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Humiliation?

Iamsubmissive said:
Not sure exactly what humiliation is. I guess it's different for different people. Or maybe it's the setting that makes a particular thing be humiliating. So it's hard for me to answer. Most of the examples I've read here don't really seem humiliating to me. Being called filthy names could be a turn on in the heat of the moment, but probably would be humiliating if done in front of others. I enjoy crawling or being led by a leash when I'm doing it to please my Master but would hate it if forced to do it by someone else. Cum all over my face? For my Master, yes please. A bunch of other guys doing it at a play party? No way! So I can't really say if I enjoy humiliation. I enjoy pleasing my Master, therefore nothing feels humiliating in that setting. I love anything and everything he chooses to do to me and for me. Those same things I would hate if done by anyone else.
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I have only read the last couple of pages of the thread, so forgive me if this has been covered before- but isn't there a zone in which you, in your 'complete submission' that you mention in another post, might be required to have a bunch of guys at a play party cum all over your face- by your master? I am not asking about the actual likelihood of this, but about it's place in your schema- because you have both the element of obedience to please your master, and something that you would not in anyway enjoy under other circumstances. It seems to me that such an event would represent perhaps a new level of loss of control for you, in a situation in which you may be judged harshly by others, which are perhaps the most crucial elements of humiliation- but at the same time you're fulfilling your (I assume) desired roled as an obedient submissive at your master's behest. I can see a kind of recursive cascade of pride/humiliation/pride/humiliation trying to resolve these elements, and I've seen this kind of turmoil be very arousing for some people. I think the collision of such contradictory elements in a sexual context is what makes it so powerful.
 
DrDelirium said:
I have only read the last couple of pages of the thread, so forgive me if this has been covered before- but isn't there a zone in which you, in your 'complete submission' that you mention in another post, might be required to have a bunch of guys at a play party cum all over your face- by your master? I am not asking about the actual likelihood of this, but about it's place in your schema- because you have both the element of obedience to please your master, and something that you would not in anyway enjoy under other circumstances. It seems to me that such an event would represent perhaps a new level of loss of control for you, in a situation in which you may be judged harshly by others, which are perhaps the most crucial elements of humiliation- but at the same time you're fulfilling your (I assume) desired roled as an obedient submissive at your master's behest. I can see a kind of recursive cascade of pride/humiliation/pride/humiliation trying to resolve these elements, and I've seen this kind of turmoil be very arousing for some people. I think the collision of such contradictory elements in a sexual context is what makes it so powerful.
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Ugh...Everytime I give up on trying to understand humiliation someone pulls me back in...thanks! ;)

Anyway, the scenario you described sounds interesting. I could definitely see how that would work in the pride/humiliation/pride...way that you described. The likelihood of that happening is zero because, well...communicable diseases and such. Maybe a better example would be if my master had me on a leash and handed it over to someone else so he could watch me being obedient for someone else...being told to do something humiliating by someone not of my choosing but on my Master's orders? Still don't know if I would be 'humiliated' by it.

At first I thought I was missing the 'humiliation gene' so to speak, but I've decided that everyone has the potential to be humiliated...it's how you handle that humiliation that makes the difference. (I think...I still don't know honestly.) I can tell when something 'should' be humiliating. And maybe I could figure out a way to 'let' myself be humiliated by it, but I just...don't.

Good theory/example though...it's worth looking into more I guess.
 
Larkfield61 said:
This type of humiliation is more common than many people think, it is the basis of the dogging scene where wives or girlfriends are taken to locations where they are used by complete strangers, usually orally but increasingly it is for full sex. I have spoken to many women after a session and they all agree that the humiliation of being used like a common slut is a tremendous turn on. In the majority of cases these are women who from day to day are known as respectable women who their friends would never suspect that they live this parallel life.
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I remember talking with a woman who, some time ago, spent a few weeks on Lit and made quite a splash before leaving, apparently for career-related reasons.

Her fantasy was not "dogging" in a public setting but being given over, in private, to a group of people who would pass her around and essentially do what they wished with her, within the bounds of safety and reason (and consent, of course, although the idea was to create a situation where someone she trusted was in control so that she felt safe and could mostly concentrate on enjoying the experience). As I recall, she even liked the idea of being made to do things like crawling to people, begging for certain acts, and confessing that she was a whore.

Of course the above would constitute extreme objectification and, probably for most people, humiliation as well. But judging from conversations I've had over the years, I think there are any number of women (not to mention men) who would do this if they could be assured of being safe and coming out on the other side with no fear of long-term consequences like disease or harm to their reputations.
 
Blase said:
I remember talking with a woman who, some time ago, spent a few weeks on Lit and made quite a splash before leaving, apparently for career-related reasons.

Her fantasy was not "dogging" in a public setting but being given over, in private, to a group of people who would pass her around and essentially do what they wished with her, within the bounds of safety and reason (and consent, of course, although the idea was to create a situation where someone she trusted was in control so that she felt safe and could mostly concentrate on enjoying the experience). As I recall, she even liked the idea of being made to do things like crawling to people, begging for certain acts, and confessing that she was a whore.

Of course the above would constitute extreme objectification and, probably for most people, humiliation as well. But judging from conversations I've had over the years, I think there are any number of women (not to mention men) who would do this if they could be assured of being safe and coming out on the other side with no fear of long-term consequences like disease or harm to their reputations.
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I can see the appeal in this. I'm not quite sure i could do this myself... But i like to think i would like to get there eventually.

And I had a gf that we had talked about this to some degree. I wanted to take her out and used, she wanted it as well. But just never worked out. I did make her look for guys to fuck her on a dating site, but i think she was too nervous to go through with it.
 
LeinadVirgo said:
I did make her look for guys to fuck her on a dating site, but i think she was too nervous to go through with it.
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That, to me, would be an unacceptable degree of risk to expose a submissive to. Too many unknowns, and a situation that I couldn't control.
 
Blase said:
That, to me, would be an unacceptable degree of risk to expose a submissive to. Too many unknowns, and a situation that I couldn't control.
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Pushing her to flirt with guys was my goal. If it ever came to a point are she would go on a date, well it's the same risks as any blind /online date.

As for controlling variables, that's pretty easily arranged. Me and her girlfriend could have always met up at the same location before hand.

Either way, nothing happened so it was moot.
 
Blase said:
I remember talking with a woman who, some time ago, spent a few weeks on Lit and made quite a splash before leaving, apparently for career-related reasons.

Her fantasy was not "dogging" in a public setting but being given over, in private, to a group of people who would pass her around and essentially do what they wished with her, within the bounds of safety and reason (and consent, of course, although the idea was to create a situation where someone she trusted was in control so that she felt safe and could mostly concentrate on enjoying the experience). As I recall, she even liked the idea of being made to do things like crawling to people, begging for certain acts, and confessing that she was a whore.

Of course the above would constitute extreme objectification and, probably for most people, humiliation as well. But judging from conversations I've had over the years, I think there are any number of women (not to mention men) who would do this if they could be assured of being safe and coming out on the other side with no fear of long-term consequences like disease or harm to their reputations.
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Oh God I would LOVE that!
 
Blase said:
I remember talking with a woman who, some time ago, spent a few weeks on Lit and made quite a splash before leaving, apparently for career-related reasons.

Her fantasy was not "dogging" in a public setting but being given over, in private, to a group of people who would pass her around and essentially do what they wished with her, within the bounds of safety and reason (and consent, of course, although the idea was to create a situation where someone she trusted was in control so that she felt safe and could mostly concentrate on enjoying the experience). As I recall, she even liked the idea of being made to do things like crawling to people, begging for certain acts, and confessing that she was a whore.

Of course the above would constitute extreme objectification and, probably for most people, humiliation as well. But judging from conversations I've had over the years, I think there are any number of women (not to mention men) who would do this if they could be assured of being safe and coming out on the other side with no fear of long-term consequences like disease or harm to their reputations.
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As a youth, my introduction to sucking cock was with my best friend. What began as a reciprocal arrangement quickly degenerated into my agreeing to become his personal cocksucker, willing to give him blowjobs wherever and whenever he wanted. I voluntarily placed myself at his disposal and he responded by "using" me in an increasingly humiliating and degrading manner. I LOVED IT!!! He would threaten to tell all our friends I was "his" cocksucker, and I would be forced to service them also. My reputation would be irretrievably ruined! I was frightened to death he might actually carry out his threat, even as I would routinely masturbate to the thought that he would. I would envision myself on my knees, surrounded by all of our friends and sucking their cocks one after another. I even began looking forward to this scenario. Unfortunately, he never did tell them, but the prospect has fueled my appetite for humiliation and debasement to this day.
 
I do love it, esp verbal humiliation.
Always liked teasing but one day, years ago, a girlfriend walked over to me while I was helping with the dishes after a meal she cooked. She cupped my crotch and said, "How's my dick?"
My head exploded.
She wasn't meaning to humliate me but that was the door opening into the realization that I wanted to be hers, for my dick to be hers, and to hear her say she knew that I belonged to her and that was that. I still love that sort of thing. It's like an electric current through me. But it doesn't hurt---it thrills!
 
sterculius said:
As a youth, my introduction to sucking cock was with my best friend. What began as a reciprocal arrangement quickly degenerated into my agreeing to become his personal cocksucker, willing to give him blowjobs wherever and whenever he wanted. I voluntarily placed myself at his disposal and he responded by "using" me in an increasingly humiliating and degrading manner. I LOVED IT!!! He would threaten to tell all our friends I was "his" cocksucker, and I would be forced to service them also. My reputation would be irretrievably ruined! I was frightened to death he might actually carry out his threat, even as I would routinely masturbate to the thought that he would. I would envision myself on my knees, surrounded by all of our friends and sucking their cocks one after another. I even began looking forward to this scenario. Unfortunately, he never did tell them, but the prospect has fueled my appetite for humiliation and debasement to this day.
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That is such a hot story! I especially appreciate the line "I was frightened to death he might actually carry out his threat, even as I would routinely masturbate to the thought that he would." Your story is not mine, but that bit is very familiar to me.
 
IntrovertWantsOut said:
I do love it, esp verbal humiliation.
Always liked teasing but one day, years ago, a girlfriend walked over to me while I was helping with the dishes after a meal she cooked. She cupped my crotch and said, "How's my dick?"
My head exploded.
She wasn't meaning to humliate me but that was the door opening into the realization that I wanted to be hers, for my dick to be hers, and to hear her say she knew that I belonged to her and that was that. I still love that sort of thing. It's like an electric current through me. But it doesn't hurt---it thrills!
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I like this too. I never knew it until I watched a few videos with this in it as to how much of a turn on it is for me. I think it is submissive thing to turn your cock over to your girl. I am not sure if I would call it humiliation but I can see how it would be close or even lead to humiliation. Example: When she makes "her cock" cum, my orgasm is not as intense. It is like I am watching someone else cum. If her "cock" does not cum when she wants it too, squirt as far as she likes, etc; then I feel humiliated. If it does please her then I am happy.


ES
 
IntrovertWantsOut said:
I do love it, esp verbal humiliation.
Always liked teasing but one day, years ago, a girlfriend walked over to me while I was helping with the dishes after a meal she cooked. She cupped my crotch and said, "How's my dick?"
My head exploded.
She wasn't meaning to humliate me but that was the door opening into the realization that I wanted to be hers, for my dick to be hers, and to hear her say she knew that I belonged to her and that was that. I still love that sort of thing. It's like an electric current through me. But it doesn't hurt---it thrills!
Click to expand...

Personally, I wouldn't consider that kind of remark humiliating. I love to hear it as much as you do, but I see it as a statement that she values your sexuality enough to take ownership. It's a compliment, dude.
 
jackofthedawn said:
Personally, I wouldn't consider that kind of remark humiliating. I love to hear it as much as you do, but I see it as a statement that she values your sexuality enough to take ownership. It's a compliment, dude.
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I get that. But in that moment I realized---I had never thought this before---that I wanted to be hers. I wanted to belong to her. In a sense, that is great because I think she is wonderful and she has chosen me. In another sense, she is definitely leading the dance and I am good with that.

In a way, it's like reading a great book: you, the reader, submit to the ride, and the more you give---attention, emotional openness, intensity---the more rewarding it is.
 
Bumping because the subject came up elsewhere:

TANSTAAFL58 said:
I have a friend who craves humiliation and degradation. I don't get it. I tried it in a SRP post (name calling mostly), in order to understand my friend's kink. Nope, still don't get it. I assume the other party gets satisfaction from it, but even with consent and encouragement I don't get anything from it, and I feel uncomfortable doing it. I guess I can still grow.
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It took me a long time to understand this one, years, in fact. Then one day a woman friend here explained what worked for her in a way that made the light come on. For me, it's not about being called names, that would a hugely negative thing for me. It's about being given a safe place to talk about the things that i feel shame about, and to have my partner keep nudging me to reveal it all, every tiny, excrutiating little morsel. The humiliation isn't coming from my partner, it's already in my own head, he's just the facilitator.

The erotic bit is the risk I'm taking in being vulnerable. Going out on the limb over the rushing river, knowing i could fall. It's like skydiving, or bungee jumping. There's a tremendous rush of adrenaline while I'm admitting whatever horrible things are rushing around in my depraved little mind, and the misery that hits every time he asks for more. I want it and i don't want it. I want to be transparent; i don't want to be judged and rejected. I want the intimacy that comes from letting someone poke around in my soft places; i don't want to be injured or abandoned.

And then when I'm finished, and broken, to find his dick hard from my nakedness... to discover that he wants me even more... that's fucking intense! The funny thing is that the conversation doesn't have to be about anything sexy; it's not about that, it's about being emotionally stripped and laid bare before him, with all of my flaws and fears exposed.
 
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Wild_Honey_66 said:
Bumping because the subject came up elsewhere:

And then when I'm finished, and broken, to find his dick hard from my nakedness... to discover that he wants me even more... that's fucking intense! The funny thing is that the conversation doesn't have to be about anything sexy; it's not about that, it's about being emotionally stripped and laid bare before him, with all of my flaws and fears exposed.
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Wow. Amazing words all of them. I liked this^ part the best but all of it was well said. Interesting how it can go beyond just sex--the bedroom and be about two people in a relationship.

ES
 
Works for me

I fantasise a lot about being totally used, abused and humiliated, but whether I could actually do it for real is a big I don't know. The thought does turn me on being at the mercy of someone else solely for their pleasure. It will probably never happen but I live in hope. I have had close encounters but none where I have had to endure complete humiliation for which I think I would like to experience at least once to find out for sure.
 
Wild_Honey_66 said:
Bumping because the subject came up elsewhere:

It took me a long time to understand this one, years, in fact. Then one day a woman friend here explained what worked for her in a way that made the light come on. For me, it's not about being called names, that would a hugely negative thing for me. It's about being given a safe place to talk about the things that i feel shame about, and to have my partner keep nudging me to reveal it all, every tiny, excrutiating little morsel. The humiliation isn't coming from my partner, it's already in my own head, he's just the facilitator.

The erotic bit is the risk I'm taking in being vulnerable. Going out on the limb over the rushing river, knowing i could fall. It's like skydiving, or bungee jumping. There's a tremendous rush of adrenaline while I'm admitting whatever horrible things are rushing around in my depraved little mind, and the misery that hits every time he asks for more. I want it and i don't want it. I want to be transparent; i don't want to be judged and rejected. I want the intimacy that comes from letting someone poke around in my soft places; i don't want to be injured or abandoned.

And then when I'm finished, and broken, to find his dick hard from my nakedness... to discover that he wants me even more... that's fucking intense! The funny thing is that the conversation doesn't have to be about anything sexy; it's not about that, it's about being emotionally stripped and laid bare before him, with all of my flaws and fears exposed.
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This is both amazingly beautiful...and wise. Thank you for sharing it. ~ :rose:
 
Sweepup50 said:
I fantasise a lot about being totally used, abused and humiliated, but whether I could actually do it for real is a big I don't know. The thought does turn me on being at the mercy of someone else solely for their pleasure. It will probably never happen but I live in hope. I have had close encounters but none where I have had to endure complete humiliation for which I think I would like to experience at least once to find out for sure.
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I'm not a fan of humiliation or abuse. I don't like any version of verbal or physical assault. But, the dogging Larkfield describe or modified dogging scenario Blase mentions sounds more like being 'used,' which I view as a consensual environment focused on female pleasure. It's a scenario you go into willingly where you don't have to direct people to the nth degree. They know what they want and in knowing what they want help you to get what you want. Is it a scenario I would engage in, probably not. But I do enjoy writing about it. As I've said many times, what woman wouldn't want multiple dudes assisting her in reaching her pleasure ? As a result, I don't define being used as humiliation. But name calling and any variation of emotional, mental or physical abuse I do put into the hum category and find a turn off. So, I guess it just depends on your definition and clarifying it for your potential partner-
 
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