Humiliation?

^^^
Works for me.
Now is just a question of wher to go?

love to be humiliated...feel free to message me

_Necrosomantic_ said:

I agree, I was thinking that someone else may have pictures of you and they show them to whomever they want, while you are helpless to stop it. That could be considered a mild form of humiliation, depending on the response. But showing them yourself is more exhibitionism.

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When one of my pictures was reposted on a thread, it felt bad since I gave no permission but also dangerously attractive. More than when I post a picture myself.

Humiliation is the big one for me also, but it has to be well thought out mental humiliation for me. Something linked to real life, something that I might do or say in the heat of the moment but when I'm calmed down after, it's still going to be there something I or the guy subjecting me to it won't forget and I'm sure he will enjoy reminding me over and over.

So yes for me humiation is a very powerful tool and will get me into that head space quicker and better than anything else, but you have to make it mental and real which means getting to know me and about me.

Miasorrow said:

When one of my pictures was reposted on a thread, it felt bad since I gave no permission but also dangerously attractive. More than when I post a picture myself.

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So, which side of the fence does " dangerously attractive " reside on?

sallyuksub said:

Humiliation is the big one for me also, but it has to be well thought out mental humiliation for me. Something linked to real life, something that I might do or say in the heat of the moment but when I'm calmed down after, it's still going to be there something I or the guy subjecting me to it won't forget and I'm sure he will enjoy reminding me over and over.

So yes for me humiation is a very powerful tool and will get me into that head space quicker and better than anything else, but you have to make it mental and real which means getting to know me and about me.

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This is exactly the kind of mindset I look for, the physical is tangible and fades. But on an emotional/intellectual level, things tend to be so much more intense and lasting. Well put!

sallyuksub said:

Humiliation is the big one for me also, but it has to be well thought out mental humiliation for me. Something linked to real life, something that I might do or say in the heat of the moment but when I'm calmed down after, it's still going to be there something I or the guy subjecting me to it won't forget and I'm sure he will enjoy reminding me over and over.

So yes for me humiliation is a very powerful tool and will get me into that head space quicker and better than anything else, but you have to make it mental and real which means getting to know me and about me.

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I like this a lot. Very well said. There's something amazing about a guy who wants to crawl up in your head and mess around with your fears or insecurities or even just day to day stuff that can throw me off guard. I like being in that uncertain place. Not uncertain about the relationship but in what way you'll keep me in that aroused mindset. In a way, closer to you. (Is that a song?)

I posted something in another thread about casual degradation - reposting because.... hot.

As a Dom, I think that humiliation is a tool to be used lightly and judisciously. For instance, it can be used to help a submissive understand that, yes, the Dom is in control and in charge. That's part of the Dom/Sub relationship.

On the other hand, it's important to know that over using this tool is something that can cause a serious problem between a Dom and their submissive. A submissive should know that the Dom isn't out to destroy them, but rather to build the submissives confidence in their role as the submissive. Over use of the humiliation tool is counterproductive to this goal. And, with every sub being subtly (or in some cases not so subtly) different, then this emphasises the need for a deft hand.

Lord Johnny

To enable PMs

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A couple of months ago, I went out for dinner with my gf. After dinner we sat on the terrace outside the restaurant. We fell into conversation with two guys in their mid 20's whom she flirted with. As we left the restaurant I told her to go to the toilet and take her panties off. As we passed the terrace on our way to the car, I told her to hand them to the two guys. She was reluctant at first but gave way to my Dom side as we drove away I slipped a finger into her pussy to find her dripping wet. It was a massive turn on for us both and I made her pay for being a slut once home.

Lord_Johnny said:

As a Dom, I think that humiliation is a tool to be used lightly and judisciously. For instance, it can be used to help a submissive understand that, yes, the Dom is in control and in charge. That's part of the Dom/Sub relationship.

On the other hand, it's important to know that over using this tool is something that can cause a serious problem between a Dom and their submissive. A submissive should know that the Dom isn't out to destroy them, but rather to build the submissives confidence in their role as the submissive. Over use of the humiliation tool is counterproductive to this goal. And, with every sub being subtly (or in some cases not so subtly) different, then this emphasises the need for a deft hand.

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*like*

D(.)(.)

Tallcajun said:

I once spent the weekend with a woman in the French Quarter. She had brought along a stunning red dress and we were going to go to a high end resteraunt for the night. Her breast were small, but firm. I told her no bra.
The dress ended just above her knees. The front collar of the dress came just below the collar bone. The back made a deep V exposing her back to around the middle of her back.

Just before we were ready to go, I had her remove the dress and wear it backwards, giving a lovely frontal V. Truly sexy. She balked at first, but was always willing to push the envelope. Incredibly sexy. You could feel the eyes on her as we walked into that resteraunt. She later said how turned on she was while walking thru the crowd.

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I've been told to do that in the French Quarter and other places. I wasn't humiliated, I was thrilled to do it.

Stag of Oberon said:

If a sub's whole drive for submitting is deemed a punishment, there has been some severe miscommunication at best.

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So, I'm pretty sure there is a miscommunication between us. It seems that you are attempting to say that I was attempting to say that humiliation is a punishment only. Now hear me. I'm not saying that *is* what you're saying, only that that seems as if what you're saying.

Now, I would agree that humiliation can be a form of discipline. On the other hand, discipline needs to be unpleasant for it to be truly effective. Hence the comment about every Submissive being different which requires a deft hand. If a submissive enjoys being humiliated, then, as pointed out, it would not be a discipline, it would be a reward.
Further, I said nothing about it being soley a punishment, and as in the previous paragraph, I mentioned that it would be, for some, a reward, so that wouldn't really be counter productive in an of itself. This reinforces my point about there being a need for a deft hand, rather than taking away from it.
Now, all of that being said, humiliation, whether discipline or not, does not negate that it, by default, is going to establish a social hierarchy. The one being humiliated is in a diminished social position, and the one who is doing the humiliation is in an elevated social position. For some, this is the ideal situation. However, it is still helping establish the understanding of the proper order of authority.


Now, if this isn't what you intended to say, then would you kindly provide a clarification. Either way, I look forward to a congenial conversation.

^^^^ It is not my intention to act in the role of "fan girl", but I would like to say, Lord Johnny, that you seemed clear enough to me the first time on this point and your follow up was both additionally clarifying to your original post and edifying on this point of needing to tailor this stuff very carefully or "deftly" to the person you are with.
Discipline may or may not be an element of a D/s relationship, but in those that it is, it can be tricky to determine what the right punishment might be. So many things that might objectively seem like they would be effective are actually desirable activities for the sub in question.
And humiliation is further complicated in that it can both be deeply arousing if done just right...OR if handled badly can be terribly damaging to the psyche of the person you are ultimately wanting to make feel "good", feel adored and loved and happy.

IN response to the original question regarding humiliation as your primary fetish or kink...

I've struggled with this for a few years as my fantasies tend to drift to the humiliation and degradation both physically and emotionally of my partner. I've run the spectrum of thoughts ranging from humiliation is part of how I feel and communicate intimacy to "I'm fucked up and this is all wrong".

There is little that "excites me" and "makes me feel alive" than creative, demanding and pointed humiliation of someone. The amount of suffering they endure for me is directly proportional to the amount of "love or affection" I feel from them.

I hope I am not alone in this as my need is genuine and my appetite is insatiable in this regard.

Of course there are other kinks: Control, discipline, spanking, femininity and domestic service to name a few.

Fairly long post.

Okay, so having warned everyone of this being a fairly long post here we go.

Starting with Cascadia: Well, if you'd like the position of fangirl, It's open as far as I am aware. That being said, there's an application process as well.

Stag MSG1: I appreciate the fact that you're also willing to help with any miscommunication. I hope I am not coming off as condescending, as I have a habit of becoming formal when discussing things from an opposing viewpoint in an attempt to reduce colloquial sayings. I have found that as much as this helps convey concwpts, it has at times also been seen as stiff and arrogant. This is not my intention, I assure you.

In regards to whether it should be used sparingly, or not, I put the "deftly" in there as a qualifier for this statement. I think that, for those who do not desire large amounts of humiliation, then yes it is to be used sparingly. For those that do desire it, less sparingly is appropriate. Hence the use of the word judiciously in that sentence. It is the duty of a Dom to make sure the needs of their submissive are met. Thus, it is our part to get to know and understand our submissive needs, and provide accordingly.

I do agree that no one Dom is going to appeal to all Submissives, which was the hardest lesson for me to learn. However, all Dominants have some basic duties to their sibmissives. Learning the needs of those that come to them is something that say, in thr most emphatic ways possible, applies to all Doms. The needs may be different (and nothing wrong with that), but the fact remains it's still the duty of the Dom to learn them. This is an inclusive rather than exclusive position. Thus, we see the use of the phrase "as a Dom", because I am experienced enough (or if you would prefer it, mature enough) in being a Dominant that at least a few of the Duties of being a Dominant are known to me.

To your final point about emphasis on interests that are against the (Dare I say) mainstream of the BDSM or any other deviancy (as opposed to vanilla, which for those who enjoy that, all the power to them); I would agree that there was some unintentional brining in of preconceptions of what I meant. I specifically mentioned enough qualifiers to not have a generalization, and specifically mentioned that each submissive is different, with would have the following connotation of different needs. That being said, I am not in a position of objection. Rather, I am glad someone is looking out for the needs of the Submissive. This is appropriate. As they say, "No harm, no foul."

Stag MSG2: No sir, I do not mean punishment. Punishment is designed to be applied in anger as a measure of displeasure, and is designed to break something down. Discipline, while capable of being administered in anger and having the same immediate form, is done to correct in kindness. It is still unpleasant, but is for the good and growth of the disciplined. I have had to punish a submissive before, and I don't like it. I much rather discipline.
This, however, is why I said it is unpleasant. Taking correction isn't an easy thing, because for there to be a lasting impression it must take an unpleasant form, but it also helps to correct improper behavior to avoid future mistakes. This is also part of why I distinguished that there are many forms of discipline. Just as each submissive is different, so must their discipline be different as well as what they consider rewards will be sifferent.
There must be, because each submissive is different. If I am humiliating a submissive that dislikes humiliation , this is not a reward, because they dislike it. However, if they like humiliation, then this is giving them something like enjoy. This is not and cannot be discipline. It is only reward.
Now, as for the "cringe" this goes back to my first post. A "judicious" and "deft" hand will avoid causing a "cringe". As stated in that first post, not being able to understand the needs of the submissive will only lead to an issue between the two. Abuse is not acceptable. For those that like it rough, that's fine, but note my previous statements about this being a case of reward. If it's reward, it's not abuse.

Now, onto catharsis. I agree. In a proper relationship, there is catharsis. That's part of discipline. Discipline is for the good of those that have strayed from the proper path. It not only helps them grow and learn, but it also is used to help correct bad behavior. Thus, the bad behavior is eliminated, and there is catharsis. It also shows that the one administering thr discipline cares enough to correct inappropriate behavior rather than merely ignoring it and letting the inappropriate behavior grow into an issue of its own.
Now, I will also say that I didn't say anything, in either of my poats, about a recurring debt to be paid for inappropriate behavior. It seems that you are attempting to correct that which I did not contend.

That being said, I agree it is slightly off topic, but only slightly so, as you are delving into the deeper issues that comprise the basic needs and duties of those in a Dominant/Submissive relationship. For this, I applaud you.

In response to Mr2Apprentice: I know you arent alone. Now, personally, I don't seem to have quite as much of a thrill as you seem to have, but I have a moderate amount. I enjoy (some) name calling, as well as a few other forms of degradation. Now, granted, I'm much more into the control and..corruption...if you will than just pure Humiliation and Degradation. That said, and as the OP shared, there are some who enjoy that, and together that makes a wonderful team. You're not alone.

*note:I'm on a cellphone. I ask that you ignore any typos, or point them out if they are truly horrendous so I can fix them

Stag of Oberon said:

I'm prone to correcting typos in quotes compulsively. I haven't caught myself doing it in years... so I think it's gotten better... but if it does happen I apologize profusely.

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This is the only one I'm going to reply to, as you insist upon putting your own understanding into the context of what I have said. Rather than turn this into an argument, be advised that I am disregarding your more bothersome comments.
That said, No, I put this in because I have large thumbs, and even with the large phone screen I have (Galaxy S5), my thumbs routinely hit buttons that I did not instruct them too. I assure you, I have no issue with you deciding to correct my spelling in such a case.

Stag, go on over to the 'drunk' thread.
Drinks are on me.

hi! I get the idea of limitations and I understand never go too far with someone-and obviously communication is the key. it just seems that we're over complicating things here-and ive been on both sides of the coin-ive humiliated and been humiliated-it's sorta fun-and as we I you know, sometimes folks fantasize about something but that doesn't mean they wanna do it-I hope everyone's well etc

Panty spanked

lonelyslave said:

when yr wearing yr gf's panties its just so hot

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Can't seem to shake wanting her to force me to wear her pink panties than having me lye over her knee to "blister your little butt", can get off just thinking of this when she starts ordering me around or giving me permission to do things.

I'm a cocksucker. I love the thrilling feeling of degradation and self abasement I experience each and every time I go down on my knees to take another man's cock into my mouth and suck on it until he ejaculates. I started out sucking off my best friend in high school who would lose no opportunity to humiliate me because of my chosen role as his cocksucker. I LOVED IT!! I still do.

amandastagg90 said:

Anyone into humiliation as their primary fetish? Don't get me wrong I love so many things, but nothing puts me over the edge like being degraded and humiliated in the most cruel and mean ways. Am I alone?

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What do you think about um a guy wanting to be pounded by a 8 inch strap on by a girl ?

Humiliation and its evil twin cousin, degradation, are two of my favorite things.

There is such a deep and intimate "fuck you" to everything that we build up as humans through humiliation. It sheds our egos, our id, and our pretending that we're all so much when in reality we're very much just insignificant specs... when you tear someone down to their base emotional self, and tell them that they're not good enough, or strong enough, or that they aren't worth enough (for anything), and watch them just collapse. That moment, when they just give up to it all, is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

The process of figuring out what it is that will get someone there is also such a rewarding art form for me. Often, it's just little bits and pieces that you glean through casual conversation. "I'm going to use that against you later" is always a promise for mutual pleasure, more than a threat... because not everyone gets off on humiliation, and I wouldn't have any interest in doing it to someone who doesn't get off by it... well, other than maybe my shitty neighbors, but that's a different story.

For me, emotional sadism is far more rewarding for me than purely physical sadism almost every time (and there are certainly exceptions), because there's such a delightful power in being able to destroy someone with nothing but your words, or through a few simple actions, coupled with a story that the recipient wants so desperately to run from.

richard_daily said:

Humiliation and its evil twin cousin, degradation, are two of my favorite things.

There is such a deep and intimate "fuck you" to everything that we build up as humans through humiliation. It sheds our egos, our id, and our pretending that we're all so much when in reality we're very much just insignificant specs... when you tear someone down to their base emotional self, and tell them that they're not good enough, or strong enough, or that they aren't worth enough (for anything), and watch them just collapse. That moment, when they just give up to it all, is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

The process of figuring out what it is that will get someone there is also such a rewarding art form for me. Often, it's just little bits and pieces that you glean through casual conversation. "I'm going to use that against you later" is always a promise for mutual pleasure, more than a threat... because not everyone gets off on humiliation, and I wouldn't have any interest in doing it to someone who doesn't get off by it... well, other than maybe my shitty neighbors, but that's a different story.

For me, emotional sadism is far more rewarding for me than purely physical sadism almost every time (and there are certainly exceptions), because there's such a delightful power in being able to destroy someone with nothing but your words, or through a few simple actions, coupled with a story that the recipient wants so desperately to run from.

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Holy cats, all of this!

Yesterday, in the Oral Servitude thread I wrote about being stripped of the pride I had in my awesome cock worshiping skills. The man I was with felt the same about pride and ego; these were the things that kept a girl from truly submitting.

Being humiliated and debased not only strips away that arrogance of self but - for me - it helps break down that "good girl" facade that keeps a wall around my willingness to leap joyfully in to the fire.

This stripping away creates a more humble and vulnerable place, which, in turn creates a space for my brain to say yes to genuine service.

As I've gotten older, the switch has flipped from appreciating physical pain to craving emotional pain. I love the mind-fuckery that someone puts in to making me get all twisted up in arousal and confusion. Crawl inside my brain, please! Shatter me in to 1000 pieces and help me put them back together in a different way. Your own personal puzzle.

There's a part of me that doesn't even want the traditional "stuff" of love anymore. I'd rather have a partner who listens, who finds arousal in my hot mess and figures out a way to use it for our mutual pleasure/benefit later.

Don't bring me flowers. Or do but make me spread my ass cheeks as you use my ass for a vase, slowly sliding each stem in as you tell me about your day.

I brought you a few flowers carnation :

cookiecat said:

Holy cats, all of this!
Don't bring me flowers. Or do but make me spread my ass cheeks as you use my ass for a vase, slowly sliding each stem in as you tell me about your day.

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AlbertShufflebottom said:

I brought you a few flowers carnation :

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hahaha! Perfect.