Newbie question about/for submissive women

[PenumbralVision]

Hello everyone

I'm fairly new in the kinky community and very much into CMNF and Soft/Sensual Dominance. I wanted to ask what submissive women are looking for in a dominant man. What makes a good dom in your opinion?

Thanks <3

PS: I'm aware of the fact that there's a plethora of guides online, but I wanted to ask about personal opinions, I hope that's okay.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I am a submissive female. I've always sought out men who are a little intimidating, and confident for sure! A man who knows who he is, and someone I'm shy around, because I'm not normally shy..a guy who takes initiative.

 

[feathersns]

For me, gender doesn’t matter, but it is my criteria for men:

Someone who…
…will actually talk with you first. They’re willing to share about who they are, find out who you are, and not jump into do this, do that, be my sub, etc. …Like do they mesh with you as a person?
…starts slow once you do get into play; they shouldn’t be walloping the crap out of you
…asks for your limits. For kinks if you don’t know or aren’t sure, talks them through with you - not to convince you, but to actually give information or help you find information (you should do your own research too)
…is easy to talk to. You’re going to have to communicate with this person A LOT.
…talks respectfully about prior relationships, experiences, or subs (note that this doesn’t mean they have to gush about them but
…can make an I statement
…is willing to learn something new (idk, it freaks me out that they won’t know that they should find info about a new scene etc.)
…talks openly about safety
…did I mention communicates WITH you?
…makes sure you have enough space to listen to your gut, esp at the start and each new “level” of your relationship
…encourages you to do healthy things for yourself and supports your goals in life, not just as a sub.

 

[PenumbralVision]

Thanks for your answers

 

[IrisAlthea]

First a reminder that not everyone into power exchange identifies as a submissive or a dominant.

That said, I would want the same things I would look for in a partner in general:

Someone

• I consider a decent human being - integrity and values.
• I enjoy spending time with and vice versa.
• who can both take himself seriously and laugh at himself.
• who takes an interest in a wide variety of subjects.
• who has my best interest at heart.

Extra important for someone who gets to exert power, but also for partners in general:

Someone

• who is able to regulate their emotions and is able to control the way they express them.
• who is intent on being self-aware and honest with himself about motivations and emotions.

For someone to be dominant in a relationship with me, they need to:

• want to be dominant.
• feel comfortable in that role with me, without either of us having to contort or posture to an unreasonable extent.
• be willing and able to do the work necessary for risk aware and informed consent.
• be willing to do the work to minimize negative outcome and to deal with negative outcome to his best ability and it is when it happens, not if it happens.