to believe this attitude actually exists.

Believe it. Not all of us are selfish assholes, although too damn many of us are, indeed.

Do not tolerate men for whom your pleasure is not at least as important as their own.

Show them the door with a few good slaps.

 

[srgreene]

Do not tolerate men for whom your pleasure is not at least as important as their own. Show them the door with a few good slaps.

Your approach is tempting, but the thing is, we come to expect it. We hope for better, but generally accept what we get. The men who could brought me to orgasm were a distinct minority (that still left a fair number who did, lol). But that never stopped me from playing the game which, as far as nature is concerned, was the only thing that mattered.

 

[DuzCuz]

First things first. The male of most species have been hard wired over the past 600 million years to cum fast in her pussy and go soft and females have been hard wired to instantly stimulate the male and then suppress the fact that they have been fucked before the dominant male in the neighborhood catches the two of you fucking and literally stomps, kicks , bites or whatever else the shit out of both of you.

Once both the male and female understand the mechanics they have to deal with, you can do something about it. There are many ways to stimulate a woman and delay a man's key orgasm. But it takes an understanding on the part of both to make these things work the way both of you want it to.

Don't be afraid to give communication nor offended to receive communication. Learn from each other and take what you have learned to the next partner, pass it on, and learn more with them. If it doesn't work the first time around, don't be afraid to laugh it off and try it again. Keep going and work a little at it. Practice makes perfect.

 

[womaneater58]

I do care. I love for her to cum before me. I know once I cum, it's usually over with, so I am very oral to please her. Besides, I love the taste and her moans turn me on.

 

[sdman31]

I love this thread

I absolutely love making a woman cum. It makes me feel so powerful knowing I made her feel that good. I will admit to my attraction to transexual women. A major part of that attraction is physical evidence of orgasm. Unfortunately, I don’t always know for sure with women. I’ve had several women say they have orgasmed but I’m not so sure they have.

 

[FGB]

I'd be fascinated to know whether men honestly care if the woman they're having sex with cums or not. My experience, and perhaps I'm a little jaded by several partners in the last couple of weeks, is that as long as the man with whom I'm fucking climaxes it's of little concern to him whether I am satisfied or not.

I should clarify that I certainly don't expect my lover to take responsibility for my orgasm, ultimately that's up to me but I do expect him to know at least in general terms what women enjoy. A rudimentary understanding of foreplay and clitoral stimulation is not too much to expect surely?

I don't know what kind of "Guys" you have down there but you are hanging around with the wrong ones!

Good God woman! A couple of Guys like me and you would be throwing rocks at those selfish SOB's!

Just come to visit Texas,you can always cuss them out over the phone!

 

[IsItBad]

i do

well, i can honestly say that 9 out of 10 times i truly would feel that i have failed if my girl does not cum. most of the time i sincerely want to make sure she cums before i do and most of the time that works out. of course, there are those particular times where you just desperately need to get off in which one might lose the general spirit of the endeavor.....but that is rare.

i wouldn't say that i feel it is my "responsibility" for my girl to cum.....but i feel like i should do all i can to help out.....

the other thing is....there is really nothing on earth hotter to me ….than seeing/feeling/hearing her cum......it is just amazing and beautiful and perfect.....

 

[missswannie]

Agree with all, but I vocalise what I want and have sex enough to ride the averages.

But a flip side presented itself at dinner last night with a couple of ladies. After a few wines, they were lamenting their lack of orgasms. As the conversation opened up, it turned out they randomly "agreed" to sex with their husbands once a month or every other month, then wondered why their guys would go straight at it, cum and then roll over.
I was sitting there thinking but you hold all the cards, you choose the time, you keep the guy waiting for his random chance. Just projecting myself into their husbands head, I probably would make sure I got my own first after waiting that long and then see what I could do for her on the second if it was possible. If you are going to take charge of the bedroom scheduling then sure surely you have a game plan that involves dragging his wait out just a little longer and getting him to go down and give you one first.

There are drivers and navigators, but don't just be a passenger on the love bus.

 

[Jada59]

I'm not a guy. I'm a woman who can cum very easily. If I am having sex, I never expect the guy to make me cum. For me, it's a mutual thing so that we both get satisfied.

I have heard all too often of women who think that the guy should do all the work. They have no idea how to give themselves an orgasm or ensure that they get one with a partner, then blame the guy because they don't have one.

One issue I have had is when the guy treats sex like a chore. Because I am easily orgasmic and because I can keep cumming and cumming, some guys think that I need marathon sex all the time. So they exhaust themselves trying to give me what they think I want.

Now don't get me wrong! Marathon sex is wonderful! But I certainly don't need that all the time. And it can get boring if the guy just keeps insisting on more and more, seemingly long past the point of getting any pleasure himself and beavering away like a robot to drive me to yet another orgasm.

So bottom line, in my real life, the guys I've been with have always wanted to give me an orgasm. In one case, many years ago, I gave the guy a quick blow job and said that I wanted nothing in return. That was an odd night and not typical of me at all.

But... I have found that in online dealings, some guys, especially younger ones, just want to get off. They don't seem to care who they are with. It's like a fetish. They want the other person to hear them cum or something. And I say this not just from experience. I have heard this from others.

 

[Bikesandfires07]

OhhhHellyes.... I care 150%... Watching, feeling, hearing, tasting my partners orgasms are a huge part of my arousal. I'm going to give you several before I get mine, and then I'm going to want to go down on you and give you a few more while I recharge... unless everything down there is on sensory overload... In that case we are gonna snuggle and cuddle while we catch our breath.

 

[MrEd63]

I care very much. I want to make my partner happy and feel loved and worshipped. She is allowing you access to her most intimate places
Treat her properly and hopefully she'll allow you to do it again. Plus, it may well unlock the beast within her and you will have some truly wonderful sexual experiences yourself

 

[gunthernehmen]

Men care. Boys don't.

 

[Afterhours22]

I definitely care....

I have always cared, even back when I was first having sex... always hoped that my partner had as much enjoyment as I did. As I got older and more skilled, I followed there likes and dislikes in bed so it made the experience better for both of us. Now that didn't always work because of a few of those one night stands. It's kind of hard to know what she likes when we just met a few hours prior. One of the things that always did work for me in most cases was not to expect a blowjob the first time we have a sexual experience. Mainly due because getting a blowjob as a prelude to intercourse is NOT conducive to lasting very long during the latter. So many times I would go down on her first using my fingers, tongue and sucking action to help her get primed and in many case, she would cum during the oral sex. So using that method for me was a win win. I loved it that she came and so did she.

 

[RustyIron]

Yes, well I sure do anyway. I love to hear my partner when they cum, if they are loud about it all the better.
For me it's all about pleasing my partner, and giving them what they want or desire. Hopefully my partner responds the same way, and caters to my needs / desires too.

For way too long though, this has not been the situation for me, it has been ALL one way and it wasn't my way.

 

[littlecordelera]

The porn industry answers this question. It is a resounding, "No!"

 

[QuietCanadian]

Agree with all, but I vocalise what I want and have sex enough to ride the averages.

But a flip side presented itself at dinner last night with a couple of ladies. After a few wines, they were lamenting their lack of orgasms. As the conversation opened up, it turned out they randomly "agreed" to sex with their husbands once a month or every other month, then wondered why their guys would go straight at it, cum and then roll over.
I was sitting there thinking but you hold all the cards, you choose the time, you keep the guy waiting for his random chance. Just projecting myself into their husbands head, I probably would make sure I got my own first after waiting that long and then see what I could do for her on the second if it was possible. If you are going to take charge of the bedroom scheduling then sure surely you have a game plan that involves dragging his wait out just a little longer and getting him to go down and give you one first.

There are drivers and navigators, but don't just be a passenger on the love bus.

Only one? I mean, I'm with you, if that's where it's at, get him to earn it... something about tasting a woman's sweet, warm cum that makes my orgasm so much better.

 

[voyboyEC72]

I always offer to bring my partner to orgasm as part of foreplay. Since women can be multi-orgasmic, it makes sense to start off with the woman having an orgasm. What I don't appreciate is after a woman has several orgasms, she decides that it's time to go to sleep or for one of us to leave, without giving me an orgasm.

 

[rebel_code]

I have long felt that making my partner come is the best part of sex. My own orgasm is a very close second, naturally, but it is rather unsatisfying for me not to have both.

It's not just ego, either, though that is admittedly a factor. Having my partner orgasm says to me that, first, she wanted it, and second, she wanted it with me. I think that whatever skills I brought to the task, it would be much less likely to happen if those things weren't true. So we are engaged in mutual erotic activity with desire on both sides. That's the stuff great sex is made of! And not to minimize that the sights and sounds of her coming are very exciting to me. I often try to make eye contact with her during her orgasm. That can be amazingly intense.

In short, I think that men who "don't care" are really just missing out.

 

[sub2femdom]

I want to assure the OP that yes, some of us do care. When I go out to play, I often lock myself in chastity so that I cannot focus on my own needs. Other times, I refuse to cum for the same reason. I take more pleasure in providing pleasure than receiving it.

Admittedly, I'm an anomaly in many areas of the bedroom, ha.

 

[naughtymind]

The porn industry answers this question. It is a resounding, "No!"

Porn is not even close to reality, so I don’t think the industry answers anything about our hearts. It does speak to our lusts, but even there I think part of the excitement for many comes from seeing something is taboo/fantasy and isn’t really representative of men’s sexuality as a whole (nor women’s sexuality for that matter).

Put me in the camp of men who are highly excited and satisfied by seeing the woman in ecstatic bliss, hell thats right at the pinnacle for me! I don’t like to make a big deal or fuss about it, just let things proceed at whatever pace her arousal takes...but definitely keep stoking the fire! Usually, if she has an orgasm early on, or during foreplay, I’ll put some effort to giving her multiple orgasms; but I don’t like to drag things out too much if our energy/lust levels are nearing the peak.

At the same time, I don’t personally need for either of us to cum. Sometimes we both do, sometimes just I do, and sometimes just she cums and I don’t. As long as neither of us is feeling a lack of attention to our wants, and we’re both feeling satisfied physically and/or emotionally. That’s my two cents anyways.