I'm pretty new to the Literotica world but have been interested in some areas of kink/fetish for years. I was mostly a lurker on Fetlife for awhile, and was an early adopter of Feeld back when hardly anybody used it. I consider myself someone who dabbles in this world; someone who's pretty open-minded and mostly taboo-free but I'm not an expert and I definitely shy away from using super specific labels to express my sexuality other than cishet. Some days I feel more submissive, others I feel more dominant. Most of my relationships and sexual experiences still remain pretty vanilla. But I like the self-expressive side of sex and the idea I can dive into society's sexual taboos in a safe and positive manner with like-minded people.
But I wanted to vent a bit about what I don't like about this world, and see if some of my frustrations resonate with anyone. I'm also open to being wrong, or maybe just misunderstanding some things. Perhaps I'll learn something from putting my thoughts out there?
I think my primary frustration is the overwhelming amount of submissive heterosexual women who are actually seeking service tops, or are mostly seeking to top from the bottom. This is quite common on Feeld. To be clear, there's nothing actually wrong with seeking that. Topping from the bottom is a perfectly fine thing to do/seek. But the manner in which it is expressed or explained almost always leaves out the part about how the Dom is actually only there to fulfill her needs as opposed to his own. Additionally, the Dom she seeks is always "experienced" which makes the dating profile look more like a job listing.
Related to this is an additional frustration I have around American society, but can apply to many cultures, that stigmatizes sex work. When I read a woman's profile who seeks an experienced Dom with all sorts of specific capabilities, I can't help but think she should probably pay for that. But she won't because unlike getting gagged or spanked, she sees paying for sex as beyond the pale, or perhaps only for desperate incels.
As someone who's recently become more interested in a BDSM type of relationship, I find it rare to see a submissive woman centering a desire to serve, please, or be lead. Most often it's merely a roleplay she seeks, where she can let go of her usual (and often Type-A) self and perform something that if it wasn't a just a game or acting, she would find reprehensible.
Maybe there's a selection bias in my sample. Maybe the women on apps are more inclined to be assertive about their wants, and truly submissive types wouldn't put that out there?
But I wanted to vent a bit about what I don't like about this world, and see if some of my frustrations resonate with anyone. I'm also open to being wrong, or maybe just misunderstanding some things. Perhaps I'll learn something from putting my thoughts out there?
I think my primary frustration is the overwhelming amount of submissive heterosexual women who are actually seeking service tops, or are mostly seeking to top from the bottom. This is quite common on Feeld. To be clear, there's nothing actually wrong with seeking that. Topping from the bottom is a perfectly fine thing to do/seek. But the manner in which it is expressed or explained almost always leaves out the part about how the Dom is actually only there to fulfill her needs as opposed to his own. Additionally, the Dom she seeks is always "experienced" which makes the dating profile look more like a job listing.
Related to this is an additional frustration I have around American society, but can apply to many cultures, that stigmatizes sex work. When I read a woman's profile who seeks an experienced Dom with all sorts of specific capabilities, I can't help but think she should probably pay for that. But she won't because unlike getting gagged or spanked, she sees paying for sex as beyond the pale, or perhaps only for desperate incels.
As someone who's recently become more interested in a BDSM type of relationship, I find it rare to see a submissive woman centering a desire to serve, please, or be lead. Most often it's merely a roleplay she seeks, where she can let go of her usual (and often Type-A) self and perform something that if it wasn't a just a game or acting, she would find reprehensible.
Maybe there's a selection bias in my sample. Maybe the women on apps are more inclined to be assertive about their wants, and truly submissive types wouldn't put that out there?
