I found this post on another site by a FLR lifestyle person who has been very helpful to me her tag is Ms Verijaa on Fet.
I thought I would share here:
How to appear more attractive to Domme/Dominas
Be the best you that you can be. Good advice for everybody, but in a sub's case, it is possible to slant your self-improvement toward prioritizing your interests a little more toward those that might be of interest or service to another. As somebody above said, that does NOT mean you have to learn things you hate. But if you have a choice between learning more about two things you like, you may decide in favor of the more useful or other-focused interest. The point is to keep developing yourself, which again goes for everybody, but also to think seriously about what kind of sub you want to be, why, and how you can develop that.
Learn about BDSM and D/s for yourself. It's your interest. Do not expect the first dominant you meet to have to teach you everything you can learn by reading for yourself, going to classes and demos, meeting people, and exploring. There are many references easily available from many sources. If you're serious about this, put some real time into real research and learn about it seriously. If it could mean your life, your relationship, your health, your body, is it not worth that? Or are you not really serious? Even play can have very serious consequences, you should take it seriously. A responsible Mistress will have, and you have the right to expect that.
Having said that, it's okay to be new and honest about that and in the process of learning. It's not like learning stops, and every single one of us was new once and is still new to something or other. Just be honest about it. Do NOT claim experience and knowledge you do not have. And do not confuse online experience with meat world experience. Both are real, but are not at all the same things. Do not confuse porn or erotic stories with knowledge. It isn't. Be honest.
It can't be said enough, present yourself as a whole person. Yes, kink compatibility is important, but it's part of the package. Don't forget the rest. Don't lead with the kink. Be a whole person. Show interest in the other person as a whole individual person. We are not fetish providers. Don't present yourself as somebody who is just looking for one.
That includes your avatar. Do not present yourself as a dick or an ass or a stolen porn pic of your favorite fetish. Show a little personality. Look at other avatars, there are nearly unlimited options, just not those. Put whatever you want in your gallery, but think of your avatar as your hand-shake offered to everybody on the site, including those who are incredibly NOT compatible, but might be participating in a discussion thread with you.
Do not expect any dominant to act dominant toward you. And you do not have to accept it if they do. There is no D/s until both parties agree there is D/s. Submissives do not submit to everybody or anybody, and dominants get to consent, too. Do not drop to your knees in front of random women, even in emails. Do not use random titles to somebody who isn't using them for herself. Do not assume anybody has to act any particular way to show their subbiness or domliness. We aren't here to put on a show, and we don't expect one from you. Most of us. Those who do should be aware they need to ask for what they want. If they demand it out the gate, well, it's up to you but I'd take a good hard look at that.
Be honest about what you're looking for. If it's online play, that's okay, but say that. If you want to serve for a while to see how it feels and are looking for somebody who would enjoy an exploration relationship, say that. If you want a once a month weekend fling, say that. If you say you want a full time meat-world relationship, then be serious when you say that.
Treat it as a relationship. Get to know somebody and expect them to get to know you the same way you would any other relationship. Even a casual relationship is a relationship. Be yourself, as you are every single day. A D/s relationship isn't going to change who you are, your habits, opinions, problems, issues, sense of humor, or any of that stuff. You'll still be you, and you'll need to be compatible with her. If you're pretending to be a fantasy you, it won't last, and it won't work.
I thought I would share here:
How to appear more attractive to Domme/Dominas
Be the best you that you can be. Good advice for everybody, but in a sub's case, it is possible to slant your self-improvement toward prioritizing your interests a little more toward those that might be of interest or service to another. As somebody above said, that does NOT mean you have to learn things you hate. But if you have a choice between learning more about two things you like, you may decide in favor of the more useful or other-focused interest. The point is to keep developing yourself, which again goes for everybody, but also to think seriously about what kind of sub you want to be, why, and how you can develop that.
Learn about BDSM and D/s for yourself. It's your interest. Do not expect the first dominant you meet to have to teach you everything you can learn by reading for yourself, going to classes and demos, meeting people, and exploring. There are many references easily available from many sources. If you're serious about this, put some real time into real research and learn about it seriously. If it could mean your life, your relationship, your health, your body, is it not worth that? Or are you not really serious? Even play can have very serious consequences, you should take it seriously. A responsible Mistress will have, and you have the right to expect that.
Having said that, it's okay to be new and honest about that and in the process of learning. It's not like learning stops, and every single one of us was new once and is still new to something or other. Just be honest about it. Do NOT claim experience and knowledge you do not have. And do not confuse online experience with meat world experience. Both are real, but are not at all the same things. Do not confuse porn or erotic stories with knowledge. It isn't. Be honest.
It can't be said enough, present yourself as a whole person. Yes, kink compatibility is important, but it's part of the package. Don't forget the rest. Don't lead with the kink. Be a whole person. Show interest in the other person as a whole individual person. We are not fetish providers. Don't present yourself as somebody who is just looking for one.
That includes your avatar. Do not present yourself as a dick or an ass or a stolen porn pic of your favorite fetish. Show a little personality. Look at other avatars, there are nearly unlimited options, just not those. Put whatever you want in your gallery, but think of your avatar as your hand-shake offered to everybody on the site, including those who are incredibly NOT compatible, but might be participating in a discussion thread with you.
Do not expect any dominant to act dominant toward you. And you do not have to accept it if they do. There is no D/s until both parties agree there is D/s. Submissives do not submit to everybody or anybody, and dominants get to consent, too. Do not drop to your knees in front of random women, even in emails. Do not use random titles to somebody who isn't using them for herself. Do not assume anybody has to act any particular way to show their subbiness or domliness. We aren't here to put on a show, and we don't expect one from you. Most of us. Those who do should be aware they need to ask for what they want. If they demand it out the gate, well, it's up to you but I'd take a good hard look at that.
Be honest about what you're looking for. If it's online play, that's okay, but say that. If you want to serve for a while to see how it feels and are looking for somebody who would enjoy an exploration relationship, say that. If you want a once a month weekend fling, say that. If you say you want a full time meat-world relationship, then be serious when you say that.
Treat it as a relationship. Get to know somebody and expect them to get to know you the same way you would any other relationship. Even a casual relationship is a relationship. Be yourself, as you are every single day. A D/s relationship isn't going to change who you are, your habits, opinions, problems, issues, sense of humor, or any of that stuff. You'll still be you, and you'll need to be compatible with her. If you're pretending to be a fantasy you, it won't last, and it won't work.
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