How do I get a reluctant lady to open up and share her fantasies?

Are there any ladies (gents, too) who have any ideas about how to go about persuading a reluctant lady to share her fantasies? Help is greatly appreciated as I think it will lead to deeper understanding and closeness.

I agree that the sharing of fantasies leads to a fuller understanding and closeness. I have a vivid fantasy life and sometimes assume everyone does. However, the truth is, some people simply do not spend much time in sexual fantasy-land.

With that said, I have found that erotic stories can open up a conversation. Maybe you could "expose" yourself a little by sending her a story that arouses you...and the hope is that she might return the favor. Thus, it's not really putting her in an embarrassing position of exposure since it's just a story. And I do think one needs to remember that often we don't share our kinky desires (fantasies) out of the fear of nonacceptance by others...resulting in embarrassment, etc.

Hope you come up with some way to help her be more free to explore...

Booze

RedRyder50 said:

Are there any ladies (gents, too) who have any ideas about how to go about persuading a reluctant lady to share her fantasies? Help is greatly appreciated as I think it will lead to deeper understanding and closeness.

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The previous answer is a good one. Alcohol is a great social and sexual lubricant.

But this is a dangerous area because everyone is so different. Some women seem to not have any fantasies and if pressed will get offended (I think that's very sad but I know women like that). A Lot of women believe acknowledging sexual passion or fantasies makes them a slut and they won't do it even if they have them. Plus, if she's really uptight, your sharing of a fantasy may offend her or make her withdraw from you. In other words, it's up to you how to proceed because we are all distinct in our hangups and personalities. But I hope it works out for you.

yukonnights said:

I agree that the sharing of fantasies leads to a fuller understanding and closeness. I have a vivid fantasy life and sometimes assume everyone does. However, the truth is, some people simply do not spend much time in sexual fantasy-land.

With that said, I have found that erotic stories can open up a conversation. Maybe you could "expose" yourself a little by sending her a story that arouses you...and the hope is that she might return the favor. Thus, it's not really putting her in an embarrassing position of exposure since it's just a story. And I do think one needs to remember that often we don't share our kinky desires (fantasies) out of the fear of nonacceptance by others...resulting in embarrassment, etc.

Hope you come up with some way to help her be more free to explore...

Click to expand...

Thank you so much for your well written reply. I have tried this approach, but I think I will try it again with renewed energy. I think you are right, however, that now everyone has as rich an imagination as I do. Thank you again for helping me.

yukonnights said:

I agree that the sharing of fantasies leads to a fuller understanding and closeness. I have a vivid fantasy life and sometimes assume everyone does. However, the truth is, some people simply do not spend much time in sexual fantasy-land.

With that said, I have found that erotic stories can open up a conversation. Maybe you could "expose" yourself a little by sending her a story that arouses you...and the hope is that she might return the favor. Thus, it's not really putting her in an embarrassing position of exposure since it's just a story. And I do think one needs to remember that often we don't share our kinky desires (fantasies) out of the fear of nonacceptance by others...resulting in embarrassment, etc.

Hope you come up with some way to help her be more free to explore...

Click to expand...

CharityLynn said:

The previous answer is a good one. Alcohol is a great social and sexual lubricant.

But this is a dangerous area because everyone is so different. Some women seem to not have any fantasies and if pressed will get offended (I think that's very sad but I know women like that). A Lot of women believe acknowledging sexual passion or fantasies makes them a slut and they won't do it even if they have them. Plus, if she's really uptight, your sharing of a fantasy may offend her or make her withdraw from you. In other words, it's up to you how to proceed because we are all distinct in our hangups and personalities. But I hope it works out for you.

Click to expand...

Charity, thank you for responding. I hear you loud and clear. After trying so many things, I think what you say about not having or not wanting to admit fantasies may be the case. I will try the story angle again. If that fails, I guess i will have to give up.
Thank you again for your response.

I bought another Kindle and gave it to my lover, then shared erotica that way. Led to some good times and stimulating conversations.

Not easy

RedRyder50 said:

Are there any ladies (gents, too) who have any ideas about how to go about persuading a reluctant lady to share her fantasies? Help is greatly appreciated as I think it will lead to deeper understanding and closeness.

Click to expand...

Wine helps. Take her out and watch people flirt and dance. Comment on it, and on how they look. Look at people and ask her if she thinks they are hot. And, ask her why she is hiding her thoughts when she is SOOOOO interesting.

One way is to do it in writing. Like get her to write them down on paper when you are away and in a stress-free environment.

The other way is bargain. What you bargain with is up to you, but generally sharing your fantasies is a good one.
Share one of your "strange" fantasies, stressing that it's a fantasy and you wouldn't do that in reality (or not to the extent of the fantasy, at least). This helps to establish that whatever she may share with you - you will not ridicule her for, which is the deepest and darkest fear of sharing fantasies in the first place.

In any case trust is important. Trust that you will not love at her and will not hate her for whatever she says. Having an image of an open-minded person helps a lot.
For example if you are known to aggresively criticize fetishes or things like gay relationships, or just some strange things people do/wear/say - it will be hard to her to open up. Because if you criticize those things, you may criticize her.
On the other hand, if she knows that you are open-minded and good-natured towards other people's quirks, it will be much easier, because she'll be confident in your reaction. If you are the first type, maybe it's time to change and stop laughing at other people's oddities, not matter how much you don't like them?

One thing you should be aware of is that not everyone have a lot of kinky fantasies to begin with. Some fantasize about vanilla stuff, and never imagine themselves being tied up even.

As others have said, some women claim not to have any fantasies and others have great difficulty admitting them. A straightforward question to either of these groups is sure to run into a brick wall.

Fifty Shades of Grey has sold millions of copies and has now spawned two films. Very few people can't have heard of it. Why not use it as a way into the subject?

Ask her if she's read it. Say that you'd never realised how many women have fantasies until all the hoo-ha broke over it - that makes fantasies sound like nothing to be ashamed of. Make a joke of it - there was apparently a mini baby-boom nine moths after the film came out. Be very careful, though, not to knock any fantasies – for all you know, the one you make fun of is her particular thing. Ask her if there were any bits of the book/film that resonated with her.

If she hasn't read the book or seen the film, leave a copy out where she can't miss it. If you talk about it I'm sure she'll soon be itching to borrow it. Then when she returns it you can start discussing it.

If you're asking because you want to 'expand your repertoire', as it were, but are finding it difficult to discuss what activities might be a good choice, the you could try http://mojoupgrade.com/.

It's a questionnaire you both complete, one after the other or on two computers, asking about different acts and activities. You say whether you already do them, want to do them, want to do them only if your partner is interested, don't want to do them. The clever part, and the reason why it works, is that it doesn't show your partner your answers or vice versa, rather at the end it shows you activities where your interests coincide.

So if I say I want to fuck outside if you want to, but you say you don't want to fuck outside, it doesn't mention fucking outside in the results and my 'secret' is safe. If you say you want to use toys if I do and I say I want to use toys, then toys are in the results and we can start looking at dildos

I would like to sincerely thank those who have given me such great ideas here. I am instigating a plan to include all your good advise. Again, many thanks!

roc23 said:

Booze

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Could not agree more, this is exactly how my wife and I discovered we both had a pissing fetish. We were quite drunk and getting really turned on, I then confessed I wanted to watch her pee. She did it for me there and then after admitting she was into it too.

Her with a hard much young cock

My wife don't like to talk about it , I feel she gets embarrassed. BUT I can get her into it at times, about my sons friend.

twister947 said:

I bought another Kindle and gave it to my lover, then shared erotica that way. Led to some good times and stimulating conversations.

Click to expand...

I'm trying that. Hope it works for me

Thank you for the input. Great quiz

numeniusa said:

If you're asking because you want to 'expand your repertoire', as it were, but are finding it difficult to discuss what activities might be a good choice, the you could try http://mojoupgrade.com/.

It's a questionnaire you both complete, one after the other or on two computers, asking about different acts and activities. You say whether you already do them, want to do them, want to do them only if your partner is interested, don't want to do them. The clever part, and the reason why it works, is that it doesn't show your partner your answers or vice versa, rather at the end it shows you activities where your interests coincide.

So if I say I want to fuck outside if you want to, but you say you don't want to fuck outside, it doesn't mention fucking outside in the results and my 'secret' is safe. If you say you want to use toys if I do and I say I want to use toys, then toys are in the results and we can start looking at dildos

Click to expand...

Thank you SO MUCH for telling me about this quiz. I tried it out and found out some things I think will help.