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Well, its up to you to take control.
Do you want your mother in your life?
If so I would start communication with ' the reason we have not been in touch is because you said you wanted to cut contact because it was too painful for you. However, I'm pleased you want to visit. Then choose a time that is self defining....so cannot overrun and lead to more tension.....so before an engagement somewhere else, for a meal if that will smooth things over, or even on neutral territory...' Hey, in fact, we are going to be closer to you on x day? Why don't we meet at x ?
I'll also mention that like many English people I keep a cool house. It doesn't help much with my side, who take the English custom, but it helps with G's less amenable relatives...they never ask to stay where we are living for holidays anymore .
In mid-December I finally quit trying to make the imposed system work for me, and found a reputable therapist out of network. I am SO glad that I did! I needed the help with a few issues and my shiny new therapist (along with some other big changes) is helping tremendously.
Today was my third visit, and she introduced me to guided meditation. I like it! I've tried to meditate on my own before, but my ADD brain is terribly undisciplined.
Now I want to find a good recording for myself. Geez, there are a lot out there!
So the house buying is done. We are mostly settled. Christmas is over. I said once things settle after the move I'd seek therapy. Here I am concincing myself I'm dealing fine on my own, and it's not that bad. I knew this would be hard. I think I need to make a plan and get my husband to help me. I'm just going to schedule a physical with my doctor right? People do that all the time. Every year in fact, for people on top of their health. Ugh.
In mid-December I finally quit trying to make the imposed system work for me, and found a reputable therapist out of network. I am SO glad that I did! I needed the help with a few issues and my shiny new therapist (along with some other big changes) is helping tremendously.
Today was my third visit, and she introduced me to guided meditation. I like it! I've tried to meditate on my own before, but my ADD brain is terribly undisciplined.
Now I want to find a good recording for myself. Geez, there are a lot out there!
[Deleted because it sounded like sympathy begging and that's just shameful]
Know how you know you are a good person but some people just grind you down?
Yeah.
That.
I am celebrating some big steps tonight. It's still a work in progress, but most of the work is done.
I tend to "live" in two spaces in our house...my studio where my torch and jewelry-making stuff live (and my yarn stash and sewing machine), and my side of our bedroom, which contains my writing/painting desk (with a small bookcase), and my Comfy Knitting Chair (adopted from my Mom's bedroom, where I spent much time with her before she passed on) and a rolling table to, normally, hold my knitting pattern and notions or my chain maille stuff. I like to sit there and watch movies while I work.
For a few months, now, I've gradually realized that my level of personal clutter is a pretty strong indicator of my level of depression. Stuff piles up on what are usually my active work surfaces to the point where I can't DO anything anymore. I get mired, depressed because the clearing-up work is overwhelming, and it becomes a downward spiral. I've also talked myself into the "fact" that I had run out of useful storage space.
So, yanno the stages of grief, usually listed for terminal illness or death of a loved one? Well I've discovered that I have stages of clutter.
1) Clear, usable space
2) Functional clutter while in the middle of a project
2a) Offset clutter when stuck on something or distracted by something else
3) Neglectful clutter, allowing other things to land on my workspace and losing focus on the ongoing project.
4) Insidious pile-up of unnecessary stuff that doesn't have a proper home or hasn't been put away...Danger, Will Robinson!
5) Same as 4, but with a notable layer of dust.
6) Feeling overwhelmed, but too scattered/depressed to do anything about it.
7) Actually realizing that I've hit stage 6
8) Fretting over the mess and thinking about how to clear it away
9) Coming up with an actual plan to get the mess cleared away.
10) Finally executing the plan!
I've been in a depression fog and living with 4-6 for months. 7 jumped me a few weeks ago, 8&9 percolated for a few more days, and 10 started happening (at last!) on Sunday. I nibbled at it Monday & Tuesday, with a side job of working on a bookcase in our walk-in closet as well. Master calls it "rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic," but he is (respectfully) wrong. I cleared away three cartons of books (going to 2nd hand store), a few years of magazines I don't need anymore, and some knickknacks.
The closet bookcase is restored to order. Master and I also cleared away detritus, dusted and reorganized the tops of our closet units. Bunches of books and magazines got moved into the clear spaces in the bookcase, and the little bookcase on my writing desk also got reorganized. Tomorrow I'll put the finishing touches on the bookcase, the rolling table and my Comfy Chair!
Much of this occurred because I took that chain maille workshop last weekend (showed off the results in the Crafty Litsters thread). I want to MAKE STUFF again! I realized that I couldn't with the mess, so I tackled it with Master's help and encouragement. I think we're both much happier with the changes. Now we need to tackle our nightstands and he can do his desk.
I'm hoping somebody here can help me with a little insight, because I just don't know how to handle this properly. I have discussed a friend of mine in here before. She has been diagnosed bipolar, and I think has other problems as well that she won't tackle. What I am about to say may sound ridiculous, but it really does cause issues with us.
She can't keep track of anything. Nothing. I told her a long time ago.. "I'm not helping you look for stuff any more", and I have stuck to it. If we want to go somewhere, she can't find her keys. I bought her a key rack and hung it by her door, told her "Put them there THE MOMENT you walk in the door." And sometimes she does. But when she doesn't, she starts to panic, and then she starts saying that she probably left them A B or C, she looks in her purse and swears they aren't there (though they are, 9 times out of 10), and usually ends up hysterical. At this point I no longer want to leave the house with her, I hate to admit. If it were just keys, I might be able to handle it. But it's keys, credit card, entire purse, article she read yesterday, prescription she needs to fill, shopping list, everything everything everything! Aaargghh!
I have taken to simply pulling out my phone and hopping on here and ignoring her while she goes through this. The entire cycle can last anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes acutely, or days sometimes when she really can't find stuff. I refuse to spend those hours and hours of my life looking for her stuff, and she gets mad that I won't help (though I will go through her purse right away if she says she can't find keys, credit card, whatever). Also, she gets mad at me because I won't lend her things, though I have seen her lose what I consider really difficult shit to lose. If anyone recalls, she lost a suitcase. Whaaaa? So no, I'm not lending you jewelry or my favourite spring form pan or anything I can't go replace at the dollar store, and she gets angry about this.
I feel like a little understanding on my end would help me be more patient and avoid some of the conflict, as this drives me absolutely bat shit. If not, then at least /RANT I feel better
Thanks to you both. Yes, I have decided to meet her outside. Telling her to be radii earlier doesn't work, as she simply waits for me to arrive. She thinks she's ready, because she is wearing clothes, but never gets around to the purse, etc until she walks out the door. It doesn't help my tolerance or understanding, nor does it help with all the other stuff she constantly loses, but at least it mitigates one issue. I hope...
I've been thinking about you and this situation. How did the 'meet outside' work out? Hugs!
I came across this article today and it kinda gave me goosebumps. It's so much me that it's a little spooky. Those personality tests always make me want to answer "it depends on the day."
http://www.annabash.com/blog/introvert
This is not at all directed at you, but I hate the "extroverted introvert" thing. The word is ambivert. People have been called ambiverts for at least a hundred years. And I saw an article the other day saying "'Ambivert' is a relatively new word," too. I mean, if you consider "extrovert" and "introvert" to be new words, then I guess it applies, but the three were all coined at approximately the same time.
(Also, most people are ambiverts.)
Forgive me for that rant, please. I've just been seeing it a lot lately, and it drives me nuts.
I still you, though!
I've been thinking about you and this situation. How did the 'meet outside' work out? Hugs!
I came across this article today and it kinda gave me goosebumps. It's so much me that it's a little spooky. Those personality tests always make me want to answer "it depends on the day."
http://www.annabash.com/blog/introvert
What's even more fun is being told you can't be an introvert, because you aren't socially inept.