Do men really care if their partner cums?

[Woolmohair]

Personally, and maybe it's an ego thing, I take great pleasure in making my partner cum. I find that to be a major part of the arousal for me.

 

[Notasbad2015]

my partner’s orgasm often tips me over the edge, I always think I can fuck her for hours and make her cum & cum but most times the first one gets me!

must try harder

 

[jerryb1966]

She cums first always...

 

[turbocs37]

I agree.

This is how I see it. Of course I want her to cum. But if I'm too preoccupied with it, sex won't be as good for either of us and it's less likely to happen. The more carefree I am, the better the chance that she cums. It sounds counter-intuitive but that's been my personal experience with countless women. My current gf tells me she loves it when I let loose and that me cumming makes her cum.

Sex is simultaneously selfless and selfish, it's an interesting dichotomy. I think men have been programmed through pop culture to believe making her cum is our sole responsibility at the expense of all else. This bridles men, and my personal experience is that women want me unbridled. Which consequently does the same to her.

This makes loads of sense and mirrors my experience. My wife has often told me to quit thinking of her and just do what feels good to me. Not sure of the intricacies of what that does for her (me unbridled, me using her, or whatever) but it does seem to help.
All that being said, it is VERY important to me that she thoroughly enjoy our time together. Most of the time she has three and then she is done.

 

[sterculius]

My favorite sex act has always been performing oral sex on both men and women. My focus is providing the best sensations for them and bringing them to orgasm The more aroused they become, the more it arouses me! I have frequently cum myself while doing this. Their orgasm becomes my orgasm.

 

[Dreamer110]

Always before me.

 

[eroticspank]

I have long felt that making my partner come is the best part of sex. My own orgasm is a very close second, naturally, but it is rather unsatisfying for me not to have both.

It's not just ego, either, though that is admittedly a factor. Having my partner orgasm says to me that, first, she wanted it, and second, she wanted it with me. I think that whatever skills I brought to the task, it would be much less likely to happen if those things weren't true. So we are engaged in mutual erotic activity with desire on both sides. That's the stuff great sex is made of! And not to minimize that the sights and sounds of her coming are very exciting to me. I often try to make eye contact with her during her orgasm. That can be amazingly intense.

In short, I think that men who "don't care" are really just missing out.

Some great thoughts in this post. I think part of the problem is we men say we want to make our partners cum. We may mean it in the best way, but it does not sound right to me. I am helping my partner feel comfortable, relaxed, and trusting in me so she can orgasm. I don't make her cum, I help her to get there. An orgasm is a very intimate act. For some women it is not just rubbing a certain body part, there is a lot more to it. Love, understanding, along with some technique is a big part of what gets her there. That is when it becomes a turn on for me, the opening up and letting me in....mentally and physically.

ES

 

[eroticspank]

Agree with all, but I vocalise what I want and have sex enough to ride the averages.

But a flip side presented itself at dinner last night with a couple of ladies. After a few wines, they were lamenting their lack of orgasms. As the conversation opened up, it turned out they randomly "agreed" to sex with their husbands once a month or every other month, then wondered why their guys would go straight at it, cum and then roll over.
I was sitting there thinking but you hold all the cards, you choose the time, you keep the guy waiting for his random chance. Just projecting myself into their husbands head, I probably would make sure I got my own first after waiting that long and then see what I could do for her on the second if it was possible. If you are going to take charge of the bedroom scheduling then sure surely you have a game plan that involves dragging his wait out just a little longer and getting him to go down and give you one first.

There are drivers and navigators, but don't just be a passenger on the love bus.

This is a good point. Some women give their partners' an orgasm in hopes that he will do something nice in return...like be caring enough to help them to one. BUT some men tend to run out of steam after orgasm, so it is best to have to woman cum first, maybe 2nd and 3rd,...then direct their attention to their husband. It may take some time and training but it is well worth it.

ES

 

[jackstud]

Depends on the Partner. With Willingtobeused after I cum on her face I just bitch slap her. Kick her out of my bed. With others I care

 

[newhere2learn]

Personally, and maybe it's an ego thing, I take great pleasure in making my partner cum. I find that to be a major part of the arousal for me.

Likewise. Especially not using my cock..fingers or tongue, much better.

Can watch the woman in question really enjoy what I'm doing.

 

[eroticspank]

Depends on the Partner. With Willingtobeused after I cum on her face I just bitch slap her. Kick her out of my bed. With others I care

Actually I know some women like men who fuck them with no regard to their orgasm. It is that whole, "being used for his pleasure" fantasy. Plus, I am told there is a certain amount of power in it. The man is pounding away inside her, his eyes barely open, just one thought in his head, emptying his load as deep and fast as possible. To be wanted like that is a turn on to some ladies, even if after he is done he passes out or walks away. The shared violence and raw intensity of the moment is enough.

I saw another thread recently where a woman describes how she has this major turn on to get on top and ride a man to her own orgasm with no care at all if the man cums. I can see how being under a woman like that and watching her go would be a major turn on for me. I know several men who also said they would enjoy it. Would I like it all the time? No, but I can see how it would be a turn on for some.

ES

 

[Smoothshavendad]

Giving my partner pleasure gives me pleasure

 

[Paradox]

I absolutely care. To me, it is more important that she cums than that I do.